Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Fenea on January 10, 2016, 02:31:08 AM Return to Full Version
Title: In need of advice on handling transition and heavy anxiety
Post by: Fenea on January 10, 2016, 02:31:08 AM
Post by: Fenea on January 10, 2016, 02:31:08 AM
Hello I am very new here, so my apologies if I make any missteps with any of this. I guess to give context to what I am asking advice on I should give a bit of detail about myself and the situation I find myself in. I can be relatively wordy so I apologize in advance if this becomes a wall of text. I'll start with my childhood and try to concisely summarize each key event. I was born a boy in what I can only describe as your typical 1950's household, my parents were staunch republican and my father was especially bigoted against pretty much everybody gays, trans, pretty much any minority you name it my dad hated them, despite being an atheist and mensa level intelligent (which I always found odd), he worked as chief corporate metalurgist for a manufacturing company. My mother while not as bigoted none the less adopted his views in an almost default manner. I grew up in the hickville no mans land that is most of central New York, to give context one of our neighbors had a confederate flag mailbox. Ever since I can remember my father was under constant stress and would scream at me for 5 to 10 minute even if I did something as trivial as accidentally drop a plate. My mother would sometimes come to my defense but more often than not I was on my own to take the full brunt of his tirade. In his tirades he would swear at me and would insinuate that I screwed up on purpose, my earliest memory of this was around 4 or 5.
This was a daily occurrence for me and as such I was terrified of my father and would actively try and hide when he came home, and when I was around him I was so nervous and scared I would screw everything up out of fear, which just served to piss him off more. In response to this I learned to manipulate my emotions and perceptions to pit my parents against eachother so that I wouldn't have to take my father's rage. I started this around 7 and did this till around 13 and as a result caused them to nearly divorce on a few different occasions. During this time I never really had any interest in a lot of the male based things that my dad would try to teach me, things like working on cars, alot of different sports,being dragged to car shows etc. all of it bored me immensely and I just had no real interest in it (though I have since developed a love for car shows and driving cars, but not working on them, I detest maintenence and as such never do it myself), I also often confided in my mother for everything, but still never really trusted her as from a very early age I viewed my parents as my jailors and enemies. Also of note ever since kindergarten I always got the sense that I never really fit in, my interactions with other boys always seemed some what off, like something wasn't quite right, I was always hyper vigilant of the reactions between the sexes and most of my friends were either effeminate boys (most of whom ended up being gay or trans) or girls who were a touch of tomboy but still pretty feminine. I got the sense at times that this made my parents uneasy but at the time I didn't know why. Ever since I was a kid I had a weird interest in my mothers clothes and when I got the chance I would often wear some of her prettier panties and shirts and occassionally skirts (ps I've always loved wearing skirts), it always felt so liberating to walk around the house wearing these. I would often wonder what it would be like to wear them everyday and I would often masturbate in the later years at the prospect of being a girl, I often tried to envision myself as a girl while masturbating and it was often far more powerful that way. I eventually got caught on evidence later and my parents flipped out, I lied to them and said I used it to jerk off because the silk felt great. Luckily they bought this, but after that they were incredibly anti-porn and occassionally would look at me weird for years later.
In my teen years my parents finally got wise to the fact that I was manipulating them against each other because I became too cocky in my manipulative capabilities, this led to them cracking down hard on me and eventually led to them purposely throwing out all of my stuffed animals when I was 14(something that made me freak out as I to this day love stuff animals, I sleep with a Princess Luna plushy every night, if thats kind of weird oh well). They said it was because I was acting like a girl (a phrase that my parents would use quite a bit) but I had eavesdropped on one of their prior conversations, as I knew how to use the vents in the house to hear every conversation they thought was private, and they had been both astounded and pissed that I had managed to play their marriage instability against them, and they wanted to make me know fear so I would be less likely to try that again. My guess is that them coldly throwing away my stuffed animals in front of me was meant to make me fear them and for a time it worked I swore off manipulation because I could see the pain I had caused in their eyes and it made me feel horrible and I stopped consciously manipulating for around 12 years and currently restrict its use to helping fix a situation or helping the people I care about. This would cause me a great deal of pain as I would try to be honest to them but they would not believe me and still do not trust me fully to this day, despite trying for almost 10 years to reconcile things with them and going to sizable lengths to prove my trustworthiness.
Around the age of 14 I met a boy by the name Mike, he would become my best friend and eventually my first unrequited love, by the age of 17 I knew I loved him like a women would a man, I would make up excuses like pretending to be drunk just to rest my head on his shoulder. I loved him in a completely emotional way, but he was straight and around that time he started dating a girl I couldn't stand, and I would have to listen to him regale his sexual conquests with her to me daily and be forced to smile and give feedback, while on the inside my heart hurt so bad emotionally that I developed legitimate psychologically induced stress pain. I had to deal with this for a year and a half. Until the day that he called me to his house to hang out and I walked in on him mid climax having sex with his girlfriend. I bolted out of the house and tried to commit the first of my three suicide attempts, I rammed my car up to 110 mph and intended to crash it into a a tree, something inside me stopped me and I missed it by about a foot. After that incident which I told no one about, he never talked about his girlfriend again and we drifted apart soon after. Also of note through out all of this I had no one I could confide in about all of this, and I would often silently cry my self to sleep at night, and would then force myself to repress my feelings and pain when I woke up the next morning and pretend like nothing ever happened. I also was confused as to my sexual orientation at the time and I knew the consequences of what being attracted to boys meant, I knew my parents would disown me ( which they later did multiple times for other reasons) I was terrified of being labeled a freak as my parents always called gays unclean freaks.
So I did what I labeled as CRUSH in my own mind, I vitrolically crushed all these aspects of myself and all my feelings and pain, I tried to use my strength of will to attempt to brutally murder this side of my self
out of what I thought was a needed survival mechanism. As a result of this and other acts of repression I have developed what can only be described as a psychotic level of murderous rage, this has only ever come out a few times in my life but when It has I am nigh uncontrollable, to give an example when I was 17 in track a kid who was the 3rd fastest sprinter in the state kept bullying me relentlessly for over two weeks, at this time I was still relatively chunky, he eventually sparked my rage at track practice by kicking stones in my face and laughing at me, I snapped and quasi blacked out, I could only see it happen like watching a movie and had no control over it. I ran him down took him by the back of the head and pushed his head into the track and rode him down to a stop screaming. It took my track coach and three other high schoolers to pull me off him. I apologize for going a bit off topic with this as I might have given too much context in this specific case, but I felt I needed to effectively address the level with which my repression has effected me emotionally
I had always never been satisfied with my body but I have always had what I can only describe as a form of depersonalization, as far back as I can remember I would watch my life play out like it was a movie, I always thought this was normal and it never really bothered me. This affect would lessen as I got older but bouts of it are still pretty prevalent even today. I am not sure if this started because of my father's tirades or the fact that I witnessed a young boy get raped in the bathroom stall next to me in a mall at the age of 5, I had certain visible tiks for over 20 years when I would see certain things in public bathrooms, I never knew why as I had appearently repressed it due to the trauma. I grew up one of the fat kids, by the time I was 15 I was borderline obese, and I hated myself. My parents would actively pick on me for my weight often calling me porker and fat ass, they were often worse then the bullies I encountered at school, I think they felt they were trying to motivate me to lose weight but all it did was work to actively destroy my self esteem. My best friend and the man I would develop an unrequited love for, Mike got me into track and I started to lose a lot of weight but it was never enough to satisfy me. I would later continue to exercise 2 to 3 hours a day trying desperately to slim down, and I did until last year when instead of being the 15 pounds under weight twinkish man I had been, I became pretty ripped and still am, and I hated it then and I it hate now, by all accounts from my male and female friends I have a body most men would kill for and I cant stand it, I always wanted to be thin and lithe. Ive taken to doing yoga and lighter cardio but I still can't thin down the muscle and its sucks.
At 19 I was kicked out of the house by my parents due to crashing a few cars and being caught with porn twice on my laptop. In the interest of length I will be far more concise here, suffice to say my parents gave me no financial support over the course of almost 9 years, they disowned me twice because my car broke down and I asked them for help when I had no other option, and I still had to find another option as my mother told me to go to hell and refused to believe that I was telling the truth even despite evidence. I have been told multiple times by my parents that I was a lying screwup who was just looking to use them, I have been less than two weeks from being homeless 3 separate times and they would do nothing to help, I was on my own. I was wrongfully arrested due to a town court misallocating a payment for an inspection ticket and never notifying me of it and then suspending my license and again never notifying me. I was pulled over for a light being out and was wrongfully arrested for driving on a suspended license. My parents wouldn't believe I was innocent even though I could show them proof, they would not come to get me, I had to call a taxi and pay sixty bucks to get back home when they released me. These charges would all later be dropped and I received a verbal and written apology from two separate courts, only then would they admit they were wrong and even then it was half assed and semi accusitorial. I had to juggle disconnect three disconnect notices for my utilities monthly for over 3 years, just to get by. I had to live a block down from a crack house in the middle of the ghetto for a year and a half because it was all I could afford and still be able to cheaply eat, my food budget of 30 dollars had to last 2 and a half weeks, I lived on nothing but mac and cheese and top ramen for almost a year.
Since then I have a been able to move 3 and a half hours away from my parents and have managed to work two jobs while finally just completing my four year degree in Business Management from a SUNY school, I am 28 and would have started college at 22 but my parents made 150k a year and the state would not recognize me as independent, so I couldn't get any financial aid until 24. I now live in a nice 2 bedroom apartment with a wonderful lesbian friend and was even able to buy outright a $7000 car with 3 years worth of savings. I even managed to attain the respect of my parents through herculean efforts on my part. And they have since just recently at Christmas gave me a check for $20,000 to help pay for my 4 year degree. To say I was shocked was an understatement.
I didn't come out until around 24 and it has been a slow process, with each major realization causing me panic attacks for around 2 weeks a piece, I initially thought I was bisexual but soon came to the realization that I was gay, until around 25 when I felt intense dysphoria with my body, I battled with this for roughly 8 months and went to see a local gender therapist, I had researched all about the transition procedure at that time including the effect of hormones and their side effects, the details of SRS, the testimony of other trans people, etc... the list of my research was suffice to say very extensive. But I still wanted to repress it and manipulated my answers to have the therapist tell me I wasn't trans but an effeminate gay male, and I later used this a justification to repress my trans feelings until the current day. Also of note is that during this time I had bought estrodiaol and Spirolactine online but ultimately did not take them out of fear of the health ramifications of self medicating.
As of current I have come to realize that I am MTF trans, it took me nearly a month of 24/7 panic attacks and self reflection to finally come to terms with this fact. I see my endocrinoligist on the 4th of next month to do the blood work and start hormones. The emotional part of me is happy and excited to start becoming more me, but the logical side of my brain is preparing for hell, I can't help it after everything that has gone wrong in my life you would think I would have the confidence to handle anything, and for the most part I truly believe that nothing this world throws at me can break me. But I am still deathly terrified of the job discrimination and not being able to provide for my self, I don't fear losing my parents because to me emotionally I lost them 10 years ago, will it suck yes, will it break me no. I live in Buffalo, NY and I know that it is currently illegal for an employer to fire someone on the basis of being transgender, and I know a few trans friends who live quite happily here, and all my friends who are like my adopted and created family still love me and are really supportive and I have a friend who will be transitioning a year after me when he completes his PhD. I know all of this but I cannot shake assuming that everything is going to go south on me and I will end up homeless. I cant stop thinking that this is going to destroy the happy life I have tried so hard to build from complete and utter scratch, I'm still terrified that I am going to end up homeless and alone. I know its not rational, I understand that all to well but I don't know how to deal with it, I am seeing a therapist on this again but quite frankly their jaw hit the floor when they heard most of what happened in my life, and they haven't been much help to be honest, hence why I thought that I would try here as I figured there had to be those who have gone through far worse and comes to terms with this. I thought that I would try to see if anyone had any advice they could give me on how to handle this.
Ps. My apologies for the length of this, I just wanted to give context, I just hope that this doesn't come off as whining. I actually currently really like my life and the hardships I've endured have made me a far stronger and kinder person. Again if this was too in depth or violated some forum rules I apologize as again I am very new here and I'm still trying to get a hang of how this particular forum works.
Thank you
Fenea of The Four Winds
This was a daily occurrence for me and as such I was terrified of my father and would actively try and hide when he came home, and when I was around him I was so nervous and scared I would screw everything up out of fear, which just served to piss him off more. In response to this I learned to manipulate my emotions and perceptions to pit my parents against eachother so that I wouldn't have to take my father's rage. I started this around 7 and did this till around 13 and as a result caused them to nearly divorce on a few different occasions. During this time I never really had any interest in a lot of the male based things that my dad would try to teach me, things like working on cars, alot of different sports,being dragged to car shows etc. all of it bored me immensely and I just had no real interest in it (though I have since developed a love for car shows and driving cars, but not working on them, I detest maintenence and as such never do it myself), I also often confided in my mother for everything, but still never really trusted her as from a very early age I viewed my parents as my jailors and enemies. Also of note ever since kindergarten I always got the sense that I never really fit in, my interactions with other boys always seemed some what off, like something wasn't quite right, I was always hyper vigilant of the reactions between the sexes and most of my friends were either effeminate boys (most of whom ended up being gay or trans) or girls who were a touch of tomboy but still pretty feminine. I got the sense at times that this made my parents uneasy but at the time I didn't know why. Ever since I was a kid I had a weird interest in my mothers clothes and when I got the chance I would often wear some of her prettier panties and shirts and occassionally skirts (ps I've always loved wearing skirts), it always felt so liberating to walk around the house wearing these. I would often wonder what it would be like to wear them everyday and I would often masturbate in the later years at the prospect of being a girl, I often tried to envision myself as a girl while masturbating and it was often far more powerful that way. I eventually got caught on evidence later and my parents flipped out, I lied to them and said I used it to jerk off because the silk felt great. Luckily they bought this, but after that they were incredibly anti-porn and occassionally would look at me weird for years later.
In my teen years my parents finally got wise to the fact that I was manipulating them against each other because I became too cocky in my manipulative capabilities, this led to them cracking down hard on me and eventually led to them purposely throwing out all of my stuffed animals when I was 14(something that made me freak out as I to this day love stuff animals, I sleep with a Princess Luna plushy every night, if thats kind of weird oh well). They said it was because I was acting like a girl (a phrase that my parents would use quite a bit) but I had eavesdropped on one of their prior conversations, as I knew how to use the vents in the house to hear every conversation they thought was private, and they had been both astounded and pissed that I had managed to play their marriage instability against them, and they wanted to make me know fear so I would be less likely to try that again. My guess is that them coldly throwing away my stuffed animals in front of me was meant to make me fear them and for a time it worked I swore off manipulation because I could see the pain I had caused in their eyes and it made me feel horrible and I stopped consciously manipulating for around 12 years and currently restrict its use to helping fix a situation or helping the people I care about. This would cause me a great deal of pain as I would try to be honest to them but they would not believe me and still do not trust me fully to this day, despite trying for almost 10 years to reconcile things with them and going to sizable lengths to prove my trustworthiness.
Around the age of 14 I met a boy by the name Mike, he would become my best friend and eventually my first unrequited love, by the age of 17 I knew I loved him like a women would a man, I would make up excuses like pretending to be drunk just to rest my head on his shoulder. I loved him in a completely emotional way, but he was straight and around that time he started dating a girl I couldn't stand, and I would have to listen to him regale his sexual conquests with her to me daily and be forced to smile and give feedback, while on the inside my heart hurt so bad emotionally that I developed legitimate psychologically induced stress pain. I had to deal with this for a year and a half. Until the day that he called me to his house to hang out and I walked in on him mid climax having sex with his girlfriend. I bolted out of the house and tried to commit the first of my three suicide attempts, I rammed my car up to 110 mph and intended to crash it into a a tree, something inside me stopped me and I missed it by about a foot. After that incident which I told no one about, he never talked about his girlfriend again and we drifted apart soon after. Also of note through out all of this I had no one I could confide in about all of this, and I would often silently cry my self to sleep at night, and would then force myself to repress my feelings and pain when I woke up the next morning and pretend like nothing ever happened. I also was confused as to my sexual orientation at the time and I knew the consequences of what being attracted to boys meant, I knew my parents would disown me ( which they later did multiple times for other reasons) I was terrified of being labeled a freak as my parents always called gays unclean freaks.
So I did what I labeled as CRUSH in my own mind, I vitrolically crushed all these aspects of myself and all my feelings and pain, I tried to use my strength of will to attempt to brutally murder this side of my self
out of what I thought was a needed survival mechanism. As a result of this and other acts of repression I have developed what can only be described as a psychotic level of murderous rage, this has only ever come out a few times in my life but when It has I am nigh uncontrollable, to give an example when I was 17 in track a kid who was the 3rd fastest sprinter in the state kept bullying me relentlessly for over two weeks, at this time I was still relatively chunky, he eventually sparked my rage at track practice by kicking stones in my face and laughing at me, I snapped and quasi blacked out, I could only see it happen like watching a movie and had no control over it. I ran him down took him by the back of the head and pushed his head into the track and rode him down to a stop screaming. It took my track coach and three other high schoolers to pull me off him. I apologize for going a bit off topic with this as I might have given too much context in this specific case, but I felt I needed to effectively address the level with which my repression has effected me emotionally
I had always never been satisfied with my body but I have always had what I can only describe as a form of depersonalization, as far back as I can remember I would watch my life play out like it was a movie, I always thought this was normal and it never really bothered me. This affect would lessen as I got older but bouts of it are still pretty prevalent even today. I am not sure if this started because of my father's tirades or the fact that I witnessed a young boy get raped in the bathroom stall next to me in a mall at the age of 5, I had certain visible tiks for over 20 years when I would see certain things in public bathrooms, I never knew why as I had appearently repressed it due to the trauma. I grew up one of the fat kids, by the time I was 15 I was borderline obese, and I hated myself. My parents would actively pick on me for my weight often calling me porker and fat ass, they were often worse then the bullies I encountered at school, I think they felt they were trying to motivate me to lose weight but all it did was work to actively destroy my self esteem. My best friend and the man I would develop an unrequited love for, Mike got me into track and I started to lose a lot of weight but it was never enough to satisfy me. I would later continue to exercise 2 to 3 hours a day trying desperately to slim down, and I did until last year when instead of being the 15 pounds under weight twinkish man I had been, I became pretty ripped and still am, and I hated it then and I it hate now, by all accounts from my male and female friends I have a body most men would kill for and I cant stand it, I always wanted to be thin and lithe. Ive taken to doing yoga and lighter cardio but I still can't thin down the muscle and its sucks.
At 19 I was kicked out of the house by my parents due to crashing a few cars and being caught with porn twice on my laptop. In the interest of length I will be far more concise here, suffice to say my parents gave me no financial support over the course of almost 9 years, they disowned me twice because my car broke down and I asked them for help when I had no other option, and I still had to find another option as my mother told me to go to hell and refused to believe that I was telling the truth even despite evidence. I have been told multiple times by my parents that I was a lying screwup who was just looking to use them, I have been less than two weeks from being homeless 3 separate times and they would do nothing to help, I was on my own. I was wrongfully arrested due to a town court misallocating a payment for an inspection ticket and never notifying me of it and then suspending my license and again never notifying me. I was pulled over for a light being out and was wrongfully arrested for driving on a suspended license. My parents wouldn't believe I was innocent even though I could show them proof, they would not come to get me, I had to call a taxi and pay sixty bucks to get back home when they released me. These charges would all later be dropped and I received a verbal and written apology from two separate courts, only then would they admit they were wrong and even then it was half assed and semi accusitorial. I had to juggle disconnect three disconnect notices for my utilities monthly for over 3 years, just to get by. I had to live a block down from a crack house in the middle of the ghetto for a year and a half because it was all I could afford and still be able to cheaply eat, my food budget of 30 dollars had to last 2 and a half weeks, I lived on nothing but mac and cheese and top ramen for almost a year.
Since then I have a been able to move 3 and a half hours away from my parents and have managed to work two jobs while finally just completing my four year degree in Business Management from a SUNY school, I am 28 and would have started college at 22 but my parents made 150k a year and the state would not recognize me as independent, so I couldn't get any financial aid until 24. I now live in a nice 2 bedroom apartment with a wonderful lesbian friend and was even able to buy outright a $7000 car with 3 years worth of savings. I even managed to attain the respect of my parents through herculean efforts on my part. And they have since just recently at Christmas gave me a check for $20,000 to help pay for my 4 year degree. To say I was shocked was an understatement.
I didn't come out until around 24 and it has been a slow process, with each major realization causing me panic attacks for around 2 weeks a piece, I initially thought I was bisexual but soon came to the realization that I was gay, until around 25 when I felt intense dysphoria with my body, I battled with this for roughly 8 months and went to see a local gender therapist, I had researched all about the transition procedure at that time including the effect of hormones and their side effects, the details of SRS, the testimony of other trans people, etc... the list of my research was suffice to say very extensive. But I still wanted to repress it and manipulated my answers to have the therapist tell me I wasn't trans but an effeminate gay male, and I later used this a justification to repress my trans feelings until the current day. Also of note is that during this time I had bought estrodiaol and Spirolactine online but ultimately did not take them out of fear of the health ramifications of self medicating.
As of current I have come to realize that I am MTF trans, it took me nearly a month of 24/7 panic attacks and self reflection to finally come to terms with this fact. I see my endocrinoligist on the 4th of next month to do the blood work and start hormones. The emotional part of me is happy and excited to start becoming more me, but the logical side of my brain is preparing for hell, I can't help it after everything that has gone wrong in my life you would think I would have the confidence to handle anything, and for the most part I truly believe that nothing this world throws at me can break me. But I am still deathly terrified of the job discrimination and not being able to provide for my self, I don't fear losing my parents because to me emotionally I lost them 10 years ago, will it suck yes, will it break me no. I live in Buffalo, NY and I know that it is currently illegal for an employer to fire someone on the basis of being transgender, and I know a few trans friends who live quite happily here, and all my friends who are like my adopted and created family still love me and are really supportive and I have a friend who will be transitioning a year after me when he completes his PhD. I know all of this but I cannot shake assuming that everything is going to go south on me and I will end up homeless. I cant stop thinking that this is going to destroy the happy life I have tried so hard to build from complete and utter scratch, I'm still terrified that I am going to end up homeless and alone. I know its not rational, I understand that all to well but I don't know how to deal with it, I am seeing a therapist on this again but quite frankly their jaw hit the floor when they heard most of what happened in my life, and they haven't been much help to be honest, hence why I thought that I would try here as I figured there had to be those who have gone through far worse and comes to terms with this. I thought that I would try to see if anyone had any advice they could give me on how to handle this.
Ps. My apologies for the length of this, I just wanted to give context, I just hope that this doesn't come off as whining. I actually currently really like my life and the hardships I've endured have made me a far stronger and kinder person. Again if this was too in depth or violated some forum rules I apologize as again I am very new here and I'm still trying to get a hang of how this particular forum works.
Thank you
Fenea of The Four Winds
Title: Re: In need of advice on handling transition and heavy anxiety
Post by: Ms Grace on January 10, 2016, 02:41:38 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on January 10, 2016, 02:41:38 AM
Hey Fenea
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Thanks for sharing your story, I did however have to edit for swear words which we don't allow here. It's great you decided not to self-medicate, it can indeed cause a myriad of dangerous health problems.
Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...
Cheers
Grace
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Thanks for sharing your story, I did however have to edit for swear words which we don't allow here. It's great you decided not to self-medicate, it can indeed cause a myriad of dangerous health problems.
Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Cheers
Grace
Title: Re: In need of advice on handling transition and heavy anxiety
Post by: Harley Quinn on January 10, 2016, 05:57:55 PM
Post by: Harley Quinn on January 10, 2016, 05:57:55 PM
I would take a deep breath and relax... Things aren't as bad as you think they are. Some employers and co-workers will inevitably make things difficult at some point in your life. The best way to think of it, it's not a Trans thing... Some people are just that way. There are just people that need to draw attention away from themselves because they aren't performing, or aren't happy. There are others that will attempt to degrade another person to make themselves feel superior. That's just life. In a work environment you shouldn't have anything to worry about, as long as you are a productive employee it will be noticed. I've supervised hundreds... the BS is easy to see through, and you can pick out the office bullies (often the least productive people). You could as easily be singled out for a religion, skin color, accent, etc... You just have to look past it.
Trans isn't a "new" thing by any means. You'll find an employer that will appreciate your work on merit alone. At the end of the day... it's a business that you're working for. If they want to make money, they'll keep the best employees and keep them happy. Discrimination is a quick way for a business to lose a lot of money. There are a ton of successful trans men and women on the site. Have no fear... it's all been done before.
I hope that answered your question.
Trans isn't a "new" thing by any means. You'll find an employer that will appreciate your work on merit alone. At the end of the day... it's a business that you're working for. If they want to make money, they'll keep the best employees and keep them happy. Discrimination is a quick way for a business to lose a lot of money. There are a ton of successful trans men and women on the site. Have no fear... it's all been done before.
I hope that answered your question.
Title: Re: In need of advice on handling transition and heavy anxiety
Post by: Fenea on January 12, 2016, 11:09:43 AM
Post by: Fenea on January 12, 2016, 11:09:43 AM
Thank you very much. I think I just jumped to the worst possible scenario without really taking stock of the world around me. I guess I have a always done this with most hard situations, this has often helped me to get through a lot of the really bad things in my life, but it has often come at the cost of my mental and emotional well being. Hearing your advice on the job market really helped me to put my fears into prospective. I think that I should be alright going forward now that I realize its not nearly as bad as I'm making it out to be.
Thank You
Fenea Vierwinde
Thank You
Fenea Vierwinde
Title: Re: In need of advice on handling transition and heavy anxiety
Post by: Harley Quinn on January 12, 2016, 11:27:46 AM
Post by: Harley Quinn on January 12, 2016, 11:27:46 AM
Very happy to hear you're feeling better. Best of luck with your transition. :)