Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My husband thought I would like to talk in this forum to find support and answers if I had any questions. He is wanting to become a female and told me about a year and half ago. We are over two years married and we are now expecting to have a little baby girl. Though I know that as a family we will have some adjustments to get use to I am still supportive of him to do the transition when he is ready. I know a lot of SO have a hard time being there and supportive but I can't imagine leaving my partner because I love who he is as a person so much. I don't understand all of it always and I know I probably don't know all that we may go through. Even though I am a strong christian I don't want to leave him. Things that I wonder is if there will be a church that will understand my decision and support our family. He also amazingly doesn't not want to take the title of mommy away from me since I have always wanted a child, so I wonder what our little girl may call him when he becomes a she. If anyone has any advice on how to best go about this as a family would be great. Maybe also what I should expect to possibly happen. Thank you for reading and helping.   

Hello and welcome  :)

Here are a few resources that might help understand:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

I'd say talk to each other... about what really moves you, and you might explain to each other, and understand each other better...

and don't overthink...
often children are much more accepting and understand intuitively...

welcome to the board Rebecca - you didn't mention which Christian "faith" you follow but there are some that are very trans friendly - I have been lucky to have been baptized, raised, confirmed and belonged to congregations in the Presbyterian and RCA which are among the more trans friendly protestant faiths - there are many others that are not so understanding but even there it can vary from church to church - it might help to attend/talk to people in churches other than your own if you feel you need more religious support

be well - stay strong
jenifer

The MCC church has many congregations that are "Open and Affirming" of LGBT. I can't think of the other one I knew of.

Hi Rebecca, welcome to Susan's. It is wonderful you want to stand behind her and that your here to learn more. Others will be able to help regards to the church issue. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hi Rebecca We belong to an Anglo/Catholic Church that has absolutely no problem with Me being Trans I fully take part in all of the Churches activities take full Communion Work with all the women in the kitchen when we have tea and Coffee after Mass I am accepted in all ways as a woman by the clergy and the men and woman of the congregation and do not think this is a Young progressive Church the average age of the members must be towards the 60s including myself and My Wife LOL

Thank you all for your support. I am usually a more conservative baptist christian but as I tell my husband my belief is far more complicated. Even though the bible says things about certain topics and I believe very strongly in the word of God; I also believe you can't fit God in a book and there is much more that we need to learn. Our relationship has always been more complicated and has never quite fit in to a particular box. I know I love him and when he becomes a she i will stand by our vows. I don't always understand what goes through his head and what he worries about. I want to be supportive and understanding and also not get in the way of what ever he will need to go through. I can't imagine it is easy.

Quote from: RebeccaD on November 02, 2015, 09:51:39 AM
My husband thought I would like to talk in this forum to find support and answers if I had any questions. He is wanting to become a female and told me about a year and half ago. We are over two years married and we are now expecting to have a little baby girl. Though I know that as a family we will have some adjustments to get use to I am still supportive of him to do the transition when he is ready. I know a lot of SO have a hard time being there and supportive but I can't imagine leaving my partner because I love who he is as a person so much. I don't understand all of it always and I know I probably don't know all that we may go through. Even though I am a strong christian I don't want to leave him. Things that I wonder is if there will be a church that will understand my decision and support our family. He also amazingly doesn't not want to take the title of mommy away from me since I have always wanted a child, so I wonder what our little girl may call him when he becomes a she. If anyone has any advice on how to best go about this as a family would be great. Maybe also what I should expect to possibly happen. Thank you for reading and helping.

How about Maddy

Jessi

Quote from: Jessirules on November 05, 2015, 04:01:45 AM
How about Maddy

Jessi

Umm I am a little confused by your response. Am I supposed to know something.

Quote from: RebeccaD on November 05, 2015, 05:10:23 PM
Umm I am a little confused by your response. Am I supposed to know something.

What your little girl will call him, Maddy instead of Daddy

Jessi

Hello Rebecca

I greatly admire your loving support for your spouse and your desire to stay together.  Couples and families can and do adapt to major life changes of all kinds whether it is a crippling disease or a problem like being homeless.  Being transgender is also not a choice and is typically persistent for a lifetime.  A life that can be full, rewarding and successful for some families.  My partner and I have been together for over 42 years and while my transition has been challenging we choose to remain loving spouses.  I love being her wife.  Change can be good for us and don't we want a spouse that, in turn, supports your personal growth and development?

My daughter calls me Dad my son doesn't call me:-(  My grandkids call me Tessa and my great grandsons can barely talk but love to be held and played with.  Unitarian Universalists and Humanists are the groups I find most supportive of our family values.

It is always advisable to have a strong circle of personal support for you and for your family.  People who accept you and will stand with you.  There will be other less positive perspectives you encounter but you can decide whether they or your family is most important eh?  Thanks for sharing with us.

The Methodist Church has written into its Book of Discipline a statement of equal rights regardless of sexual orientation.  This is church wide doctrine.

You should be fully welcome in any Methodist Church.

Hi Rebecca

I saw an interview once with a SO of a transwoman.  They had an autistic son,  who gave the former father the title of dd which stuck. It stood for Different Daddy and was pronounced Dee Dee.

Not saying this is the answer,  but sometimes kids have a way of choosing this.

Best of luck

*

Rebecca:

I have never been married so I can't address some of your issues on that specifically.

Allow me to commend you that you are staying with your spouse.  I have described to other married partners experiencing this event that if you both took your vows 'for better or worse' then you both are about to experience the 'for better', not the 'for worse'.  Your SO is about to transition to a better life from possibly a prior life about as dark and down as one can get.

Sadly, I have seen and read of many marriages self-destructing when there is no reason.  I pray that you both remain solid.

In the 'old days' before marriage equality, the legal system obligated the married partners to divorce - sometimes as early as a pre-requisite before any treatment began.  I saw solid marriages fall into disrepair; fragile marriages had no chance in that earlier world.  So again, I hope that you can both make this work and be a happy family.

As for what the children use as a name for their transsexual parent, families will make their own names and terms.  Find whatever you decide.  'Maddy' was a concept of 'M' from Mom and 'addy' from Daddy.  Some parents retain their biological identification - such as 'Daddy'; some transsexuals have a complicated time dealing with past identity references, so 'Dad' may be difficult for your SO to handle emotionally and psychologically.  I seriously doubt your SO wants to usurp 'Mommy' from you and your role; you are always Mom.  Again, you'll work this on your own and with ideas from other family and supportive friends.

You are certain to find plenty of assistance here at 'Susan's'.

*

Hi Rebecca,

Welcome to Susan's.

In looking for an accepting church, someone mentioned Presbyterian but if you do look there make sure it's a PCUSA (Presbyterian Church USA) congregation and even some of those are pretty conservative.  There are other Presbyterian churches but they tend to be a lot more conservative.  You might also check the More Light Presbyterian and the Covenant Network websites to see if there is a More Light or Covenant Network church near you.  To belong to More Light as my church does, a congregation must be GLBT inclusive.

Bev

Hi Rebecca

There are enlightened, accepting churches out there. I attend a MCC/UCC affiliated church and my girlfriend who is a transgender woman attends an Episcopal church in her community and both are welcoming to gender variant people. I would suggest that you make some calls and find out what churches in your area are accepting. It surprises a lot of people but being transgender and being a Christian are not mutually exclusive.

Sadly, there are a LOT of issues that keep churches from accepting us, such as ignorance, politics, tradition, defense of long established church dogma, and so on - some churches seem to be far more interested in keeping and defending the status quo instead of seeking out a deeper understanding of what their faith is about and ministering to all people.

We suffer from a medical condition that was present when we were born - none of us chose this. We are simply trying to live as best we can with what we were given.

Your partner is embarking on a journey to authenticity. She will be a far better person once she's out from under the crippling effects of gender dysphoria. She will have lots of ups and downs and stumbles on this journey and she'll need you to be there for her.

Please ask as many questions here as you would like - this is a safe place and you are among friends  :)

Hello Rebecca. How are things going for you? :)


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Thank you all for all of your responses and advice. We are doing very well and we are very busy preparing for our baby. It is good to know that a lot of people care. We are thinking of having our little girl call him mom in a different language, like madre. We are starting to be part of a church in our neighborhood and I guess we plan to cross the bridge of what might happen at church when he starts becoming a she. I do like the suggestion of maddy though for a name. We are still discussing a lot and seeing where things go in life.

Hi Rebecca
Wonderful news:)
I'm so glad for you both and a baby to how exciting!
Please keep us posted


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