Susan's Place Transgender Resources

 ???

when will what I am ever be enough for me.... :(

Hi Rita

Relax girl you are very pretty and just be who you are and that is all you can do. Everything takes time. I didn't start till i was 54 and I'm very happy. But thing do not happen over night

Hug's Lyndsey

I ran out of  to give about what anyone thought of me exactly two months after I started on estrogen, and finally stopped the charade of presenting myself as male, consequences be damned.  Protruding nipples and slim-fit guy shirts don't work together anyway, and I wasn't about to stop taking HRT. 

The last time I ever wore guy clothes was to the grocery store.   It sucked to think I had to wear them for any reason at all, and when I realized that I didn't actually have to, I cried my eyes out on the way home.  As soon as I got in the door, I tore them off, put on a cute skirt and top and made myself up before putting the groceries away.

Friday, March 22, 2013 was one of the best and most important days of my life.  I didn't realize that I had gone full time at that moment, but it turns out that I never once did "guy mode" again.  The next weekend we went to Las Vegas to see Def Leppard, and I proudly did so as Jill.  It went over so well (apart from that time they played "Lola" over the PA... LOL) that I decided to make it permanent.

I hatched my coming out strategy as soon as I got home, and did so via Facebook three weeks later after telling/warning close family members.

For me, the answer to that question was "as soon as I possibly could." I didn't think I'd ever be graceful or savvy enough to pass, so I figured I would just be a non-passing trans woman. I know many and they're some of the happiest trans women I know.

I was wrong. I now pass nearly all of the time and somehow I've mastered feminine mannerisms and movement to the point that it generally doesn't give me away.

When you feel like you're ready then go for it! I expected I'd be on HRT for at least 12 months before I went full time - but once I started going out socially in girl mode at the seven month mark I realised I couldn't wait that long, two months later I made the jump and it was great!

Thanks :)

Just struggling with all the typical stuff yesterday and its wearing me out a bit

For me it was the day I got fired from my job, September 20, 2013. I got home from work, undressed and said to myself  I'm never wearing that again" and I haven't. Instead of throwing my clothes in the laundry, I threw them in the trash. I had already starting sketching out a timeline, but when I realized I no longer had a job where I was expected to dress a certain way, I was full time. I didn't start HRT until nearly 5 months later.

 I really don't have a date that I can point to as to when it happened, it just did. I transitioned incrementally and never took notice of when my metamorphosis had reached that stage. I remember certain things I did along the way like the first day I took my purse to work, wore a skirt, got ears pierced etc. What started me down this path was surrendering to what I fought so long that fight was literally killing me, by surrendering I won.

I was male failing at 4 months, so I just went for it. I went FT at work at 6 months.

Thanks al of you :)

Im a perfectionist who is imperfect at everything.... :-\

Im sure I am starting to male fail slightly and I sure feel better when in girl mode. But things like beard shadow, body hair and head hair (or lack thereof) is keeping me down as well as they usual scaredey cat feelings

it all revolves around hair doesnt it.... >:(

Im wanting to just switch, but dont want to explain ad nauseam about why

its funny because my fear of it all is stopping me yet I love attention and really enjoy the looks I get when people are trying to figure out what Im doing. The other day I was out and felt like I was male failing big time and I really enjoyed all the looks I got... figure that one out, Rita ???

About 2 seconds after I wake up I throw time lines out the window. Enjoy the day for what it brings, and do the same tomorrow. I never want to look back and figure out life is what happened while you were busy making plans. Goals are great to guide life in a direction you want... time lines are a bit too rigid and will try to rule your day if you let them. :)

I was on a full transitioning dose of HRT for about a year and then I started experiencing male fails - whoops! :P

That's when I worked with my therapist to hatch a plan for coming out.

I had been on prescription hormones for 2 months, and was going out en femme only to support group meetings and to my doctor appointments when I spent a week in Atlanta for SCC 2014.  I hadn't yet started electrolysis and was still struggling with my presentation.  At the end of the conference I drove home and decided to go full-time.  That was 16 months ago.  Two months ago I had GRS.  It's never easy, but the sooner you make the move the sooner you reach your goal.

I started HRT on 3/2/15.  Name and gender change 5/23/15.  Full time 6/15/15.  I was presenting female everywhere but work by the end of April 2015.  I knew I was trans and I was transitioning once I started HRT and it was just a matter of getting a few things lined up so that I could be me.  I am still amazed that it hasn't even been a year since I first went to my therapist. 

I'm as out as I'm comfortable being, day to day.  Last weekend, I got all dolled up and went out on the town.  This week I'm at my new job in a somewhat vulnerable position, so I'm aiming for kinda butch... but I went too butch on Tuesday and the dysphoria slammed back for the first time in months.  I don't know about you, but I'm nonbinary and I honestly don't know what fits -- so I kinda just do whatever and don't bother explaining myself or asking people to call me anything different.  It helps a little bit that lots of the men at my company are pretty metro, so for example, my skinny jeans aren't so out of place.

When I'm not at work, I wear what I want to wear, and I present how I want to present.  As intense as my dysphoria gets, I think that if I was female-identified, I'd be "out" already (except at work) despite a complete lack of male-fail.  Or maybe I'm already male-failing and nobody says so.

I remind everyone of this:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,159177.0.html

If new members (after receiving a link to the ToS and before 15 posts) use of foul language it will be edited and a warning given.

If full members use foul language you will receive a smite for each offence. If you reach 5 smites for foul language you will have 20 days away from the site to learn how to use the richness of language to express yourself without resorting to foul language.


This includes any not very cute ways of getting around using the F word.

Rita,

It feels like you are crawling into my head and asking the questions for me. 

I too struggle with this.  I want to present more, but I am scared.  Scared because of me.   The anxiety grips me and doesn't let go.  I have tried to go out but couldn't out of fear of the known and unknown.

Patience is all you can master at this point.  Once you properly processed everything you'll know it's time.

I know

Ive been trying real hard to "see" myself, I figure once I know I look ok, I can present it to the world fully...

however, my dysphoria beats me down.... one minute I see myself as very girly, turn around and look in mirror again and I see the man.... how can I put that out there?  Even worse are photos.... I havent been able to take a girly photo (at least to me) in a couple weeks.... Ill see myself in the mirror... I look great, I grab the cam take pic (even from the same mirror) and boom its a man in the photo.... that wrecks me. I also battle with body/weight dysphoria... when I was a skinny twig I saw a fat person... even though Im large now and losing it quickly I cant help but see whats not even there...

Again.. stop reading my mind..  ;D

My dysphoria has made me a mirror addict.  I have to keep staring at a mirror hoping to see her.  I know that she is there, but I still see him.  I'm almost 9months in and have to remind myself that things could get better.  I am doing laser (had one appt and so far the results have been good). 

Here is my biggest advice.  Work from the inside out.  Give your self permission to be a woman.  A lot of our dysphoria is because we are yet to be fully convinced.  We know we are, but have yet to allow ourselves to feel comfortable with the decision.  We see so many other people transition and their results are amazing.  Seeing that is a knife induced wound and we are the ones twisting it in there.   

Give yourself some time.  Dont' worry about presenting fully at this time.  Work on small confidence boosters.  Today, I wore nail polish into the office for the first time.  I even wore the nail polish to church yesterday.  It was hard at times, but I survived.   

Again, just keep on your path.  Set goals and milestones.  And most important during this transition, don't forget to live life.  We are still the same people.  This is not some charade.  The more you focus on life instead of the transition, things start to creep up on you in a good way. 

Hope it all makes sense to you.  All this crap is stuck in my head from countless hours of self-dialogue.  (Start videoing your conversations.   It helps)

I was at about the same stage as you several months ago. All my friends were seeing a girl when they looked at me, but I sometimes woke up and couldn't not see a girl, then by the end of the day, all I'd see is a guy. It had gotten to be so back and forth that I wondered if they were just humoring me. I was full time at home, but 0% time outside the house.

I started having people gendering me female while in male mode randomly and that increased a lot since I started hormones about 4 months ago. I figured if people were already seeing me as a woman, maybe I needed to take the plunge to see it myself.

So one day I did it. I put on makeup and nail polish in addition to my girl clothes and walked out the door. It was night time, but the place I went was very well lit. It was nerve-wracking, but I survived. So the next day I did it again in broad daylight where I hit a restaurant, the mall, and a grocery store. Again, no issues. The next morning I woke up and got rid of all my guy clothes. Haven't returned to any since.

My voice is nowhere near good enough yet, but I'm getting there. I know voice isn't a requirement of transition, but it certainly helps and I wish I had figured it out by now. I hear a woman maybe 2% of the time I work on it. That does make me nervous and seem anti-social because I avoid conversations for fear of having to use my voice, but I don't have any choice now. After all this time being full-time I've gotten more comfortable with presenting mannerisms too so it doesn't matter how I present, I still look like a woman and that voice is still going to sound out of place.

Thanks everyone ::)

I went full time on Nov 1, 2013 and started HRT April, 2014.
Here's a pic of me from 11/1/13 and one from this past weekend.

(https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1472/23692184624_d59c62560c_b.jpg)