Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been away from the forums for a while now, life's been fracking hectic... But they made the company announcement two weeks ago and Monday the 28th is finally full time! I've been full time everywhere but work for a couple months now, but this is it! Still working on the name change, but it's a bright new world ahead of me.

See you all on the flip side.

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Good for you

Congrats Kristina.

Thats Awesome!!

Yay for you!

Ack! Been away from the forums for a while again. Full-time for about 6 weeks now, and it's going pretty well. So far I only know of one person who is deliberately balking at the change. She just avoids contact with me entirely, but deadnames and misgenders me when talking to others. I have my spies on the lookout though. If she keeps it up after the legal name and gender changes go through, you can believe I'll be talking to HR!

I haven't spoken to my dad since June. My mom just left our house to head home. At one point she said "he" and "him" about a dozen times in only 2 or 3 sentences, so I went despondent for the rest of her visit and near the end I said, "you know we're going to have to talk about names and pronouns sometime soon, right?" And she basically said she'd rather stop talking to me entirely than try to change. It seems she's OK as long as we don't talk about it. I mean crap, I've got boobs mom! You can see then through my shirt! Through the girl's sweaters I wear! I'm wearing tight girl's jeans! I have no apparent bulge in my pants! My hair is getting long and girly! I have girl's glasses frames! I wear earrings and makeup and nail polish! In the face of all that, she's fine as long as we don't talk about it.

Annnd.  It's been 8 months on HRT now, wow!  I look at pictures of my body from months ago and the changes are so obvious. Hips, waist, chest, shoulders, legs, face. It's everywhere, subtly and it suits me. I'm so happy.  Me and my wife go shopping together and share clothes and jewelry now.  And last night I started lactating a bit, lol. I was giving myself a breast massage when I felt a cold and wet spot on my hand. Yep, both sides... I'm still only like an AA-cup though, if even.

Oh! Oh! Oh! I joined a city Aquatic Center a couple weeks ago too. I've started swimming laps. I bought a couple "competition" one-piece swimsuits by TYR, and have been about a half dozen times so far with no issues in the pool, locker room, or anywhere. I even got a couple ID cards in my new name already!  It's so liberating to get to be true to myself in all these places.

So far, life is pretty good. Now if I can get my mother and brother onboard, figure out how to be intimate with my wife again, and get my dosages upped next month, I should be well equipped for the future.

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And I just updated my profile photo so you all can finally see the real me! ;-)

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Congrats Kristina! There are, unfortunately, always a few people who want to be jerks about us living as ourself.

Quote from: KristinaM on February 13, 2016, 03:09:10 PM
So far I only know of one person who is deliberately balking at the change. She just avoids contact with me entirely, but deadnames and misgenders me when talking to others. I have my spies on the lookout though. If she keeps it up after the legal name and gender changes go through, you can believe I'll be talking to HR!

Why wait? If it's a work place issue bring them down on her now.

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 13, 2016, 03:27:45 PM
Congrats Kristina! There are, unfortunately, always a few people who want to be jerks about us living as ourself.

Why wait? If it's a work place issue bring them down on her now.

Thanks Ms. Grace!  I'm so happy with myself and my life these days, it's really amazing. I finally feel confident and where I belong.

Only reason not yet is because I wouldn't have known about it if it weren't for a guy in my department who overheard her. So it's secondhand info. I asked him to keep attempting to correct her though and basically verify that she's being deliberate about it. If so, I'll go to HR, but I have always liked to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she can change on her own with some gentle persuasion from others. Maybe not.

Oh, and this all came about after I wore a skirt to the office for the first time, heh.  A black pencil skirt with fancy tights and black suede stiletto booties with chrome buckle and zipper accents.  Then I had on a long-sleeve, crossover front top with a moderately plunging v-neck in this great emerald green and black print. Anyways, it was maybe a bit over the top when all combined, but they were otherwise perfectly acceptable pieces to liven up a ho-hum outfit. I think she was jealous. :-P



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I am a month away from announcing my transition in front of 80 to 90 coworkers. I am nervous. Would you mind describing how you felt the first time you went to work as your genuine self? I am trying to picture how it will be. I picture all eyes on me scutinizing every more especially since I will have FFS before I return.
Thanks.
Moni

congrats

Well, I had slowly (in my mind) been modifying my wardrobe over about 6 months. Shoes, some makeup, girl pants, female polo shirts, nail polish, etc... I would go a little further every few weeks, then back, try something different, back and forth, experimenting.  I notified HR not long after I first started these baby steps in changing my wardrobe that I would be transitioning, and I told 2-3 coworkers who I felt I could trust.

So, there was plenty of evidence that my gender expression was changing up front. Generally speaking though everything was fine. I didn't notice any stares or rudeness, but there were a couple people who avoided me if they could. There's like 65 people in my office, plus a bunch of field crew workers that are randomly around.

I wore a lightly lined bra a few times, but generally I wore nothing. Mainly it was with the tighter shirts so my nips didn't show through. This gave me obvious mini-breasts from the right viewing angles. In the beginning steps, some people commented, asking what was up, and I basically said that I was just exploring my gender expression, but that it was really none of their business. The guys in my department agreed, so long as it didn't affect my job performance.

By November I was itching to bump up my timeline, so I contacted HR and set a date. Dec. 28th. That week between Christmas and New Year's when most people take vacation time anyways, so the office would be like half empty.  You see, I had been full-time outside of work by the end of November. I would go to work in my pseudo boy mode, change in the car to go to lunch or appointments, then change back to go back to work. The only real difference though was my choice in tops and pushup bras vs. not. It was like the week before December 16th when I slipped up. Dec. 16th was when HR made the announcement, they sent out an email. But the week before, I went to an appointment one morning and forgot to bring a change of "boy clothes" with me. So it was either take off the bra and show my nips to everyone in the tight sweater I had on, or keep the padded pushup bra on, which is what I chose to do. So, I was full-time like 3 weeks ahead of schedule for all intents and purposes. The only thing left was the official announcement so people would start using the right pronouns and name and so I could finally use the proper restroom.

HR held three meetings without me. One with department managers, one with my department, and one with the women in my office. I was not invited to any of them and I have no real idea what was said. But nobody confronted me or made me feel uncomfortable. People still slip up with names and pronouns, but I've been there there years, it's understandable, and they're working on it, mostly...

I am terribly sorry if you have to make the announcement yourself. Looking back, I feel fortunate to be removed from that.

Everyday that I added something new was filled with anxiety for the first few hours, but I almost never had anybody comment about it, and then the anxiety would fade. Each day gets easier and easier the more you do it.

People may be curious about your face, but you probably won't even notice them. Just keep focused on your work and don't give them anything to hold against you in your job performance and you'll be untouchable, remember that and you'll be just fine. Chin up. The future only gets better.

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Thank you Kristina. Actually it is my choice to make the announcement. It will be hard, but I prefer it to someone else telling them and me not being able to judge the reception to the news. My partner works there as well making it even more complicated. I appreciate you letting me hear your story.
Moni

Congrats!   It's a great feeling isn't it?   I feel so much better after going full time.   

I never realized what a weight I had been carrying until I didn't have to carry it any more.   

Quote from: Emjay on February 14, 2016, 12:00:01 AM
Congrats!   It's a great feeling isn't it?   I feel so much better after going full time.   

I never realized what a weight I had been carrying until I didn't have to carry it any more.

Amen. I didn't realize just how depressed I really was all these years.  Hormones was one thing, but full-time has changed my day to day life on a fundamental level.

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Quote from: KristinaM on February 14, 2016, 01:49:56 PM
Amen. I didn't realize just how depressed I really was all these years.  Hormones was one thing, but full-time has changed my day to day life on a fundamental level.

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Same here. I was very moody most of the time and then when I came out to work and started living authentically day to day, it felt like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. I will admit that I made gradual changes over the years prior to my announcement at work (July 2010) so there would be very little surprise to even the most conservative person (and there are many here). Growing my hair, dressing androgynously, etc. There were some bumps in the road along the way, but it all worked out in the end.

Kristina,

Congratulations. Hope all goes smoother from here on "out".

Take care

Joanna

Love these stories so much! Congrats

Hey all, it's been a couple months since I've posted an update, so I thought I'd do that just to keep you all in the loop.

Almost 10 months on HRT.  Holy cow.  Nearly a year!  My levels are still weird though.  At the last check, my T was still in the low male range ~250, and my E was still below female normal at ~45, lol.  In the face of this, I still feel that I've had amazing results.  Mostly it's about the mental and emotional changes of course.  My physical changes have been slow coming.  Things are definitely more feminine all around, and clothes and makeup do a TON to contribute to that.  The girls are growing, but the measurements don't indicate much difference, so it's mostly just them shaping up better.

In the beginning we all want to suddenly look like a woman (or man), I get that.  But it really is the increased quality of life that going full time offers you that makes you the happiest.

I came out to my Tae Kwon Do school last night, sort of, lol.  I haven't seen most of them in nearly 2 years, so it's a huge change for them.  Some people picked up on it, the ones I spoke with, but I think most people were just oblivious.  :-)  I have been thoroughly blessed to have been accepted by so many people.  And the ones that haven't accepted me have seemed like no big loss.  I jut did a good job of surrounding myself with open-minded people all these years I guess.  Go (old) me!

Annnnnnd, the biggest news.  I got my Name changed and updated with the State and Federal systems, and I got my gender changed with Social Security, woot woot!  Last week, I GOT AN UPDATED DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!  Aghhghghgh.  Right name, right picture, right gender.  It's the ultimate bit of validation that I've had to date.

I'm sorry for not being around much anymore.  This place was here for me when I needed it though, and I can't say thank you enough for that.

Congrats for your achievements! I'm very interested in everything related to coming out at work so thank you for your detailed post above.

I guess at some point you stop thinking about what you have done because it becomes easier to think about what's left to be done :). What's left for you? Any progress with your mother/brother/wife?

 :eusa_dance:

Quote from: Fresas con Nata on April 10, 2016, 03:59:19 AM
Congrats for your achievements! I'm very interested in everything related to coming out at work so thank you for your detailed post above.

I guess at some point you stop thinking about what you have done because it becomes easier to think about what's left to be done :). What's left for you? Any progress with your mother/brother/wife?

Thank you so very much, and you're so very welcome!  I hope it will be beneficial to you.  Everybody's timeline and experiences are different of course.  I look back now and feel like I may have rushed things in the eyes of some people, but I look at my progress and I am so so so very happy that it went at the pace it did.  I am right where I need to be and when I need to be there.  My social transition is virtually completed, and just in time for my annual review at work!  LOL.

I think less about all of it really.  I wrote down my feelings a lot in the beginning, but now I'm just me and I'm happy so I feel like there's less or no need.  I've got a long ways to go still, but it's already been a year since I started so I know the next year will go by more quickly since I have less anxiety these days, haha.  The happy times are always fleeting it seems.  I have my surgery consult in August of this year and will probably schedule surgery for the following summer, but we'll see.  Other than surgery though, the only things I have left are changing all of my documents, filling out my wardrobe (need summer clothes!), and learning to do makeup, hehe.  Body hair removal continues, and my head hair continues to grow out.  I'm highlighting it slowly with the anticipation of going lavender/purple in about 4-6 months, hehe.  I also want to feminize some of my tattoos and get another one to memorialize my daughter's birth.

My father and sister still don't talk to me and I'm fine with that.

My brother recently cut me off because...reasons...  I don't really know the details, but he's either got issues with me or issues misdirected at me as I make an adequate scapegoat at this time.  I hope that he might eventually come around, but I don't harbor him any ill-will and just wait patiently for that day.  I miss him though, we had some good times together.

I just went to visit my mother and grandfather yesterday.  My grandfather still knows nothing, and my mother can't deal with it, so we don't talk about it and I just present more neutrally around them both.  Polo shirts, jeans and sneakers with no makeup or earrings.  I think she maintains a relationship with me just to get to my daughter at this point (which is better than nothing I guess).  My breasts are impossible to hide now without really baggy clothes (which I refuse to wear), my hair is getting longer, and my figure and face continue to feminize every day.  It's impossible not to notice at this point.  My grandfather though remains oblivious, perhaps largely because he is distracted by my daughter and his own mortality?  I don't know how much longer he'll be around.

Extended family?  Who knows.  Some of them know something, but I don't know who or how much.  Frankly though, I never felt overtly connected to any of them except for my uncles.  One of them recently passed away and the other one moved to Florida though, so I haven't seen them in years.  C'est la vie!  One day I'll see them again maybe, maybe not.

My wife's mother's family all know, and they're cool with it mostly.  I haven't spoken to my father-in-law since about September of last year, and I don't know how much the rest of that side knows.  He apparently can't handle it either or something, so we'll see what happens there too.

I think that's about it.  Not the rosiest of family situations, but not the worst perhaps.  The best part though is that I have surrounded myself with an amazing support network of friends.  They are what get me by now.  They are my family.

Quote from: suzifrommd on April 10, 2016, 07:39:19 AM
:eusa_dance:

Indeed!  :D

Hi! Kristina, I just want to shake your relatives and say they are crazy not to back you. You are family! You are seeking happiness! Shame on them.

I thought I would update my post about talking to my coworkers. It was about 80 people. It went incredibly well. My partner and I got a standing ovation and a bunch of hugs. I pinch myself as I can not believe how well it went. People have not treated me any different. Well actually, there are a number of woman who have treated me much better, more relaxed and friendly. I have a countdown until I can be full time. 64 days and counting. I have let about 20 coworkers see the new me. No one batted an eye. I will still be nervous coming back after FFS but the ice is now broken.
Moni

Wow Kristina, congratulations!  Everything sounds like it is going as well if not better than expected.  It gives hope, and I appreciate hearing about your journey.  I'm also curious about your relationship with your wife.  Do you identify as a lesbian, and she bi gender?  Sorry for the personal question, just really curious how you have worked that out.  and what intimacy is like now.  Have you had GRS?
Thanks!
Jimmie