Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Two weeks ago I went to an affordable living appartment complex and inquired and was told that they'd have an appartment available by the end of March. I told the lady that I'd be back to pick up an application. The following week, I returned to pick up an applictaion and was told that there was an appartment that had just became vacant and that it could be available for the first of March. I thought that was great! :) Today I returned to submit the application and was told that another appartment had become vacant and that it would be available for the end of this month, so it looks like I'll be moving out from my parents by this month instead of having to wait until the end of February!

Yesterday, my mom surprised me with a letter that I had to sign which outlined her rules that since I was moving out, which meant that I'd have more freedom to be my True Self, that when I came over to her house for whatever reason, she didn't want to see my femine self, nor did she want to  see any traces of her at work either; at least she's allowing me to remain working at her place of employment, as long as I follow the rules. So I signed her letter and I agreed to her terms. I just couldn't belive it though. The best time of my life and she has to rain on my parade with crap like this.  ::)

Gina

Hi Gina, good luck with your new apartment, it will be nice being on your own.  As for your mother's house, there probably isn't any real reason to go there, is there?

I certainly wouldn't want to go someplace I wasn't welcome at.   Work is another issue, for now anyway you will have to accept her terms about that.  Do you work for her?

We take one day at a time, don't try to forward too far.  I don't know about you, but I can only handle one days problems, tomorrow will have to take care of itself.

Sarah

Hey there Gina,

Good luck with the apartment.  As for signing that letter - not a good move.   I'm not in your position so I'm a little hesitant to say this but...

If I were you I would be looking for a new job and be telling my mom to shove her house and her job where the sun doesn't shine, and that if she wanted to see me she would have to do it under "MY" terms.  Your mom hasn't given you any form of support since you started posting here so I think that you have been very fair with her.

As I said, I'm not in your shoes but that is the way I see it.  You are going through enough stress with out having to fend off the incessant attacks from your mom.

Just my thoughts,

Steph

Quote from: MelissaSince the letter is already signed Stephanie, there isn't much she can do about that.  However, if she were to get another job and stop visiting her mom's house while her mom holds that letter over her head, then Gina would be the one in control.

The letter is just paper, and would only come to bare if Gina brought up an unlawful dismissal claim if she got fired by her mom for showing up to work as a woman.

She should cut out all the BS and rip up the letter in front of her mom, well maybe after she has found another job.  As I said I'm not living her life so I'm not privy to all the details, but enough is enough.

Steph

 :DLet's Celebrate!!! ^-^

It's great to hear you have made this big step. I have been reading back over your posts. I agree with Stephanie. Your MOm has given you nothing but greef. You needed to make this move. I so happy for you! Thia will be an exciting time and you need to enjoy it as much as possible. ;D

Now thw job thing. Yes I remember to do work for your mom. Get a paper and look for another job. That can be done as soon as you get hired. You don't have to wait to be moved into the new place. Once you have the new job you can start going to work dressed as you wish.  :-*

As for living at Mom's while you are dressing for the new job, cross that bridge when you come to it. It doesn't hurt to have a plan though, so... is there a good freind that you could stay with for a few days if the pot boils over? If so have that plan in place. Your Mom may back down when she see's she has lost control by you not working for her anymore. i8f she thinks she is loosing control and the only thread she has left is to keep her in her home for a while longer to still try to influence some change off heart for your transition she'll keep it at all cost... I'm guessing. Regardles the back up plan is in place ...we hope. :-*

After changing jobs and moving out, you choose when to see her and when not to on your own terms. I'm not one to say burn bridges, but you don't even have the first plank to a bridge. Your Mom hasn't let you have a bridge in place.

Be Fair to yourself! Be Firm with Yourself! Be Freindly to yourself! Above and before all else. You have to look at yourself in the mirror. You have to live with yourself 24/7. Be sure how you treat your Mom is what you can live with afterwords. No cutting remarks, no disrepect. If things feel like they are getting hot then leave and go somewhere else till it calms down. Do not enter into a confrontation if it at all can be helped.

You do not want to tarnish your big day of moving into your own place and have memories of bad times leading to your knew door.

Again smiles all round  :) :D ;D 8) ::) :P :-* :angel: ^-^

Peggiann

But what right has your mother got to impose rules on your life.....none, me I'd have gone to see a solicitor to find out just what the legal position would actually be.

You are a consenting adult, and are free now to live your life the way you see fit, of course, where family is concerned there are sensitivities to take into account, but, well I don't know what the rules are where you live, but here in the UK, you'd have to be in feminine mode 24/7 in order to get transition, and as that comes in the Harry Benjamin Criteria too, under which most TS's are treated.

You talk about not being en femme, as it were, at work, but what you say implies that you, and your mother work at the same place, rather than you working for your mother, I'm not sure which way round you mean, but if it's the former, she cannot impose rules on you, at work, specially if they conflict with company policy!

As far as the letter goes, it's more evidence against your mother's illegitimate reasons for dismissing you than anything else. Don't feel bound by it. A contract entered into under duress is not a valid contract.

Good luck with it and congrats on your new place.

Dennis

Hello Gina,

             I am happy to hear you will be moving into your own place. It will make a great positive difference in your life but also expect some feelings of loneliness at times that are a natural result of living alone.

             I hope you will take lots of time and invest a lot of thought into your relationship with your mother before you make any permanent changes. At the present time it seems you are dependent on her for employment and I assume health coverage. I believe you must consider very carefully your ability to work in another environment outside your family's business and an objective look at the possibility that you can work as your true self in a job that will provide you with the income and security you need. I don't mean to imply that you must always be dependent on your mother but you must have a rational plan that will move you toward independence without the risks associated with suddenly cutting ties and burning bridges.

              I know lots of people here disagree, but we sometimes have to be pragmatic and do things we dont necessarily want to do in order to reach our goals. I  hope you will continue to cope with your mothers unrealistic demands in the short term and set goals such as, saving money, taking classes in your field to strengthen your professional position, taking on more responsibility in your current job to learn as much as you can and networking with others in your field who work in related companies. You are such a sincere dear person, those that give you a chance and get to know you will accept you as yourself, I am sure of that. When you are in a position to be independent then take that opportunity but I highly suggest you do not let your emotions put you in a situation that is worse than the current one. I know all this is lots easier for me to say than it is for you to do Gina but I hope I have helped in a small way. I wish you all the happiness and peace in your life that you certainly deserve.

beth

Gina,
  Don't worry about that contract, like Dennis said, you were under the gun to sign it, so it won't hold up in court. One provision of that contract says that you won't go over to her home, no problem there the other one was you won't go to work in fem clothing, well, unless she owns the business, she has no right to say that to you. You are an employee and if you get fired, well you could sue the pants off them for discrimination and  you have a letter to prove you were going to be discriminated against. This is what I think.
Sheila

Hi Gina:  I think it is great news about your new apartment.  I would enjoy the present moment and the new freedom you are gaining by living on your own.  There will be plenty of time to deal with contracts and a controlling mother, don't let that spoil the joy of the moment.

As others have already stated, a contract signed under duress is not worth the paper it is written on.

Continue to build your support group, have friends over for visits, decorate the apartment to reflect your taste, and keep moving forward.

Your a wonderful lady, with grace and dignity, and no one can take that away from you.

Molly

Thanks  ladies for all of your good and supportive comments.

My parents bought the company which I am presently employed at 13 years ago, more becasue they felt that I had  a problem holding a job. With my mom there, she was able to observe me and learn why it was that I was having problems.One of those problems is that I don't focus.

Now I am very excited about moving out and starting to live on my own and being able to be my true  self, but as for transitioning, I'll have to take that a step at a time. You see the biggest problems is that if I leave my present job and go to work at another job of the same criteria, I'll have to start at a lower pay scale, and with me just moving out, it will be a lot tougher to make ends meet if I don't have the cash flow. I make very good money where I'm at right now, plus benifits. 

You know Sarah, that's a very good point that you've brought to my attention that I don't have to go to my mom's house if I don't wnat to. I've lived with her long enough, and now it's time to start living for me, and if I have to abide by her rules, than it's hardly a welcome.

That's the way I've been doing it though. One day at a time.

You've been very observant Stephanie. My mom hasn't been very supportive of me, and all I'd be doing is spiting myself more than her if I were to leave and find another job. I tried that a few months ago and I took a pay cut and the job didn't work out and I was at least able to return to my prevous employment, if  you remember.

Very good point there Melissa, about the fact that even though my mom can hold the letter over my head, that I would be the one in control.  :)

All that I've done by signing of the letter is said that I won't come to the office dressed as a woman or any signs of it. But there are ways around it. For the last thirteen years I've been wearing my panties, pantyhose, etc under my male clothes and she knows no different. But if I were to leave and find another job should I apply for the job as a female and transtion or should I apply for it as a male and transition?

Unfortunately with the Right To Work law here in Florida, there isn't much that would save me if I were to bring it to court.

Thanks Peggiann for your kind words. That's the last thing that I want to do with my mom is to cause so much confronattaion that she'll alienate me. So I will respect her to some point, but as said, I'm now seeking my independence.


You know CJ, I am aconsenting adult, but unfortunately there are no policies at my work, except for The Right To Work Law. I may see a solicitor and find out what my legal rights are though. Thanks for suggesting it.

Thanks Gracie. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Gain some independence for my self.Yes, my mom is very controlling, and by breaking away I think it will help me alot, and I think it will lessen her control over me.  :)

That's a very good point there Dennis. I like your way of thinking. I won't feel bound by the letter for like you said, it was a contract entered into under duress is not a valid contract.

Thanks Beth for your heart warming thoughts and words
Yes it will make a big difference to me finally getting out from under my  parents. Just the other day I met my best friends new girlfriend, and she's quite acceptive of me, and she asked if it's all right if they came over and hung out with me. I said "Sure." She even said that if I ever needed my nails done, she'd do them for me at no charge.  :)

My relationship is only bound to improve with my motherThe less time I have to spend with her, is the better  ;D

Thanks Molly. I am going to enjoy the joy of moving out and setting up my new appartment. I'll worry about the other things later.
Thanks for your wonderful words about myself. 


You know Melissa, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't sign the letter.  I t could have lead into some problems, but who knows?

I will definately keep my chin up

Gina  

Hi Gina,

Time to focus on the positive. You will be able to set the rules in your new place and enjoy your own space. I wish you well in the move and look forward to watching you blossum in a more positive atmosphere.

Shelley

Thanks Shelly for your inspirational words. :-*

I will be focusing only on the positive things now, and yes I will  be  able to set my own rules and enjoy my own space as I blossum in a more positive atmosphere.  :)

Gina

 I just got a call from the appartment complex today and I've been approved for a one bedroom apartment and I'll be moving in on the first of February!!!  :) :) :) On Monday I'll be dropping off a security for them  to hold it. I'll be counting the days to my FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE

Gina

Great news Gina

Great news Gina you'll have to tell us all about it. I assume you'lll still have access to the internet.

Shelley

Congradulations Gina, I am very happy for you!

Molly

Thanks girls for your warm congradulations. Don't worry Shelly, I'll still have acess to the Internet to keep y'all up to date on things. I'd never leave my best freinds in the dark like that.  ;D

I was just surprised on how quick they were to get everything done for me.

Gina

Sometimes it seems like things you need to happen or want just move at a snails pace then all of a sudden you go from snail speed to Indy 500. I'm really happy for you that things are working out for you. Take care and have fun in your new place.

Cassie

Thanks Cassie,

Yesterday I just paid the security and I'll be officially moving in on Feburary 6th. The days are slowly creeping by, but I can't wait!!!  :)  :)  :)

I'm going to have so much fun enjoying my freedom, but I'm going to have to be very descreet though, just so that others don't know. Don't want to end up disturbing others and getting evicted, if you know what I mean.  ;D

I was recently speaking with my neuropsychologist, and he tells me that I'm one of a kind, but he does enjoy talking with me.  ???


Gina

I got a call from management from my appartment a few days ago, and they told me that the previous tenant has moved out early, so I can move in on the first of February.  :) So I'll be getting my key and will start to move everything in and I should be able to move the big stuff in by the weekend!  :) PARTY at my place! All is invited!!!

Gina

I'll bring the dip and bickies. :) :eusa_dance:

Shelley

Wish I could be there!  Have a great time.

Molly

Hey Molly, I wish that you could be here as well. We would have a great time!  :)  Dip and Bickies sounds great Shelley! "mmmm"

Yesterday, I called FPL (Florida Power and Light) and I got that set up for the first of February and I really lucked out 'cos I didn't have to pay a deposit as I had expected.  8) Then I called the gas company for the 1st as well and was told that somebody will be around to hook up my  gas from 8 - 12. Stupid me  :-[ I forgot that I won't get the keys till 4 pm, so I'll have to change that day to the second day of February. The days have moved so fast that I can't believe it!!!  :)  :)  :)

Gina

Yay Gina,

I'm sure that you are going to find the independence wonderful.

Steph

Hi Gina,
That is really great news. :)
Yes it can be a little hetic getting everything schudule when moving.
Believe it. You will be on your own in a couple of days.
FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE are upon you. (I'm excited for you) :icon_joy: :icon_dance: :eusa_dance: I'd love to give you a hand moving in.
Here's a house (apartment) warming gift.
:icon_hug: :icon_hug:
A couple of hugs is the best I can do.
:)
Jillieann

Thanks Steph. I sure am looking forward to it. Unfortunately my mom surprised me over the wekend with a very harsh comment. She told me that she'd like to come  up to my appartment to help me fix up my kitchen, but she's hoping that she won't see any 'feminine' things around, or else it will upset her, and then she told me that that will be the only time that she'll ever be coming by to see my appartment.  ::)  She then told me that I can come and visit her, but as long as it's in the pressence of her 'son.'  :o

Thanks Jillieann for your house (appartment) warming gift. I accept it with open arms.  :) Yeah. I know that schedulling things can get a little hectic, but I'm sure that I'll get things straightened out in no time.  A little confussion keeps the mind alert. 

You know, I wish y'all could be here to help me move in. We coud have a pajama party afterwards and sit around and talk for hours. ;D

Gina

Tommorrow is the big day isn't it? I'll bet you won't sleep a wink. I wish I could be there to help, sounds like it would be a lot of fun, but alas such is life. Have fun.

Cassie

Hey Gina! good luck in your new place!

x
Alex

I am very EXCITED!!! :)  :)  :) And when my mom does come over, which I hope that she phones first  ;D , I'll  make sure that all my feminine stuff is nicely put away so that I don't cause any contention with her.  :P But yes, when she's gone, which will be for good  ;D out will come my stuff! Just gotta keep my chin up.  :)

Gina

I'm sure she'll phone first Gina, since she is so adamant about not wanting to see your feminine things.

Cassie

Gina - Let me add my heartfelt congrats on the start of your new independent life.  I was pondering something that, so far, hasn't been expressed in the other posts.  It could be that, in your mother's mind, she's laying down these rules because it's her way of loving you and trying to protect you.  I know that, when I broke up with my ex (of 21 years), she insisted that any negative comments regarding transsexualism were made out of love for me.  I realized that but still hoped for what some of you still have, an accepting spouse.  As TS's sometimes say, we don't expect approval but hope for acceptance and tolerance. 

My mother was never as vocally negative as your mom, Gina, but there were moments where her inner feelings came out.  Years after SRS, I went to see what my mom's old house looked like from the outside (it had been remodeled).  My mom had moved away from there but it didn't stop her from asking me, "Did anyone see you?"  Translation:  Did anyone see me, her son, dressed as a woman?  I know she didn't mean to hurt me by that query but it did.  I told her, "No," and tried to move on.  These hurts are something we just have to live with.  Some say, "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger." 

Maybe.

Teri Anne

lol Melissa, I may use that someday.

Dennis

Hey Gina,

QuoteShe told me that she'd like to come  up to my appartment to help me fix up my kitchen, but she's hoping that she won't see any 'feminine' things around, or else it will upset her,

Watch out for those feminine saucepans. You should have got the male ones! You know the ones with the extra apendage and no idea how to boil milk without it flowing over the top. ;D

So I take it the PJ party is after mom's gone ::)

Shelley

Thanks Terri Anne for your thoughtful reply. I guess you could be right there about my mother's convern for me in the way that she expresses her love towards me. I know exactly the way that you're going when your mother is going  with her comments. I get the same way with mine. It's almost like she's embarassed when I go out, even though I know that I am looking my best. But at least she's never embarrassed me by lossing sight of the certain pronouns when talking.

It's just something that she's having a hard time coming to  grips with though, but I really think taht within time she may come around to accepting it.  :)

Off hand I've been really enjoying the wonderful taste of freedom !

Hey Shelley, I'll definatelly will watch out for those  feminine saucepans!  ;D And of course the PJ party is after my mom is gone. We'll have fun!!!


Gina

Gina -
I just remembered something that MIGHT help you with your relationship with your mom.

When I was going to TG meetings at the Gay and Lesbian Center here in L.A., a Phillipine TS spoke of how her dad was unsupportive of her transsexualism.  The TS asked her dad, "What do you want most for me in my life?"  The dad thought about it and responded, "That you are happy.  That is the most important thing."  The TS then said, "But dad, my being a woman is what makes me most happy."  The dad thought again and said, "Fine.  I understand.  Maybe you should help your mom and sis in the kitchen."  The TS had a tear form in her eye and said, "I will.  Thank you."  They never again talked of transsexualism and the TS became his daughter from that moment on.  Forever.

Teri Anne

Quote from: gina_taylor on January 09, 2006, 04:23:04 PM
Two weeks ago I went to an affordable living appartment complex and inquired and was told that they'd have an appartment available by the end of March. I told the lady that I'd be back to pick up an application. The following week, I returned to pick up an applictaion and was told that there was an appartment that had just became vacant and that it ould be available for the first of March. I thought that was great! :) Today I returned to submit the application and was told that another appartment had become vacant and that it would be available for the end of this month, so it looks like I'll be moving out from my parents by this month instead of having to wait until the end of February!

Yesterday, my mom surprised me with a letter that I had to sign which outlined her rules that since I was moving out, which meant that I'd have more freedom to be my True Self, that when I came over to her house for whatever reason, she didn't want to see my femine self, nor did she want to  see any traces of her at work either; at least she's allowing me to remain working at her place of employment, as long as I follow the rules. So I signed her letter and I agreed to her terms. I just couldn't belive it though. The best time of my life and she has to rain on my parade with crap like this.  ::)

Gina

She can say what she wants about your behavior at home.
HOWEVER at work?
Call the lawyers! We got a live one here!


Posted at: February 06, 2006, 10:49:20 AM

---

Quote from: melissa_girl on January 09, 2006, 05:37:12 PM
Since the letter is already signed Stephanie, there isn't much she can do about that.  However, if she were to get another job and stop visiting her mom's house while her mom holds that letter over her head, then Gina would be the one in control.

By signing that letter, Gina, you have eliminated your opton of transitioning at that job and in order to continue, you will need to be looking for another job.  Hopefully your mom will be understanding about that and continue to employ you while you look for another one.  It sounds like you are on your way to being independant.  I think this is a necessary prerequisite to transition for you.  Once you are moved out, you can find another job.  Then, your transition can begin.

I wish you luck with it.

Melissa

I don't think the letter matters.
he should get legal counsel.

He?  Gina is a she.  I agree that the letter means nothing bad for Gina, just bad for her mother if it ever did get to the point of litigation.





beth

Teri- Thank you for that thought, but I've tried talking with my mom but it's like talking to a wall. She won't have anything to do with it. She won't see it my way for my happiness. Her comment towards that is for my happiness,   they (my immediate family) must suffer.

Thanks for defending me Beth, but as for that letter, I really don't think it would stand to well. As long as I watch myself at work, I don't think that there will be any problems.

Gina

Good point, Melissa!  Gina's happiness should come first.

Teri Anne

So you are in your new place now right?

Smiles,
Peggiann

I've been in my new place for five days now and I've been just loving it ! :) The freedom to do what ever I want is just astounding! With the seperation from my parents there is so much less stress between us now  ;) that I find that we work so much better, without getting on each others nerves all the time. Living together and working together was really getting to be a strain.  >:( But as for my happiness. My mother feels that at her age, I should be more concerned on her happiness than on my happiness. But yes, Melissa, I do agree with you 100% that my happiness should come first, and it will come very soon.  :)  Now that I'm out, I'm now being able to be my true self more often and eventually I will give up my former self completely.  :)

Gina

Quote from: gina_taylor on February 06, 2006, 06:38:14 PM...
She won't see it my way for my happiness. Her comment towards that is for my happiness,   they (my immediate family) must suffer.
...

Quote from: gina_taylor on February 07, 2006, 04:11:00 PM...
My mother feels that at her age, I should be more concerned on her happiness than on my happiness.
...

What the...!?
Ok, maybe I am missing something but that strikes me as just total flippant and abusively wrong.

...

Actually upon reflection I'm starting to think she is trying to guilt trip you so you'll do what she wants.


Gina, have you asked her what is so hard for her to accept that you 'may' not fit within the (false) gender binary?

She is hemming and hawing for a reason and its not doing either of you any good, I think.

Hey there Gina,

Just to be a little blunt, well may be a lot blunt, but we both know your mom has been playing these games with you for far too long.  You are a grown woman, who now has a place of her own to live, a place to live her own life.  Your mom has been interfering in your life for how long?  and she is even a part of your therapy sessions.  This has to stop if there is ever going to be any hope of you transitioning, or even getting on with your life.  I would strongly recommend that you cut your losses, find another job that will provide for your needs and then tell your employer (mom) to take a hike.

Yes it's a little harsh, some may say extreme, but honestly Gina how long has this been going on?

QuoteBut as for my happiness. My mother feels that at her age, I should be more concerned on her happiness than on my happiness.

Nope, sorry Gina your mom is wrong again... It's your happiness, your life, your freedom, that is most important, not your mom's.  Of course you would always love and care for your mom in time of need, just like we all do, but you have to shed this suffocating grip your mom has on you.  Cut the apron strings, she will always be your mom, and you will always be her daughter.

I don't mean to sound nasty or unsupportive, I just feel that it needed to be said and that you needed to hear it...

Steph

Dear Dear Gina,
I have answered you before on what I thought about all this in your personal Message you sent me. I do not change anything I have stated before. Your Mother has already had the chance to live her life for her own happiness. It is your turn to live yours for your own happiness. I suggested before that you needed to be looking for a new job to meet your finacial needs. I strongly feel this still. You can have no future unimpeeded by your mother if you don't. Your Mom has no place laying down rules for you in your own home, nor how to dectorate or how to keep it cleaned and kept, just as you have no business telling her how to in her own home. Yes, if you are meeting her in her home then yes you should abide by her requests. Anywhere else you are free to be who you want to be. Even in the present work place because the letter or statement you signed was under forces. I think she would have a hard time making it stick. As was stated by Dennis. If you are trying not to rock the boat at work till you have another job the so be it, but it's because that's what you choose not what she demands. When that new job is located and in hand...bend and bow no more! Only in her home. I personally would not meet or see her there. She has the power there. Never give her back even an ounce of power over you once the job issue is settled. Be the daughter you desire to be... on your own terms...As the adult you choose to be...Love her from a distance. IF you are meeting in some place or another... even her own home and she begins to dominate you again...just get up and excuse yourself and leave. Start treating yourself as though you love yourself above all else. If you don't take care of you who is going to?

You deserve to be happy so go for it!


Smiles Lady,
Peggiann

Gina,

It's been my experience that if I look outside myself for happiness that I'm always disappointed.  So, if your mom thinks that anything you or anyone else does or not will make her happy, she's unfortunately mistaken.  True happiness is a function of accepting what is.

I hope you guys work it out between yourselves.  I don't know what I'd do without my mom's love and support but, if she were treating me the way you're being treated, I'd walk away.  Even if it's for just a little while.  Your willingness to forge ahead with your dream may just convince her that you're serious and she's risking loosing you.

Keep goin', girl!
helen

Gina,

I have to agree with Helen, Steph and Peggianne. You have got to cut the ambilical with your mother. I don't know if you have ever listened to Dr Laura and a lot of people may try to take me out and hang me for even mentioning her name; but she does talk a lot of good sense about inteferring mothers, mothers in law and generally any relative or friend who inteferes in your personal life to the point of trying to rule your life.  She would call your mothers actions emotional blackmail. I know I'ver heard her say it before in similar situations. And she will get into a rant over it.

Transexuality aside(I have no idea what her views on that are), she would tell you pretty much what the others have said. She would tell you to tell your mother "look I love you but I am a grown woman and if you want to continue this relationship, that your home is your home not hers and if she wants to visit, your rules are the only rules that count." It is your life not hers. She had her shot now it is your time. I know from listneing to her that Dr. Laura finds such attitudes as your mother's appalling and unhealthy.

If even Dr. Laura would agree with everyone here(and I'm pretty sure she would) then you can take that to the bank. I think it is essential that you find another job and further cut the ties between you and your mother. She has ruled your life far too long and as long as you work for her she will only continue to undermine and intefere in your personal growth.

As Kimberely pointed out no one can give you happiness. Happiness comes from within. It is not your responsibility to see to your mother's happiness. Your only responsibility at this point is your happiness. Seek it, live it, love it.

a quote:

Sail on Silver girl, Sail on by,
Your time has come to shine,
All your dreams are on thier way.

Simon and Garfunkle: Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Be strong. Be you.

Cassie

For songs, this one came to mind.  :)

I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm all right
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone
I never said you had to offer me a second chance
     I never said you had to
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
     Of circumstance
I still belong, don't get me wrong
And you can speak your mind, but not on my time

Thanks for your heartfelt and wonderful thoughts Melissa. I will bring it to  the attention of my mother and my psychiatrist very soon.

 
Yes Kimberly, my mother is very flippant, and I've ofetn thought the same way taht perhaps she's trying to give me a guilt trip. She has no more control over me now that I've move dout. Her control is lessening on me as I'm gaining my INDEPENDENCE!  :)

Yes I have asked her, and she;s told me that since she alreday has two daughters she tells me that she doesn't need her son to be her daughter.

Your absolutely right there Stephanie. It has been going on for a looooong time now, and it really seems to be not getting any better.

At least now things are looking better now that I've moved out and have started to build some independence for myself but finding a new job may pose a problem, but I will try.

Sometimes it's the harsh things in life that are needed t o be heard and sometimes it does hurt, but thanks Stephanie for telling me. I've been listening with deaf ears.

Thanks Peggiann for your dear and  thoughtful words. I have really taken tehm into consideration and I agree with them.I will start living my life  my way and under my terms, now  that I am on my own.  :) I do  deserve to be happy!  :)


Gina


Posted at: February 08, 2006, 03:19:18 PM

---

I've been really enjoying myself finally being able to be on my own and being able to do what I want. My place is all nicely fixed up the way that I want it now. Yes, my mom came over and she at least didn't see anything feminine lying around, so I was in the clear. But I've been really enjoying the fact that I can now wear all my feminine attire with no problem  :) I feel so much better when I'm able to be true too myself!  :)

Gina

Glad to hear it Gina,

You deserve an opportunity to be yourself and I for one am glad that you can be yourself.

Well done young lady!

Shelley

Thanks Shelley,

It really feels so invigorating to finally be myself without having to look over my shoulder to see any disapproving eyes looking at me. I can now roam around my place as the REAL me and I have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. I am definately one HAPPY girl! :)

Gina  :)

Hey Gina that's great I'm happy for you.  :eusa_clap:
Keep working at total independence from anyone who would hold you back.
You deserve to be free and I know you can do it. :icon_biggrin:
:)
Jillieann

Thanks Jillieann. Warm words of comfort really brighten my day!  :) Anyone that stands in my way of total independence will get a swift kick in the butt!!! Because I'm a FREE woman who's relishing in her FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE!  ;D

Gina  :)


Posted at: February 21, 2006, 08:46:07 AM

---

Last night I went out to my usual TG nightclub and I met this really nice guy who couldn't stop telling me how cute I was and how proud he was of me for doing what I was doing, which was proceeding with my transition. I talked with him about things, and he surprised me with his knowledge. He actually told me that the best thing that I could do is to be castorized so that I can start feeling more like a woman, and get rid of my testostrone feelings. Hmmm, something to think about.  ??? By the end of our conversation I found out that he's a PR person, so I hope that I don't find an article about me in a newspaper or a tabloid. LOL

Gina  :)

I think T-blockers do a pretty good job of knocking the testosterone feelings down where they belong.

On Friday, I went out to my usual TG nightclub and again I met another nice guy. He told me that I was very caring and when I put my nylon clad legs up on a small table he told me that that really turned him on, and he wanted to take me out for dinner the following night. I talked him into taking me for lunch and we set a time and place and we exchanged phone numbers. The following day I arrived at the restaurant and he wasn't there. So I called and was told I must have dialed the wrong number. What's a girl supposed to do? So I went shopping and forgot about the JERK!  Maybe next time I won't be so quick to take a date. I guess with freedom there's somewhat of a price to pay. :(

Gina  :)

Thanks for your concern Melissa. I guess I'll just have to screen my dates a little better in the future. But on a good note, another guy that I had met a month ago from the nightclub travelled an hour and a half to see me last Wednesday, and I saw him at the nightclub on Friday and we were excited to see each other.

Gina  :)

Hi Gina,
I like your new picture you looks so happy and femmin.
Looking for a SO is no small task. I'm sorry that guy hurt you.  You did the right thing. Shopping is a great way to get over it.  If I were you I'd just date some and above all enjoy your freedom.  Just play it cool.
If the right person comes along you will know it.
:)
Jillieann

Thanks Jillieann for your warm words of support, and thanks for your heartfelt words about my new picture and the way that I look.  :)

Yeah, I know that looking for a SO is no small task, and I'm no spring chicken either.  ;D But by going shopping I was able to get over it quickly and I had a good time. I stopped at Glamour Shots and an employee told me that my makeup and hair looked great, and that I probably wouldn't need any help with either if I were to schedule a shooting.   :)   

Last week I receieved a letter from a guy from a magazine ad that I had my picture published in, and he told me that I am just the woman that he's looking for, and that he was very taken by my photo. He apparently had been involved with a full time TV for 3 years, but she left him to care for her terminally ill mother.

Gina  :)

Hi, Gina,
Don't worry.  Many TS's, GG's and GM's have been stood up, waiting for a date that never shows up.  I remember waiting for a guy in a Denny's for about half an hour -- it was one of the longest half hours in my life.   He was a person I'd talked with many times online.  I waited that long, thinking that he probably got stuck in L.A. traffic.  Your shopping afterwards sounds better than what I did -- I went home and sulked.  Dating has never been a favorite thing of mine and this just reinforced that feeling.  Ideally, I'd like it if people met to see if this other person might become a good friend.  Unfortunately, there's tension with both parties because, most of the time, people judge you in the first five minutes if you are either (1) someone to take to bed or (2) someone who could possibly be THE ONE mate you will spend the rest of your life together with -- not exactly a good recipe for a nice friendly date -- both issues create TENSION.

I'm a little wary of the possible next date you described:  "I receieved a letter from a guy from a magazine ad that I had my picture published in, and he told me that I am just the woman that he's looking for, and that he was very taken by my photo. He apparently had been involved with a full time TV for 3 years, but she left him to care for her terminally ill mother."

A terminally ill mother?  Hmm, could be real or it could be a story.  Please be careful.  And, of course, meet in public spaces.  Good luck with everything.  Sounds like you're, for the most part, enjoying your independence.

Hugs, Teri

Thanks Teri,

Getting stood up does take the joy out of a first date, but I'm not going to let that discourage me. I'll just have to be a little more careful next time and really evaluate the situation a little better next time and see what he really wants.

Now as for this guy who wrote to me, I'm really taking my time with him and I'm listening to everything that he tells me and I'm reading between the lines with him so that nothing is misunderstood. I'd hate to make a bad decision.  :P But yes, I am very much enjoying my independence and freedom. It really feels so wonderful to finally be able to be the real ME!  :)

Gina  :)


Posted at: March 18, 2006, 05:34:33 PM

---

I've been really enjoying my independence, but I just learned today that I was more or less forced to live on my own, because my parents could no longer tolerate my lifestyle. My mom tells me that she is EMBARASSED by me, because of what I am.  :( She even tells me that God will look past it, because it's not of my own doing.  ??? But overall, everything is working out well, and I can do everything and anything without consenting with them.  :)

Gina  :)

Thanks Melissa.

Y'know it really feels so good and liberating that my parents are somewhat accepting the fact that I am transgendered. Unfortunately my mom can still have me arrested for TRESSPASSING if I come to her house or place of business dressed as a woman. That is one thing that she'll never tolerate. I'm sorry to hear that your parents still seem to feel that your lifestyle is a choice, when it's not.

Gina  :)

UI have found that with all good things there is always a price to pay  :( Even though I've been on my own for two months now, I'm starting to feel the isolation of loneliness. :( I was just talking with a TS friend last night about it, and she agrees 100% with me. Because of our situation, we are faced with being isolated like that. She spends most of her time away from society, and the only time that I see her is at the gender friendly nightclub on Friday nights, where she's able to come out as her true self.

Gina  :)