Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey there! I'm Joe, a 22 year old trans man, pre everything, from Europe. I decided to join this forum because my dysphoria issues are getting worse, and the desire to transition are getting stronger. I realized it's not possible for me to keep living this way in this body. I used to think, when I was a teen, that I could just avoid physical transition, but I was in denial. I've just been brainwashed into thinking transition is scary or something like that. It's not. I realize it's a difficult road but living in a body I never wanted is the most difficult thing ever. And it hurts me. I've been knowing who I am before knowing what the term transgender meant, and before knowing such thing existed. But I already knew. I already knew I had to be born with a different body, and that I'm a boy. I was just a small child when I started questioning why I was feeling that way. Now I decided I'm ready to transition physically. I've always had male clothes and typically male behaviors. But as you all know, it's the body that bothers me.

I can't transition right now though, because my family doesn't know, they wouldn't understand or accept and I'm not financially independent yet so I can't do anything without my parents' money. I still live with them and going to college. I'm so scared about the future and my family. It terrifies me. But you know what terrifies me the most? To keep living with a body like this.

Welcome to Susan's Place. We all have to decide at some point to start exploring our transition. You may not be ready to do everything but there are things you can do in the short term. Learning about the options available to you is a step in the right direction and will make your transition go faster when the time comes.

You are welcome everywhere on the site but the guys tend to hang out in the FTM section so many of your gender specific questions will be answered faster if posted in that area.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Welcome to Susan's, Joe! :)

Hi Joe, welcome to Susan's. I remember those days knowing I couldn't live as my old self yet suck that way because I couldn't afford to do anything about. I hope things change for you soon. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Hello! Thank you for sharing your story! It's tough being financially dependent on your parents and being afraid of how they might react to the news. As stated before, there are steps you can take to begin your journey. Start doing research on every aspect of what you would have to do transition, how much it's going to cost, etc. A key component is accepting yourself first before you begin to transition. There is nothing wrong about you. You are a unique individual who is just facing some difficulties and you shouldn't let it bring you down. Take everything day by day and before you know it, you'll already begin to transition! :)

Hi Joe  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hello everyone, y'all are so nice  ;D

I definitely looked up transition options in general and in my country. I've been doing this for a few years now. I'm feeling really depressed right now because I now know I can't have a normal and stable life without transitioning. I was in denial at first, thinking "oh no, me being transgender has nothing to do with my depression", which is in part true, but in part it's not true, because being trans does make things much more difficult. I'm in some kind of weird grey area though, where I appear as male, have always dressed with clothes of my true gender (except for a few gender neutral looking clothes bought in the girls' section in the past) ever since I was a child. I used to have long hair but then I started cutting them short on top and shaved on the sides and back. This created family problems at first, with my mother getting mad at me, but then she just learned to accept it. "It's my hair", I said, "I am the one who needs to be comfortable, not you".
I go to a barber's shop - my cis male friend introduced me to it as he goes there too - and the young guy who cuts my hair is really nice, and I never got questions, so I feel good there (another option would be going to a unisex hairstylist, but I'm fine there).
I am out to all my closest friends. So, socially speaking, I live as my true gender a lot of the time - with some people I am out (close friends and girlfriend), as I said, with others I just don't say anything.

My family....hmmm, well....they did give me problems at first because of the clothes and stuff, but lately they haven't talked much about it. I don't know what to think. Maybe now that I'm an adult they don't think it's so appropriate to tell me what to do? I don't really know. Maybe they think I'm just masculine but not an actual guy so they're ok thinking that? I don't know. All I know is I don't have the courage to come out yet. Even though sometimes I consider telling at least one sibling, I chicken out and change my mind. I throw some hints here and there, getting frustrated, saying I was just born the wrong way or that my internal organs are useless to me and that I wish I didn't have them (especially on period). But my family might just think I'm simply frustrated. I don't know what else to do though. I had friends tell me it's really obvious that I'm a guy, and that they don't understand how other people can't see it. Well, I understand why. First, society teaches cisheteronormativity so most people assume everyone they meet is cis and straight. Second, it's more "socially acceptable" for female bodied people to be masculine than it is for male bodied people to be feminine.

Regarding passing (I don't like that term because it makes us sound like we're trying to deceive people or something, but anyway...), I can pass a lot, although I mostly pass as a younger guy. The issue is lack of facial hair, that's what makes people realize. Height not so much, because in my area most people are short. Size? I'm pretty thin, but I go to the gym and work out really hard, so I got some muscles and good strength. Still, I'm small....and that's another source of dysphoria, although the worst thing is my chest.

So now I find myself knowing I want to transition and that it's the only thing that can make me get rid of many depression issues (I take antidepressants but they can't fix gender dysphoria, obviously, they might only make me a bit more positive about life but they won't magically solve problems. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder). But I have this issue: family doesn't know, and I have no idea how I can tell them in the future even when I'll live on my own.
I'm not sure about when to transition - I know, when I'm independent and live on my own, but someday I want to move to the US to be with my girlfriend and I don't know where to do it. In my country, the process works like this: first you go to a therapist....then it takes a few months for them to make sure you're really trans (I find this patronizing, to be honest), and once they think you're ready they make you see a doctor who can prescribe the hormones. I read that they also "test you" in "real life experiences" where you live as your true gender full-time. After that, you can see a judge who will give you permission to have a surgery that is required for trans men in order to change their gender on documents (removing uterus and ovaries) and then you can change your documents from there. I know many countries allow people to change their documents before surgeries, but my country is still pretty backward when it comes to LGBT rights  :(

The reason why I feel bad lately is fear. Main reason? Family. Really, I don't fear society and strangers, I fear the possible reactions of my family. I fear their rejection, their prejudices, their judgment, their anger. I don't care if strangers think bad things of me...but the people I love? This scares me.
Do I love and accept myself? Yes, I think being transgender is really difficult, but it's a unique and different way to be, and it's not something we can control or that we chose. I think the real problem are transphobic people, and not transgender people!

Hello and welcome  :)

here are some resources that might help :

http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

You additionally might look up how gender therapists react in your country ... maybe on transgender boards from your country, and ask there ... or ask members of your country here ...
if they would support you in coming out, and help talking to parents...
if you have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria for example and a therapist would explain to parents it might be helpful...

and here is a link to other transgender people so you might make some friends there ...

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1758946.html#msg1758946


*many hugs*