Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been thinking a lot about this and decided to voice my thoughts here because I figured you ladies out of everyone would probably understand.

Does anyone think Dissociate Identity Disorder (DID)/Multiple Personality Disorder might be more prevalent in our community? And that maybe some of us were misdiagnosed as gender dysphoric when really we are probably DID?

Reasons why I think this:

- Despite being transitioned for almost two years now, I still find myself "switching" between my male persona and current new female persona. This has made it hard to transition at times and I often look in the mirror and see a freak.

- There are days I am more dysphoric than others, and I've come to realize much of the intensity of my dysphoria stems from which "persona" I seem to be operating in. Sometimes I see nothing but guy in the mirror; other times I see a beautiful female.

- Prostitutes and sex workers have some of the highest rates of DID out of the general population, according to scientific studies. Is it merely coincidental, then, that a lot of trans people work in the sex industry?

- DID patients have an array of personas: male, female, gay, and even trans personas. What if a lot of us transitioned due to the trans or female persona taking over our daily behavior and thinking, etc.?

- DID patients claim they feel like their body is not theirs, that their personas feel trapped in the wrong body, and that they lack a solid sense of identity. This is eerily similar to the trans narrative of being gender dysphoric.

Anyway, just thinking out loud. I might visit a therapist about this. What are your thoughts?

It is one of the conditions that good therapists look for first! Hence one reason to go to trained therapists.

It is treatable so if you are worried please see a GOOD therapist

Quote from: Cindy on November 12, 2015, 01:34:37 AM
It is one of the conditions that good therapists look for first! Hence one reason to go to trained therapists.

It is treatable so if you are worried please see a GOOD therapist

Yeah, I realize that now. My therapist was quick to diagnose me as trans when I talked about my female identity. I'm not so much worried as I am trying to understand myself and others in the community who might be feeling the same way. I love being female, but transitioning didn't seem to eliminate my male personality like I thought it would. He's still there in the back of my brain, which is why I sometimes look in the mirror and see nothing but "tr*nny"---cue the intense dysphoria.

Roni,

We also have an incredible means to overthink our selves. Most of us still see him, feel him, have him in our brain like a worm for ages. It isn't surprising; my male persona looked after me and protected me for most of my life. I don't hate him; but he isn't me even if he drifts in and out every now and again.

I'm me. A woman. Who in her past had to live as a man. Of course my male upbringing is still part of me and will always be so. But that doesn't mean I have DID. I'm a woman who was brought up male. Guess what, the trauma of that will always live with me. It doesn't mean I was wrong in accepting myself as a trans sexual woman. I'm not a cisfemale.

I and all of us carry baggage.

Maybe don't over think it?

Are you happy being you?

Were you unhappy being him?

Do you want to be you or him?

I guess another question I have is how much of my issues pertain to actually being trans and how much of it lends to the possibility that I could be DID? Do most trans people undergo the same mental battle I do in the sense that we've been living as one gender for so long, it's been hard to let go of that persona completely?

Quote from: Cindy on November 12, 2015, 02:00:17 AM
Roni,

We also have an incredible means to overthink our selves. Most of us still see him, feel him, have him in our brain like a worm for ages. It isn't surprising; my male persona looked after me and protected me for most of my life. I don't hate him; but he isn't me even if he drifts in and out every now and again.

I'm me. A woman. Who in her past had to live as a man. Of course my male upbringing is still part of me and will always be so. But that doesn't mean I have DID. I'm a woman who was brought up male. Guess what, the trauma of that will always live with me. It doesn't mean I was wrong in accepting myself as a trans sexual woman. I'm not a cisfemale.

I and all of us carry baggage.

Maybe don't over think it?

Are you happy being you?

Were you unhappy being him?

Do you want to be you or him?

I guess you answered my previous comment before I had the chance to ask it haha.

I am happy being myself now, and yes I was unhappy being him. Thanks for your perspective Cindy!

Our posts got out of order!

See women's intuition we read each others minds :laugh:

Quote from: Cindy on November 12, 2015, 02:03:50 AM
See women's intuition we read each others minds :laugh:

Haha indeed! That was pretty funny.    :laugh:

I think there may be some overlap, but it has more to do with how hard we try to embrace ourselves as men while we're still in denial.

Yes, we end up creating a sort of separate "self."  This isn't the cause of our dysphoria, but a result of it.  It's not DID but a sort of coping mechanism that works in a similar way, but not the same. 

I'm at a point in my transition where I feel like I've integrated both parts of myself but first, I had to accept that he wasn't the real me.

My male personality was slow to mature emotionally, but still had a protective impulse.  He was chivalrous, but in a very Don Quixote sort of way.  He was a little boy playing knights for real, and in trying to protect the real me, he got hurt; a little boy can't protect a grown woman forever no matter how brave and selfless he is. 

And so I had to grow up as a woman and learn how to be a strong woman who could take care of herself in a world that seemed full of enemies.  And in doing so this plucky little boy finally got a chance to step back and slowly merge with the woman he once fought so hard to save from the world. 

This is what we mean when we say that a transition makes us whole. It's the moment when we can gather up all the good things about ourselves and piece them back into one single, unitary personality united under the admonition to "Know Thyself."

I wondered the same thing.   I think it is very possible that there are miss diagnosed people both ways.  Those who are DID diagnosed as trans and trans miss diagnosed as DID.  As with all conditions that don't present obvious physical or other characteristics they can be hard to diagnose. 

Then there is the harder part to deal with and that is childhood trauma  It is high in both categories.  Particularly sexual trauma.  There are higher than average rates of childhood sexual abuse particularly in DID, but also trans.

As for sex work and DID and Sex work and trans.  People often detach from the moment in situations where they are in pain.  Either emotional or physical.  Sex work is often humiliating and dangerous.  Sex workers also have a higher than average history of childhood abuse.

I find that the topic of childhood sex abuse is hard for the trans community to talk about.

From what I've read about the disorder, DID comes about from traumatic life events and being unable to deal with that reality of life, so the mind creates different personas to protect the "host" persona from that pain. By feeling the feelings through the proxy of an alternate personality, it softens the blow, because it's not really happening to you anymore.

Being a pre-transition trans person can often mean significant amounts of emotional pain. Feelings that we're taught we shouldn't be feeling, tremendous shame and a feeling of being "broken" for feeling those feelings at all.

Is it any wonder why quite often trans people can develop an alternate persona, an identity that actually is that gender that we desire to be, to make sense of those feelings? To let us feel those feelings in an identity that actually makes sense to be feeling them?

That's how I see it at least. Correct me if I'm wrong or if I'm being offensive to those who do have DID.

Because although I don't have DID, there was a time where I went through a very similar coping mechanism, where I basically branched off all of my gender-nonconforming behaviors into a distinct alternate female self who was completely separate from the "normal" "male" persona I broadcast to the world, to the point where I even had arguments/conversations with myself in both voices sometimes, feeling like they were fighting for control over me. And my dysphoria didn't start out that way. It only became that way after years of repression and years of telling myself that I was a freak/broken for feeling the cross-gender desires and body dysphoria that I was constantly feeling. In order to see myself as "normal," my brain took what it viewed as that "normal" self and pieced it together into one persona, and took the desires that I saw as "abnormal" and pieced them together into another distinct persona. This dichotomy allowed that "normal" persona to exist in the first place, rather than forcing me to cope with the pain/reality of my core personality itself having parts that were "abnormal."

I'm not a huge believer in psychiatrists, but have you thought of the possibility that you might be trying to be what you perceive you should be, and not allowing yourself to be you?

I do everything I used to enjoy, just do it in heels now... My lifestyle hasn't really changed. There are still the girly moments, but it's just who I am. I guess it's the "be who you want to be, just don't forget who you are". Embrace the new you, but don't shut the door on your past. You'll eventually long for a part of it.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on November 12, 2015, 08:06:09 AM
From what I've read about the disorder, DID comes about from traumatic life events and being unable to deal with that reality of life, so the mind creates different personas to protect the "host" persona from that pain. By feeling the feelings through the proxy of an alternate personality, it softens the blow, because it's not really happening to you anymore.

Being a pre-transition trans person can often mean significant amounts of emotional pain. Feelings that we're taught we shouldn't be feeling, tremendous shame and a feeling of being "broken" for feeling those feelings at all.

Is it any wonder why quite often trans people can develop an alternate persona, an identity that actually is that gender that we desire to be, to make sense of those feelings? To let us feel those feelings in an identity that actually makes sense to be feeling them?

That's how I see it at least. Correct me if I'm wrong or if I'm being offensive to those who do have DID.

Because although I don't have DID, there was a time where I went through a very similar coping mechanism, where I basically branched off all of my gender-nonconforming behaviors into a distinct alternate female self who was completely separate from the "normal" "male" persona I broadcast to the world, to the point where I even had arguments/conversations with myself in both voices sometimes, feeling like they were fighting for control over me. And my dysphoria didn't start out that way. It only became that way after years of repression and years of telling myself that I was a freak/broken for feeling the cross-gender desires and body dysphoria that I was constantly feeling. In order to see myself as "normal," my brain took what it viewed as that "normal" self and pieced it together into one persona, and took the desires that I saw as "abnormal" and pieced them together into another distinct persona. This dichotomy allowed that "normal" persona to exist in the first place, rather than forcing me to cope with the pain/reality of my core personality itself having parts that were "abnormal."

I think you are right.  I disassociated heavily to deal with dysphoria.

I've read and gone through the entirety of every single post here. Thank you so much for the interesting read, ladies!

I've never thought of it that way---that perhaps we are not trans due to DID, but that some of us developed DID-like symptoms as a result of the pains of dysphoria, as well as being told by society we are one way when we are not. It certainly makes sense.

Regardless, there does seem to be a bit of an overlapping gray area, as Rose, Oliviah, and Carrie have all stated. I have not a single problem with being either trans or DID. I guess I created this thread to gain further understanding of my own mental state.

Quote from: Harley Quinn on November 12, 2015, 09:06:08 AM
I'm not a huge believer in psychiatrists, but have you thought of the possibility that you might be trying to be what you perceive you should be, and not allowing yourself to be you?

I have thought about this as well. The mind is a powerful thing, and is why to a certain extent, I am not entirely a believer of psychiatry. I feel like a lot of the times, there is a lot of misdiagnosing going around also. And while I do not self-diagnose, I am of the belief that you are your own best friend when it comes to understanding your brain. Therapists will only spew back what you relay to them, and will often diagnose you based on what you tell them.

As for not allowing myself to be me, I feel like that is part of the problem. I had some internalized transphobia going on, stemmed mainly from what society has taught me is normal. Don't get me wrong, I love being trans, but it wasn't always that way. I guess at one point I would rather have been DID than trans, because society as a whole seems more empathetic to the plights of DID people, while trans people are passed off as freaks. Transition has been such a huge mental and emotional challenge for me, but I am convinced I will come out stronger after the process.

I could not find an instance where a three or four year old child had DID.  Trans, yep...DID, nope.  DID seems to be acuired or develops over time.  Trans seems to be buried until it almost overwhelms.

Jennifer

my personal opinion their just 90$ if not more different. DID affects one part of the body where as dysphoria  is the total individual. If I had DID I'd have to ask the surgeon to remove my brain because that's where the problem is and nothing else will relieve the pain. When I was in high school I always wished I could take my brain out and put it in a jar with fluid in it to rinse it out , now I know why.

Hi ladies.  My name is Marcella, and this is my first post on any type of social media..  There is a trans woman on YouTube named Autumn Asphodel who has posted many videos dealing with a variety of psychological topics, including several on DID.  Whether you agree with her or not, she is knowledgeable accurate, and interesting.


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Quote from: MarcellaJH on November 13, 2015, 04:55:57 AM
Hi ladies.  My name is Marcella, and this is my first post on any type of social media..  There is a trans woman on YouTube named Autumn Asphodel who has posted many videos dealing with a variety of psychological topics, including several on DID.  Whether you agree with her or not, she is knowledgeable accurate, and interesting.


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I actually watch her videos and was how I gained a lot of the things I know about disorders! She's great.

Quote from: stephaniec on November 12, 2015, 07:37:19 PM
my personal opinion their just 90$ if not more different. DID affects one part of the body where as dysphoria  is the total individual. If I had DID I'd have to ask the surgeon to remove my brain because that's where the problem is and nothing else will relieve the pain. When I was in high school I always wished I could take my brain out and put it in a jar with fluid in it to rinse it out , now I know why.

You are correct in that gender dysphoria centers around dissatisfaction with the body, while DID is more of a mental issue than a body image issue, despite DID patients often feeling as if their bodies are foreign.

Quote from: Cindy on November 12, 2015, 01:34:37 AM
It is one of the conditions that good therapists look for first! Hence one reason to go to trained therapists.

It is treatable so if you are worried please see a GOOD therapist

So what about "Informed Consent"?

People are notoriously bad at diagnosing their own medical conditions

Though this isn't DID it makes me feel a lot better about myself because I have so many doubts when my "female" persona worms its way back into my consciousness. Then I fight myself and wonder if I really am a man (I am genderfluid, I acknowledge that, but I mostly am male identifying and the "female" piece has never quite seemed to fit.) I've been struggling again lately because I really want to come out but that side of me has been rising. It doesn't help that I am effeminate even as a man so I have a lot of self-doubt. One thing for sure is that maturity issue definitely resonates with me. My male persona, the part that is really ME, I am more likely to identify as a man or a guy. My "female" persona is just a girl. I could never identify that part of me as a woman.

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Interesting topic...being pre-hormones etc I have considered the idea that I could be suffering from as mental illness but I have to say, I know I am not. The trauma of the lives we lead is only now just being really investigated. When I read the level of pain that most folks go through prior to transition then it does not surprise me when some suggest, that kind of trauma could cause DID among a number of other disorders especially if the person making the diagnosis is somewhat inexperienced.

As far as Psychiatrists go...The last one I saw while giving me a diagnosis, turned out not to be particularly good and produced a less than satisfactory report which was missing detail as well as having several factual mistakes....

Quote from: MarcellaJH on November 13, 2015, 04:55:57 AM
Hi ladies.  My name is Marcella, and this is my first post on any type of social media..  There is a trans woman on YouTube named Autumn Asphodel who has posted many videos dealing with a variety of psychological topics, including several on DID.  Whether you agree with her or not, she is knowledgeable accurate, and interesting.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I love her.  She is a credit to our whole community.

I haven't done any research about it but my own experience is even if you don't have DID, having a male and female side (even if the male is outside, female inside) does make it seem like it. I struggled with transitioning merely because of the 28 years of trying to be male was so familiar.....and knowing how much I would lose if I transitioned. It did sometimes feel like 2 sides of me at war.