Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have made my decision. Since that 1st appointment with my gender therapist last week, things have escalated for me. I have been crying, been happy, I have made two decisions:

• I will go to my 2nd apointment wearing the new Gap dress I bought, leggings and light make up. I'm crazy but what the hell.
• After the apointment (I give myself until the end of this week), I will tell my wife.

I have spent 4 days writing the 18 pages letter which I might write up like old times with pen, and not print for more impact. I cannot hide this from her anymore. In the letter, I explain everything. What's going on, why I've been cross dressing, (she knows I have, we've had sex while I wore her nightie and pantyhose/stockings a few times), what changed last year when Caitlyn Jenner came out. I told her that once I realized that I was trans, and that there was no way to get rid of it, 35 was a good enough age to come clean. It has taken me a little bit less than a year to come to terms with it... Now might be the time to transition as it is *not* going away.

To spice up the situation, she's been dealing with chronic pain for years, the kind that goes everywhere, and tells me often that I don't know how it feels like and never will be able to, that I don't support her, which is not true. I have done everything that is reasonably and humanly possible to help her, even if I disagree with the way she manages the pain after all these years. I don't agree with it, but I never block her way to get treatments (which I pay for, since she hasn't worked in years), no matter how useless I think they are. I think this is respect and support in my books.
Often, in arguments where she mentioned the unfounded criticism of my lack of help, I kept telling her: "Listen, you know maybe one day, something will happen to me, which you can't relate to nor understand, or even will refuse to understand, and then we'll see how you deal with it, if you stick around with me, for 9 years, like I have...". Well, *now is the time*. I phrased it nicely in the letter, saying that no, I'm not infallible, never claimed I was a perfect person for giving her advice she always refused to consider, now, my weakness is in the open.

Everything about my wardrobe, what I did, the signs I sent, what I think about the relationship, our kids, our life together as a family is in this letter. No ultimatum, just a letter to inform her that I will probably try to transition... It's either now or later, but it won't be never...

I will go through the outline of this letter with my therapist and if she gives me the go ahead, I will give her the letter as soon as I find the courage to do it, deadline being this next Sunday. Pain or not. I'm done with chronic pain blocking my way at every chance it gets. Even if this Sunday night was painful, with arguments about the pain, the sames ones, over and over... I have to tell her. I'm sure we're at the bottom of the pit anyway, and perhaps she has some resentment against me because she knows something is up, this might clear it up...

To add on top of this, she is pregnant, 26 weeks along. It's our third, not sure it will make any difference if she's pregnant now. I can't tell her right after the birth, and I won't be able to hold it that long. Just yesterday, at lunch, I had to excuse myself to go cry, randomly, and I'm not on HRT yet... this is impacting me too much. There is literally nothing else I can think about. Something has to change. I had given myself one year after Caithlyn came out and I realized I was trans.

If you have any last minute advice, feel free to send it my way and wish me luck...

Sounds so much like my situation it's scary.  I'm 41, and I've been going to gender therapy for about 2 months.  I've come out as trans to my wife since about two weeks into therapy.  She is 31 weeks pregnant with our second daughter.  I've known I was different for a long time, not necessarily the classic "woman trapped in a mans body" narrative, but identity issues and a long history of fantasizing about becoming a woman. 

My wife's been very supportive so far, but I'm at the point now that I need to talk to her about starting HRT, and what that entails, and how it might impact our lives.  All I can say is I am dreading it. 

My heart goes out to you and hope your letter is received well.

-GF

How does her support manifest? Are you dressing up around the house? Are you guys talking about it often?

When you came out, you didn't mention HRT? I mention it in the letter... That's the part I need to discuss with my therapist as it might be too much to digest at once...

I dress around the house, try out makeup, paint nails, got my right ear pierced (left was already done from teen years).  We've gone out together with me en femme, to get pedicures, and run some errands.  She helps me pick out clothes, gives me makeup tips, and will kiss me with lipstick on (only if it's same color she's wearing ;P)

She has no problems with any of it, but there were some moments early on where things like wigs and breast forms kinda freaked her out, think it was just early and sudden, so I backed off of those. 

To be honest, those two things, breast forms, body padding in particular don't do anything for me but add to my dysphoria, so not a big deal for me.

When I came out to her I gave her information, links and articles about transition and HRT, I haven't sat down to discuss them in detail with her though.  Honestly, my intention at this point is to talk about HRT with her, and explain why I need it.  I will talk to her about an initial trial period of 3-4 months, to see how my body and mind react.  My daughter is due in April, so this will obviously overlap with that, she may ask me to wait to start until after that, I don't know.

Quote from: GiaFarrell on February 22, 2016, 03:22:47 PM
I dress around the house, try out makeup, paint nails, got my right ear pierced (left was already done from teen years).  We've gone out together with me en femme, to get pedicures, and run some errands.  She helps me pick out clothes, gives me makeup tips, and will kiss me with lipstick on (only if it's same color she's wearing ;P)

You're so lucky. I hope my experience will be similar. Mine knows a lot about makeup, she could have so much fun with me ;-)

Quote from: GiaFarrell on February 22, 2016, 03:22:47 PM
She has no problems with any of it, but there were some moments early on where things like wigs and breast forms kinda freaked her out, think it was just early and sudden, so I backed off of those. 

I'm not at the wig stage yet hehe. My first step would be to have my hair grow, it's pretty long already but I want longer.

Quote from: GiaFarrell on February 22, 2016, 03:22:47 PM
When I came out to her I gave her information, links and articles about transition and HRT, I haven't sat down to discuss them in detail with her though.  Honestly, my intention at this point is to talk about HRT with her, and explain why I need it.  I will talk to her about an initial trial period of 3-4 months, to see how my body and mind react.  My daughter is due in April, so this will obviously overlap with that, she may ask me to wait to start until after that, I don't know.

Thanks for the info, I hope my story goes similar to yours.

I probably would have repressed until I exploded if my wife weren't so supportive!!! I truly think if it were not for her then I would never have fully admitted it to myself even. My wife was upset that I didn't tell her sooner, and has since helped me consider feelings that I didn't realize having. She will stay with me, and I with her... Forever.... Just now looking for breast forms and wigs, and re-kindled my love for jewelry, my wife loves that we have such similar taste in clothes that I can wear what she is not willing to.... And I even opened up her world to high heels.... My issues stem more form everybody outside my home. I am known as a man, and have always been slightly hyper masculine because of my insecurity and fear of being found out. My wife will see me for me, and so Will my kids (actually they all do already). But to reconcile myself with the rest of my community and family outside my home scares me so much that I would rather disappear than tell them. Hence the reason I joined this site last night, you all seem so helpful and many of you so much more experience and time dealing with this that I feel good just reading about how you have all either overcome, or are trying to overcome what I feel is my same fight. No circumstances are going to exactly the same, not feelings, but you are all strong people overcoming a confusing or painful or simply difficult step in self realization that it makes me feel like no matter what, all I really need is the support of my wife and kids.... The most important people in my life.... And I can do whatever will make me happy.

Sorry, I feel like I got off topic, but you are all awesome and I want you to know that you are such a positive influence on my well being.

I hope your wife will be understanding, as I minimized the extent of my crossdressing and my wife was pretty much the same kind of accepting as yours. If you tell her how important it is to you without using any kind of currency (I did this for you, you made me feel this way and I didn't leave... Stuff like that...) Then maybe you can keep the life you love and become the person you are, on the outside as well as on the inside.

Good luck, and I hope everything goes the best it possibly can for you!!!

Quick update... Went to my gender therapist completely dressed up and with make up. A Gap dress with gray and white stripes, leggings, nice sandals with 3" heels and light make up because I'm such a noob, I can't do much more.

When she greeted me in the waiting room she told me "I almost didn't recognize you!" :-) That felt nice! Being there with MY clothes, I simply loved it! There's just no words to describe it. Two scary moments though, one where I had to walk from my car to the office, out in the open... thank god for the big sunglasses I had bought for that specific purpose! Then the whole driving part was a bit scary.

We spent the hour going over my coming out letter. It appears to be ready to go. I think it says what has to be said, and I will let the universe decide what to do with me...

Unless something catastrophic comes in my way, tonight is the night my life will change forever.

Quote from: GiaFarrell on February 22, 2016, 02:38:12 PM
Sounds so much like my situation it's scary.  I'm 41, and I've been going to gender therapy for about 2 months.  I've come out as trans to my wife since about two weeks into therapy.  She is 31 weeks pregnant with our second daughter.  I've known I was different for a long time, not necessarily the classic "woman trapped in a mans body" narrative, but identity issues and a long history of fantasizing about becoming a woman. 

My wife's been very supportive so far, but I'm at the point now that I need to talk to her about starting HRT, and what that entails, and how it might impact our lives.  All I can say is I am dreading it. 

My heart goes out to you and hope your letter is received well.

-GF

Sorry I would normally PM you but I don't seem to have the reputation to do so yet. I empathize with everyone on this thread and wish them much strength. GF, I feel like I am in similar shoes as you as I never felt trapped, but there has definitely been some perturbation in terms of identity and fantasies for as long as I can remember. Do you think on this basis that a doctor would subscribe HRT to someone? I'm trying to start some therapy ASAP.

I am glad you had such a great experience!! And to go so far on your visit in public!!! Awesome... I slowly tried out small things , but only out of town... Still the only time I wore a skirt out in public is 'cause I got locked out on a hotel balcony at 1 am with no phone.... But even only wearing heels for me with "man clothes" and making through the trip is hard... I did once receive a compliment on my shoes though...

I hope everything with goes perfectly with your wife, and that you can continue on your journey with even more support. I wish I could be as bold as you, it really is inspirational!!

Update on my coming out situation, she read the later yesterday night, it took her one hour. She initially thought I wanted to leave her and avoided reading the letter for like half an hour, doing things around the house.

It took her almost 1hr to read it, she called me, her reaction was mostly positive overall. That was her first exposure to the concept of transgender. She asked plenty of questions about how I was so sure, if I wanted to just be a guy in women's clothes or more, what I'd feel in front of our friends, my parents, the kids, etc... I didn't sugar coat anything with "maybe's", the answers were as straight as possible. She told me she didn't really mind about the dressing up and nail polish, etc... only if it is in front of friends... and the classic "So, would that make me a lesbian?! I'm not a lesbian...". One of the toughest and most open conversion I've had in a very long time.

What's funny is that it got us closer together. We're cuddled like we hadn't in months, we talked about her pain and how we felt about it, etc...

I will try to gradually dress up around the house. I told her I wanted to show her the clothes I had bought for myself.

Step 1 out of a million is past me. That's quite a relief. Let's move on to step 2, whatever it is...

I am so happy for you!! It sounds like it went as well as possible... I like how my wife put it when I asked her about that, and she said that it makes us US.... And she love the person I am, no matter my outward appearance. Good job and good luck!!!

Tasha

That's awesome.  You took the biggest step, now it's a lot of little ones with a few bigger ones thrown in for good measure.   :D

Thanks guys!

She's a little freaked out still... she's worried about me transitioning... she really doesn't want to be with a girl. She's still trying to understand why we can't just go to therapy and deal with it this way.

We will watch some videos together about it. And hopefully, when she comes to see my therapist, it will help things a little...

I still feel bad for her having to go through this...

I wonder if it would help to talk to another woman who is dealing with it.... Be sure really you don't have to reach for a specific end game... You could always make the transition together to a point where you are both comfortable. Message me if you both think it's a good idea, my wife would like to talk to someone too....

My therapist recommended a book "She's Not There" by Jennifer [Jenny] Finney Boylan.  It is told in the first person so some of the reviews on Amazon are a little harsh about being narcissistic. 
The first third of the book is a narrative about her life growing up and the thoughts/feelings she had.  At one point I had to put the book down since the tears were smearing on my glasses.  It put into beautiful words what I have been struggling with for decades.  It might help your wife understand what's in your head.

Read it first, make sure you want to share it.  You don't want your wife to feel trapped to stay if she doesn't want to.  Jenny's wife did stay in the end because of their very strong relationship.  Not relationship is that strong.

Just be prepared with tissues.  I had to stop and do something else at least three times.

Quote from: pj on February 24, 2016, 02:48:13 PM
My therapist recommended a book "She's Not There" by Jennifer [Jenny] Finney Boylan.  It is told in the first person so some of the reviews on Amazon are a little harsh about being narcissistic.Just be prepared with tissues.  I had to stop and do something else at least three times.

Thanks for the advice, I actually already have it on my Kindle, just haven't read it yet. I was reading My Husband Betty but it feels a bit outdated.

Quote from: Tasha_ on February 24, 2016, 02:32:22 PM
I wonder if it would help to talk to another woman who is dealing with it.... Be sure really you don't have to reach for a specific end game... You could always make the transition together to a point where you are both comfortable. Message me if you both think it's a good idea, my wife would like to talk to someone too....

Thanks, we'll see how things progress. I might ping you later :)

Today's been good, we seem to be closer than before. I will take it a day at a time. Gotta let the shock settle. Appointment is set up for next week for both of us. I'm very much looking forward to it!

Cautiously optimistic for you.  It's a very vulnerable time for you and a very confusing time for her, and it's always good to hear somebody working toward positive results like yours. 

I still have to ask her if she is comfortable talking to someone she doesn't know... But I AM sure she wants to talk to someone who can relate... So time is our side here anyway.... But I am glad she wants to at least start trying to work through it!!

Wow, I'm jelous of how supportive alot of your wives are. I've spent my entire life having to hide being transgender. As a kid if I said anything feminine I would be beaten down (some literal some non literal). I've spent the last several years in depression over it and it has been so bad that I finally had to tell my wife because I needed help. Basically she told me that if I was to move forward or even think about transitioning that she would devorce me and I would b lucky if I ever seen my kids again. So I'm stuck but hope everything goes wonderfully for you. Best wishes.

Welcome to Susan's Place JBme. Your wife might divorce you but as for the kid's most places you should still be able to see them. Containing the feelings is extremely difficult and if you feel the need to do something about it, your first stop should be a lawyer. Many people have not taken this advice and paid a heavy price. If there is anything I can help you with, feel free to ask as I am here to help people however I can.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

@JBme....

I am so sorry to hear that!!! I don't know what I would do in that situation... It really hurts my feelings and makes me angry that anybody could be that way... I understand though. I told my wife in the beginning that I would never do anything she wasn't comfortable with, but even then she said that we will figure it out because we could never be happy together if we couldn't both be ourselves. And she was right. The more I explored, the happier I have become, and it has affected the household environment in a hugely positive way. I hope you can find a way to be happy, as I don't know how I could ever live without my kids... And I would sacrifice this if I had to in order to stay with my wife. Good luck in the future, maybe if you can talk to her a little at a time she'll make some compromises for you...

And after the at post here, I don't feel so bad saying it... If you feel the need to transition, maybe do talk to a lawyer and vet things settled with the kids beforehand, and you won't have to worry about that. I don't know your wife, or how strong your feelings are for each other, but my wife was right when she told me I can't keep holding this in. I am a better person now, and treat others around me better because I am happier. I even stand up for myself more since I don't feel like I am doing something.... Wrong. I am truly saddened though that you ha e to endure that kind of rejection.

Tasha

Tasha

Eh, your right about doing something. She had a very harsh upbringing herself so her reaction was no surprise. I have talked to her about going to therapy with me so that's a start. I have started making my body more feminine but just through exercises and such. I am hoping that through this she may become a little more open. Honestly I think my first stop should b therapy though because I do need help with what I'm going through. As far as a lawyer goes that will be the last step. No matter my opinion I do have to put my children first and if there is even a chance I'm going to shoot for it. Thanks for the reply though I just found this site and it's so wonderful to be able to talk about it even just a little.

Well stick around. I honestly wish I would have found this place a long time ago. A year ago I started going through this with my wife, and wow, it was like the nearly blind leading the blind!!! The exception here was that my wife has always been a huge supporter of lgbtq and... Our rights (almost said their rights lol)... So she was a little farther along the understanding spectrum even though I was always accepting of others being that way, it wasn't okay for me. If I would have had a support structure I may have been less freaked out about all of it, and at least had some advice on how to start doing some things in public. Every small victory I had was like a three week celebration I swear... And it was.... Is still hard to take another step... But now at least I can ask for help!! I really hope your wife comes around enough to accept how you feel and make compromises... I already know that my bigot brother I  law is going to say that my nephew will no longer be able to visit us, because a cousin of his transitioning and he already cut him off. I'm already sad and I haven't even let that part of the family know yet.

Welcome, and good luck!!!

Tasha

We're making progress...  as I suspected, her vision of transgender people until last night was that they were all looking like men in dresses, with too much make up, like that homeless trans she had seen a few months back in a store.

Thanks for ->-bleeped-<-'s transtimelines, I showed her what could happen if I ever went the hormone route. Some of those girls are absolutely beautiful, and the first example I pointed out was of a 34yo trans woman, very similar to me.

That sort of changed her mind almost in an instant. It was interesting... As if "I can't be with a woman", changed into "Well, I might be able to hangout with someone like her". That second part is not something she said, but I definitely felt a change.

In short, she had a bad view of what a trans person would look like, and showing her a few examples helped shift that view.

Something for you girls to think about.

Quote from: JBme on February 24, 2016, 09:47:14 PM
Eh, your right about doing something. She had a very harsh upbringing herself so her reaction was no surprise. I have talked to her about going to therapy with me so that's a start.

I'm glad she is considering this. I hope it will turn her around.

I am glad you guys are able to be open like this, it's going to good for both of you!!

I am super happy for you that your wife didn't freak out.  It's a tough road we are on, but we have each other for support.  I am amazed at the number of us around the same age discovering this aspect of ourselves near the same time.  My wife seems to be becoming more comfortable with me dressing around the house, but she is still a little weirded out by the sight of me in makeup.  We are going slowly and I keep trying to pry how she feels about things out of her.  Unfortunately, she is a fairly closed off person emotionally.  She is also 24 weeks pregnant with our first son, so that doesn't help the emotions.  Since I stated to embrace my feminine side I have been a better person at home and a better father.  Looking forward to hearing about how your journey is going in the future.

Amber

My wife actually got me started with makeup, had no interest before that... But the breast thing has her a little weirded out... And she is already dreading the day I shave my beard.... She knows it's coming, but she feels like its the last masculine thing to go, besides my "parts" lol.....

Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 11:35:21 AM
I am super happy for you that your wife didn't freak out.  It's a tough road we are on, but we have each other for support.  I am amazed at the number of us around the same age discovering this aspect of ourselves near the same time.  My wife seems to be becoming more comfortable with me dressing around the house, but she is still a little weirded out by the sight of me in makeup.

She hasn't seen me with make up yet, only with makeup leftovers when I really didn't try hard to hide things. With her being a makeup artist, I think we both could have a lot of fun! ;-)

I shaved my goatee off about a year ago.  She preferred me with it, but it's my face and she accepts that.  Darn thing was starting to go grey anyway.  I don't do breastforms.  She knows I would like to do HRT and has a few misgivings about that.  I have no intentions of SRS.  That was one of our agreements the penis stays.  Which is fine because I like that part.  She did my makeup once.  It was nice, but tbh she doesn't wear makeup often and I have a different complexion than her.  It's an interesting time for us to say the least.

Quote from: confusedlauren on February 25, 2016, 11:52:10 AM
She hasn't seen me with make up yet, only with makeup leftovers when I really didn't try hard to hide things. With her being a makeup artist, I think we both could have a lot of fun! ;-)

Wow, I could only wish for a makeup artist.  That will be soon much fun when you get to experience it.  Turns out I am far more "girly" than her.  Now we know where my youngest daughter gets it from, lol.

Be sure to do some research on th HRT... I have decided against it because I want to be the same person... We like my sex drive the way it is.... And I've read that it can have unwanted side effects... Harder to keep up, and not as hard... Besides that, I have a hard enough time dealing with my emotions as it is. I would love the lowered body hair, and if you start before puberty it gives the hips and breasts I want.... But I don't think it's right for us.... As for breast forms, that's kinda new, we are looking for some now as at the moment I stuff a bra, and it doesn't look right...

See I am in the opposite camp with regard to HRT.  I have done significant research and have decided to do it.  It seems that functional loss is not a guarantee and something I can work with the dr about.  As far as the emotions, etc.  I am already the moodiest man I've even known, so I'm willing to try.  If anything it should let me feel all the emotions Ive repressed.  Each journey is unique and we must weigh the available options and choose for ourselves.  I don't advocate any particular path for anyone.  I do love discussing how we are dealing with our changes, though.

Definitely agree, I don't advocate one way or the other either... But it feels wonderful to talk openly to someone and have real conversations about what we are going through!!! Did you or do you see a gender therapist or any other for this?

Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 11:52:37 AM
I shaved my goatee off about a year ago.  She preferred me with it, but it's my face and she accepts that.  Darn thing was starting to go grey anyway.  I don't do breastforms.  She knows I would like to do HRT and has a few misgivings about that.  I have no intentions of SRS.  That was one of our agreements the penis stays.  Which is fine because I like that part.  She did my makeup once.  It was nice, but tbh she doesn't wear makeup often and I have a different complexion than her.  It's an interesting time for us to say the least.

I typically only shaved once every week or two... then recently, daily. She didn't like when it was too long anyway: "Can you go shave please, you look like a bum" :) (She was right, I did)

Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 12:10:36 PM
See I am in the opposite camp with regard to HRT.  I have done significant research and have decided to do it.  It seems that functional loss is not a guarantee and something I can work with the dr about.  As far as the emotions, etc.  I am already the moodiest man I've even known, so I'm willing to try.  If anything it should let me feel all the emotions Ive repressed.  Each journey is unique and we must weigh the available options and choose for ourselves.  I don't advocate any particular path for anyone.  I do love discussing how we are dealing with our changes, though.

Same here, I think I want HRT... The answer regarding any side effects and whatnot is always YMMV... so who knows what's going to happen. And same here, I like discussing these changes and what it might bring. Just this morning, she brought up the "how would we call you???", "Well, I don't know... that's something I'd like us to figure out together if we end up going that route..."

I didn't look like a bum, but she did not care for a full beard, or just the moustache.  I only have to shave every other day.  Though I do daily now.  I have incredibly oily and sensitive skin and end up with all kinds of acne on my cheeks if I let it go more than 3 or 4 days anyway.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk

I started a new thread in the parent of this one so we can stop "hijacking" this one. I didn't realize how far we were going. It's called general talk about personal journeys....

I am lucky, in that my wife found my makeup stash early on in our relationship. She married me anyway and never mentioned it again. When I told her a few weeks ago that it was something I cannot control. I just have an innate desire to be female. We've been married for over 30 years. She said something I was shocked to hear. We love you she said. Not the packaging. It does not matter. You are a great father and your kids love you to death. It does not change how I feel about you, how we feel about you.  I began cross dressing at about age 12. My mother had dressed me in my sisters costumes complete with makeup. Then she would tell me how pretty I looked. It was the only time I ever remember her praising me. Yes I have Mommy issues. But beyond that I have always been more comfortable around girls then boys. They always seemed so much more interesting than boys. I would love to start HRT but have too many health issues. Good Luck. Be true to yourself because in the end, it is your life and the only one you will ever have.

More progress on my coming out story... I put some polish on my nails this morning and my wife told me my feet looked horrible with the nail polish because they were not properly manicured. I told her: "Then take me to a nail salon and we'll fix this problem", she said "Sure, I have an hour, wanna go now?"

My jaw dropped...

We drove to the salon and did a manicure, pedicure, it was awesome, feeling like a girl there. Fantastic experience. My wife picked a neutral color nail polish, I prefer the sparkly ones, but hey, one step at a time. She says it's less visible than the sparkly one, not sure I agree since the sparkly one wasn't very shiny, more diffuse reflections, but oh well, my hands and feet look lovely now :)

I'm happy she took me, I would have never found the courage to go by myself, hoping we'll do it again soon :-P

Omg so happy for you.  I would be scared to death to get a pedicure because I have some very messed up toenails from getting them smashed around in my youth. 

My wife just helped me pick out a pair of earrings and I just got my ears pierced.

Quote from: amberwaves on February 26, 2016, 05:28:07 PM
Omg so happy for you.  I would be scared to death to get a pedicure because I have some very messed up toenails from getting them smashed around in my youth. 
My wife just helped me pick out a pair of earrings and I just got my ears pierced.

Thanks!

Getting the ear pierced is definitely something I'd like to do... I shall suggest this soon ;-)

Well according to my wife I've had a smile on my face since getting it done.  Plus she might get me nice earrings for my birthday in July.  Outwardly, I was calm and normal, but on the inside I was having a girly "squeeee!!!"

Quote from: amberwaves on February 26, 2016, 06:04:58 PM
Well according to my wife I've had a smile on my face since getting it done.  Plus she might get me nice earrings for my birthday in July.  Outwardly, I was calm and normal, but on the inside I was having a girly "squeeee!!!"

Lol, same thing today at the nail salon. I thanked her afterwards :)

Well congrats to both of you!!! I have been wanting to do the nails salon for a while, but as my wife does her stuff weekly, she taught me a lot about making mine look good. I just decided to do my right ear since my left is done already.... Maybe this week... But either way Lauren, that is awesome your wife is being supportive and involved... I am very happy for you!!

Update... she watched some interviews of Caitlyn Jenner last night and this morning, her opinion seems to have changed... I still want her to watch the 1:30 hour long with Diane Sawyer.
She is worried about people discriminating against us, her, me, the kids... I told her that's a possibility, but the world is changing, and for the kids, any school, even the most conservative there is, cannot ignore the transgender issues for much longer.
She ended up saying, "You really want to look like a girl?", "Yes", I said, "but it's not something I want, it's something I have to do". "Well, then transition... I don't want you to get depressed..."

wow... we'll see if that sticks when she comes to see the therapist with me. But it all feels surreal right now...

I hope this positive change holds.  Acceptance can take time.  Especially since she isn't privy to all the internal conflict and tension.  Surprisingly, I haven't watched any of the Caitlyn Jenner interview.  I didn't care much for her when she was Bruce so I kind of ignored it.

Quote from: amberwaves on February 27, 2016, 10:40:49 AM
I hope this positive change holds.  Acceptance can take time.  Especially since she isn't privy to all the internal conflict and tension.  Surprisingly, I haven't watched any of the Caitlyn Jenner interview.  I didn't care much for her when she was Bruce so I kind of ignored it.

The reason why I asked her to watch it is because it was the tipping point for me, the moment where I was like "wait a second... I do all those things... am I transgender??? Let's ask google..."

That is wonderful Lauren!!! I am immensely happy for you!!!

Update, so last week we went to see the therapist together, it went well, we didn't learn much more but I think it was useful as a validation of what I had told her in the letter.

Since then, it's been *crazy*.

I'm 100% in girl mode at home, we've gone shopping together, I've ordered many new things online, she's giving me advice and fashion tips... I couldn't ask for more.

Just today, I had ordered a pair of UGG wedge sandals, they were too big for me in Size 12, so I had to send them back. I also showed her at the same time some wedge booties I liked. I had gone to Macy's to try to find them and I did something my therapist had asked me to do: say I'm trans and I'm looking for some shoes. I did it, the sales guy was super nice, he told me "I don't discriminate, all money's green! :) Now tell me what you're looking for..." Since they didn't have anything I liked in my size, he told me to check Nordstrom. I went home and told my wife, she told me that we should go once the kids wake up from their nap. Crazy!
So we went to Nordstrom, and I had checked online if they had those wedge booties I liked, in size 12, they did! I told her, if they fit, I'm wearing them out, and we'll go to the restaurant while I wear them :)
They fit perfectly! Luckily, I had planned ahead and was wearing a pair of white pants that worked with with those shoes. It was awesome walking in the store and outside with those shoes!
We then went to the restaurant, I didn't care about anyone looking at me :) All I felt was that I was so happy wearing those shoes.

Tonight, I showed her the outfit I wanted to wear for my appointment tomorrow. She helped me make a couple of adjustments. Final plan is: the wedge booties, nice black tights (wolford), a black flowy skirt, and a wonderful off-white top from Patty Boutik. This is so much fun!

In other news, I started blasting my hair with lasers last week, chest and armpits for now, and will start the beard/face in a couple of weeks.

I really would like to start HRT now... I don't want to get stuck in the middle... and I want to be able to tell everyone!

So excited for you Lauren!  Reading that update made me smile.  I'm glad your wife is being so supportive.  I know you two still have some things to sort out, but it sounds like things are on the right track.  Amazing how something as small as a little help/encouragement/acceptance from our wives makes such a positive boost to our moods. 

I've found that generally speaking no one cares or comments when I go out in girl clothes.  I make it a point to ignore self-conscious feelings about it and just act like it's completely normal.  It seems that having confidence in it makes it less awkward and deflects criticism.  We took the kids to a Chinese buffet last night and I was in girl jeans with a flowery embroidered pattern, a woman's long sleeve T-shirt with butterflies, my hair out (I have long hair past my shoulders) and a pair of nice flats.  It was incredibly androgynous.  There was one guy at a table near us who seemed uncomfortable, but I ignored it and there were no problems.

I just had my first laser session on my face yesterday.  I can already notice a reduction in regrowth rate as normally I would have had to shave this morning, but it's much finer and very little stubble poking through.  We will see how well that holds moving forward.  I found a Groupon deal to get 6 sessions for about $230.  So far seems like it was a great investment.

The lure of hormones is very strong for me as well.  I've been doing a good job of keeping the brakes on it.  My wife doesn't want me rushing too fast into things.  I agree with her as I have a habit of rushing into things once I've made up my mind.  Luckily, I do not have overtly masculine facial features, so I can dress and not be super awkward.  Mostly I want to experience the emotional changes hormones bring.  Well...and breasts.  My wife made an offhand comment about if I get more toys (breasts in this case) she is gonna play with them.

Looking forward to hearing more updates!

Kisses,
Amber

Congratulations Lauren!! I am very happy for you and your wife!! This can be a fun experience for both of you, and I am very glad you two are doing this together!!

Thanks!

Being 100% in girl mode at home is awesome!

We're going to Nordstrom today to pick out some make up stuff. She did my eyebrows yesterday, they are much better, way less bushy ;-)

Oh and I shaved my legs, well, I cut the hair very short with an electric razor under the advice of my esthetician wife who told I'd get plenty of pimples if I shaved. And all I have to say is *oh* *my* *god*! I can't believe I haven't done this earlier. So smooth. I am celebrating this today by wearing sheer black pantyhose. This is something I had always wanted to do but couldn't really because of the monkey hair ;) Luckily, I'm blonde so what remains of the hair is invisible.

My new goal is to go with her today, dressed this way (black skirt (mid thigh), pink sweater, and wedge booties), have my makeup done at Nordstrom, out, in girl mode.

Next one will be to tell my business partner, and my parents...

I can't believe it's only been 2 weeks since I came out!

Definitely a brave soul!!! Go and do what makes you happy girl!! I am truly happy for you!!! It's always nice to hear of someone going through this and having such a positive experience all the way through. I am sure you will be an inspiration to many of whom are still afraid to come out. Keep us updated on all of your wonderful accomplishments, I love hearing about them!!!

I think of telling my wife very often, but I dont honestly thinks she would accept it. When I married I already knew that I am trans, in fact, I knew from the beggining of our relationship. She doesnt like when I shave my beard cuz "it feels like I cheating on you", she says.

She is a very suportive wife, but I dont think I should count on it in this case. She often say things that make me fell more of a macho man than I actually am, like an alpha. But sometimes  it looks like she suspects of something. Almost like she could she through me but dont belive it. I think she suspects of something but dont know what, but if I have do take a guess, I would say that sometimes she things that I gay. But this can be just my regular level of paranoia.

Quote from: wanessa.delisola on March 10, 2016, 03:52:52 AM
I think of telling my wife very often, but I dont honestly thinks she would accept it. When I married I already knew that I am trans, in fact, I knew from the beggining of our relationship. She doesnt like when I shave my beard cuz "it feels like I cheating on you", she says.

She is a very suportive wife, but I dont think I should count on it in this case. She often say things that make me fell more of a macho man than I actually am, like an alpha. But sometimes  it looks like she suspects of something. Almost like she could she through me but dont belive it. I think she suspects of something but dont know what, but if I have do take a guess, I would say that sometimes she things that I gay. But this can be just my regular level of paranoia.

I love the happy stories of acceptance. Mine was a little different. She immediately started planning for divorce and told me that committing suicide might be a good option for me. The looks of hatred commenced. All that was last October. I promised to never transition. We go to counseling. It is better. I fear that she will never accept and it will be limbo forever. I wish the best for all of you.

Quote from: genevie on March 10, 2016, 10:21:28 AM
I love the happy stories of acceptance. Mine was a little different. She immediately started planning for divorce and told me that committing suicide might be a good option for me. The looks of hatred commenced. All that was last October. I promised to never transition. We go to counseling. It is better. I fear that she will never accept and it will be limbo forever. I wish the best for all of you.

I'm so sorry to read that :-(

Writing those posts always feels bitter sweet... on one hand, I think it could help those who might have accepting wives to come out, but on the other hand, I fear that it makes those who haven't been as fortunate feel bad :(

I had seen very few success stories before I came out, which is part of the reason why I'm contributing here.

I hope things can turn around for you.

Laura

I agree with you Lauren that there are significantly less happy accounts of people's transitions, especially when dealing with the spouse and family.  I wouldn't use the term success because many individuals find their place in life and are happy with transition and their situations after the fact.  They just have to go through significant and heartbreaking events, such as divorce, along the way.

I attribute the plethora of bad experience to the fact that this is a forum for support and advice.  Many people in tough situations come here and pour their souls out into a thread looking for the moral support and advice of others who have travelled this path.  When things are relatively smooth there is little need to reach out to others.  Think of it as a form of selection bias.

That being said I feel very sad for those that have undergone pain and loss because of something that most of us didn't know or want in the first place.  It is hard enough to accept this within ourselves, let alone explain to others.  Spouses in particular are a tough subject because it so disruptive to perceived reality.  They are not able to see the inner narrative and many are not accepting of the changes.  Others are accepting, but are unable to remain in the relationship with the new dynamic.  My heart goes out to everyone struggling.

I have had my share of pain and hardship in life.  I nearly wrecked my marriage a few years back with infidelity.  By contrast this has been much smoother.  I don't post much about my own hardship because I am still very much a closed person who prefers to deal with things alone.  I share the joyful moments so that others may find some happiness vicariously, or understand that not every tale is dark.

I do read a lot of the posts of troubles and hardship and I occasionally offer advice.  However, there are so many wiser souls on here who have dealt with much more similar situations.  Typically, those people will be able to offer much better insight and guidance.  Both types of experiences, good and bad, need to be put out there to provide a better picture of the various ways transitions can progress.

Lauren, I love hearing how quickly things have progressed and how happy you are lately.  I am glad to hear how your wife has been so supportive lately.  All the best moving forward and looking forward to more updates.

Amber

It is heartbreaking to hear stories about spouses being unaccepting, especially when the kids are used as tools in a divorce. What your wife said was extremely brutal, and I am sorry to say, but even if you transitioned, you would still be the same person inside so it's hard to believe that she is really in love with you if she could live you committing suicide more easily than living with you transitioning.

I feel horrible looking at stories like these as well, my wife tells me she will support me if I ever decide to transition fully even though at the moment I am more fluid. Some days I am Tasha, others I am the man she married with more feminine qualities. And to hear about a significant other that is so hurtful can make me feel guilty. I do however, feel it is important to put the positive stories out because it is important for people to know that they CAN be accepted and loved by someone however they decide to present themselves.

I wish you all the best possible outcome in your journeys and hope you can find happiness!!!

Tasha

How are you doing miss Lauren? I haven't heard from you in quite a while!!! How is life treating you these days??

Lol I just PM'd her checking in on her last night.