Susan's Place Transgender Resources

The subject came up, so I took my chance. It went incredibly well. She was actually one of the people I was most afraid to come out to, as her religious and political beliefs are a bit intense. Also, because she considers me her only friend at work, despite being 30 years my senior. I thought she might feel betrayed (don't know why, just where my mind went). It honestly didn't feel like a reluctant acceptance either. She actually engaged me about it, and is in full support that I feminize my name (undecided on keeping Tyler as I have known women with the name). Sure she isn't too knowledgeable about it, asking, "So you're gay?" for example, but 100% supportive. Not ready to come out to everyone yet, but yeah, small victories!

Congratulations. It only gets easier after the first time.

I had the usual questions too. Of course, the inevitable big ones....Are you going to date men now? Are you having "the operation"? Fortunately, most of my questions were fair and inquisitive and not too invasive.

Love,
Clare

Quote from: TG CLare on November 23, 2015, 02:10:09 PM
Congratulations. It only gets easier after the first time.

I had the usual questions too. Of course, the inevitable big ones....Are you going to date men now? Are you having "the operation"? Fortunately, most of my questions were fair and inquisitive and not too invasive.

Love,
Clare

I am skeptical it will always be easier. For example, I still have to come out to my parents. I am not looking forward to that because I've heard my mom say "God doesn't make mistakes" when there's a transperson on Nightline/Dateline/60 mintute/etc. And she's definitely made cracks about Caitlyn Jenner. My father has been more mum on the subject, but mum is not support. Waiting until after I see I begin therapy to come out, so I can say, "See, a medical professional agrees with me!" First session is Wednesday.

Honestly, I don't mind if people ask questions, it says to me that they are trying to understand and even support me, though I have only come out to 4 people (came out to another coworker today), and the questions have been minimal, so let's see as time goes on.

I forgot to add the first coworker I told, her response was "You notice I'm not surprised? I was wondering how long it was going for you to take to come out."   8)

LOL! Sounds exactly like what some of my co-workers said!! Seems most of them already knew too!

Parents are always hard. I have heard that "God doesn't make mistakes" from a number of other sources, where did they all get that statement from?

I agree, God didn't make a mistake. He made me this way so I could help educate others and I was supposed to have been this way. :-)

It does get easier though, trust me. Over time you can refine the way you say things, introduce the subject. I found that it was best to have educational material on hand to help them understand this is not a choice or a lifestyle decision but one that is genetic. They don't have to read it but it might help to answer questions they might have.

Be strong. You can do it.

Best wishes,
Clare

Quote from: TG CLare on November 23, 2015, 02:57:36 PM
LOL! Sounds exactly like what some of my co-workers said!! Seems most of them already knew too!

Parents are always hard. I have heard that "God doesn't make mistakes" from a number of other sources, where did they all get that statement from?

I agree, God didn't make a mistake. He made me this way so I could help educate others and I was supposed to have been this way. :-)

It does get easier though, trust me. Over time you can refine the way you say things, introduce the subject. I found that it was best to have educational material on hand to help them understand this is not a choice or a lifestyle decision but one that is genetic. They don't have to read it but it might help to answer questions they might have.

Be strong. You can do it.

Best wishes,
Clare

Yeah, who said anything about a mistake? I simply see it as, "I have been blessed with a unique life". I do believe it will get easier. I'm kind of thinking of coming out to a person a day, to get comfortable with it. I'm even thinking about contacting facebook friends I know from a different forum board. Haven't heard from me in 5 years or so? Doesn't matter! I don't think I'll actually go digging around my facebook.

I'm definitely going to ask the therapist for some brochures or pamphlets.

I actually probably would have already come out to my parents, just to "rip off the adhesive bandage" (no brand loyalty), but my sister talked me out of it. I do want to be just done with it, but it probably is prudent to wait.

I found that before I could advance to the next phase of my transition, I needed to get some things in order first. Before I went to step 2, I told my family which was initially received as a no big deal thing. I had anticipated a rougher reception and found out from a 3rd party it was not received well and the way I thought it would be received was indeed correct.

I only told a few very close coworkers whom I had known for many years and the funny thing is, not one was surprised! I had apparently left little clues but nothing definite and none could really be connected to being trans until I told them, then all the pieces fell into place. They hadn't said anything to me about it in case they were wrong and when and if I was ready to come out, I'd tell them in my own time.

Once I had all or most of my personal steps in place, then I started living 24/7 and changing what documentation I could.

It does get easier to tell people who have to know, it just is a bit difficult to find the introduction at times.

Good luck!

Love,
Clare

Quote from: TG CLare on November 23, 2015, 02:57:36 PM
I agree, God didn't make a mistake. He made me this way so I could help educate others and I was supposed to have been this way. :-)

^^^This.......

This is what runs through my mind every time someone says "God doesn't make mistakes". 

It does get easier telling people and, for me anyway, coming out was a freeing experience.  It's a weight I'm no longer carrying.  In some ways I wish I had done it sooner but I did it according to my own comfort level and I'm happy about that:  It was on my own terms.  :)

Always a heart-stopping moment....!!  The first person, who I came out to, was a co-worker and it happened almost by accident.  I had been worrying about how to broach the subject when my co-worker gave me a perfect opportunity in sharing a very personal confidence with me and it just seemed absolutely appropriate and safe to share my news in return.  That leap of faith has served me well......!!! K xx

So I told my mom what's up.

Oh boy, I feel like I've taken 20 steps backwards. Lots of tears. Yes she said she'd love me no matter what, and I need to do what I need to do to be happy, but: "You're a boy, not a girl", "It would be weird seeing you dressed as a woman", "You'll always be my son", "You'd never be a woman", "God doesn't make mistakes", You like women, that's what men do", "You're just confused", "What's wrong with this world?", "What did I do wrong?", etc. She's also afraid that the therapist "Will plant some crazy ideas in my head", but when she remembered I'm going to see a therapist in Portland, I might as well have said I was seeing a therapist in Sodom.

I simply told her, I need to see a therapist, and since I've had these thoughts for 14 years, it would be a disservice to myself if I didn't see a therapist that specializes in trans-identity. She seemed (reluctantly) accepting of that, but she's believing it's an avoidable scenario.

I know it is very shocking to her, and that her reaction wasn't exactly unreasonable. I need to give her time to process this, which is why I came out to her now. As for right now I have some goals in place before I do any transitioning (e.g. losing weight/lowering blood pressure and my sister wants me to freeze my sperm, so I need to save money).

Yes, sounds like some of the same things my mother said. "You'll always be my son, I didn't have a daughter". "What will the neighbours think of me?" Then the funny one, "You aren't going to become a prostitute are you?" My brother's take is "I'll never accept him no matter what other than a man", found that out much later on.

I found in time that it does get a little better as they get over the shock of your coming out and they mourn the loss of your male side but it does take time.

So, I live my life and I just tolerate them. One time I was at my mother's and she heard a neighbour coming over while we were in the garage. Know what she did? Locked me in there like a dog and told me not to say a word for 45 minutes while they chatted outside! I found out from a 3rd party that the family don't approve of what I have done, who I am and my mother claims to be "ashamed and embarrassed" by me yet she will go out with me for dinners and events in public so go figure.

Love,
Clare

Quote from: TG CLare on November 25, 2015, 02:41:58 PM
One time I was at my mother's and she heard a neighbour coming over while we were in the garage. Know what she did? Locked me in there like a dog and told me not to say a word for 45 minutes while they chatted outside!

:o
What the hell? That is not okay. I am so sorry this happened to you Clare. Comparatively, my mother doesn't seem to bad. Yes, she's asked for now I stay closeted (doesn't want stress on my dad before his cataract surgery), but I'm okay obliging for a little while. Like I said, I have some things I need to do first.

Making an update:

So it's been a little while since I updated on what's going on.

So my first therapy session was on the night of November 25th. It went fine, and my therapist is really awesome. We bonded over Dance Dance Revolution. Right now we are mostly focusing on my social anxiety. We're not going to proceed on HRT for now as I really need to lose weight (she's not confident that a doctor would prescribe until I get my BP under better control), and I can wait until after the holidays, so no big deal. Also, I still have some internalized issues, so its just not time. Already been back a second time. Third appointment would be this week, but she is on vacation this week, so I have to wait until the 16th.

Now the part that makes me feel like crap. I've basically gone back in the closet. The two coworkers I came out to, I basically told I'm not transsexual, I'm simply gender non-conforming, and I don't want to talk about it. Before that, I asked the coworker who I thought supported me, what she thought, and it was the whole "It's a sin, etc."

As for my mom, prior to and after my first appointment she was texting me non-stop, and even called me crying. I called her back and (as far as I know) lied, saying if it hurt her so much, I wouldn't proceed. I honestly don't believe my words, but I need to get my mom through these first stages, as I am afraid she could be capable of self-harm (there's no strong evidence, but it's a long time fear). The thing is, I honestly don't know that I can be happy if I'm causing others to be unhappy. She's slightly better now. The anxiety has subsided, and she apologized for not being there when I needed her. Now I'm feeling anxiety, and I told her, I don't want to talk about it unless I have to. I don't think she can accept that this is something I need to explore though.

Haven't told anyone else. Just hasn't felt right. Don't want to tell my father until I must (though my mother basically put a gag order on me that I couldn't tell him until after a) His Cataract Surgery, b) After they come back from California, and c) After Christmas).

Alright, have a nice day everyone.

Also, and this is not relevant to my gender, but I signed up for an introduction to Improv Comedy starting next month. I think it might be good in building confidence, which can help with my Identity.