Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just curious how others feel about people other than yourself having any sort of responsibility in accepting your need to be yourself in terms of being transgender. Does anyone else other than yourself really have any responsibility outside of treating someone with human respect. It would be great if the world around us was totally knowledgeable  about what is involved with being transgender , but the reality is that most people haven't a clue. Can others really be blamed for not accepting for whatever the reason, culture or religion etc. It would be beautiful if the world  was totally understanding , but it's not. To what degree are others responsible for accepting us other than common courtesy and obedience to the law. My family doesn't accept me. My niece is trying , but I know it's hard for her to understand. She in need of someone to be there for her because she has a lot of problems and I accept her need , but I know it's difficult for her and I totally understand that and it's ok for her to refer to me as her uncle because I understand how hard it can be.

Treating me with respect about covers it.

That means gendering me correctly, not deadnaming me and treating me the way I want to be treated (i.e. like a female).

As much as i would like to say otherwise, I can't say that I believe others owe us anything. It's like someone having respect for you. They don't instantly have it. You gain it by what you do. It can take time for people to get that we are trans  and be understanding of it. The old adage of seeing is believing comes to mind here. It just takes time. Some will never get past what they knew before or want to believe. Sorry your having a difficult time Stephanie. Hugs
Mariah

Yep, the old do unto others as you want them to do unto you. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: suzifrommd on February 04, 2016, 11:10:38 AM
Treating me with respect about covers it.

That means gendering me correctly, not deadnaming me and treating me the way I want to be treated (i.e. like a female).

Agreed full respect is all i need, and that includes calling my by the correct name and pronouns. I'm also happy to help educate people in general.

No one owes me anything.

Next time family gives you grief, remind them we are all here on this earth for only so long.

Family is important.

I see gendering me correctly and calling me whatever I ask of them as a sign of a respect to me as a human. I don't comprehend the idea of "treating as a member of either sex". Can I ask to be treated as another human instead?

I dont feel anyone owes me anything either

However, if you want to be close to me... you will have to accept me as I am, as I must accept you

but I dont think we can force people to use correct pronouns or even names...this notion cracks me up and surprisingly its the second most asked question when I tell someone.... (first is usually about cutting things off)
I just laugh and say I dont care... I mean when you are hanging out with friends who uses pronouns. I mean if they care about you and your feelings and you are projecting the image of a female...Im sure they will refer to you as her in conversation...and they will surely slip up... you must accept that. But I bet people that do love and respect you will do their best to make you happy... the rest can eat ->-bleeped-<-

yes , respect is nice.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 04, 2016, 11:11:52 AM
As much as i would like to say otherwise, I can't say that I believe others owe us anything. It's like someone having respect for you. They don't instantly have it. You gain it by what you do. It can take time for people to get that we are trans  and be understanding of it. The old adage of seeing is believing comes to mind here. It just takes time. Some will never get past what they knew before or want to believe. Sorry your having a difficult time Stephanie. Hugs
Mariah

I'm all right, its just my niece is the only family I have and I kind of feel her quandary .

I'm with the rest of them. Respect me and we're all set. On the flip side trying to be overly understanding and sympathetic to me would drive me nuts! Being a self aware, independent person I would be highly annoyed by special consideration.

I think many of us do in regards to family. We feel what they are going through in handling this, but at the same time know what we need. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: stephaniec on February 04, 2016, 12:11:34 PM
I'm all right, its just my niece is the only family I have and I kind of feel her quandary .

Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 04, 2016, 12:31:29 PM
I think many of us do in regards to family. We feel what they are going through in handling this, but at the same time know what we need. Hugs
Mariah

thanks

Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 04, 2016, 12:31:29 PM
I think many of us do in regards to family. We feel what they are going through in handling this, but at the same time know what we need. Hugs
Mariah

That is some of the reason I reluctant to came out to my families. Both of my parents are 80 year old, and I don't want to hurt them as this stage of their lives.

Luanne

It's really simple for me. Anyone who wants to be a part of my life has to accept me for who I am. Do they owe me anything? No. It's a simple choice and they can absolutely leave and never talk to me again if they disagree. I won't stop them. My real family is made up of the people I share love and respect with. As far as anyone who isn't part of my personal life, civil liberties are they only thing I am owed. Treat me like a human being and give me equal rights and we can both go our own ways.

I do not feel anyone has responsibilities to 'accept' anyone other than to respect others as human beings. I've learned to acknowledge other factors in life different from my own, but respect -for me-  is ultimately earned.

Respect is not needed. I just need to be treated as a human.

Basic human rights.

Quote from: luanneph on February 04, 2016, 12:48:44 PM
That is some of the reason I reluctant to came out to my families. Both of my parents are 80 year old, and I don't want to hurt them as this stage of their lives.

Luanne

Yes...

But in comparison... We been hurt for 20-60 years. Just because they are old doesnt mean they didnt have happiness for most of their lives....

Yeah, I think that people should view it as basic politeness.  There's a basic responsibility to be nice to people.  Like... it's rude to repeatedly offer vegetarians meat, and most people know not to do that.  The awareness isn't quite there, but we're making progress.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 04, 2016, 11:00:42 AM
My niece is trying , but I know it's hard for her to understand. She in need of someone to be there for her because she has a lot of problems

My son didn't accept me, probably because he was told about me by his other parent in a less than loving way (that's another story), but I made myself available and was there when he needed help (three years later). Today he gets it, and we do fabulously together. My point is, your niece is family. Give her as much support as you can without making her feel guilty for not acknowledging your reality. Eventually she'll get it. And in the unlikely case she doesn't, she's still family.

For the record, I was much harder on non-relatives regarding names and pronouns.

Quote from: stephaniec on February 04, 2016, 11:00:42 AM
Just curious how others feel about people other than yourself having any sort of responsibility in accepting your need to be yourself in terms of being transgender. Does anyone else other than yourself really have any responsibility outside of treating someone with human respect.

Treating people with "human respect" is enough.  The problem is that this requires respect towards the person.  Denying them their identity is the highest form of disrespect.

So, in essence, disrespecting a transperson over their identity is disrespecting them as a person and as a human.  A person cannot claim to have respect for a person if they don't even acknowledge who they are.

In other words, yes.  It is the responsibility of others to be respectful.  I don't kick open the doors of churches screaming "Your god is fake... but I respect you!" because that would make me a liar and a hypocrite.

Quote from: diane 2606 on February 04, 2016, 11:09:24 PM
My son didn't accept me, probably because he was told about me by his other parent in a less than loving way (that's another story), but I made myself available and was there when he needed help. Today he gets it, and we do fabulously together. My point is, your niece is family. Give her as much support as you can without making her feel guilty for not acknowledging your reality. Eventually she'll get it. And in the unlikely case she doesn't, she's still family.

For the record, I was much harder on non-relatives regarding names and pronouns.

I love my niece and would never abandon her. It's just an awkward feeling that I need to overcome knowing that she probably doesn't quite understand but she is trying.

Yesterday I went to work with little bit of makeup and some light lipstick, and using Anarchy for Her body wash and spray. While help coworkers with computer problems, and she compliment that I smell nice like a lady. She also compliment about my makeup and lips color. At lunch I tell her about my transition, and she just understood and support what I am going through. I think I just met a right person to tell my story.

Luanne

Quote from: stephaniec on February 04, 2016, 11:16:21 PM
she is trying.

What more could you ask?

We're not exactly mainstream. A minority of the population has only the slightest idea what we've gone through because they have no conceptual framework from which to make a comparison. If your niece is trying she's ahead of 98% of the population. Your niece rocks. You can tell her I said so. ;D

yes