Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well, I managed to accidentally out myself to another friend. Actually, to be fair, I knew it was going to happen. But, at this point, I feel like the next step is to come out to my parents. So, you know, no big deal.

Actually, I'm only panicking a little at the thought of that. They are fairly accepting people, if not rather unknowledgable about the whole trans thing (seriously. My mother was baffled at the thought of a trans woman having a girlfriend.)

What really worries me is what happens if I'm wrong. At this point, I can say with a reasonable amount of confidence that I am not a female. But what if transitioning makes me miserable? What if I was wrong?

I've considered waiting to come out until I am 100% sure that I am serious about this. But really, it's gotten to the point where I can't handle the misgendering (even if it's not their fault because I've never told them otherwise) and the whole girl thing anymore. I guess the reality of the magnitude of what I'm about to do has set in, but still.

I know that there isn't a litmus test for this, but is there anyway to know for sure, short of coming out, potentially ruining your life, then realising that you hate it?

Hey Lee,

I think it really depends where you are in terms of your transition. After surgery there comes a point where there is no turning back. However, if you're still in the early phases of transitioning, I would suggest try doing everything in baby steps.

Have you already gone out as your preferred gender? Have you tried using the restroom that way... adopted mannerisms... etc etc. That's one way of coming to know if transition is right for you.

For me, that's how it all started. Just cross dressing. Eventually I just loved it so much I decided I couldn't do the whole male thing anymore.

I just had surgery a couple weeks ago, voice feminization, and now there's a lot less chance that I'm going back to being a man, but it's doable. However, I know transition is right for me and that's just with a lot of soul searching and having a great support network of friends. My family hasn't been understanding at all, with being religious bigotry being the big reason, but that hasn't stopped me, because at the end of the day, I'm not transitioning to make other people happy but myself.

Hope this helps :)

Audree

I tried to wait to figure out my gender identity before coming out to people.  That ended up being rather impossible.  My dysphoria got too bad, and the risk of coming out was fairly low so I gradually started dressing more and more femme in public.  I'm still wildly genderfluid, and my presentation changes day to day.  I'd still like to settle into a single gender, but I've more or less identified four that I wobble between.

As I said, my risk of coming out was fairly low.  I live in a liberal city, I'm an academic, my wife is supportive, I don't live with my mom... she's trying hard to be supportive and everybody else in my life treats it as a total non-issue, or if anything, something interesting to learn about a person they know.  "Detransitioning" would be pretty painless for me.  I don't want to do it, though.  I like how I'm living.  Even if I haven't gotten it all figured out, I know how I like to dress.

I agree with audreelyn. Especially when you're under 18, most of the steps you would take to transition are not permanent. Go slowly, take baby steps, and make sure that it's right for you.

If you've already recognized that you're not female, then the risk of you being wrong is fairly low. It's really just a matter of what steps are right for you to take.

My only advice would be to try to settle on a name and know as much about the next few steps you want to take as possible. My family was very accepting, but I think they felt a lot better knowing exactly what I was planning to do to myself over the next year.

here are a few resources that might be shown to parents...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

Well, some people simply know for sure.

For others there is no 100%.

Out of 24 hrs a day, being happy for the most part of it with being female is enough.
And you do not have to feel female all the time.

here are a few more things that might be tried:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885

I'd say go with a feeling of joy... what you feel brings you joy...


many *hugs*

Wow, thank you to all of you for your responses!

I'm fairly certain that the baby steps thing is inevitable, which may very well be for the better. Honestly, I might just be over-blowing the impact of detransitioning. Either way, I appreciate the advice.

I would also suggest doing things in baby steps. Really until you get far enough on HRT you can always go back and for me small steps have worked very well. You can go until you say I am very happy here, and you don't need to go there very quickly.


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Quote from: Aggressive-Lee Trans on December 25, 2015, 10:21:05 AM
Wow, thank you to all of you for your responses!

I'm fairly certain that the baby steps thing is inevitable, which may very well be for the better. Honestly, I might just be over-blowing the impact of detransitioning. Either way, I appreciate the advice.

I have read a statement of a social worker saying detransition is rather rare if people understand : -its often people putting others before their own
- taking small steps and listening to how they make them feel can also help .


hugs

Quote from: Aggressive-Lee Trans on December 25, 2015, 10:21:05 AM
...I might just be over-blowing the impact of detransitioning...

Detransitioning can in fact be very impactful. As others have mentioned above it all depends on how far along the path you have gone, especially once you have added hormones and/or surgery into the mix. It would be a good idea to have a chat with a counsellor about your feelings around your gender identity and what you might like to do and what it could mean. As you say, baby steps are a good idea until you feel more confident in yourself about your gender.

I've been to therapists (for HRT) for a few appointments, then canceled, then went back, then canceled again over the last year alone. I'm finally certain about who I am, and plan on going back in March. I have a tendency to rush into things pretty badly, so, trust me when I say BABY STEPS are the way to go. About a thousand dollars down the tubes when I did the previous.
In my opinion, you shouldn't immediately rush into transitioning, and I personally think it's best to wait until you're OUT to folks and your friends/family have reacted, come to terms with, and mostly adjusted before you start seeing any kind of therapist for transition. Note that the previous cycle will NOT always be positive. Sometimes it can be a negative reaction, coming to terms with the fact that they can't change you, and adjusting the best they possibly can. Not saying your parents' reaction will necessarily be negative, because you know them better than I do, just letting you know. Also, be prepared to explain your pants off once you do come out, positive or negative reaction.
Anyway, waiting until the adjustment gives you time to be sure that this is the gender you want to be, and the gender ROLE you want to be in. Don't be afraid to explore, and don't be afraid re-come out (or detransition) if you change your identity. Correct folks you've come out to on pronouns/language at every turn when it's safe to do so, and once you're being referred to correctly on a regular basis, examine how that makes you FEEL. Are you neutral? Are you even more dysphoric? Are you happy/euphoric?
But yeah, that's my two cents. Good luck!

I don't know your age.  Are you young enough that puberty blockers would make sense?

Those don't commit you either way.

And, yes, baby steps are best.  Besides, a lot of the steps take time, anyway.