Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been on HRT for a little over 7 months now and I've either had subtle, but noticeable changes, or fairly prominent changes that I just think are subtle.  I don't really know.  I look different, especially at some points.  My body has changed a bit, maybe more so in how it feels than how it physically looks, but I think it's starting to move in the direction of looking different to the eye as well.  I mean it already does look different, but not too different.  My face doesn't seem to have changed much, but at the same time it feels like it's changed a lot.  I've always looked pretty young for my age, have had a fair amount of laser done, and basically have an androgynous face; which I think equates to looking younger.

Anyway, all and all I guess it's going pretty well.  My Dr. a couple months back told me he didn't want to make me feel self conscious, but that "I looked feminine," that I was "working it," and that I shouldn't worry about "passing."  It was like "wtf buddy, get your eyes checked."  I mean, I think I was wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt... but now I'm starting to see his point.  Sort of.  If anything I look WAY younger.  I'm 27 and was looking 22-25 or so before I started HRT, but now I'm looking like I'm 15-21 or so.  I was at an aunts house for diner and got asked by one of her friends "what grade I was in," and then when I told her she awkwardly said she'd have guessed 10+.  Another time I was out for dinner with my mother, sister and brother in law; the waiter came up and said "how about some drinks for the ladies?" looking at my mother and sister, then said "and now how bout the guys?" before turning to me and saying "oh, sorry..." then turns to my brother in law, asking just him.  Either he thought I was underage or that I was trying to look like a chick or both - I don't know - but he thought something.  I've also been to two casinos recently and got stopped going into both, when other people my age were just getting in with no problem, then when they check my ID their like "wow, you look a lot younger."  At my sisters Halloween party everyone was making a big deal of how young I looked.  Then last night I'm at Wegmans grocery shopping - my mother was with me - but I was getting my groceries.  We get up to the cashier and the woman starts coming out to help me use my card, like I'm learning how to use it, turns to my mother and goes "do you have a Wegmans card?"  She says no, then when I'm done swiping MY card she turns to my mother and says "now he knows how to use your card."  My mother then says it's my card and she looks at me and goes "oh, he looks too young."  Then my mother says "yeah, he's still a baby" and the cashier goes "hopefully he stays that way," basically implying that hopefully when I'm a bit older I don't get wild.  She was only in her early-mid 40's herself.  I've just had countless people telling me I look too young for things and just basically talking to me like I'm 17.  It always happened, but now it's more likely to happen than not, and I was at least spoken to like an adult before, now it's like I'm literally a child.  It's sort of amusing, but really odd.  I've been getting a lot of looks lately too, but I don't know why. 

I'm still sort of feeling depressed though.  It's almost like the more I take hormones the more I hate myself.  I partially wish I could be OK with being a "normal guy," while at the same time wishing I could be a "normal girl," all the while feeling as if neither were possible.  Then I sit here and think to myself "is this it?"  It feels like I've maxed out on the changes from HRT and all I get is the ability to pass as a teenager.  I think I've feminized a bit, but I can't help feeling like more should have happened at 7 months.  I'm probably jumping the gun, but I'm worried that I'm going to just end up looking like a 16 year old boy.  I don't really think I look "feminine," just feminized a bit, enough to look very much male, but much younger.  I hate my "male" features more and more now, but wish I could live with them, considering I have no clue where this will end up if I keep going.  I do think changes have occurred, maybe enough that I look different, but I don't see how I could change much more.  Am I jumping the gun to worry at 7 months?  Even if my changes are noticeable I feel they need to be much more prominent if I'm to ever pass, which is what I'm pulling for.  I'm really kind of bummed.  I don't know how to gauge whether or not this is going well.  I partially wanna stop HRT.  Anyone else get a few months into it, see some results, and start to think "this is it, no point in going any further?"  I almost feel worse about myself since starting HRT.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say or what I'm trying to ask.  I don't even know what I'm doing anymore really.  The internal conflict is killing me.

I'm not on hrt,but i've always looked younger then my yrs. I'm 50 and look 35,I freak people out when they find out I'm 50. I've never had male features,I've always looked female,so I grew a mustache too try and look like a guy,problem is I look like a female with a mustache. Don't sweat it just go with it.

At 7 months on HRT you are just starting. It can take as much as 10 years for all the changes to happen but at 3 year many should be in place. You are no where near maxing out what the hormones will do for you and I don't see anything wrong with looking younger than you are. When you hit my age, every little bit helps.

Passing is a combination of the small changes HRT makes combined with makeup, hair and attitude. I appeared very male before I transitioned and hormones changed my face and body very little. It was only the other 3 items on the list that helped me pass.