Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am having a hard time feeling comfortable wearing my female clothes in public so have so I have been  taking baby steps like getting rid of most of my male underwear and wearing only woman's and occasionally wearing a bra but only under a sweatshirt and last night I nearly jumped five feet when a man at the bar patted me on my back in a friendly manner and imeadatly came out to him and his date turns out he felt nothing and I came out due to nothing . I would like to ask advice of how to make this easier? I am going to have to get used to it if I am going to be myself.

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I am not sure I posted in the right subfourm if I did not please feel free to move it.

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Honey it takes a while to get comfortable and then natural.

Are you seeing a therapist?

Seems a good idea to be honest.

I have not but know I need a therapist and was planing on asking my doctor to to recommend one when I go in later this week.

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I did it in bits and pieces. I started with items I thought nobody would notice. I'd add a new item every couple weeks. It turns out people did notice, they just didn't say anything.

So my progression was neutral sneakers, hoodie, jewelry, flat colored straight legged jeans, hair style, curvy boot cut jeans, solid colored t-shirts, makeup and nails, full time, coats, sneakers with bright pink highlights. I still get nervous around certain locations and people. I haven't fallen back to male mode in 3 months now, but I do sometimes fall back to those neutral jeans/sneakers depending on where I'm headed.

Each additional step you take makes it easier until you get to a point where you're just sick and tired of changing to walk out the door and stop doing it.

Thank you Emileeeee and Cindy I needed that support . I would also like to say I just made an appointment with a therapist. 

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My first time in public as me was when I got dressed and went to a group counseling session.  Friendly place to do that.  The second time was at a "LGBT" bar, that resulted in an ugly situation with T-predator.  The third was at a restaurant with another trans girl from here on Susan's.  That went well.

I guess that rather than wading into the water gradually, another equal viable option is to jump into a friendly place.

Either works.  Its up to you.

Hugs,

Jen

Kristy it can easily be nerve-racking when we first start dressing out in public. In time you will get used to it and begin to become comfortable doing so. Time, experience and confidence will take you along way. I hope your able to see a therapist soon. I know mine was invaluable in helping through this. Good luck and Hugs

P.S. in regards to the sub forum, it's not the best location but you did just fine. I'm going to move it to the MtF forum so it gets more foot traffic to help you along your journey. Hugs
Mariah

It's nice to hear women living full time now as themselves talk about being nervous in public. I think as someone also slowly coming out it is definitely one of the few things that can actually put doubt in my head. "If I'm still getting this nervous, and am in no way as confident and comfortable with myself as these beautiful full time women, then maybe I won't ever be comfortable enough to be full time."

It's nice to hear most of us start from the same place. Sometimes I feel like a movie star walking down the street. Other time, looking just as pretty, I want to crawl under a rock and hide.

But my goodness am I so much happier either way.


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I was really nervous at first buying clothes. I found self checkout to be invaluable since no explaining to the machine or comments from a cashier. I started out with women's jeans and panties for a couple months at my college. I am still always working to improve my appearance but for the most part I am full time now. I just have some name bugs to work out at school and with some roommates. I just try not to let it bother me if some people still call me my old name. I will be more strict about it after I start hormones and submit my name and gender change though. Transition is a process so don't let it bother you if you feel you have work to do still, we all have those feelings. Good luck with growing your confidence and don't let what others think deter you too much.

With Love,
Myrrial

My starter wardrobe was mail order so everything hit when I had to go out for the first time as a female. I started with my therapy group but I had to make it there by myself. After the therapy group, sometimes several of us would go to a local restaurant for dinner so there was safety in numbers. That was the extent of my public exposure for a few months and then I was laid off a few months early. Rather than find a new job and risk a transition, I had the hair length so I took a risk and went full time a few months early.

The nerves are bad at first but the more exposure you have, the faster you get over it. Meeting strangers and needing them to give you a job is the most pressure you can feel in the early days of the transition.

For me, I felt I should be in girl mode or boy mode and I shouldn't mix it up. That is a personal decision and many are more comfortable with a mix of the two. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

I saw my new therapist for the first time today and it helped big time. With her help I have decided to take my time and do what feels right to me and baby steps at this point feel right but they do seem to be coming quicker and quicker. I would like to thank all of you for your support and the people who recommend therapy extra thanks!

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Baby steps are perfect.... 6 months from now you will see it all differently, just push yourself... make it into little challenges for yourself like add painted nails or just clearcoat them, a little blingy andro jewelry... get your brows done, are you into skin care yet? Start treating your skin like gold, it will pay you back with a radiant smile.

These things will all be barely noticeable yet they will make you feel great.

Epilate or remove body hair, just a little at a time. I went legs/feet then hands then arms and chest last...took a few months to get where I am hairless, but I do have to maintain.

They are stepping stones to bigger moves and you will want to make them as you progress... all will be scary at first, but you will get through it, and the next time it will be less of a big deal to you. You will get excited about what can I get away with next....or at least that is how it worked for me and 6 months ago I would not believed I would be were I am today.

Do it your way at a pace that keeps you sane ;D

I am wanting to do my chest first because I am getting tired of the pain every time I remove my breast forms when I use medical adhesive. I am looking into waxing first (I just said ow out loud when I wrote that) looking at prices and reputations of places that offer it.

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Thats great!

***giggles at you saying ow***

I chose to do it at home, whatever works for you is exactly what you should do

Just try not to let it go more than a few days before you attempt to add something... its better to try and fail than just wait. Ive gotten dressed and drove 30-40 minutes to turn the car around and just go back home. I used to take an "escape pack" on the road. Makeup remover, washcloth, guy clothes in a bag. Then it all just gets easier every time

enjoy the whole process ;)

Haha big time "OW!" on the chest waxing.  I used to have that done too before HRT.  The first time was the worst and with each subsequent waxing it got easier as the follicles were being damaged and not growing back as strong.

As far as comfort level, I too started with support groups, meet ups in public, my therapist, etc.....  I always felt like all eyes were on me.  Especially when out buying clothes and makeup.

One thing that really helped me was to realize that even though transition and my own awkwardness are screaming their presence in my own head, most people in public are just too wrapped up in their own lives to take much notice.  Just try to be yourself and act natural.  I know it's hard ,especially when everything is new, but in my own experience people for the most part are oblivious.

Quote from: Emjay on February 18, 2016, 06:09:26 PM

One thing that really helped me was to realize that even though transition and my own awkwardness are screaming their presence in my own head, most people in public are just too wrapped up in their own lives to take much notice.  Just try to be yourself and act natural.  I know it's hard ,especially when everything is new, but in my own experience people for the most part are oblivious.

Yes!, try and remember this

Ahh the escape pack. I remember that well. I also remember the day I decided not to have one well. Went to a friend's house. There were a lot more people there than I expected. Sat in the car in front of her house for about a half hour deciding whether I wanted to just drive back home. I bit the bullet and walked inside. Not a single issue.

I am now in eating out wearing an obviously woman's t-shirt and am doing fine I even was okay taking my jacket off and only put  it back on because I got cold and it is made of tissue weight fabric. 

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YAY!!!!!!! Hi five!

I was hiding in a womens jacket (womens blouse under neath) until the last few days... I wont say Im cured yet... but I need to get prepped for summer time

I have always pictured myself as a t-shirt and jeans type of girl only wearing a dress for special occasions. Most of the people I view as role models are that way so this is making me feel  the closest on the outside as to how I feel on the inside as I ever have in public in my life happy.

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Me too Kristy

Jeans and Tshirts or slinky, print blouses and Im a sneaker girl too. Im not into heels, I do have some but Ill pass...
I havent been brave enough to wear my flats out yet... but Im so comfy in sneakers... Im not even sure I will

I am going to keep my current shoes I found a pair that I buy over and over again.

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I am doing another first and as in the past the anxiety over doing it was worse than doing it. I added a bra and to the obviously female t shirt. Each step I take I feel more and more like myself and it feels good..

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Quote from: RitaChans on February 19, 2016, 05:26:14 AM
Me too Kristy

Jeans and Tshirts or slinky, print blouses and Im a sneaker girl too. Im not into heels, I do have some but Ill pass...
I havent been brave enough to wear my flats out yet... but Im so comfy in sneakers... Im not even sure I will

I wore my flats out saturday nite!

today Im struggling with a challenge

I have to go somewhere that I see as manly.... ive pushed the boundaries recently but really want to wear a sweater I got the other day.... I have about 2 hours to decide..... ???

Quote from: RitaChans on February 23, 2016, 05:40:04 AM
today Im struggling with a challenge

I have to go somewhere that I see as manly.... ive pushed the boundaries recently but really want to wear a sweater I got the other day.... I have about 2 hours to decide..... ???

Just be true to yourself. It's good to challenge yourself but don't beat yourself up if today isn't the day you go to that "manly" place in a cute sweater. Maybe it's the next time.

Or maybe you getting to wear the sweater you want is more important to you than what the manly men at this place think, which is pretty freeing.


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thanks.... today is not the day, thats my decision.... Im super pms today.... :-\

Rita do what you feel like if you don't want to don't. I realized that we all do this at our own pace and there is no one way to transition just our own way. I admire you and your courage you have already gone farther down the path to feel like the person you are than I have. Thank you

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Quote from: RitaChans on February 23, 2016, 07:29:08 AM
thanks.... today is not the day, thats my decision.... Im super pms today.... :-\

Right? lol...This is such a winding path to be on I don't think I would survive if I set down a bunch of "should" before me. "I should wear what I want even in situations that can make me panic attack level uncomfortable." or whatever. That's the kind of attitude that dictated my old life and the old me. Now I am just trying to be myself, and you know what? Every day that changes a little bit and I have to be strong enough and kind enough to myself to be okay with today not being the day because I know if I stay on the path that I am on that soon enough every day will be the day.

_Brie Katherine

I go to a LGBT gym. I would change in a private locker room (gender neutral) and go to group. Then I would go to a store in the gayborhood then a WAWA (convenience store in my neighborhood). One time there were three bikers outside a WAWA and I parked next to them and they didn't care. That was a very cool feeling.

Then 11/12/15 I changed my work ID and the next day I came out at work. The first day I expressed at work I walked across a bridge from where I park. Then into one hospital an ambulatory care building and then into another hospital ending up in the control Room. I was frightened. I walked in, in front of my 3rd shift and said what do you think? How do you like my purse? Any suggestions? They had some suggestions. I did that for all three shifts.

Now expressing isn't a thought. Well actually it is; I look at what other woman are wearing and we sometimes discuss where thing came from and cost. I have a homework assignment from 3 woman to try something next week. It is fun. Things change :)

I wore a sports bra to work to work today for the first time and it felt great I felt like my truck self. Tommorow might be different but I have learned to take this day by day and do what feels right to me. I also made an appointment for a mani/pedi today and was planing to only have color on my toes as of now I am planning to have my fingers painted the closest to T.A.R.D.I.S. Blue that I can (if you don't know the Tardis is the time machine and space ship in the show Doctor Who).

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I have to say sports bras are like my most favorite bras ever. Most of them have pockets you can put inserts into and don't have to worry about keeping everything in place. Over time I have added more and more things until I was full time almost before I realized it. The last big thing that seemed to do wonders was after I started getting laser hair removal on my face. Without facial shadow and boobs, its pretty easy to get by now. I just continue to work on slowly improving my presentation more and more as I go. The next big thing will be dealing with the VA to get my HRT going, but being a government agency it is its own kind of struggle.

With Love,
Myrrial

Good job Kristy ;D

We just do what works for us and ease into the role... I dint mean to put pressure on ourselves... maybe I did... I was trying to force myself to move faster but thats not always best. I just dont want to go stagnant waiting over what I think someone else thinks...

sorry if Im all over the place at the moment. Im dealing with one particular group of people in my life at the moment, like a 3rd of those I deal with regularly. They are ex marines, ex police, hunters, alpha males (they think) and that is a scary bridge for me to cross. I have alot of anxiety over it and its a beat down when I dont express around them. They seemed to really like me, but its hard because they dont know what they are dealing with... or do they? They are gay haters and talk meanly about jenner as well... so you can see my concern?

Yeah even though everyone I have told has been supportive I have had anxiety I cannot even begin imagine if I did not have that.

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I got a mani today and got color my fingernails are now painted Tardis blue and I am wearing my new Doctor Who shirt that I got today with a sports bra. I am happy and feel good.

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In every day life, I look very androgynous. I wear lots of unisex clothes; converse Chuck Taylors, Doc Martins, and even clogs. I mostly wear black t-shirts and black very skinny jeans. They are women's jeans, but who would know?

Then I have long hair, get my brows threaded and wear nail polish.

At the moment, no one mistakes me as a woman. Unless they aren't looking at my face. That's because I still have to shave and always have a shadow.

I'm just starting out.

But I've made myself feel better by not wearing any male specific clothing. 


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