Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello,

I've been exploring as a guest here for a few days and decided to register so I could introduce myself and start asking some questions.

I'm a 41 years old and I've struggled with my gender identity for as long as I can remember. As a young kid I remember playing house with my little sister, I was always the mom or her sister, and I would wrap a sheet around my body as a makeshift dress. Later around age 8, I started wearing some of my mom's clothes and built a small stash from the forgotten clothes section of her closet.

A couple years later I was discovered by my parents wearing my mom's clothes while I slept. They confronted me the next morning. Talk about being mortified! It didn't help that my hothead and occasionally abusive dad was glaring at me the whole time. So the clothes went away, the dressing became much less frequent and opportunistic. I buried my true self very deep and hid behind a very manly exterior. All state football player, pretended to be into cars, partying, fighting, chasing girls,  etc...

Considering the environment I grew up in, small town rural Midwestern USA 18 years ago in a very conservative community I'm not sure I really had a choice but to hide. I became very excellent at playing a man. Fast forward to last year, I find myself married for 19 years with three teenage kids and one helluva case of gender dysphoria.

With the help of a therapist that I've been seeing for about 7 months now,  I shared my struggle with my wife last summer. So far she has been supportive and continues to show me love, albeit still in a bit of shock. We're from the same small town and share a similar amount of anxiety about this due to our repressed upbringing.

My therapist is encouraging me to experiment while being open with my wife. So I've started to build a small wardrobe of women's underwear and nightgowns which I wear incognito on occasion. I feel like it looks ridiculous on my 6' 1" - 260 lbs dadbod, but it feels really nice (at least until my male junk starts to protest against being squeezed into clothing not made to accommodate it). I told my wife that I've started wearing the nightgowns to bed, but thus far I've only tried it on the nights when she has to getup early for work and goes to bed way before I do. I'm too embarrassed to dress in front of her yet, and I'm also afraid of her losing her attraction for me.

I'm having difficulty investing in new and maintaining old friendships and struggling with some suffocating loneliness at times. I guess I feel distrustful of most of the people in my life and suspect that if they knew what I was they would reject me. The pastor of the church we started attending a few months before coming out to my wife proudly announced to the congregation that the church would not be supporting marriage equality due to their interpretation of the "biblical definition of marriage". Of course I sat there with Jack Nicholson's voice in my head saying "wait till they get a load of me". I've not attended much since then and have been debating whether or not to schedule a meeting with the pastor to share the impact that has had on me, or just leave quietly and find a new church.

My workplace and job role as an account executive are NOT LGBTQ friendly. It is a bit of a gilded cage as I'm making good money. I've put myself on a one year plan of closing up some big commission deals with the hopes of using the money to start my own business, which I will ensure IS LGBTQ friendly.

I'm feeling a little stuck, so I'm here to learn, ask questions, and interact with folks of my own ilk.

Cheers!

Welcome to Susan's Place. You didn't really have any questions that I could answer yet but I will be happy to help you however I can. I know I would handle both church and work by being bold but that's 33 years post surgical speaking. I know I wouldn't have been as bold when I started my transition. Today I would regret not getting the last punch in before making my exit.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Hi Redeye  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Redeye,

I can relate to so much you mentioned.

Dressing early in life and getting caught. I continued my whole life and would purge the wardrobe every time.

I came out to myself last March and my wife a few weeks later.

I am 51 with three teen daughters and a wife of 25 years.

I have been under dressing with underwear and bralettes. About 6 months ago, I stopped wearing male pants and switched to female jeans and slacks.

My wife has been pretty supportive. She doesn't know how she will feel about seeing me in full femme mode. So, I am a little reluctant to put some things on in front of her.

Looking to get a dress or two, a few skirts and maybe a couple blouse and sweater combos. I also have a wig fitting this Wednesday.

I am about to start HRT this week.

I am not comparing for competition. It is more to show the similarities. I know I don't have all the answers(barely have any for myself). I also want to encourage you to reach out here with any questions, concerns or just share good and bad stuff. It is a great resource here.

Wishing you love, acceptance and a smooth journey, where ever it takes you.

With warmth,

Joanna

A hearty welcome to Susan's, redeye.

Hi Redeye, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. I spent a long time telling everyone here that I was 29, but the truth is......I'm 27......times two!  :laugh:  Grab a comfy chair and some snacks. See you around the site.

Hugs, Devlyn

Welcome to Susan's.

I got caught dressing a bunch of times. My Mom use to go through my stuff looking for cloths and other things.

I m 53 and totally out. I have a very LGBT friendly employer. They just received a HRC award.

It is difficult to be stuck. So even in your situation you can do a lot to help yourself until you start your company. 

Quote from: V M on January 22, 2016, 09:49:03 PM
Hi Redeye  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you for the warm welcome.

Quote from: Dena on January 22, 2016, 09:27:40 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. You didn't really have any questions that I could answer yet but I will be happy to help you however I can. I know I would handle both church and work by being bold but that's 33 years post surgical speaking. I know I wouldn't have been as bold when I started my transition. Today I would regret not getting the last punch in before making my exit.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Thanks for the welcome and the links.

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 23, 2016, 03:58:42 AM
Redeye,

I can relate to so much you mentioned.

Dressing early in life and getting caught. I continued my whole life and would purge the wardrobe every time.

I came out to myself last March and my wife a few weeks later.

I am 51 with three teen daughters and a wife of 25 years.

I have been under dressing with underwear and bralettes. About 6 months ago, I stopped wearing male pants and switched to female jeans and slacks.

My wife has been pretty supportive. She doesn't know how she will feel about seeing me in full femme mode. So, I am a little reluctant to put some things on in front of her.

Looking to get a dress or two, a few skirts and maybe a couple blouse and sweater combos. I also have a wig fitting this Wednesday.

I am about to start HRT this week.

I am not comparing for competition. It is more to show the similarities. I know I don't have all the answers(barely have any for myself). I also want to encourage you to reach out here with any questions, concerns or just share good and bad stuff. It is a great resource here.

Wishing you love, acceptance and a smooth journey, where ever it takes you.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hi Joanna,

Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to hear that. I think that's why I'm here, looking for some kindred spirits and to learn from others.

If I may, have you spoken to your daughters about it yet? If so, how did you tell them and how did it go? I want to tell my kids at some point but I have very little idea if I should, if so when, and how. I for sure don't want them to find out by accident and have the shock to go with it.

Do you plan on living full time at some point, or are you like me and just trying things to see what works? I've been thinking about starting permanent hair removal for my face and upper body and I'm letting my hair grow a bit longer than usual,  but nothing that would out me yet. I want to ask my therapist about hrt as well,  just not sure where the point of no return is.

Thanks again.

Quote from: gennee on January 23, 2016, 02:38:13 PM
A hearty welcome to Susan's, redeye.

Hi Gennee, thank you.

Quote from: Rachel Lynn on January 23, 2016, 06:16:07 PM
Welcome to Susan's.

I got caught dressing a bunch of times. My Mom use to go through my stuff looking for cloths and other things.

I m 53 and totally out. I have a very LGBT friendly employer. They just received a HRC award.

It is difficult to be stuck. So even in your situation you can do a lot to help yourself until you start your company.

Hi Rachel. Thank you. Any specific advise on what I should start doing now?

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 23, 2016, 06:10:36 PM
Hi Redeye, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. I spent a long time telling everyone here that I was 29, but the truth is......I'm 27......times two!  :laugh:  Grab a comfy chair and some snacks. See you around the site.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn, looking forward to it. Thanks!

Quote from: redeye92 on January 29, 2016, 10:20:49 PM
Hi Joanna,

Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to hear that. I think that's why I'm here, looking for some kindred spirits and to learn from others.

If I may, have you spoken to your daughters about it yet? If so, how did you tell them and how did it go? I want to tell my kids at some point but I have very little idea if I should, if so when, and how. I for sure don't want them to find out by accident and have the shock to go with it.

Do you plan on living full time at some point, or are you like me and just trying things to see what works? I've been thinking about starting permanent hair removal for my face and upper body and I'm letting my hair grow a bit longer than usual,  but nothing that would out me yet. I want to ask my therapist about hrt as well,  just not sure where the point of no return is.

Thanks again.

redeye,

So far, I have told my oldest. She is going to be 18 in two weeks. It went very well. I did it on a trip to check out a college when we were driving alone. I was very frank and told about the issues I've had my whole life, and how I started going for therapy a year ago... She was only concerned whether my wife and I planned on staying together. The youth today seem very open  to our community. I was pretty sure it would not be a problem. She has a few gay friends and a transgender boy is one of her best friends. She is also a lead officer in the school's gay straight alliance(very concerned with all things LGBTQ).

The other two, don't know yet. However, when my wife and I were talking, she suggested we may want to talk to them about it. I had held off for her. She felt it might add a burden to them(they are 13 and 15). We shall see. I am not sure if it will be with both or one at a time. While they love their sister and her beliefs, it is a lot easier to accept a peer and I have been a little worried about accepting a parent(sort of a foundation).

I don't see how I can go full time yet. I need to get more comfortable with going out in public. That is something I am working on right now. I have been going for electrolysis off and on for quite a while. She told me I should hold off on paying for body hair removal till HRT. I have been using an epilator for nearly a year now. Had my first endocrinologist appointment on Friday. Once my blood work comes back and she is happy, she has prescriptions ready.

I can't grow my hair long now without looking ridiculous. So, I am going to get a wig done professionally. Very soon. I hate how I look and have never posted images of myself. However, I need help in choosing a style. I will be creating a new thread asking for help from members to vote for one of 4 or so styles. If you want to join the fun.

Good luck on your future.

Joanna