Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Ms Grace on November 12, 2015, 06:02:45 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: Ms Grace on November 12, 2015, 06:02:45 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on November 12, 2015, 06:02:45 PM
I've been living full time fairly successfully in my transitioned female life for almost 20 months now and I'm still surprised from time to time by new experiences specific to being a woman. Most of them are really tiny things but gosh they just make me feel accepted and in the right gender.
For example, at work just passing the other women as we enter or leave the ladies - usually there's a little smile or comment or joke about something. It seems silly perhaps but it makes me feel like one of the girls. And I should note that I'm not out as trans at work (not that they'd care).
Another example, yesterday I suggested to one of my female colleagues that we have a drink (or three) after work. She and I have hit it off really well and I consider her a great work friend. I know that as a "man" I would feel very guarded about making that suggestion with any woman at work (at least without asking along a few other colleagues) lest it be interpreted the wrong way. When we were headed to the bar it was raining - I had an umbrella and she didn't, I was very happy to offer her shelter as I have done with many women friends and colleagues in years previous. This was the first time though that my arm in the process. It wasn't a come on or anything, it was just the comfortable way close women friends are with each other... but it was the first time it's ever happened with me and it was really nice. Again, silly perhaps, but jeeze I just felt really accepted as a woman.
For example, at work just passing the other women as we enter or leave the ladies - usually there's a little smile or comment or joke about something. It seems silly perhaps but it makes me feel like one of the girls. And I should note that I'm not out as trans at work (not that they'd care).
Another example, yesterday I suggested to one of my female colleagues that we have a drink (or three) after work. She and I have hit it off really well and I consider her a great work friend. I know that as a "man" I would feel very guarded about making that suggestion with any woman at work (at least without asking along a few other colleagues) lest it be interpreted the wrong way. When we were headed to the bar it was raining - I had an umbrella and she didn't, I was very happy to offer her shelter as I have done with many women friends and colleagues in years previous. This was the first time though that my arm in the process. It wasn't a come on or anything, it was just the comfortable way close women friends are with each other... but it was the first time it's ever happened with me and it was really nice. Again, silly perhaps, but jeeze I just felt really accepted as a woman.
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: lostcharlie on November 12, 2015, 06:12:01 PM
Post by: lostcharlie on November 12, 2015, 06:12:01 PM
ahh... the joy of just being one of the girls, good for you Ms Grace ! ( me just a little jealous ...)
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: stephaniec on November 12, 2015, 06:39:57 PM
Post by: stephaniec on November 12, 2015, 06:39:57 PM
congrats
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: JLT1 on November 12, 2015, 08:14:01 PM
Post by: JLT1 on November 12, 2015, 08:14:01 PM
Yes.
The little things can mean so much and be so validating. Are they really so little?
Is being right with the world a small thing?
HUGS!!!!!
Jen
The little things can mean so much and be so validating. Are they really so little?
Is being right with the world a small thing?
HUGS!!!!!
Jen
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: Mariah on November 12, 2015, 08:20:59 PM
Post by: Mariah on November 12, 2015, 08:20:59 PM
Grace, that is wonderful. Congrats. It's true it is those little things that can surprise even after we have been full time for a good while. Hugs
Mariah
Mariah
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: iKate on November 12, 2015, 09:12:56 PM
Post by: iKate on November 12, 2015, 09:12:56 PM
I do engage in the little things.
Within the immediate vicinity, my floor that is, people (the women anyway) know I'm trans. This is for my protection as I didn't pass as well when I came out as trans. But so far it hasn't really been a problem. In fact they have all been so nice to me.
They comment on my dress or clothing or colors of nail polish, my purse or other things. I also do compliment them.
However you do feel like you're part of the sisterhood with women especially in male dominated fields like mine (engineering and tech). Today we were at a presentation from a vendor. It was me and a female colleague. There was one other woman there. We were in a room full of men. Basically you know the deal, the whole "brogrammer" culture in the tech and engineering world. Well, I held my own of course, and one of the others was my colleague who I brought with me. But the other woman apart from us was from another company and she introduced herself and we exchanged contact information.
Yes, I network with women now and it is very interesting because women know how tough it is in the man's world of tech and engineering. I am fortunate in that I have a lot of experience and carry myself well. I am also extremely confident. This is because I pass now without effort so I don't have to worry about being clocked. This allows me to basically own the room and drive the conversation. I am really in my element. There are women who are afraid and timid, and I try to hold their hand and guide them along. When the men try to talk over them I set them aside to give the woman a chance to speak. I think that as women we should all strive to uplift each other and it pays dividends in that you find new friends and allies this way.
BTW I am debating entering a mentorship program for returning military veterans and I will get the opportunity to work with women who are separated from the military and transitioning back to civilian life. This would be a really nice way to give back. I am seriously considering it.
Within the immediate vicinity, my floor that is, people (the women anyway) know I'm trans. This is for my protection as I didn't pass as well when I came out as trans. But so far it hasn't really been a problem. In fact they have all been so nice to me.
They comment on my dress or clothing or colors of nail polish, my purse or other things. I also do compliment them.
However you do feel like you're part of the sisterhood with women especially in male dominated fields like mine (engineering and tech). Today we were at a presentation from a vendor. It was me and a female colleague. There was one other woman there. We were in a room full of men. Basically you know the deal, the whole "brogrammer" culture in the tech and engineering world. Well, I held my own of course, and one of the others was my colleague who I brought with me. But the other woman apart from us was from another company and she introduced herself and we exchanged contact information.
Yes, I network with women now and it is very interesting because women know how tough it is in the man's world of tech and engineering. I am fortunate in that I have a lot of experience and carry myself well. I am also extremely confident. This is because I pass now without effort so I don't have to worry about being clocked. This allows me to basically own the room and drive the conversation. I am really in my element. There are women who are afraid and timid, and I try to hold their hand and guide them along. When the men try to talk over them I set them aside to give the woman a chance to speak. I think that as women we should all strive to uplift each other and it pays dividends in that you find new friends and allies this way.
BTW I am debating entering a mentorship program for returning military veterans and I will get the opportunity to work with women who are separated from the military and transitioning back to civilian life. This would be a really nice way to give back. I am seriously considering it.
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: rosinstraya on November 13, 2015, 06:36:17 AM
Post by: rosinstraya on November 13, 2015, 06:36:17 AM
That's lovely, Grace. It is wonderful to be accepted and feel accepted.
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: DianneM on November 13, 2015, 07:23:05 AM
Post by: DianneM on November 13, 2015, 07:23:05 AM
Wonderful Grace,
I don't know about everyone else but little things like your story can make all the difference to me when I'm having a bad day......thanks so much for sharing with us...!!
Hugs
Dianne
xo
I don't know about everyone else but little things like your story can make all the difference to me when I'm having a bad day......thanks so much for sharing with us...!!
Hugs
Dianne
xo
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: Debra on November 13, 2015, 08:40:07 AM
Post by: Debra on November 13, 2015, 08:40:07 AM
Yep gotta love it. Being just one of the girls and accepted as such.
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: Karen5519 on November 13, 2015, 08:43:04 AM
Post by: Karen5519 on November 13, 2015, 08:43:04 AM
I am very happy for you. It is a great experience. As you move along it will happen more and more and you will have some great girlfriends. Those friendships are the best as they are true and meaningful. Men have no clue what they are like and will never experience anything approaching that from their friends. Enjoy the warmth and support that only a girlfriend can give another woman! Kudos!
Title: Re: Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference
Post by: Ms Grace on November 14, 2015, 02:35:58 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on November 14, 2015, 02:35:58 AM
My gender dysphoria was always primarily around social acceptance by women as a woman (or previously, the lack thereof) so this has been a wonderful development I must say.