Susan's Place Transgender Resources

given the fact of how long it took me to finally walk outside dressed properly and the fact that I was incredibly introverted and shy. I started recently to wonder if I would have been able to face the classmates in grade school when one day I'm in male clothes and then the next day I'm properly dressed with a slightly different name . Given the fact I would have been presenting male for a number of early years before I changed. I think about it all the time and I just don't know how that would have turned out because lets say the first 3 years I'm male then the rest of the years to 8th grade I'm female. Would your classmates be totally understanding or would you be cursed until you graduated. I know I was continuously haunted by the bullies through out grade school because I was a cry baby. The bullying mostly stopped around 3rd grade , but it stayed with me my entire life to the point I've never gone back for a reunion even though my sister was in charge of the reunions for a long time. I think in my case it would of been very difficult to do that in grade school.

I think that that was pretty much unheard of up until fairly recently. If I could go back in time, I'd totally do it. I had a thing for stuffed animals when I was a kid, and brought a few to school before, with disastrous results, lol.

I guess it would be manageable if the kids accepted you transitioning. I know though that there  would be some rough patches.

Kids are pretty accepting of the ways things are, without much expectations for how they ought to be, it's their parents, your parents, and school staff that would indicate to them what was, and wasn't appropriate, or normal.

I was born in a time where it wouldn't and didn't happen, plus I was at a catholic grade school.

In the 80s... I would have had to change schools and have different parents.

as long as my dad was on deployment or not home my mom was ok with it. her motto was ,"whatever keeps them out of trouble and out of my hair"

I think so I mean it is something I always wanted and it makes me quite sad thinking that I had to put up with all those years being unable to.

I know since starting transition it's a constant reminder how wrong it was back then.

just remember its not all sunshine and rainbows. as a kid they are already cruel and look for any reason to pick at you or pick a fight. I was so lucky to actually have a few real friends who did stand up for me. where as some teachers made it known they were disgusted with me and let other students get away with bad behavior towards me. Joining a seasonal sports did help some though because if you pulled your weight those people treated you ok and respected a little. funny saying but a true one. ,"It was the best of times and yet the worst times" haha

oh and the absolute worst thing of all. No sleep overs aloud anymore with guys once your parents know for sure. and no closed doors. talk about being kept on a short leash. but it does help to give you a different perspective on things

I'm not sure that I completely understood what was wrong when I was a young child in elementary school, so I don't know if dressing in girl's clothing would have made a difference. I'm not sure it would have even occurred to me. I grew up with this persistent feeling in my gut that something wasn't right, but it wasn't until puberty that gender issues came to light.

I did - I really did, even back in 1965! Believe me I was considered "VERY STRANGE!"

Common question from 100% of kids - "Are you a boy or a girl?" My answer was always "I'm a girl in disguise!"

Common reaction was a shy laugh - and then it was ok. I became the class eccentric which in a very exclusive British boarding school full of kids from the aristocracy and minor royalty was not a bad way to exist.

So yeah I could and I did. The real shock for me was when I came to 16 and puberty started. I sought medical help and I was told to go away and try to learn to be male... For me the awkward years were really while I was at university and pretending to be a rather traditional bearded pipe smoking tweed jacket wearing professorish type.

Yes, I'd do it. I'd be bullied to kingdom come but that was happening anyway.

To some extent i did but sure would have done so completely if given both the opportunity and safety to do so. I wore as many of my sister's things as she would allow. Sometime in my HS years i stopped raiding my mom and sister's underwear drawer and started buying my own. I was bullied a bit but then i also played sports which helped mitigate that. Indeed my non-standard way of presenting myself at times, attracted a lot of people and they would ask me questions etc. This was in the 80s.

In grade school i played with only girls and would wear feminine things if i could, i remember begging my older sister to purchase a pair of girls pants for me from a garage sales and she did.

I high school hung out with two groups of friends, the jocks because i was on teams and pretty good at athletics and the "dungeons and dragons" players, who were pretty close to a counterculture back then and use to role playing and more open to alternative ideas. My heros included David Bowie and Prince because both of those guys dressed androgynous. After i saw "Purple Rain" i ran out and bought a ruffled white shirt and pinned the collar closed with a rhinestone broach. I was all about standing out and all about contradictions.

My sister accepted me first, my mom was pretty reluctant at first but did by the time i was in college. She kept thinking it was a phase for me, but finally realized it was not. I lived with my sister for a summer when i was about 19 and she helped me dress, learn some makeup, put colors together etc.

In a heartbeat, or less.

If I could have done it WITHOUT getting made fun of, and that's a big if, then yes, absolutely.

That was the biggest hindrance to my gender expression, was the pressure of "don't you dare do this or you'll be laughed at by every single person here," which kept me from even trying things that I probably would have tried if I'd had the option, and DEFINITELY would have started wearing full-time in middle school and high school if I had the option.

Growing up in the 80's, I was able to pull off a lot of androgynous looks and it was ok in my close circle, but I got bullied and abused in school quite a bit. My sister and I shared a lot of clothes and she didn't seem to mind. We still go shopping together to this day :) Sadly, I think living in such a conservative part of the state has beaten me down to a point where as an adult I don't feel as comfortable wearing more "feminine" clothing. I present myself as male, but hopefully that will change over time after I begin HRT and become more myself.

Thank you for the question. It may sound odd, but growing up, I thought we all did; until I reached middle school and realized differently. By 'we' I mean those who I thought were in my situation. I knew of three others growing up. I've written about one of them somewhere along on the site. She was from the 1950's and her life ended badly. There is another on this site as well. I grew up in the 60's along with my best friend. It was for the most part -normal- for us. Normal for those around us. Other than 3rd grade when my father attempted to 'normalize' me against my wishes (ugh-dark days of existence), it was all just fine for the most part. Grew up with my older and younger sisters (I was a middle child). We all had a blast. We still do. Would not trade my life growing up for anything - -but I would trade my part between my legs  ;D .  And I grew up in the southern parts of Texas. Maybe it was the culture, maybe it was the water, maybe it was our over protective parents, maybe a combination of all?? who knows.  I could go on, but yes I dressed appropriately but I thought nothing of it. I guess I should have thought something of it?

I constantly think about it. Oh so how I wish I could of been my self. The problem was the time in the 50's and the neighborhood I grew up in. The Grade school had it's own gang and the mentality of the guys was geared to the neighborhood gang. I was constantly harassed for crying all the time the first three grades. I really hate to think what would of happened if I transitioned in 3rd grade , I'm afraid it would of been a nightmare. I had to  literally fight my way through 8th grade for being the odd ball. If I could of I sure would of wanted it , but I not quite sure what would of happened.

If I'd only known back in Kindergarten that that was what was so different about me, I would, and could, have been wearing girl clothes easily. My parents actually always wanted a daughter, but they got boys all four times. If I'd started back then, I could have stopped puberty in its tracks... but I'd rather be optimistic - I'm lucky to live in such an accepting time.

In a heart beat. Didn't start transitioning until after high school because didn't have a support family about transitioning besides my mother. I was scolded all the time growing for doing girl things and dressing as one as well so I hid it in my teenage years. I'm 21 now but I do have regret, if I knew I was going to end up doing it I would have done it before puberty, now I have to get various surgeries because most of my puberty already happened. I don't know what my high school reaction would have been but I honestly wouldn't make that a factor because I know I would be happy as a person. I'm happy with where I am and happy for the future, my transition is coming along so far so good but once in awhile I do feel that regret that I should have done this sooner. Maybe one day I will get over it.

I very much would have liked to.  However, at the time I was terrified that someone would discover what I liked to wear.

QuoteI did - I really did, even back in 1965! Believe me I was considered "VERY STRANGE!"

Back then, I had frequent nightmares about being caught in girls clothes at school.

I grew my hair long and rejected all the macho shenanigans. Wore a long, highly patterned coat that stood out like a sore thumb, then matched it with green and red platform shoes and a Donald Duck shirt to complete the look. Lets just say I was always the last to be picked in a line-up for soccer.
That was the early 70's. Form then on I morphed into a punk, died my hair green and wore faux leopard skin trousers and a mohair jumper.
So kind of androgynous, left of the field. Sounds more fun than it was. I was actually very lonely and spent much of my school years trying to find a place to fit in. I never did really. The 70's and 80's institutions were very everything phobic.
So to answer your question, I kind of did but in my own way. I was secretly dressing at home before puberty, so I already knew something was up but didn't fully understand it then.

If I could go back to being 5 years old (the first memory I have of dysphoria) today, here in 2017, I'd be much different. No doubt I'd have figured out long before puberty that I was transsexual and probably would have had the luxury of transitioning before puberty.

That said, back when I was 5 years old, I don't know. It was such a different world back then. I wish now I had been more honest with myself and my parents and had explored more, but that's easy to say in retrospect. The real threats of bullying and true bodily harm are what kept me bottled up and even knowing what I know now, I'm not sure I'd have the courage to do anything differently in that environment.

Yes.

The only thing that kept me from it was the fear of the orphan home. My parents dropped me off at my grandparents when I was 4 and never looked back. Knowing that you can be given away and the reminders by my grandparents that if I couldn't be normal that they would have to give me to the orphanage kept me in constant fear.

There were moments when I rebelled, thinking that they would never know. The last was my first year at summer camp. I am pretty sure that I was 8 at the time. I put on a dress and spent a day in the girls dormitory. It wasn't until bed time that they noticed there was one too many girls. I don't really remember it but my older brother never missed a chance to remind me. The only thing I remember is thinking that I would just stay here with normal kids instead of the aliens I was forced to stay with in the bungalows for the boys. My grandparents were there to take me home before breakfast the next morning, and made certain that I knew that one more time would be my last. That was that until I was 14 when I tried to fix the little birth defect below my bellybutton. They knew then that I had never changed. But unknowingly they got in the next few months what they always wanted, me WANTING with all my heart to be normal. A month in the hospital when no one came to visit me or call, the first two weeks strapped to the bed. I can't imagine anyone hating themselves more than I did at that time. After the two additional months in the mental hospital, my grandmother hit me in the head with a hammer because I told her I didn't want the church praying over me anymore. Which ended with me in foster care for a month before I ran away. I didn't remember anything after the first couple of weeks in the hospital. Still don't really. A year ago my brother and aunt sat me down and asked me if I wanted any of the paperwork then told me what had happened when I asked about it. I just remembered being at my aunt's after being in the hospital, knowing that I was sick and broken and wanting more than anything to be normal. Soo..... when I had a chance to be myself, and my grandparents not having a say about it, I didn't want it anymore.

I know, a lot said just to say yes. :)

I regret that I never got to be a teenage girl, I was always jealous of what the girls got to wear and all the different styles they had to experiment with. PLus in there teenage year they learn how do female things like make up etc. I started at 19 and my full time transition at 21, I felt I had to catch up.. they all knew how apply makeup, styles and how walk in heels etc.

My mother actually told me, when I was young, like 4, she use to make kids clothes and she often used me as her test dummy when she made dresses. My mother said I really did not mind, my father hated it, he would say boys don't wear dresses (He never accepted my transition before his passing). She actually has two pictures of me in a lovely red winter dress and a lovely light yellow summer dress taken when I was aged 4. I kinda use that pics if someone who does not know my history, if they want see a pic of me as a little girl.

One of my aunts dressed her 2 sons as girls, when they were very young.  I have no idea why she did that and I haven't seen any sign of those cousins being trans.

It worked for me.
I attended a small isolated school where big city ideas did not penetrate. I had been wearing my older sisters clothes since forever anyhow, so starting school in a new pretty dress seemed normal. The other kids had not been brainwashed yet so everything was cool. By the higher grades they had all come to know me as me and did not think anything of it.
There was no real bullying as I was quite able to defend myself with my fists, and later the boys learned to relish my girl connections. Sure, I got teased some, but I always gave as good as I got.
Nothing changed as an adult. I switch back and forth easily and everyone around me knows what to expect.

yes if around now, but in the 60s ? had enough trouble with bullys and lack of friends , its only in the last 15 odd years that I have found what is right with me.

For Halloween 1957, when I was in the 2nd grade, I wore a witch costume and won second prize in my elementary school.

I wore a petticoat with a floor length black dress, a full face mask, wig and pointed hat.  My older nieces, had worn this in previous years.  My mother and sister dressed me in this. I suggested that the costume would be more authentic if I had girl panties instead of boys.  I don't recall any teasing or inappropriate comments from my classmates.

I had hopes, that I might be able to wear more girly clothes, but that didn't happen.

In the first grade the teacher wrote on the board. "I am a girl, I go to school" and "I am a boy, I go to school".
We were told to copy the version that applied to us.   I wrote the girl version.

Randi 

I did. I think I was somewhere on the aut spectrum as a kid although never diagnosed, because I typically didn't even look at people's reactions or look at their eyes and faces for visual cues about what I was doing and if it was right or wrong. I would only do that with select people. I often did choose to wear particular clothes - like I had this coat, a boy's coat - and I wore it for years, long after I should have thrown it out, and never cared about the reactions I may have got. To this day I don't even know what the reactions were as I wasn't paying attention.

I ended up flouting school dress codes, and being generally ostracized at school. I didn't care. Being alone and considered strange was normal, people threatening me/looking down on me was normal.

But just because you wear something doesn't mean anyone accepts it or sees you the way you want to be seen. Being able to do that made little difference to the body issues or the problems I had with people.

I would have. Easily. I remember once when I was like 4 or 5, my mom brought home a dress. My older brother, who was like 8 at the time, ran off. I got to wear the dress and shoes and I was adorable. After that, I would occasionally dress in my mom's clothes and makeup when no one was home from like ages 7-14. I was already tucking at 12. Then stopped when I went to an all boy catholic high school. I really should have come out sooner.

Part of the psychological abuse I experienced as a child that caused me to develop Multiple Personality/Dissociative Identity Disorder WAS being given my girl cousin's hand me downs to wear!  The family album is full of pictures of me wearing her pink fuzzy winter coat, yellow onsie PJ's, and pullover tops.

Combined with our immigrant family's late 1800's Eastern European ideas about what boys and girls were (and weren't) allowed to do, and my only playmates until I was 8 being girls, the "inconsistent gender message" never gave me the chance to develop a "solitary gender identity" as a little boy. With the natural ability to dissociate passed on to me by my Mother, my brain developed me (the only girl alter of my System) to cope when I was raped and molested in 2nd grade.