Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Alexi on December 21, 2015, 12:58:25 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Trans* coming out and acceptance from other people
Post by: Alexi on December 21, 2015, 12:58:25 AM
Post by: Alexi on December 21, 2015, 12:58:25 AM
I came out as transgender some months ago and much as I thought it might not be a problem to those I'm around, I hadn't anticipated the response I got. I've been transitioning for almost a year. It's been paced, and I've been doing most of it in private, but I found the courage to come out and live life as I am.
I'm asexual and null gender to be exact. When I came out to other people, their response amounted to a mix of ignorance and stubborness, to outright transphobia. I'm male-assigned-at-birth but I don't use male pronouns and that's one of the things other people are refusing to use. I was told face-to-face that I need to accept that no-one is going to begin using the pronouns I prefer and the it got treated as though it's an exception.
I was also told repeatedly that though I might be emotionally male, that I'm physically male and so I don't need to change anything. I know that to be wrong, but I didn't argue. What's worse is that again I was told, face-to-face, that no-one I came out to is going to teach themselves about transgender issues.
I'm fortunate that I have amazing and wonderful friends to support me, and if it wasn't for them, I'm not sure if I'd still be alive, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm facing day-to-day ignorant misgendering and a blunt refusal to be accepted as transgender and that I'm not going to change for other people.
It's still difficult though. What else could I do?
I'm asexual and null gender to be exact. When I came out to other people, their response amounted to a mix of ignorance and stubborness, to outright transphobia. I'm male-assigned-at-birth but I don't use male pronouns and that's one of the things other people are refusing to use. I was told face-to-face that I need to accept that no-one is going to begin using the pronouns I prefer and the it got treated as though it's an exception.
I was also told repeatedly that though I might be emotionally male, that I'm physically male and so I don't need to change anything. I know that to be wrong, but I didn't argue. What's worse is that again I was told, face-to-face, that no-one I came out to is going to teach themselves about transgender issues.
I'm fortunate that I have amazing and wonderful friends to support me, and if it wasn't for them, I'm not sure if I'd still be alive, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm facing day-to-day ignorant misgendering and a blunt refusal to be accepted as transgender and that I'm not going to change for other people.
It's still difficult though. What else could I do?
Title: Re: Trans* coming out and acceptance from other people
Post by: Cindy on December 21, 2015, 01:11:02 AM
Post by: Cindy on December 21, 2015, 01:11:02 AM
Hi Alexi,
Unfortunately the experience of most people of of a binary gender, even though that has been disproved and scientifically seen to be incorrect. But ignorance is rife about many things in society and being transgender usually raises the level of ignorance to the atmosphere.
Many people, as you know, do not accept transgender people even when they present as a binary gender, presenting as non-binary really stretches their brain cell.
I'm so glad you have friends who support you and sometimes we just have to regard the ignorant as just that. We can try to educate them, but so often it is like describing bike riding to a fish.
Unfortunately the experience of most people of of a binary gender, even though that has been disproved and scientifically seen to be incorrect. But ignorance is rife about many things in society and being transgender usually raises the level of ignorance to the atmosphere.
Many people, as you know, do not accept transgender people even when they present as a binary gender, presenting as non-binary really stretches their brain cell.
I'm so glad you have friends who support you and sometimes we just have to regard the ignorant as just that. We can try to educate them, but so often it is like describing bike riding to a fish.
Title: Re: Trans* coming out and acceptance from other people
Post by: Ms Grace on December 21, 2015, 02:23:44 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on December 21, 2015, 02:23:44 AM
Coming out as trans is usually a major test of who are the friends, family and allies you can rely on for support, acceptance and love. Unfortunately, many of them fail.
Title: Re: Trans* coming out and acceptance from other people
Post by: LexPromise on December 26, 2015, 09:17:07 PM
Post by: LexPromise on December 26, 2015, 09:17:07 PM
I am not having a lot of acceptance either. I have lost friends and I have had family problems. Some people are confused and are questioning, and that is okay. Some people are abusive and this is not okay. I just want to be me. I hope that you can hold onto the support from your friends that are there for you.