Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Those who 50 and older. What is your experiences with transitioning? I read so much material that says transitioning after 50 is real hard. My experience so far have been good except those persistent covert reminders you aren't going to do good or watch out it going to get real tough. Maybe your hormones aren't going to do much good. This being said I have read some younger trans women struggling with this.

Much Love,
Michelle

I think you'll find that each age group has its own struggles when it comes to transition, it's rarely a walk in the park regardless of age. The key components to "success" (for want of a better word) are support (both professional and family/friends), finances, realistic expectations, fortitude and confidence. When it comes to older age groups we often (not always, of course) have a better financial situation and life has taught us a few lessons about fortitude and confidence.

As a person who tried to transition (and "failed") when I was 24 I have found transition at age 47 (now 49) to have been a better experience due to those factors I mentioned above. Sure it would have been better to be in a younger body but I'm just glad for the opportunity to be myself now even though I'll be 50 in six weeks. :)

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 29, 2016, 02:00:12 PM
I think you'll find that each age group has its own struggles when it comes to transition, it's rarely a walk in the park regardless of age. The key components to "success" (for want of a better word) are support (both professional and family/friends), finances, realistic expectations, fortitude and confidence. When it comes to older age groups we often (not always, of course) have a better financial situation and life has taught us a few lessons about fortitude and confidence.

As a person who tried to transition (and "failed") when I was 24 I have found transition at age 47 (now 49) to have been a better experience due to those factors I mentioned above. Sure it would have been better to be in a younger body but I'm just glad for the opportunity to be myself now even though I'll be 25 x 2 in six weeks. :)

Fixed that for ya!  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

michelleh, I'm 58 and things have gone pretty well for me so far. I'm not sure it's been harder for me than younger people.

I did have the money for FFS and some other cosmetic surgery, without which things would have been pretty rough.

Regarding hormones, they can't change your bone structure, but they do amazing stuff to your skin. :)

Michelleh,

I am 51. I am early in the journey but with the patience to take it more slowly, and with decent insurance. It doesn't cover electrolysis but...  I can't give you a comprehensive description but it has been okay. It was a tough path for me to just get to a therapist then admit much of this to myself. I don't know if I will transition all the way.

That is the one thing at this age. With kids, a wife I still love, associates and a history in my profession, it may be harder to transition at this age. Given this option at a much earlier age, I know I would be going all the way in transition(perhaps rushing it too much).

Nothing I have written is terribly eye opening. Sorry. Just from my spot in life now.

Joanna

Hi Michelle  :)

Everyone's experience is unique unto themselves

I'm 54 and sure, I have my ups and downs like anyone else but over all I feel my transition to be going fairly well so far

Explore around the site, there are several topics to read and write and lots of new friends to be made  :icon_chick:

Hugs

V M

Quote from: michelleh on January 29, 2016, 01:39:47 PM
Those who 50 and older. What is your experiences with transitioning? I read so much material that says transitioning after 50 is real hard. My experience so far have been good except those persistent covert reminders you aren't going to do good or watch out it going to get real tough. Maybe your hormones aren't going to do much good. This being said I have read some younger trans women struggling with this.

Much Love,
Michelle

I am 52 and started in September last year, I have my HRT and Psych appointments in the next few weeks. I don't know if it is more difficult, possibly for people to understand..."you made it this far why can't you make it the rest", "R you having a mid life crisis", "You probably just have low testosterone", "Maybe you have a few Kangaroo's loose in the top paddock", "So you woke up this morning and decided to get you D..K cut off" "You can wear what you like, you don't have to go that far".....are just some of the comments I have either been asked or overheard.

Stop thinking about how difficult it will be and start thinking about the potential you have for the first time in your life to live every day as the true authentic you. "The glass is half full not half empty". When I went to my first meeting presenting as Elizabeth it was such a cathartic experience that I knew immediately my decision was sound.

I think transition at any age is hard..yes we have more mileage on the clock and that takes a bit more work to scrub away the 50+ years of male conditioning(which is harder than you think) but once you get started you will find your own pace. The other advantage we have is, life experience and Maturity so maybe we are better equipped emotionally to deal with transition.

Elizabeth K

well, I guess I shouldn't reply because I'm only 40, but I'll just say  that for me the choice was to live taking what ever would come my way transitioning or just to totally give up and let the earth take me. There absolutely was no other option.

The truth is that everybody is getting old, and age is an issue for all people whether they are trans or not.

Yes. I sometimes worry about aging, but I try to delay it by regular exercise. Aged people can have their own unique beauty compared with young people. A few of my colleagues ask whether I still keep long hair and wear women's dress when I am over 60. I am not quite sure, but I think I will do.

Transition is possible at anytime regardless of your age.

barbie~~

Quote from: michelleh on January 29, 2016, 01:39:47 PM
Those who 50 and older. What is your experiences with transitioning?

Went full-time at age 51. I'm now 54. I LOVE being a woman. I can be authentically myself. I have never regretted transitioning for a fraction of a second.

Dating has been discouraging, but at least I'm dating as myself. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Dive in, Michelle. The water's wonderful!!!

I'm just shy of the 50 mark but will tell you that so far it's been far far better than I thought it would be.  Sure some folks dropped away but I appear to be in a good area where people are quite accepting (Seattle area). 

There are some fringe benefits to girls in our age group such as the skin changes.  Folks regularly think I'm in my lower 30's.  That never gets old. 
Also as far as bodily changes go, it still worked out well for me though I need more junk in my trunk.  I think going younger might have helped here.

The one thing you should accept is the lack of stealth.  When you have lived this long and built, hopefully, many ties both personally and professionally then you need to embrace that people will know.  What's been great is that most people really want to just focus on who I am now.  They are only uncomfortable when there is discussion of who I was and the transition itself.  The ladies at work accept me and I usually never get a curious look but if I do, who cares.  Everybody that matters already knows. 

  I'm 63 and started HRT when I turned 58. I had little problems with the family and friends part as they knew already my circumstance since 1977. Those more likely to have a problem with that are the gay ones! I am not even presenting as female yet. Go figure!
  Another problem is a medical problem that went nuclear 18 months into HRT, but not related to HRT that put me on the disabled list with a lot of chronic pain. That is finally being taken care of but being older, something else may crop up.

Joelene

As others have said, it all depends on your circumstances. I started my transition last year at 53 and my experience is probably atypical. I have had a tremendously postive experience. I work for a government agency and have job protection and security.  I have great insurance and support from almost all of my family and friends.  I have been able to afford to pay for FFS and BA surgery.  I have made a ton of new friends and haven't lost any that I truely miss.  My 5 kids all love and support me for the most part and my girlfriend is still with me and has accepted the female me. 

HRT has been very good to me.  Eariler to day i posted a thread that showed my month by month transition pictures.  I have been full time female for over 7 months and there is no way I would ever go back to my old life.

I know that there are a number of other over 50 transitioners who have not had to struggle through their transitions also.  Good luck girl as you work through all the issues surrounding transition.

Thank You Beautiful Ladies,

Your loving support is much appreciated. I know I will succeed because you have proven by your lives it can be done. I am a little antsy about getting to the passing stage. Nobody arrives at the passing place the same. My biggest challenge is getting my voice to cooperate. I am already getting ma'am and refer to as girl unconsciously by people increasing. I have a wait and see attitude regarding FFS since the HRT really takes in my mind at least 24 months the soft tissue portion minus boney structures. I was blessed with a smaller fame and small bones. I am 5'9". I am so impressed with you all. Thank You.

I tried it twice in my early 20's and again at 51'ish. I say "Like a fine wine I got better with age".  Achy bones from dealing with 2ft of snow aside.

Compared to the 1970's it is a different universe now, much less world. Add to that not comming off a 20 year stint of being a big fat target for everyone at school which does affect your self esteem a tad. (Actually still does some but...) At 6ft tall I don't totally tower over most men and all women. I can blend in. I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.

Yet, I do tend to agree with my wife when she says "No sane person wants to be a 50 y/o woman".

I began transitioning at 50. I am like Jessie in that my transition is atypical. I have had 0 problems with the transition itself, I have never been misgendered in public, I work for a very accepting employer that really made a major effort to welcome the new me, I have had 0 problems using the correct restroom, I am dating someone, and I really haven't encountered any discrimination other than some garden variety misogyny which is to be expected. Part of this is because I live in southern California which is a very accepting state.

My 2 daughters accept me but my marriage of 27 years disintegrated. Ce la vie.

The dysphoria monkey is gone from my back now, leaving me to deal with the ordinary day-to-day problems that any other woman has to deal with. This has been an adjustment - dealing with ordinary life  :laugh:

You will not know what your transition will be like until you transition, but I want to point out that our minds are very good at imaging terrible scenarios, many of which never happen  :)

Quote from: mickey.megan on February 02, 2016, 02:31:26 PM
I'm working up the courage to come out. See my thread in new forum "real life experiences" but to share, right now and to use this analogy, I'm standing on the diving board, I want to jump in but my feet are frozen. I can't get myself to jump.

my wife was out running errands and so I stood in front of the mirror and became me. I put on red lipstick today and makeup, and I LOOOVED what I saw, but then panic'd because of fear of her coming through the door and seeing me :(

I have posted a lot on these forums today, my apologies I'm sure I seem half nuts and half over needy, will try to contribute a bit more and pull a bit less in the future.

Thank you all

It is a very tough place to be...wanting to come out, unsure of the consequences, knowing you have to do something...all this builds pressure and can make some things seem way bigger and harder than they are. I have not read any of the other posts you made yet but I can tell from this one how anxious you are feeling.

When I came out it did not turn out as I expected but on the whole it was also far more positive than I expected. It is never going to be the same for everyone but I hope if you do come out that you get all the support and love that you will need.

Take care

Elizabeth K

I've read literally hundreds of accounts of transitioners and pretty much every one felt like they were not doing so early enough in life. That includes those under 20. I would say after your dead will be too late. Any time before that, go for it. You really only live once. Do at least some of it your way.

I'm 42 and beginning hormones in two weeks. It's difficult to watch YouTube videos of these gorgeous girls who have been able to transition in their teens or early twenties, but like was already stated, it was a different world 25 years ago. Sure I wish I transitioned at puberty. I wish I received puberty blockers and got to come of age as a woman, but I also wish I was doing that in this day and age and not 25 years ago. There was enough bullying without having to come out as a woman.

Anyway, all of these accounts have really lifted my spirits. I get to be myself and after a lifetime of pretending and not being present that seems pretty amazing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm 61 and I began to transition 3 years ago. It's not been easy by far. I have had some friends drop me like they owed me money or something but it's really their loss in the end.

I am not too concerned what people say about me or the looks. I just stare them back down and tough if they don't like me.

If there was any other way to be who I am I would have gone for it but there wasn't. I had 2 completely opposite beings inside of me and the female side won out. I'm a lot happier than I ever was as a man and to be honest, it's hard to remember the man I used to be. He has become just a memory for me, almost like someone I knew who has gone away.

I am happy being a woman and overall, I will say the experience has been a positive one for me and in spite of it all, I wouldn't change back for all the tea in China.

If I have one real regret, I should have done this way back in my teens but oh well, I got to be who I am and many people go through life without getting to experience life like we do.

Love,
Clare

Some random thoughts I watch You Tube as well many times seeing teens to twenty year old transgenders transitioning I think to myself wow they all look so beautiful but, I am really impressed and over joyed by the transformation of older mtf transgenders well. Their isn't a raw deal for anyone because you get to be you period. Sure I know I not that young women who causes the young men to stare in lust. I am a wonderfully happy fun good looking middle age women who is loads of fun. First of all being a women is the complete package whether your a young or middle age women. I would like to look like a Barbie don't get me wrong but, I think being a passing women will do for now. I have seen and know plenty of CIS women who are very average are doing great. I personally will continue to evolve myself into the greatest women possible during and after transition. I am really excited. I will have to overcome a deep male resonance voice and a physically big head along with other challenging male testerone body issues. What is not commonly advertised is some CIS female have some masculine physical characteristics features as well such as a Adam's apple even though it is not as big. My strategy is accentuate my feminine characteristics like my beautiful legs and eyes not worry or fret over what I can't change. I didn't marry my wife before transitioning because she was always perfect physically it was overall beauty.

Quote from: michelleh on February 05, 2016, 10:47:45 PM
Some random thoughts I watch You Tube as well many times seeing teens to twenty year old transgenders transitioning I think to myself wow they all look so beautiful but, I am really impressed and over joyed by the transformation of older mtf transgenders well. Their isn't a raw deal for anyone because you get to be you period. Sure I know I not that young women who causes the young men to stare in lust. I am a wonderfully happy fun good looking middle age women who is loads of fun. First of all being a women is the complete package whether your a young or middle age women. I would like to look like a Barbie don't get me wrong but, I think being a passing women will do for now. I have seen and know plenty of CIS women who are very average are doing great. I personally will continue to evolve myself into the greatest women possible during and after transition. I am really excited. I will have to overcome a deep male resonance voice and a physically big head along with other challenging male testerone body issues. What is not commonly advertised is some CIS female have some masculine physical characteristics features as well such as a Adam's apple even though it is not as big. My strategy is accentuate my feminine characteristics like my beautiful legs and eyes not worry or fret over what I can't change. I didn't marry my wife before transitioning because she was always perfect physically it was overall beauty.

I couldn't agree more. Don't get me wrong, as I look as those young women on youtube I'm much more thrilled for them and the changes that are slowly happening in the world to allow such young people to thrive than I am jealous of them. We all make it in our own time. While I've looked, and researched, and many times nearly ordered hormones online to self medicate, I have never been ready to accept, really accept, myself until now. A few months ago a light bulb went off. There were many factors that lead to this revelation that transitioning could no longer be a theory, but one of the big things that happened was going to a club dressed as myself and looking in the mirror before I left and think "you are so pretty." Age is just a number and you are never too old to look super cute :)

Brie,

Beauty is more than a momentary pleasure it is your life. Unfortunately many transgenders feel pressure to pass like me. It will happen but, it takes time with every bad thing there is a good. It has been a pure joy so far.💋


💕Michelle

Although it seems an easy thing to say, we won't get very far comparing how we look with the twentysomethings. The comparison is - how does one feel as an unhappy man compared with a much happier woman?

I began the whole process at 49 pretty much two years ago. In a few respects it has not been easy, but it's still been so much easier than keeping up my decades-long pretence of maleness. I am fortunate to work in government where there are strong laws, policies and guidelines. I am lucky to live in a large cosmopolitan city where diversity is mostly accepted. Most of friends and family have been understanding, although some have clearly had issues of sorts. When we make this decision we don't only challenge ourselves, but also those around us (to a lesser degree).

As Grace said earlier, we often have a certain amount of personal strength, knowledge and experience gathered over the years that people 30 years younger won't have. Our skin may not be as soft (shame!) but it's probably quite thick!

For those in relationships or with children there are some significant challenges and plenty of potential for real conflict, alas. We do have to be prepared to work hard to try and manage these relationships, either to maintain them, improve them, or at any rate accept them.

Physical changes can and do still occur at 50. As ever, it depends on the person. Mental changes have certainly occurred for me, and have helped me a lot as I now feel more attuned to me and not caught up in a perpetual internal fight with myself.

It is worth it.

Quote from: rosinstraya on February 06, 2016, 11:50:55 PM
... The comparison is - how does one feel as an unhappy man compared with a much happier woman?

I know I am bad space when I look in the mirror and see "The sad old man". Thankfully, most days it's the joy filled not all that bad looking for an old bat assessment

Hi,
I just turned 49 in Jan. I'll be back here next year.  ;)

How very encouraging!  As a youngish 57 I have been wondering whether I have waited too long but still determined to move forward through transition at the speed of my wife's acceptance.    I like the comment about "after you're dead" being too late.

One good thing - laser hair removal has also been blasting away all sorts of little age related blemishes, broken capillaries, and the like.   The testosterone blocker also seems to help a tiny bit.   So I guess in one respect, transitioning at a later age does serve to roll the clock back - I dont look a day over 55!

Miril

Quote from: michelleh on January 29, 2016, 01:39:47 PM
Those who 50 and older. What is your experiences with transitioning? I read so much material that says transitioning after 50 is real hard. ...

Sorry, I'm not only late to my transition but late to this thread. :) I'm 50. Transition can be difficult at times, yes, but also remarkably rewarding at other times, often in surprising ways such as losing weight (~230 down to ~170), getting the hair right (finally! I can now tell a stylist, in a non-jittery way, that I am bit fem... that was so hard at first, OMG!  :icon_eek: ), learning about what works or not, that sort of thing. Seeing progress has me seeing possibilities which offers promise leading to more exploration and it all repeats.

Primary difficulty now is twofold... First there's trying to understand how far I want to take things. Then there's working to pick apart years of repression to discern what is me and what is habit designed to fit in where fitting in is not necessary or even unhealthy. As in "Don't use that gesture because they might think you're gay." That sort of thing. So I'm sort of asking myself, "would my real gestures please stand up?" :D But it is sort of like asking, "Would the real me please stand up?"

Regarding youtube transitioners, I've gotten so much encouragement from so many who have helped me to understand what's possible and okay. I applaud them...  :eusa_clap: it takes guts to post a public personal video on youtube. I should know because I've never done it! ;D

I also have to credit those very reliable web sites that have been around for ages (Lynn Conway's site, tsroadmap, etc.). They've always been there with good basic transition info, where, if you're new to transition, that means so so much.

I try to remember the times when all those examples and resources were not available, when online freedom and ability to connect did not exist as it does today.

Hi, i'm 50, we are on the same boat with the same perplexities about where this boat might lead us to.

BTW, welcome to Susan's, I'm really finding a very good support here, it's a very good place to share doubts and clear up the mind.

Maybe the boat is wiser than us and already knows where to go just floating on the flowing water... ;)

All the best.
Aly

I will be turning 50 very soon. I transitioned around 4 1/2 years ago.  All I can say is it's been very very very good to me.  I can't complain. 
Your life will twist and turn a tad,but then levels off as you feel more comfortable with new self. Have fun with it. I would also recommend seeing a therapist, who can help guide you through all this.  I did, and it made a world of difference.

I wish you the best!

Quote from: Kao3 on February 15, 2016, 02:15:51 AM
Sorry, I'm not only late to my transition but late to this thread. :) I'm 50. Transition can be difficult at times, yes, but also remarkably rewarding at other times, often in surprising ways such as losing weight (~230 down to ~170), getting the hair right (finally! I can now tell a stylist, in a non-jittery way, that I am bit fem... that was so hard at first, OMG!  :icon_eek: ), learning about what works or not, that sort of thing. Seeing progress has me seeing possibilities which offers promise leading to more exploration and it all repeats.

Primary difficulty now is twofold... First there's trying to understand how far I want to take things. Then there's working to pick apart years of repression to discern what is me and what is habit designed to fit in where fitting in is not necessary or even unhealthy. As in "Don't use that gesture because they might think you're gay." That sort of thing. So I'm sort of asking myself, "would my real gestures please stand up?" :D But it is sort of like asking, "Would the real me please stand up?"

Regarding youtube transitioners, I've gotten so much encouragement from so many who have helped me to understand what's possible and okay. I applaud them...  :eusa_clap: it takes guts to post a public personal video on youtube. I should know because I've never done it! ;D

I also have to credit those very reliable web sites that have been around for ages (Lynn Conway's site, tsroadmap, etc.). They've always been there with good basic transition info, where, if you're new to transition, that means so so much.

I try to remember the times when all those examples and resources were not available, when online freedom and ability to connect did not exist as it does today.

Yes. You are like me. You can enjoy your changes regardless of your age.
BTW, nowadays Facebook friends seem to be tired of seeing my fashion photos.

barbie~~

Quote from: Alycya on February 15, 2016, 03:23:12 AM
BTW, welcome to Susan's, I'm really finding a very good support here, it's a very good place to share doubts and clear up the mind.

I agree... and welcome too!

Oh, in my parenthetical in my prior post...

Quote from: Kao3 on February 15, 2016, 02:15:51 AM
...I also have to credit those very reliable web sites that have been around for ages (Lynn Conway's site, tsroadmap, [ADD]susans.org,[/ADD] etc.). They've always been there with good basic transition info, where, if you're new to transition, that means so so much. ...

I should have mentioned susans.org of course... much anonymous searching over the last several years before finally having the courage to join. Maybe a photo eventually, I'm not there yet. :)

Quote from: barbie on February 17, 2016, 01:18:04 PM
Yes. You are like me. You can enjoy your changes regardless of your age.
BTW, nowadays Facebook friends seem to be tired of seeing my fashion photos. ...

:D ... I've also relaxed on sending pictures out each time I make a nice change. I think it's natural to do that when one begins seeing some positive changes in what can often be unbelievable journey.