Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Lyndsey on December 11, 2015, 01:05:06 PM Return to Full Version
Title: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: Lyndsey on December 11, 2015, 01:05:06 PM
Post by: Lyndsey on December 11, 2015, 01:05:06 PM
Hi Everyone
I just want to say that there are a lot of GREAT Doctors out there and It is getting better all the time. I think that our world is starting to get noticed and there are a lot more people coming out at a much younger age. I wish that I could of but when I was young It wasn't even heard of at least I my younger years plus I do know that my father would have KILLED me and that I do know :'( It is so much better now than it was in the past. I'm sorry to say that it took my father whom I did Love to pass on before I came out. It has still been very hard for me as I have 2 brothers that really don't have anything to do with me and it has been years now. I have one sister that loves to throw me under the bus and dose not even look back. Then last night I get a phone call and it is Her trying to act like nothing has ever happened between us. I call this Bipolar and she is crazy. I will and wil always keep my guard up with her. She is also the one that is always asking the personal questions. I will never let her it to my personal stuff. I do not trust her at all. Then I have 2 other sisters one is my twin sister and the other is my youngest sister and they are both so good to me and we hang out together all the time. I have 3 children that my oldest daughter is like my best friend in the world and my son and I are very close. But my youngest daughter has nothing to do with me but this is even before my transition. She only comes by at Christmas or her Birthday or when she needs money. Last year I told her that the well is gone dry and she yelled at me and i haven't heard from her once and I have tried several time to get ahold of her but she just don't call me back. I have 4 grandsons and 2 granddaughters that are all close to me. So sorry for the long rant but you are the lucky one who got to see it.
Hugs and thanks for letting me vent
Lyndsey Marie :'(
I just want to say that there are a lot of GREAT Doctors out there and It is getting better all the time. I think that our world is starting to get noticed and there are a lot more people coming out at a much younger age. I wish that I could of but when I was young It wasn't even heard of at least I my younger years plus I do know that my father would have KILLED me and that I do know :'( It is so much better now than it was in the past. I'm sorry to say that it took my father whom I did Love to pass on before I came out. It has still been very hard for me as I have 2 brothers that really don't have anything to do with me and it has been years now. I have one sister that loves to throw me under the bus and dose not even look back. Then last night I get a phone call and it is Her trying to act like nothing has ever happened between us. I call this Bipolar and she is crazy. I will and wil always keep my guard up with her. She is also the one that is always asking the personal questions. I will never let her it to my personal stuff. I do not trust her at all. Then I have 2 other sisters one is my twin sister and the other is my youngest sister and they are both so good to me and we hang out together all the time. I have 3 children that my oldest daughter is like my best friend in the world and my son and I are very close. But my youngest daughter has nothing to do with me but this is even before my transition. She only comes by at Christmas or her Birthday or when she needs money. Last year I told her that the well is gone dry and she yelled at me and i haven't heard from her once and I have tried several time to get ahold of her but she just don't call me back. I have 4 grandsons and 2 granddaughters that are all close to me. So sorry for the long rant but you are the lucky one who got to see it.
Hugs and thanks for letting me vent
Lyndsey Marie :'(
Title: Re: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: TG CLare on December 15, 2015, 01:50:25 PM
Post by: TG CLare on December 15, 2015, 01:50:25 PM
Dear Lyndsey;
Yes, coming out is hard. I think it's probably among the hardest thing when one is transitioning.
Like you, growing up, there was no mention of transitioning or even gay people so times have definitely changed for the better. My father probably would have killed me as well, especially when I changed my family name so as not to bring any shame to them.
With that said, even though times have gotten better, there is still a very long way for us to go to gain general acceptance from the public. The problem is the lack of factual mainstream information. Some got their information from Jerry Springer's show!
One hears of successful transgender people such as Dr. Christine McGinn, Dr. Marci Bowers, Susan Mock and the girl on Call Me Jazz and Caitlyn Jenner of course just to name a few very high profile people, but the public don't know or understand how we became who we are or why. The older the person, often the most resistance to TG people one encounters.
Friends and family form a whole different group. Many have known us all our lives and are reluctant to accept our change. My own family still think it's just a phase I'm going through and last year made it quite clear when they all put my old name on their Christmas cards yet again. They don't know about any of my surgeries nor do they need to as it's none of their business. They don't seem to accept or understand that the man they knew is gone and he's never coming back but inside I'm still the same, I just look different on the outside.
Friends run hot/cold. Some have abandoned me completely and others say they accept me and will talk with me on the telephone but always seem to be busy when we try to get together. Others seem to mine me for progress information as they still work where I did and so they can add it to the gossip at the water cooler. I guard what I tell people now.
Yes, it's hard to come out but I could no longer live the way I did.
Love,
Clare
Yes, coming out is hard. I think it's probably among the hardest thing when one is transitioning.
Like you, growing up, there was no mention of transitioning or even gay people so times have definitely changed for the better. My father probably would have killed me as well, especially when I changed my family name so as not to bring any shame to them.
With that said, even though times have gotten better, there is still a very long way for us to go to gain general acceptance from the public. The problem is the lack of factual mainstream information. Some got their information from Jerry Springer's show!
One hears of successful transgender people such as Dr. Christine McGinn, Dr. Marci Bowers, Susan Mock and the girl on Call Me Jazz and Caitlyn Jenner of course just to name a few very high profile people, but the public don't know or understand how we became who we are or why. The older the person, often the most resistance to TG people one encounters.
Friends and family form a whole different group. Many have known us all our lives and are reluctant to accept our change. My own family still think it's just a phase I'm going through and last year made it quite clear when they all put my old name on their Christmas cards yet again. They don't know about any of my surgeries nor do they need to as it's none of their business. They don't seem to accept or understand that the man they knew is gone and he's never coming back but inside I'm still the same, I just look different on the outside.
Friends run hot/cold. Some have abandoned me completely and others say they accept me and will talk with me on the telephone but always seem to be busy when we try to get together. Others seem to mine me for progress information as they still work where I did and so they can add it to the gossip at the water cooler. I guard what I tell people now.
Yes, it's hard to come out but I could no longer live the way I did.
Love,
Clare
Title: Re: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 11:35:41 AM
Post by: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 11:35:41 AM
Hi Clare :angel:
I feel the same way you do. when i got a birthday card with my old name on it i wrote on it return to sender no one by this name lives here. 3 days latter i got a new card in the mail. This time the envelope was right but the card inside still had my old name. Again I sent it back and said who is this person they are gone and never coming back here. A week latter I got a card back and everything was right and and apology note saying that they were sorry and that they will respect my change and name. I'm going to move away from were i live now but only 3 hours so my Kids and Grand kids can still see me a lot. But as for the others that have been in my life and are no longer here they can stay away. For troughs that have stayed in my live and are still here. They will be welcome at my home and in my life. I have already had SRS with Dr. Marci Lee Bowers and we have become close friends. I talk to her at least 2 times a week and mostly on the weekends when she is off. She spends a lot of time with her wife of 30 something years and her son and daughter. I would not want to do what she dose. She is such a sweetie. She gives some people SRS for next to nothing. She is such a humanist.
Love
Lyndsey
I feel the same way you do. when i got a birthday card with my old name on it i wrote on it return to sender no one by this name lives here. 3 days latter i got a new card in the mail. This time the envelope was right but the card inside still had my old name. Again I sent it back and said who is this person they are gone and never coming back here. A week latter I got a card back and everything was right and and apology note saying that they were sorry and that they will respect my change and name. I'm going to move away from were i live now but only 3 hours so my Kids and Grand kids can still see me a lot. But as for the others that have been in my life and are no longer here they can stay away. For troughs that have stayed in my live and are still here. They will be welcome at my home and in my life. I have already had SRS with Dr. Marci Lee Bowers and we have become close friends. I talk to her at least 2 times a week and mostly on the weekends when she is off. She spends a lot of time with her wife of 30 something years and her son and daughter. I would not want to do what she dose. She is such a sweetie. She gives some people SRS for next to nothing. She is such a humanist.
Love
Lyndsey
Title: Re: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: TG CLare on December 18, 2015, 12:12:39 PM
Post by: TG CLare on December 18, 2015, 12:12:39 PM
My family still seems to think it's a "phase" I'm going through after these years. If they looked in my closet, there isn't anything male left around unless you count my garden work clothes.
I think it's great that you and Dr. Bowers have become friends. I hope I can be that way with Dr. McGinn but I think she is somewhat suspicious of people who may be trying to take advantage of her. Still, I have hope because she has told me some personal things and asked me to keep it under my hat, which wasn't necessary as I wouldn't have told a soul any of it in any event. So she is starting to trust me a little I hope.
I like my visits to her office as she too is a friendly and compassionate person but like you, I don't think I could do the same kind of surgery or even be a doctor! It's not all glamour and at times it's downright messy! In the film, Trans, Dr. McGinn said she feels privileged to be with people right after their surgery to be there with them as they begin the next phase of their transition.
Takes a special kind of person to be a doctor I think.
Love,
Clare
I think it's great that you and Dr. Bowers have become friends. I hope I can be that way with Dr. McGinn but I think she is somewhat suspicious of people who may be trying to take advantage of her. Still, I have hope because she has told me some personal things and asked me to keep it under my hat, which wasn't necessary as I wouldn't have told a soul any of it in any event. So she is starting to trust me a little I hope.
I like my visits to her office as she too is a friendly and compassionate person but like you, I don't think I could do the same kind of surgery or even be a doctor! It's not all glamour and at times it's downright messy! In the film, Trans, Dr. McGinn said she feels privileged to be with people right after their surgery to be there with them as they begin the next phase of their transition.
Takes a special kind of person to be a doctor I think.
Love,
Clare
Title: Re: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 01:58:13 PM
Post by: Lyndsey on December 18, 2015, 01:58:13 PM
Quote from: TG CLare on December 18, 2015, 12:12:39 PM
My family still seems to think it's a "phase" I'm going through after these years. If they looked in my closet, there isn't anything male left around unless you count my garden work clothes.
I think it's great that you and Dr. Bowers have become friends. I hope I can be that way with Dr. McGinn but I think she is somewhat suspicious of people who may be trying to take advantage of her. Still, I have hope because she has told me some personal things and asked me to keep it under my hat, which wasn't necessary as I wouldn't have told a soul any of it in any event. So she is starting to trust me a little I hope.
I like my visits to her office as she too is a friendly and compassionate person but like you, I don't think I could do the same kind of surgery or even be a doctor! It's not all glamour and at times it's downright messy! In the film, Trans, Dr. McGinn said she feels privileged to be with people right after their surgery to be there with them as they begin the next phase of their transition.
Takes a special kind of person to be a doctor I think.
Love,
Clare
Yes Clare
It dose take a special person to do what they do. But think about it both of them are like us. They have both been where we were. That is another thing that makes it so special. I never thought that I could or would be friends with my Doctor but it has happened. She tells me every time she elves my presents that she is laughing so hard she needs to pee. She and others have told me that I should be on com central. I love playing people and love to get the reactions as I do. I just don't tell them that I just peed my pants laughing too. You only live once so enjoy what time we have here. I know that I do. One other thing I love playing crazy ->-bleeped-<- on the guys as they have no idea what to make of me as I call them out on thing that are funny. :angel: >:-)
Hugs
Lynn
Title: Re: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: TG CLare on December 19, 2015, 12:48:33 PM
Post by: TG CLare on December 19, 2015, 12:48:33 PM
Yes, both are like us so they knew where we were coming from but both have compassion and understanding.
When I was there earlier in the year, my friend saw something that we picked up for Dr. McGinn as a joke. It was a clay jar with a big cork to seal it. On the jar it read, "Ashes of problem patients". She thought it was really funny but I haven't seen it around the waiting room but then again her waiting room space is limited.
Love,
Clare
When I was there earlier in the year, my friend saw something that we picked up for Dr. McGinn as a joke. It was a clay jar with a big cork to seal it. On the jar it read, "Ashes of problem patients". She thought it was really funny but I haven't seen it around the waiting room but then again her waiting room space is limited.
Love,
Clare
Title: Re: The hardships of coming out transgender to you family and friends
Post by: Lyndsey on December 20, 2015, 05:46:52 PM
Post by: Lyndsey on December 20, 2015, 05:46:52 PM
Quote from: TG CLare on December 19, 2015, 12:48:33 PM
Yes, both are like us so they knew where we were coming from but both have compassion and understanding.
When I was there earlier in the year, my friend saw something that we picked up for Dr. McGinn as a joke. It was a clay jar with a big cork to seal it. On the jar it read, "Ashes of problem patients". She thought it was really funny but I haven't seen it around the waiting room but then again her waiting room space is limited.
Love,
Clare
Hi Clare
I love it she has a sense of humor.