Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Why is getting the right kind of help so hard to receive these days? They say you won't get help unless you ask. But even after I ask, seems like I get the hugest run-around circus in my whole life. Sometimes I feel better off not even asking, cause it always seems to turn out to be a huge waste of time. I can guess most of you guys who may reply to this stupid thread will say passive things like, "It takes time," "its a process," it will get better" just to put me in a false state of ease that will never emerge as a reality. At least not for me.

I feel like a hamster on that wheel running in the same spot but ain't goin' nowhere in life. I asked so many times since 9 this morning, how I can get help from a social worker/case manager. The one who rarely sees me now at dialysis, does not count. Her presence is not only irritating, but she is practically useless as far as the tasks that a real social worker/case manager could help me perform, outside of that dumb dialysis center.

I mean, over half of the requests I asked from her she would nonchalantly deny them cause she don't have that "expertise," as she likes to put it. Short story short, she sucks so I am on the hunt for a real social worker. This almost reminds me of how I was on the hunt for a real gender therapist.

Speaking of therapist, I suppose I could go through my therapist. But I would have to wait until January 8th when I see him again. I'd call him, but I don't even bother cause the guy barely answers his damn phone.

So what is the point of seeking out help when its so hard to get in the first place?

I swear I'm gonna die a "female" virgin who's never had friends or left his/her father's house. >.>

I hate myself, my life and my very existence.

I desperately asked the last (useless) person I spoke with over the phone if I should give up and she said no and went into this corny monologue. Instead of ending that meaningless and short-lived conversation with a simple-minded "ok," I should have asked her "why," and then I should have hung up on her, cause her words ain't mean nothin' anyhow. They were just words.

You may be working with entrenched bureaucrats.  They are out there and when you run into one there is not much you can do except thank them and look for help elsewhere.

Personally, while my situation is much different than yours I usually get help from people pretty quickly  whether in person or over the phone.  My method is extreme politeness and expressing gratitude.  People respond to niceness.  In some cases though someone either won't, or more often can't, help.  Then I just smile and thank them and work another avenue with someone else.


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You seem to think that the whole world is against you or lying to you, and that couldn't be further from the truth. It does take time. It is a process. And for many people it does get better. I'm not going to sugar coat any of this, because it seems like you would rather have some raw truth today.

It's unfortunate that your circumstances are what they are, but they don't preclude the possibility of you finding happiness. They are just temporary road blocks on the journey. We've all had them in one way or another. And at the end of the day, they show you who you are. Do you want to be the person who sees their goals, and gives up before achieving them? Do you want to play the role of the victim your entire life? Or do you want to be the man that you are? That you could be?

If people are refusing to help you or you feel like you're not making progress, fire them and get someone new. Empower yourself. It seems like you have a good therapist. You've already made an appointment with an endo. You have made progress whether you recognize it or not. So what if you have to get a new social worker? It's not an inconvenience if she isn't doing her job in the first place. It's a blessing, because you're finding out in advance that she can't be counted on to perform when you actually need her to.

I'm going to leave you with a corny monologue from my favorite book. It was what finally gave me the push I needed to man up and move forward:

"When you understand that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be."

Additionally to the (imo good) pep talk from FTMax, I'd say:

-keep on keeping on. Deep down you know what you need. Hang on to this.

-there will be doubts and distractions. Disregard them. Concentrate on what you want, and picture you getting it.
Its your right to have a supportive social worker. Go out and expect to find one. You will get one, believe in it.

-this is the secret of many things. Keep on keeping on, believe, and there will be a way eventually.

-don't let negtive thoughts overpower you. Stay positive, believe you can have good things.
THIS IS THE SECRET. If you slip, you can always come back to believing in good things.
Many people are so used to thinking neg things that they do not even notice.

-the way Deborah mentioned can also be successful imo... really talking to people, saying what you need, being nice and positive.
Keeping on asking. If the are unable to help, keep asking for someone they know who could be.
Or a way they would know which could be successful.


many *hugs* and a kiss (on the cheek) 

Having a supportive and knowledgeable therapist is very important, but yours sounds to be less than ideal. Any chance you can try someone else?

I also haven't been following your situation, so I'm a little unsure of exactly what's going on. Are you trying to get trans support from your current social worker? It sounds as if she admits her lack of expertise in certain areas, so I think you are right to try someone else. Have you already asked her who DOES have the expertise you seek?

I hear your frustration, but these bureaucracies tend to be designed to challenge clients in a lot of ways. They are often designed so that you DO have to go out of your way, perhaps again and again, to get what you need. Unfortunately, a lot of us trans people are feeling depressed and hopeless at exactly the time when we need to be strong and resolute and persistent. You may have to dig down into yourself over and over for quite some time to get your needs met, and you have to find other support wherever you can--friends, family, support groups, Susan's, therapist...whatever.

Even if you don't have those other resources right now, at least you have us. And what Max says is the truth. It does take time. I remember myself seven years ago--I can hardly believe it, seven years! I was a mess. I was working part time and facing unemployment, my relationship was on the rocks, I hadn't started transition, and I could barely get through the day. I was hanging on by my fingernails. I told my therapist that my life seemed impossible. I couldn't survive what was to come, couldn't see a way through. He told me that I would get through by taking one step at a time. I couldn't see it but I believed him. I had to; the alternative was to not survive, and I hadn't gotten so far after decades of struggle only to give up when things were about to change and get better.

My whole life was a constant mental refrain of I can't do this--I must--I can't do this--I must. I took that one step at a time. I did my research and wrote up my lists and made my plans and talked to people and set up my support systems. My life is so much better now. When I look back at where I was and where I am now...yikes! It's night and day. But I had to do the hardest thing: keep going even when I thought I couldn't and even when no end was in sight. If you can deal with the uncertainty, the rest is mostly logistics.

If you're talking about counseling, therapy etc., in my experience it is a huge waste of time. You know what you want and the real problem is how to get it. People just talking to you about your problems isn't going to achieve that since you already know what your problems are. It's a matter of strategy and working yourself out of the hole you're in. First things first, how do you get out of that place you're in and how do you start to transition? Are there alternatives, relatives friends, anybody to whom you can go for actual physical aid? If not, you gotta plan how you'll get out on your own. Usually it involves money, and money involves jobs, but if you do have a relative or someone you can go to for help that will be a big start. If you don't have any friends, try to get out there and make some because friends are super valuable when it comes to surviving out there. And as for transition I don't know how it works in your country, but I guess that involves money too. It sounds to me like you need two things, money and actual people whom you can rely on.

I can tell you that if you select the right people and put the right effort in at the start, you can have friends for life... yea, even ones that will support you through your transition. Like everything else none of it is a breeze, it is all hard work. But it's better to do the right kinda hard work and have it pay off in some way than bash your head against a brick wall, huh?

Quote from: King Phoenix on December 23, 2015, 11:59:02 AM
Why is getting the right kind of help so hard to receive these days? They say you won't get help unless you ask. But even after I ask, seems like I get the hugest run-around circus in my whole life. Sometimes I feel better off not even asking, cause it always seems to turn out to be a huge waste of time. I can guess most of you guys who may reply to this stupid thread will say passive things like, "It takes time," "its a process," it will get better" just to put me in a false state of ease that will never emerge as a reality. At least not for me.

I feel like a hamster on that wheel running in the same spot but ain't goin' nowhere in life. I asked so many times since 9 this morning, how I can get help from a social worker/case manager. The one who rarely sees me now at dialysis, does not count. Her presence is not only irritating, but she is practically useless as far as the tasks that a real social worker/case manager could help me perform, outside of that dumb dialysis center.

I mean, over half of the requests I asked from her she would nonchalantly deny them cause she don't have that "expertise," as she likes to put it. Short story short, she sucks so I am on the hunt for a real social worker. This almost reminds me of how I was on the hunt for a real gender therapist.

Speaking of therapist, I suppose I could go through my therapist. But I would have to wait until January 8th when I see him again. I'd call him, but I don't even bother cause the guy barely answers his damn phone.

So what is the point of seeking out help when its so hard to get in the first place?

I swear I'm gonna die a "female" virgin who's never had friends or left his/her father's house. >.>

I hate myself, my life and my very existence.

I desperately asked the last (useless) person I spoke with over the phone if I should give up and she said no and went into this corny monologue. Instead of ending that meaningless and short-lived conversation with a simple-minded "ok," I should have asked her "why," and then I should have hung up on her, cause her words ain't mean nothin' anyhow. They were just words.

If you need someone else pm me, I know someone. You live in Phx, right?


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

Quote from: Vinyl Scratch on December 23, 2015, 01:45:28 PM
What do you expect people to do? Tell you lies? It does take time, living in the UK, last appointment I had was 6 months ago, now waiting for a letter / call to come through, it's the way it goes in this country at least if you don't pay through the roof. 


I feel like a hamster on that wheel running in the same spot but ain't goin' nowhere in life. I asked so many times since 9 this morning, how I can get help from a social worker/case manager. The one who rarely sees me now at dialysis, does not count. Her presence is not only irritating, but she is practically useless as far as the tasks that a real social worker/case manager could help me perform, outside of that dumb dialysis center.



You have as who / where so many times since 9 this morning?  Your right a dialysis nurse has nothing to do with any of this and it's not even her job to perform what you a describing.

If you want to find a social worker, get off your butt, find some numbers, ring them, make appointments, see a doctor, so many ways.

I mean, over half of the requests I asked from her she would nonchalantly deny them cause she don't have that "expertise," as she likes to put it. Short story short, she sucks so I am on the hunt for a real social worker. This almost reminds me of how I was on the hunt for a real gender therapist.

Actually she is right here, how on earth in your mind is a Dialysis nurse in anyway equipped to be a social worker? you have something confused and she does not ''suck'' because you dont know the difference.


I would go on with the rest but I can't really be bothered...

Your whole post TL:DR is that your angry at your current situation (which is understandable, most trans people aren't happy until their fully transitioned or at least be where they want to be on their journey), but being totally cynical / giving up is not going to help anything and taking out your inability to sort it out on others wont make it better either.

http://www.baswindependents.co.uk/

That is an example of a UK site to find social workers.

Not much more I can say, sorry if I sounded blunt, but it is simply the case of you have to do these things yourself, no one is going to do them for you.

You really should learn to read my posts more carefully before you offer a response. Not one time in my post did I even say the words "dialysis nurse."Ok? That social worker is a freakin' social worker/case manager! How the heck does social worker translate to dialysis nurse? Either you need some glasses or you just didn't read and skimmed through it to hurry and offer a nonsensical response as this.

I never expect any help with things such as becoming independent or for transportation from my dialysis nurses. They are there strictly to operate the dialysis machines. I have an actual social worker at dialysis who always says she cannot help. So you need to hush. You obviously know nothing about how a dialysis center operates, my friend. Don't give wack advice when you have zero experience in this area. And for your information, I have gotten off my ass and made lots of phone calls. So you need to chill out with that. Done pissed me off...

I don't live in the UK. I live in the USA. So your lil' resource will do me no good. At least you tried.

Everyone else thanks for your replies. But I think this is the last time I post anything like this, if I'm gonna get chewed out for it.

Mod Edit - TOS 15 personal attacks are not permitted even when venting.

Quote from: King Phoenix on December 26, 2015, 11:11:16 AM
You really should learn to read my posts more carefully before you offer a response. Not one time in my post did I even say the words "dialysis nurse."Ok? That social worker is a freakin' social worker/case manager! How the heck does social worker translate to dialysis nurse? Either you need some glasses or you just didn't read and skimmed through it to hurry and offer a nonsensical response as this.

I never expect any help with things such as becoming independent or for transportation from my dialysis nurses. They are there strictly to operate the dialysis machines. I have an actual social worker at dialysis who always says she cannot help. So you need to hush. You obviously know nothing about how a dialysis center operates, my friend. Don't give wack advice when you have zero experience in this area. And for your information, I have gotten off my ass and made lots of phone calls. So you need to chill out with that. Done pissed me off...

Oh, but here is some lovely advice you need to follow...get your eyes checked. Ok?And I don't live in the UK. I live in the USA. So your lil' resource will do me no good. At least you tried.

Everyone else thanks for your replies. But I think this is the last time I post anything like this, if I'm gonna get chewed out for it.

Have a *hug*

Keep posting, often some ideas are useful.

Don't get upset, I'd just overread comments...

Keep on keeping on, hope things are getting better...


*hugs*

Quote from: Laura_7 on December 26, 2015, 11:53:54 AM
Have a *hug*

Keep posting, often some ideas are useful.

Don't get upset, I'd just overread comments...

Keep on keeping on, hope things are getting better...


*hugs*

Thanks. And, yeah, I will keep that in mind next time. :)

King Phoenix, I know it can be frustrating I have had to have dialysis too at one time. It's not fun. Luckily, I was asleep through the whole thing. Still waking up with a port in my neck for dialysis wasn't fun. Neither of my kidney's were functioning when it happened and they were both blocked too. So I know it goes. I wish I could up fix this for you, but I can't. I'm not sure what state your in or what you have access too, but I would imagine someone over sees all of your care in general besides those who interact with you at the center. I don't know if you have spoken to those that control everything over your care above them or not, but you might try doing so. I don't know all the facts of your situation so giving advice isn't the easiest thing to do here. Secondly, if income is a burier to resources you need then charities out there maybe able to fill those gaps. I had to that for my mom when certain things she needed were denied by insurance. Considering your situation, I'm also inclined to offer one other thing. I know it isn't easy having kidney issues that are sever like that. My kidney function has improved, but not anywhere near what it should be. There are groups both online and in person that could be wonderful resources for you in related to the support you need in regards to living through your kidney related issues. You might trying reaching out to them. it's also, just like with trans groups, away to find out about resources and other things that can aid you that you don't have access to now. They have been down that road and know exactly where to get what they need. I hope that helps. Please hang in there. It's not easy and managing my kidney's is daily thing. I have 11 pills I take because of my kidney's so I know how it goes. Please take care. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Mariah2014 on December 26, 2015, 12:09:55 PM
King Phoenix, I know it can be frustrating I have had to have dialysis too at one time. It's not fun. Luckily, I was asleep through the whole thing. Still waking up with a port in my neck for dialysis wasn't fun. Neither of my kidney's were functioning when it happened and they were both blocked too. So I know it goes. I wish I could up fix this for you, but I can't. I'm not sure what state your in or what you have access too, but I would imagine someone over sees all of your care in general besides those who interact with you at the center. I don't know if you have spoken to those that control everything over your care above them or not, but you might try doing so. I don't know all the facts of your situation so giving advice isn't the easiest thing to do here. Secondly, if income is a burier to resources you need then charities out there maybe able to fill those gaps. I had to that for my mom when certain things she needed were denied by insurance. Considering your situation, I'm also inclined to offer one other thing. I know it isn't easy having kidney issues that are sever like that. My kidney function has improved, but not anywhere near what it should be. There are groups both online and in person that could be wonderful resources for you in related to the support you need in regards to living through your kidney related issues. You might trying reaching out to them. it's also, just like with trans groups, away to find out about resources and other things that can aid you that you don't have access to now. They have been down that road and know exactly where to get what they need. I hope that helps. Please hang in there. It's not easy and managing my kidney's is daily thing. I have 11 medications I take because of my kidney's so I know how it goes. Please take care. Hugs
Mariah

Thank you so much.

I was unaware that you required dialysis at one point and time. I don't want to ask you any personal questions regarding your health. I follow a strict code known as HIPPA where I keep everyone's health information very confidential. Unless you PM'ed me, I would never discuss that. But I am wondering and interested to know things like; how long have you received dialysis, did you have a transplant, things like that.

You're right. I need to join a support forum for dialysis patients too. I definitely can vouch for support in this area and I have been putting that off long enough. I remember a while ago, I joined one for lupus (the cause of my end-stage renal disease.). But that was short-lived because I had even less access to the internet than I do right now.

I think tomorrow, since my father is away camping for the holidays, I will search for an awesome kidney disease/dialysis support forum.

Could you perhaps point me in the right direction for that? Or anyone else?

Again, thank you so much Mariah for those ideas and your understanding. :)

Yes, I would be glad to help point in the right direction. As far as groups online, I can help with that easily. Local groups where you live, I would need more info which you could share via PM if you decide too. I sent a PM in regards to my history. Hang in there. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: King Phoenix on December 26, 2015, 12:21:41 PM
Thank you so much.

I was unaware that you required dialysis at one point and time. I don't want to ask you any personal questions regarding your health. I follow a strict code known as HIPPA where I keep everyone's health information very confidential. Unless you PM'ed me, I would never discuss that. But I am wondering and interested to know things like; how long have you received dialysis, did you have a transplant, things like that.

You're right. I need to join a support forum for dialysis patients too. I definitely can vouch for support in this area and I have been putting that off long enough. I remember a while ago, I joined one for lupus (the cause of my end-stage renal disease.). But that was short-lived because I had even less access to the internet than I do right now.

I think tomorrow, since my father is away camping for the holidays, I will search for an awesome kidney disease/dialysis support forum.

Could you perhaps point me in the right direction for that? Or anyone else?

Again, thank you so much Mariah for those ideas and your understanding. :)

Quote from: King Phoenix on December 26, 2015, 11:11:16 AM
You really should learn to read my posts more carefully before you offer a response. Not one time in my post did I even say the words "dialysis nurse."Ok? That social worker is a freakin' social worker/case manager! How the heck does social worker translate to dialysis nurse? Either you need some glasses or you just didn't read and skimmed through it to hurry and offer a nonsensical response as this.

I never expect any help with things such as becoming independent or for transportation from my dialysis nurses. They are there strictly to operate the dialysis machines. I have an actual social worker at dialysis who always says she cannot help. So you need to hush. You obviously know nothing about how a dialysis center operates, my friend. Don't give wack advice when you have zero experience in this area. And for your information, I have gotten off my ass and made lots of phone calls. So you need to chill out with that. Done pissed me off...

I don't live in the UK. I live in the USA. So your lil' resource will do me no good. At least you tried.

Everyone else thanks for your replies. But I think this is the last time I post anything like this, if I'm gonna get chewed out for it.

Mod Edit - TOS 15 personal attacks are not permitted even when venting.

There really is no need to be so aggressive.

As for the Dialysis nurse / centre, yeah your right, I have no experience in them, I would say the majority of people don't, it sounded like you were saying that they wern't qualified to help you, and I simply pointed out that's probably because they aren't.

My response was thought out well, I gave you a link for a British site because I had no idea where you were from, also it was just an example. Not at any point did you mention you have made loads of phone calls to people and at no point was I calling you lazy.

I will stick to my original advice, posting on forums for support / advice / pointers is a great idea, but at the end of the day it all comes from getting out there and finding the right people for the right job because they don't find us.

Hopefully this makes more sense :)

Sorry folks thread locked.