Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ive been trans for about 4 years now, but I've only ever had the courage to come out to (some of my) close friends. I was wondering if anyone knows some ways at hinting to family and not-so-close friends that you're trans, so when you do come out they're not too shocked? Thanks :)

I honestly think hinting is hard because if you hint to someone they might start thinking about it, and then interrogate you at the most random time. When you come out to family and friends you can control the situation and timing, making it more comfortable


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Here are some materials that might be shown:

http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/

http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

You might not make a big deal of it ... so its more likely people react this way too...
talking about your felings and explaining...

and some people use a letter to come out ...


hugs

I only "came out" to a couple close friends, then my family.  Now its basically "who the hell cares".  Don't hide but don't put yourself in a spotlight.  If you do this you'll find the task of coming out a lot easier.  Get through the few roadblocks with the tips above and then the rest is as easy as being yourself :) 

I hinted often and in many different ways and yet a lot of people still didn't have a clue and considered me eccentric or gay.  I was often kind of femme and wore a very thin watch band, earrings, long hair and shaped, polished nails.  I wore rainbow colored items and, in some ways, i was also hinting constantly to myself. 

Talking directly about trans issues is easy these days as there is so much in the news.  We could let people know we are interested in trans issues by talking about them; Hey, how bout that Caitlyn Jenner or latest bathroom bill?  Asking people about how they feel about transgender as a topic rather than a personal disclosure if you like.

When my family was around I'd turn to shows about trans people and see how they think, I learned a lot about how they think and learned I was able to transition. My dad is a bible-thumping churchaholic and I thought he'd be a transphobic but I guess not. Bring up the subject of transgender I'd think

I always found hinting to be a really poor mode of communication.  I try never to use it myself and I really hate when someone does it to me.  It's usually just too hard to guess what the message is supposed to be.

When I come out, I'm just going to lay it on them.  They'll be shocked (or maybe not), but they'll either get over it or they won't.

I sometimes try to hint, but i really suck at subtlety.  I once waited for my wife to get home, and while i was waiting put on make up, a pair of her pants, and 8-10 hair pins.  She gets home, and didn't really seem to have an opinion.  She just commented that i'm pretty good at the hair/make up.

Hey! I didn't read all of the responses so I might repeat some stuff, but this is what I did. First, I kinda just started changing my posture to more masculine, walking wider, squaring shoulders, etc. I started wearing the most masculine clothes in my closet. I meantioned LGBT issues a lot more, not just about trans people but I think it gave some people a hint. I started wearing my short hair not in bangs and I shaved the peach fuzz off my face. Eventually I started trying to flatten my chest and I think that dos the trick. I hope it helps! -Tyler

I don't know if I have any good advice. The way I do things is just to do them. The way I would do it for myself would be just to engage people in a conversation  and then bring the conversation to focus on the issue and how they feel about it. Now, since Cait came out it's pretty easy to get people to comment on their feelings about someone who transitions.

Hinting at being trans is pretty hard since it is the last thing people would expect. Regardless of whether you are m2f or f2m your hinting is only likely to create a belief that you are either gay or lesbian.

That's something I'm struggling to do at the moment. But hinting only makes them become suspicious of you, then they'll start noticing everything you do even if you aren't hinting anything. Then they'll start to make their own theories. If you're still in school, they'll say that bullying does it to you. If you have a trans friend that they know about, they'll say that they influenced you. I'm just going to wait until my parents directly ask me, or I'll just tell them when I decide to have the surgery in the future.

I tried hinting, basically by asking my dad about what he thought of trans people and what if I was trans yaadaa yaadaa.

Maybe I wasn't subtle enough, but I basically outed myself to him and, unfortunately he confirmed that he's not accepting/supportive. I'm going to college soon, so I'll be okay, but I'd been planning on waiting until I was out of the house.

I'd mostly just caution you to be careful not to hint too hard.

I think hinting at trans is hard because unless your family is educated about it, they'll assume you're homosexual. My parents thought I was a lesbian (I'm FtM). I wasn't even trying to hint, I was just being myself and really I was just really boy-ish, but the first thing they'll associate that with is being gay rather than being trans as being gay is way more common and known. I never had the confidence to talk to my parents about transpeople though before coming out, the only time I did was about Caitlyn Jenner which isn't really relevant to me as I'm FtM lol. My parents didn't know jack about transpeople until I came out, then they went out and researched and educated themselves and now they are very accepting. Especially my dad, who thought my therapy was going to "convince me I'm a girl".