Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This might be kinda hard to explain, I'm not sure, but I'm hoping there are some kindred spirits out there that can feel where I'm coming from.

I'm early in my transition, and I'm trying to identify what my personal style is going to be. Early on, before my hormones, I was finding myself drifting towards the ultra feminine. Pink, purple, princess style bedding, skirts and the works. Those leanings, while not gone, have kinda tapered off. Instead, I find myself identifying more with the fashion and attitudes of butch or androgynous lesbians. My idols tend to be gay female stand up comics, your Tig Nataros, Cameron Espositios, and Rhea Butchers. Vests and side mullets, if you will.

I don't feel like this makes me any less of a woman, quite the contrary, I know I'm a woman and what I like. I like being a little bit butch, and love having the option of going super femme if the mood strikes. I feel like, in the fullness of time, this might be hard to explain to people. I feel like I may get the questions "If you're just gonna go butch, why not just stay a guy?" And I'll have to explain to them that they're way, way missing the point. I'm a tomboyish girl, not a guy, just like many a butch lesbian is not a guy. I'm prepared to deal with this, because it's who I am, and worth that price of admission.

I'm just wondering if I'm alone in leaning butch? Also, I want to find a stylist that will give me a side mullet... but that's beside the point.

I just went to my therapist with makeup and barrettes in my hair with relatively androgynous but still girly blueish purple sweatpants... Along with a plain black t-shirt and black steel toe work boots! I can totally relate. I don't even know if I necessarily consider it butch myself, but badass femme for sure! So far my style has been inspired a lot by Laura Jane grace. I love her cutoff tees and boots.


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Not necessarily sure but Im far enough from feminine girly type like the Audrey Hepburns or Hilary Duffs of the world.

I think of myself as strong and feminine with a masculine sex drive like Miley Cyrus, Madonna, or Christina Aguilera. A bit ghetto. Not weak or flimsy. At least I think I am.

I started transition being femy-fem, then got tired of it. My "uniform" today is shorts and a tee-shirt in the summer, sweats in the winter. I haven't worn makeup in over a decade. All that is to say, YES YOU CAN! If you live near a large mall, find a place to sit and observe women, especially on a weekend. I think you'll find the majority do not try to look like the female cliché.

My point is, dressing and behaving like your average "dyke" (I mean that word in a very loving way) has served me quite well over the years. Doing so has masked some male characteristics that would have been costly to get rid of. My goal was to live and be socially recognized as a woman. That doesn't mean I had to behave like the stereotype. Nor should it for you.

Yup, I do. I've been transitioned for 3 years now, and when I first transitioned, because I had been withheld from my right to be feminine by society for so long, I couldn't get enough of it. I loved having long hair, and wore dresses, loved makeup, and buried my attraction for women (I'm bisexual and accepting of it now). I thought, I'm just so excited to be a girl, that's all I want to be.

Since then, my attitude has slowly shifted from fulfilling my need to be female and feminine in as many aspects as I could, to just being the real me. Now, I don't often wear dresses, and I don't often wear makeup, and I'm totally fine with the fact that I'm bi. I find myself to be somewhat of a tomboy now. I've really discovered myself, because I've gotten past the early overcompensation that comes when you first transition.

I also speak with a lower tone than when I first transitioned, and it feels more natural and more me, and it's still within the female range. I think all of this just comes with discovering yourself as you become more comfortable and settled in being female. It becomes less about being a female/girl/woman, and more about being you, with being a female as an afterthought almost.

I do not know if this is true...  But I think being a femme steriotype would make us look more transgender.

It can, depending on how passable and cis looking you are to begin with. Some girls can pull it off, but for many trans women, they can't pull off the hyper feminine look without looking a bit bizarre or fake.

Whatever makes them happy though I say :)

I don't see much distance between stereotype and caricature. While trying to be the former, it's not too difficult to slip into the latter. Backing off seems prudent if one is trying to avoid being clocked.

I might if I was more cisnormative in appearance and thus could pull it off without getting misgendered constantly, I'm definitely a tomboy and am kinda jealous of girls who can do a more queer appearance because I think that look is AMAZING, but I don't think I could. Having feminine body proportions and a feminine face are almost a must for that if you still want to be gendered properly, because short hair is such a masculinizing feature. Every masculine feature on your body takes on average three feminine features to counteract, so since I still have a guyish chin/jaw and forehead, I couldn't pull it off, adding a boyish haircut on top of that would tip the scales.

QuoteDoes anyone else identify as, well, kinda butch?

I don't.

A famous engineer once said "How many times do I have to tell you? The right tool for the right job..."

As long as I want sexual validation from cis men, I will go subliminally slutty femme.

I started out more tomboy in my presentation/style but i have gradually become more feminine. I still only wear dresses or skirts 2-3 times a month but i wear light makeup every day, put my hair in barrettes or pins etc. I'm wearing heels or heeled boots to work most days of course it is winter.

One o the girls in my support group identifies as butch.

I dont but i think that its fantastic that you do. I am super femenine and i love it, though.

I have friends who are butch and thats fabulous. Hugzz


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I'm much a girly girl at heart. But more forwardly a country girl, which gives me a more forwardly aggressive state of being, which basically from what I found myself what is part of my being slightly more male tendencies.
I feel I have a tendency to move myself between both girly girl and country girl, which determines my mood and structured self. I can be really independent or more dependent on circumstance and especially what I want to do in life. I think I switch over between the two dependent on who I am around and what I feel at the time.

Kate <3

Yeh I'm just not very feminine I think..and I don't want to try to force it either. Wish I could pull of the short hair androgynous look but as someone mentioned it's hard unless you are physically very feminine in body and face.

Quote from: AshleyBeech on December 19, 2015, 03:50:39 AM
Yeh I'm just not very feminine I think..and I don't want to try to force it either. Wish I could pull of the short hair androgynous look but as someone mentioned it's hard unless you are physically very feminine in body and face.

I actually think you pull it off very well and are more attractive than the stereotypical sense that people have of what transexuals should look like. Wouldn't mind bumping to you in a club  ;D

Quote from: Skylar1992 on December 19, 2015, 08:18:37 AM
I actually think you pull it off very well and are more attractive than the stereotypical sense that people have of what transexuals should look like. Wouldn't mind bumping to you in a club  ;D

Lol thanks

Quote from: AshleyBeech on December 19, 2015, 03:50:39 AM
Yeh I'm just not very feminine I think..and I don't want to try to force it either. Wish I could pull of the short hair androgynous look but as someone mentioned it's hard unless you are physically very feminine in body and face.

i think u pull it off. If u don't want to force it.... I honestly think buying a good pair of Natural false eyelashes would really make u look more feminine

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on December 19, 2015, 09:14:37 AM
i think u pull it off. If u don't want to force it.... I honestly think buying a good pair of Natural false eyelashes would really make u look more feminine

Thanks...I've never thought about false lashes tbh. I don't even own any makeup so I should probably try that first. [emoji1]

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Quote from: Tamika Olivia on December 14, 2015, 07:14:51 PM
This might be kinda hard to explain, I'm not sure, but I'm hoping there are some kindred spirits out there that can feel where I'm coming from.

I'm early in my transition, and I'm trying to identify what my personal style is going to be. Early on, before my hormones, I was finding myself drifting towards the ultra feminine. Pink, purple, princess style bedding, skirts and the works. Those leanings, while not gone, have kinda tapered off. Instead, I find myself identifying more with the fashion and attitudes of butch or androgynous lesbians. My idols tend to be gay female stand up comics, your Tig Nataros, Cameron Espositios, and Rhea Butchers. Vests and side mullets, if you will.

I don't feel like this makes me any less of a woman, quite the contrary, I know I'm a woman and what I like. I like being a little bit butch, and love having the option of going super femme if the mood strikes. I feel like, in the fullness of time, this might be hard to explain to people. I feel like I may get the questions "If you're just gonna go butch, why not just stay a guy?" And I'll have to explain to them that they're way, way missing the point. I'm a tomboyish girl, not a guy, just like many a butch lesbian is not a guy. I'm prepared to deal with this, because it's who I am, and worth that price of admission.

I'm just wondering if I'm alone in leaning butch? Also, I want to find a stylist that will give me a side mullet... but that's beside the point.

Thanks for the excellent post with some shared experiences resonating for me.  The first year or so that I was out I only wore skirts and dresses and fully indulged my long repressed girly stereotypes.  It felt like a second chance at the right puberty and, like a teenager, I needed to live it out loud and experience trying on styles and presentations to finally find my comfort zones.  I identify as a non binary woman and sometimes a tomgirl....tomboy says male twice to me :D  I want to have the same opportunities any woman has to be girly or butch when it feels right.  Wether it is our presentation, mannerisms, voice or current activities why not allow ourselves full latitude to have it all?  I prefer to live free of the box I escaped and free of the box at the other polar end too.

I enjoy outdoor life a great deal and spend time doing farm and trail work that ruined a few of my girly clothes early on.  I now dress for the occasion and weather and don't worry as much about what anyone else thinks.  They are free and encouraged to have their own life too.

I know that some butch cis women tend to get misgendered (called "sir", etc). As long as you feel you can deal with that if it happens then be as butch as you like. :)

Like all cis women and trans women it's important to find the look that best expresses who you are.

From my own observations the majority of cis women rarely, if ever, go all out girly femme except for certain social occasions and in the cliché factory of TV and movies.

I was girly in the beginning, went tom boy for many years, now I'm back to being girly girly. I like to look nice. I seldom wear skirts although if I have the right venue, I most definitely will.

Cindi

My style is always a mix of goth and hippy. My Mom is a hippy and my cousin (a huge influence on me throughout life) is a metal head so I've been drawn to alternative culture since I was 10 (it was the early 90's) and the goth aesthetic and music always had a strong draw for me. So I kind of blend a lot of things like combat boots with dresses and my makeup can be a bit messy and it's okay. I tried more androgynous polos and khakis for work and it lasted two months and I couldn't stand myself.

I went through the bubblegum pink phase really early on.  I refer to this phase as my "lost girlhood."  I was never swaddled in pink as a child.  Apparently I needed that.  I'm under the impression that this is quite common.

Early on, my feminine side was enraged... demanding of all my attention and effort, demanding acceptance from me, demanding acceptance from my wife.  I spent most of my time dressed in boy clothes, feminine clothes were a hidden part of my life, so when I did get the rare opportunity to be girly, I went all out.

It appears to me that my life needs a certain amount of girliness.  For a while, I'd go for long "dry periods" and then get a massive dose all in one go.  That wasn't healthy.  I've got an addictive personality, and I tend to view the world through that lens (lest an addiction consume me, I remain vigilant).  During my dry periods I'd obsess about my next fix, and when I did have those opportunities, they were never enough.  I needed smaller, more regular doses.

Today, I'm essentially out to everybody I know.  My outfit selection depends on (1) which clothes are clean, and then (2) how feminine I feel that day.  Some days I look like a fruity guy.  Some days I look like a pretty ordinary guy.  Some days I look like a cross-dresser who doesn't bother to pass.  I'd like to be read as female about as often as male... but that's a ways off if it ever will happen.

Last week, I did two complete flips where I looked very feminine on Tuesday and Friday, and masculine on Wednesday and Thursday.  Strangely, I kinda love living this way... even though it can be frustrating as hell when my gender flips mid-day and I can't tweak my outfit.  I hate some of the reactions I get from people, but I'm happy to be me.