Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone,

Please excuse the newbie.  I'm not young (51) but I am early on in my journey.  I have been dressing for years,  had some minor cosmetic surgery and previously experimented self prescribed t-blockers (I know, never a good idea).  However Im starting dr prescribed hrt regimen and at least as it stands now wish to completely transition.   

To kind of put yourself back in my stage,  I'm at the point where its hard to imagine not loving waking up and being a woman.  The thought of having the body and being able to express myself as a woman brings upon immense fulfillment,  though I know to some extent thats a naive perspective   And being completely truthful,  the feelings are also sexual and upon release the whole idea subsides for 20 - 30 minutes,  and then the drum starts beating again.   

I'm sure this has been hashed through a hundred times before but I'm interested in any feedback related to satisfaction with having moved forward with your transitions including GRS.  Hopefully this question does not offend anyone.  I've reached out to a number of post-trans women,  even some noteworthy that you probably have heard of.  I'd say for those who respond in direct as opposed to forums/chats,  their perspectives are much more somber.  Typically of the nature that transitioning relieved one major burden but socially and physically brought upon many more.  While maybe with one exception would anyone suggest they regret what they've chosen, they do say they regret what they've lost in the process including impact on family, health and employment.  In fairness,  I think part of it is them trying to caution anyone from proceeding down the path who may not be suited for it.  But I'm sure there is some substance to their feedback as well.  I also understand no matter what the circumstance, there is no elixir for any aspect of life,  and sexual identity is just another part of who we are.     
 
Please know I envy each and every one of you.  You all have such tremendous courage to be who you have become.  If this is the appropriate course for me I hope I have the same.   Thank you for any feedback.

-Rebecca

Rebecca:

I am a late bloomer, like yourself.  I started my journey when I was 54.  Now at 63, I find my life finally being what it should have been all along.

I documented the major elements of my transition, including my FFS/BA/GCS surgeries, both here and on my wordpress site:
http://sandrazee.blogspot.com/ (http://sandrazee.blogspot.com/)

In many ways it was a transition that had fewer potholes than others.  I often consider myself quite blessed.  While my marriage of 23 years disintegrated, I did not lose the love and support of my children.  I was also able to transition on the job so a quite major portion of my life was not put in disarray.

One of the things of completing transition is that it only fixes one part of your life.  You still must pay the bills, you still must carry on in society.  Count on the fact that there is no white knight that will sweep you off your feet and take you to his castle.

But, after going through transition, I am now a capable, confident woman, who feels she can take on anything.  Nothing is more difficult in modern society than changing your gender.  Every part of your life is touched by gender from the moment you are issued a pink or blue blanket.  It is daunting, but not insurmountable.  It is not for the faint of heart.  It is a one way trip with no real hope of ever returning to your old life.  It is not for those who are not completely dedicated to its rigors.  It is not for those who are hoping for sexual titillation (indeed that is one of the first things to go).

But, for those who need it, absolutely nothing else will suffice.  There is no other cure or substitution.

There are those who claim we are delusional.  Quite the opposite, in fact. I see life now with a clarity I have never known before.

For me now, life is full of color and joy that I have never known existed.  I breathe air that is purer now than I have ever believed.

Satisfied?

Absolutely!

Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions.  I would be happy to help!

-Sandy

There's only a few minor regrets such as peeing situation (much easier with the former tool), being not accepted by the family, have to spend more on clothes, meds, cosmetics etc. But in the end the joy of knowing that I am in the right body and have no more self hated trumps it all.

Sent from my SM-N910W8 using Tapatalk

I'm 54, two and a half years into full time living, a year and a half post-op. Here is where I am.

Pluses:
* I am still amazed that something so wonderful could have happened to me.
* I still marvel that I have a feminine name.
* I still love having a body that is shaped the right way.

Minuses:
* I can't orgasm. This is a major frustration. It's something I loved doing Before, and I miss it.
* I have utterly flopped romantically. No one is looking for a middle-aged trans woman. I find it hard to meet people as it is, but the romantic dead ends have really gotten me down. I am not unattractive. I have a nice body if you like tall slim women, I smile a lot, and I dress nicely even if I don't stay on the cusp of fashion. I am intelligent, funny, caring, and loyal. None of any of that seems sufficient to interest anyone in me romantically.

Does this boil down to regret? No. Not even for a fraction of a second. But neither can I say it was an unmixed positive.

I'm one of the very, very lucky ones. I didn't lose anything (family, friends, and employer were all wholly supportive), although my wife's abusive family disowned *her* when she chose to stay with me. So it's easier for me to say transition was worth the cost when the "cost" was not nearly as high as it has been for some people.

With that said, transition was still a long and terrifying process, and yet I'm absolutely grateful that I went through it. HRT and then GRS essentially cured my daily dysphoria (there's still moments, but they're rare), and while living as a woman is ordinary now, that's what I wanted.

Good luck. The horror stories aren't all that's out there, and you may well be very glad you did this.

 I am fully open about my life so you may ask me anything in this thread or by PM after you have a couple of more post. I had the transition from hell running from age 23 to age 30 and the resources I needed were very hard to find. While I wanted to become a woman, I decided if the doctors could make me happy without becoming a woman, I would be comfortable with that solution. By the time I was ready for surgery, all of my personal issues had be dealt with so I could start a new life post surgically.

I have never been in a romanic relationship and I remain a virgin but yet I am happy in life and never regretted what I did. I would have like to start this much earlier in life but the truth is I was still bleeding edge when I transition the resources just weren't available.

My advice to you is explore this site, ask questions of anybody who can teach you and do RLE as long as you need to be sure it's right for you. If you do all that, I don't think you will have regrets with your decision whatever it is.

No regrets from me, I do feel a little lost now as this has been a journey over 15 years and it's finally come to an end (it does not really end, there's still dilations, checkups, pills and the issues that come with being trans)

Society may be happy with me now that I fit into a box but the damage is done. I won't ever be having a career just from being born different.

I think there is often a let down for women whose single dream was to be in a female body. What some people forget is the life after and the baggage we may have carried as well.

I think most women who successfully proceed from surgery have life goals that are fulfilling and important.

GCS doesn't change the issues you deal with, you just deal with them in a body you desire.

Life doesn't start with GCS, it continues and new challenges arise.

You may need to make sure that you have a fulling life as the woman you are in place. As far as I am aware no one has knocked on the door of a post op woman and said ' Here is your life!'.

You are 'just' another woman facing the same problems you faced before but with a vagina.

I always viewed GRS as the endpoint of my transition. It feels strangely liberating to be considerably more free of the doctors and shrinks. Actually the shrinks are long gone and it is only my surgeon (follow ups) and my GP (prescriptions) that I have to deal with.

Life is busy. Very busy. It is the same life I had before and very little has changed. I know the same people, I am in the same job, I live in the same area and I have a lot of the same tasks to do every week. How I view myself has changed, how I present has changed and people tell me that I am a lot happier, more alive and more vivid than before.

I have started several new hobbies, met new people and done new things and my GRS was part of my liberation. Since I interact with women a lot more and I am often in changing rooms and locker-rooms my GRS allows me to be totally comfortable in those situations and I feel happier about how my body looks. That is mostly why I had my GRS done. I will never willingly have sex with a man.

However.....

Although the trans community endlessly repeats that "... having a penis does not make you less of a woman ..." (and I do not argue with that), the rest of the world has a different view. Part of people's overreaching noseyness about "The Op" is because they run on a very simple classification system. Willy = man, pussy = woman. Although I got GRS for myself it seems to put people at their ease if they know. They sometimes get very disturbed when they ask and I refuse to tell them.

One other point - although I was on very effective GnRH analogues prior to surgery, the removal of the poison factories has dropped my testosterone even lower and I am now at the bottom of the female range rather than in the middle. This has had a noticeable effect on body hair and boobage and my breast tissue is suddenly very sore again so I am expecting some more growth.

Quote from: pyhxbp on December 28, 2015, 03:44:27 AM

I have started several new hobbies, met new people and done new things and my GRS was part of my liberation. Since I interact with women a lot more and I am often in changing rooms and locker-rooms my GRS allows me to be totally comfortable in those situations and I feel happier about how my body looks. That is mostly why I had my GRS done. I will never willingly have sex with a man.

While I understand your sentiment, two things that shouldn't be included on a list of reasons for GRS:  being able to comfortably undress at your local YMCA and who/how you want to have sex with.  I don't believe that's what you were saying, but yeah.

Quote
However.....

Although the trans community endlessly repeats that "... having a penis does not make you less of a woman ..." (and I do not argue with that), the rest of the world has a different view. Part of people's overreaching noseyness about "The Op" is because they run on a very simple classification system. Willy = man, pussy = woman. Although I got GRS for myself it seems to put people at their ease if they know. They sometimes get very disturbed when they ask and I refuse to tell them.

I'm not sure the world actually runs on that simple classification system.  There is a huge population that would still contest to one truly being a woman even after GRS.  On the other hand, if someone is seen as being attractive then they will tend to get the nod over someone not so passable, regardless of what either has between their legs.  You can tell people whatever you want, but 99.9% (or 100%, it's your rodeo) will never see it inside your panties anyway.  "The op" question is stupid, and regardless of whether you had surgery or not your answer should always be it's none of your business (in most cases).

Quote
One other point - although I was on very effective GnRH analogues prior to surgery, the removal of the poison factories has dropped my testosterone even lower and I am now at the bottom of the female range rather than in the middle. This has had a noticeable effect on body hair and boobage and my breast tissue is suddenly very sore again so I am expecting some more growth.

Bottoming out on testosterone isn't all that productive in the grand scheme of things.  I know we all hate the T for years of abuse its done to us.  But water weight, mood, energy levels, response to exercise, metabolism, sex drive, and so much more to life are effected by testosterone.  I still need to get to my latest tests since my orchiectomy, but I hope I'm not at the bottom range of GGs!

To the OP -- While you talk with others and get their accounts of transitioning and learn all about the good and the bad of their journeys, this should have little impact on your decisions for the future.  I'd suggest finding a good therapist and do a lot of soul searching to truly find whats best for you.  That's how you can move forward on your feelings.  As for me, since regret has to many negative connotations tied to it I'll just say I have a none :)  I do not plan on having full GRS are though, and I'm in my early 30s.  Many consider vaginoplasty (i think thats what its called) to be the "final step" in transitioning, but not for me.  I came to conclusion after many years of therapy and it illustrates how each of us have different needs associated with our transitions.  Best of luck to you and if you have any questions I'd be glad to help too.  I'm a newbie (on here) too! :D

Hi Ladies,

I am humbled by all of the thoughtful and thorough responses to my inquiry.  Your insightful comments and feedback on your experiences is immensely appreciated. 

As most of you have suggested,  having or not having surgery is not an end state.  As a parent with a mortgage and kids to put through college,  I certainly understand that point.  I should have also mentioned I have been seeing a gender therapist for quite some time.  As I tell her,  I just want to decide what my gender end state is and get there.   At times I become so overwhelmed with the thoughts of dysphoria and transitioning it becomes a preoccupation.   It may sound idealistic, but assuming it is the right course for me, my hope is that by transitioning I can actually begin to live a fulfilling life as opposed to spending so much time thinking about one aspect of it.   Depending on your circumstance as some of you may recall,  it can be difficult to fully focus on anything until its resolved.

I would love to chat with some of you more on this and related topics.  I know my inquiry was very broad and its difficult to respond in context in a forum post.   But again thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback.

Kindest Regards
-Rebecca

Quote from: Cindy on December 28, 2015, 01:35:33 AM
I think there is often a let down for women whose single dream was to be in a female body. What some people forget is the life after and the baggage we may have carried as well.

I think most women who successfully proceed from surgery have life goals that are fulfilling and important.

GCS doesn't change the issues you deal with, you just deal with them in a body you desire.

Life doesn't start with GCS, it continues and new challenges arise.

You may need to make sure that you have a fulling life as the woman you are in place. As far as I am aware no one has knocked on the door of a post op woman and said ' Here is your life!'.

You are 'just' another woman facing the same problems you faced before but with a vagina.

So true, and that's me down to a T. All I ever wanted was this. Now I need a new goal in life.


Archangel - I know people that had srs just to make changing rooms etc less stressful. Being able to be naked in public is a huge relief IMO

Quote from: Archangel on December 28, 2015, 01:20:31 PM
While I understand your sentiment, two things that shouldn't be included on a list of reasons for GRS:  being able to comfortably undress at your local YMCA and who/how you want to have sex with.  I don't believe that's what you were saying, but yeah.

Sorry, but I disagree. They are, IMO, perfectly valid reasons that need to be taken into account.

Being able to "blend in" during situations of social nudity where there is little or no privacy is very important to me because dealing with it before GRS made my life very, very hard. Now I am post-op things are much better.

I had other reasons for GRS too but being able to be as physically female as possible was very, very important to me and the shrinks who wrote my surgery letters had no disagreement with me. I do not have a non-binary bone in my body - I am female to the core and it is vital to me that I fit in socially and physically as female.

Quote from: Archangel on December 28, 2015, 01:20:31 PM
I'm not sure the world actually runs on that simple classification system.

I used to think that way too, but experience post-op has educated me

Quote from: jfong on December 27, 2015, 11:47:44 AM
There's only a few minor regrets such as peeing situation (much easier with the former tool),

That was my only minor regret, I suffered incontinence after the surgery, but cleared up over time, when I had the male equipment I could hold it forever, now if I've got to go, I have to get to a ladies room sooner, but I've adapted to it over the years, it's not a problem now, panty liners & pads, all part of being a woman.