Susan's Place Transgender Resources

There is absolutely no chance that ill get gendered female with my current hair.. I would soooo like to go out without wig but all i see is a man with mascara in the mirror.

How do you deal everyday with the reflection you see in the mirror? I know hrt will change me ( a little) but FFS seems to be so far away.....  Anyone found a way to skip time in life??

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HRT is turning me in crap looking men..  :(

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Leave the bangs as they are and grow a bit more length on the side and you will look feminine. You may not see it but your face is already feminine and you may look better in the cut I described than you do in the wig. You should need about 6 months of grow time in order to produce the type of cut I am talking about.

I think with the correct hair cut you will pass effectively without FFS.

Yup, it might take some time...

you might try some clipin extensions...

I'd prefer real hair...


hugs

Being in the transitional phase takes 2-10 years, since puberty in females takes at least 3 years.

I do not expect to even be passable for another 6 years.

Sorry no magic pill will make you into a passable female with long natural hair and beautiful womanly curves and a perfect voice overnight.

This is why our suicide rate is so high. And not all of us could pass no matter how much we try, let alone be pretty.

Youre beautiful and I say a lot of trans women would kill to be you with your "starting point".

I personally think you look amazing already. Your hair will come in time but your face already looks feminine to me!

Please try to hang in there, in a few months you will be able to style it a bit which will get you where you want to be. I agree with Dena that you can pass without FFS.

Someone above me mentioned clip in extensions, I know it's expensive but did you consider permanent extensions?

half an inch a month equals six inches a year...

give it time and you'll be fine. Seriously, tide yourself over with a good wig in the meantime.

the transition phase is the hardest, once you're out the other side you'll be great.

Wrong! You already do.

In my hospital I work with several women who rock a far more manly look than that!

I agree you might be assumed to be a lesbian, but I don't see a man in those pictures, and thats honest.

Thanks so much for support.. i feel very emotional and have a lot mood swings .

I am impatient this is one of my flaw and its hard for me to handle this period.. However it is hard for everyone  :-\

Quote from: Awake on December 05, 2015, 06:21:05 PM
Someone above me mentioned clip in extensions, I know it's expensive but did you consider permanent extensions?

Yes  i did consider them but i am unsure if my hair are long enough for it. i am wasting so much money with wigs .

You'll get there, just give it time.

Archlord, you got this!  Seriously girl, you do.  Sport the wig for a little more time while your natural lengthens out.

I am also stressed..  I want to go full time on january 1st but not all my family knows i am trans yet.  For exemple , I havent told my brother that i havent seen since september, my boss is not aware ( none at job is)..  This will be hard time again and it is in 26 days omg..

Quote from: archlord on December 05, 2015, 06:57:12 PM
I am also stressed..  I want to go full time on january 1st but not all my family knows i am trans yet.  For exemple , I havent told my brother that i havent seen since september, my boss is not aware ( none at job is)..  This will be hard time again and it is in 26 days omg..

Good luck

Is your schedule set in stone?  Timetable might be a good place to explore with a therapist.

I agree with what others have said already.   You have a great starting point, your facial shape is already feminine.   I think you'll find ffs to be 100 percent optional in the future.

Give it time, the hair will grow.   You have a lot going for you!   :)

Quote from: kaitylynn on December 05, 2015, 07:00:38 PM
Is your schedule set in stone?  Timetable might be a good place to explore with a therapist.

Reasons are:
-I am tired of having to lie to people about my condition. I changed so much allready( i dont see me female but looks like people here have different opinion).

- I want to wear woman clothes, makeup all day long.  I hate having to wear ugly shirt, loose pants and only being able to be my true self  2-3 hour per day when i have to be that empty boy  the 13 other hours.

- I look like ->-bleeped-<- as a male now so id rather look like a close to passing woman.

- Then main reason :  I want my SRS as quick as possible and i really dont want to delay requirements . I cant think of having any relation before i have it done.

Why january 1st?  It is starting of new year 2016.   This is my new year resolution  and i dont want to live another day as a man anymore.

-----
Some positivism :

I had a talk with my parents, they accepted that i stay at home for the next 2 year ( the time for me to be confortable with transition).  They accepted that i wear woman clothes and makeup but they dont want to see me with a wig in main house zone for now.

I totally get all of your reasons, I felt them too.  Switching back and forth every day was pure hell the closer I got to coming out everywhere.

You may want to contact HR soon (like yesterday) if you're looking to go full time January 1.  I'm not sure what kind of company you work for but I work for a large manufacturer here and it was around 3 months from the time I made initial contact with HR to my first day full time.   They needed time to schedule things like diversity training for other people, having meetings with the other groups in the plant, figuring out restroom accommodations,  etc ....  It seems like a long time but it was so worth it.   Everything on my first week back went great!  Had I just gone for it I'm not sure it would have been so smooth a transition.   

HR has been a fantastic ally for me and I'm glad I gave them all the time they needed to prepare.

Your beautiful!

Im also going to start growing my hair out from here on, ive yet to find a wig i like lol

I will probably go with a unisex type haircut for now oddly enough i love the penguins hair on that show called gotham so i may go with it for giggles and an alibi i can truthfully say inspired me ;-)

Keep it up your young at least you arent plagued with grey like me at 30!

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Thank you for sharing this with me Emjay. I havent thought of that to be honest lol.  I am working as a database administrator for a huge company .  However i am new here( 2 week) and my team is small.  A lot of people work here however i just dont really talk to them or see them.

It'll help that your circle at work is small.   I'm in management with our maintenance department so that pretty much means I have to interact with EVERYONE almost daily.   There were a lot of people to consider with my particular situation.   Hopefully yours won't require as much preparation!

I just started with a simple email to request a meeting with the HR manager and went from there.     

Transition is a long process... maybe some people here on forums like this or youtube intentionally or unintentionally give the wrong impression, like it was just month or two and they went full-time and it was all fairytale and that was their transition. Its often the opposite, and transition usually takes a few years before you feel at peace with yourself in your new life. Going full-time can be quite stressful even when you are completely ready and you know it is exactly the right time to do it. Going full-time before you even feel ready can be a little overwhelming, to put it lightly.

How long to wait before going full-time very much depends from one person to another. Some can easily handle not being passable, some less, some don't. Some can go full-time before hormones, and some will wait two or three or more years and wait for the hormones to kick in. Some will have androgynous phase for a couple years, and some other wont. How will you be able to handle the changes is something only you know, and your therapist, if you have honest conversations with them.

Your main reason sounds a bit naive. You had a girlfriend like a few months ago, and it seems like that it wasnt such an unthinkable problem to have relationship back then. No matter how much would most of us like the transition to be quick and simple and be over with before you even blink, it's still a process... and it's not about the surgery, but rather to be able to move on with your life and live a life worth living. 

Lagertha , I agree with almost everything you mentionned here.

About the relation i had a couple month ago it was a total nightmare even if it brought me good moments and i still love her.  I dont want any relation until i feel confortable with myself as someone and with my genitals.  This is what gave me the boost to start my transition as i never want to base my happiness on something or someone anymore. You need to have self-confidence before considering getting or giving love to someone else.

Since i begun transition i am not attracted to womans anymore and i dont think this is due to hormones. I however cant think of having sex with a man when i still have my male genitals..  So right now i am on my own.

I think you are one of the more feminine looking people on here and props to you for putting up pics

You really have to take some of the advice and slow down. If you keep trying to rush you are going to be very dissapointed... you will always feel like you arent good enough. Im dealing with it too.... but I am learning its a process

there are great days when I cant see the guy at all, then there are days when he is all I see.... and I dont think any surgeries, pills or whatever will make that change.... well, maybe a lobotomy

your biggest struggle that I see is making your life a bit less stressful, quit fighting the parents. Stress is not going to help you in your transition. Surgeries will not fix the probs with your parents either. Calm down, slow down and learn to enjoy the ride.

If you want to transition fully on jan 1st, do it.... and accept the good with the bad. If you need to be out on your own to relieve the tension, then make that happen.... it really can be done with a will to do so

I hope you dont roll your eyes, but you may.... Ive been there and didnt want to listen to others. But Im alot older and been alot farther in life, and Ive also felt some of your struggles.

I wish you the best and would love to see you relax and enjoy how good you look, but I do understand, completely :)

I think you could pass as a lesbian with your current hair.

Hi,

While having a long hair can contribute to passing but it's not the be all and end all of passing. I remember when I first came out, I refused to wear any wig and I just had to wait it out until I can fully present as female. I styled my hair in such a way that it was looking andro in the beginning and it started to shape like a pixie cut then gradually it grew to a length that I am satisfied with.

I think this worked to my advantage because the changes in my appearance was gradual and I think it contributed to the ease of acceptance when the letter came out from HR that I was transitioning.

Be patient and probably take some hair supplements i.e. biotin to help you grow your hair faster. Meanwhile, enjoy your journey - you have a lifetime ahead of you. Start your laser treatments, take good care of your skin, learn what you can about how to successfully integrate yourself in your community.

No amount of FFS, GRS or 22 inches of hair will cure one's dysphoria. It starts with acceptance of one's self, everything else is just a re-affirmation of your womanhood. You are a woman with or without hair.

Btw, I sent you a PM a few days back and I have not heard back. I'm not sure if that helped you or not. Anyways, good luck and take care.

Target one of the hairs at  this web site (http://pixiehaircuts.net/). Because of the length of your face, you are better off covering some of your forehead with bangs or wispy hair. Some cuts will take a bit more length than others but you have the face to wear many of these styles well. Print off the picture you like before getting your hair cut and bring the picture with you. Your stylist will be able to match the look. Many of these styles require minimum hair length so you will be in one sooner. My current style is pretty close to some of the longer cuts on this site.

Thanks for encouragement RitaChans.. Yes my biggest enemy right now is me, i want everything to be perfect .

Yeah RachelsMantra  maybe but lesbians with this look often want to look masculine.. i hate this look.

April_TO, i am having third laser treatment next week. And i agree that everything is not about hair just that.. i hate my reflection when i wake up the morning when i see those hairs.. They could be ok right now but i was stupid and i cut them 3-4 week ago in boy style..   About the pm you sent me  thank you it was helpful for clothes advice.

Dena, i am not really fan of short hairs but i have to admit that you are right about telling me that i am close to be able to have pixie look (again if i didnt cut my hairs i would have it right now  :'( ).
I hate bangs and wish my face wasnt that long.

Thank you Dena this gave me hope for passing sooner.

Its more of your own perception rather than your actual look. But it looks fine. Grow a little bit more on the side and dont mess with the fringe. You have big eyes and a big mouth dont overly highlight them with makeup, you probably want to conceal them if something. Hugs


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Quote from: archlord on December 06, 2015, 09:41:19 AM
Dena, i am not really fan of short hairs but i have to admit that you are right about telling me that i am close to be able to have pixie look (again if i didnt cut my hairs i would have it right now  :'( ).
I hate bangs and wish my face wasnt that long.

Thank you Dena this gave me hope for passing sooner.

If you compare your face and mine you will see that the length in our face is between the mouth and the eyes. In that respect are faces are pretty much alike other than you look better than me. I am not sure that FFS could do much about that but the solution is pretty simple. Stay away from a long haircut that draws the length of the face out. Volume on the side like my perm has also helps. You may be uncomfortable with the idea of short hair but that is something that you would look really good in. It has the secondary advantage in that your parents would have less to object to because It wouldn't be much different that a beetle cut, something I am sure they or their parents knew about when they were growing up.
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Two years seems like an eternity, but it really isn't.  It'll all come together in time.  Personally, I can't stand wigs or even the thought of using them and I started at exactly where you are right now.  I haven't cut my hair in almost a year and it's down to around my ears; next October it'll be at my shoulders.  Not so long, right?  And next August is my 1 year on HRT.  Good things. =D  Patience.

Three words: Jamie Lee Curtis


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Quote from: Gertrude on December 06, 2015, 03:10:44 PM
Three words: Jamie Lee Curtis


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ugh.. why comparing a 57 year old woman with a grandma haircut/color to me .   I dont want to look like that sorry this is not flattering. It looks like she has been heavily exposed to testosterone..

Does anyone have a collection of "hairstyle transitions"

I think the hardest thing for me is growing it out and not knowing how i can style it on the way to be somewhat unisex.

Itd be nice to have a pallete to go off of.

~Shan~

Quote from: archlord on December 06, 2015, 03:22:36 PM
ugh.. why comparing a 57 year old woman with a grandma haircut/color to me .   I dont want to look like that sorry this is not flattering.

She has had short hair for a long time... You youngins...what Ian saying is that short hair can work.


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Quote from: Gertrude on December 06, 2015, 03:24:45 PM
She has had short hair for a long time... You youngins...what Ian saying is that short hair can work.


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I don't think that cut is flattering on Jamie Lee Curtis, it isn't very appealing in my opinion.

Quote from: kittenpower on December 06, 2015, 03:49:42 PM
I don't think that cut is flattering on Jamie Lee Curtis, it isn't very appealing in my opinion.

To each his or her own.


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Quote from: Shandril on December 06, 2015, 03:24:19 PM
Does anyone have a collection of "hairstyle transitions"

I think the hardest thing for me is growing it out and not knowing how i can style it on the way to be somewhat unisex.

Itd be nice to have a pallete to go off of.

~Shan~

Your going to go blind so don't say I didn't warn you.  This web site  (http://www.hairfinder.com) is where I found the cut I am working on. There are at least 3000 hairstyles here so have fun.

Wow an excellent resource lol think ive found my fave already

~Shan~

There are some great images on Pinterest of how to grow out a pixie cut which should help us all out when growing our hair out. I need to go to a salon instead of a barber next time though as they just didn't get it and shaved the sides way too much. I showed them pictures and everything!

Search Pinterest for 'growing out pixie' it's a winner :-)


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Oh and archlord, it's difficult to accurately judge how you look yourself, simply because you already have a picture of yourself inside your head. The people most qualified to tell you whether you pass or look feminine are actually the people looking at you. And we all think you are gorgeous :-)


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You look more feminine than my ex wife who is still cis female I think. Long story but we were going to both transition, but testosterone turned her abusive.

Anyway your face hardly passes as male or I should say doesn't pass as male.

Thank you.. and this is exactly the reason why i am having hard time right now.   I dont pass as female and i barely pass as a male . Getting asked if i am sick and what is up with me..   This phase suck.  :(

Quote from: archlord on December 05, 2015, 05:30:40 PM
There is absolutely no chance that ill get gendered female with my current hair.. I would soooo like to go out without wig but all i see is a man with mascara in the mirror.

How do you deal everyday with the reflection you see in the mirror? I know hrt will change me ( a little) but FFS seems to be so far away.....  Anyone found a way to skip time in life??

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fjdwsz8G.jpg&hash=95afac32f557ab19bc18addc66b15307cba9f529)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FPW3FLim.jpg&hash=4e40551a786f9f7d32bfbe8146450b9561bd9880)

HRT is turning me in crap looking men..  :(

You have a very pretty face so just grow out for hair and believe me you will look beautiful as you already do just do something with the hair. In the mean time you should wear a wig. I hope this helps.

Hugs
Lyndsey

Quote from: archlord on December 06, 2015, 07:00:55 PM
Thank you.. and this is exactly the reason why i am having hard time right now.   I dont pass as female and i barely pass as a male . Getting asked if i am sick and what is up with me..   This phase suck.  :(

I am sure that I will be right there with you soon enough. I start my hormones in January.

Darling, you can totally pull off a pixie cut. You just need a little hair product and some confidence!

Girl, I'm fully out and STILL dealing with this issue. Somewhere deep inside knows I'm a beautiful woman, but with my (still short) natural hair, I feel incredibly ugly. It's holding me back from going full time.
-Kara


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I think you could rock a short cut if it were styled better. Right now you really have no shape to it.

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