Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have wanted to go to a specialized therapy, but other things have to get out of the way before that happens.

I'm becoming a little scared about confronting my exploring my identity. This is because I notice that I don't think about my gender identity nowadays, unless I deliberately seek out things trans-related on the internet. Does anyone understand how this feels? Can this be a typical phase? Even if I do find something out, I guess I'm a little tiny scared of never being a man again, that I might make a mistake. I think this could be Asperger's, or I am transgendered, or both.

How do you motivate yourself when in doubt or fear of losing what you had before you transitioned?

I think it is a matter of exploration not motivation. You have to figure out how you feel. If you are transgender, your motivation will be different than someone who is gender fluid for instance. Sometimes it takes time and effort to figure yourself out. It makes sense to find someone to help you ask the right questions. Maybe the answer is not 100% clear in the end. Each choice will probably involve losing some things. Just a few thoughts.
Moni

If you become aware of a wound, it will hurt more acutely, but the awareness allows you to treat the wound.

I agree with Moni, sorta.

I too had similar experience.  I tried to avoid anything related to trans* for about a month.  I wasn't 100% successful but cut my time down from "constantly" to "once or twice every day or two."  At the end of the month, I learned what the term depression really was.  Basically I was a S*** to everyone around me.  I was constantly on edge and even the littlest thing would set me off.

When I restarted talking about it with my wife and "got back on the train" it was like night and day.

I guess what I'm saying is that's how I figured out thinking/reading about trans* subjects wasn't the cause to the end effect.  I'm still nervous about this big change, but I'm 100% sure that if I don't transition I would self destruct.  Even my wife feels the same way now.

To answer your question - motivation for me comes from not wanting to self destruct.

Good Luck

Self honesty.
To thine own self be true.

Only you know yourself.
And fear, fear is an illusion.
False evidence appearing real.
____ everything and run.

Why are we motivated to do the things we do?
Sometimes I do things because I like them. I just do. I feel good when I do them.
Other things I do because I am scared, because I am running, trying to hide from something.
Other things still I do just because I am under the delusion that the word expects me to be that way. And I have coldly, logically decided what was the best thing, based on deep scientific observation and rigorous analytical fact checking of the biological factors, commitments made to others, socio-political factors within local environments and financial resources.

Then I realized that I am running on pure logic and I have shut out my emotions.
my emotions scare me. That half of my brain. I don't want to look at it.

Something cold, and mathematical to soothe the burn of my emotions.
Just run on the algorithm. Makes it easier to ignore pain, that's what I have found.

But it doesn't last, I can't ignore half my mind forever.
I'm not a robot. I'm just a child that got hurt and hid inside one.

she wants to come out and play now, it's lonely in there.  :-*

PS, and many things society assumes are "male" are ridiculous, like "only boys are good at math". I walked around thinking that my love of math was somehow a "male" interest. I was raised by feminists, girls can be whatever they want!

Ada Lovelace is the holy mother of all computer programming.

Distorted societal ideals have made me question my own identity.
I've always known who I was since I was little.
The world kept trying to tell me I was someone else.

I also have aspergers, diagnosed in 2003, I have found a number of trans* within the autistic communities online.

Exploration is a free action. There isn't a commitment or an extreme cost to most types of exploration. If you don't like where your explorations take you, you can always retrace your steps with no harm done. Along the way, you get to find out about yourself, to figure out who you are and what you want. As long as you're safe and sane about it, exploration is harmless and nothing to fear.

I'm becoming a little scared about confronting my exploring my identity. This is because I notice that I don't think about my gender identity nowadays, unless I deliberately seek out things trans-related on the internet. Does anyone understand how this feels? (From Redhot)

I think if you are transgender, you will be motivated to make the changes that you decide are right for you. That will involve working through fear and many times denial and shame that society causes. I guess I read the post as though you weren't feeling the need to think about your gender all that much. Is it more that you are afraid of what you find? I know for me, I started by taking things a bit at a time and evaluated how I felt. The more I did, the more transitioning felt right. Once I started transitioning there was no putting "the Genie back in the bottle." You may start down the road and find that you have a different path. I would say don't panic. You don't have to set out the path for the rest of your life tomorrow. Relax and explore a while.
Moni
Too much worry gives you wrinkles. I know this for a fact. :)

I'm still early in transition process, 1st appt to seriously "do something about this" is on monday, after several time in the past,"almost" doing it.

As I have explored my inner personality that I hide from the world, I'm quite chatty....
more like verbal diarr..............

I can be mouthy, that has gotten me in a LOT of trouble over the years. Some times sudden saying the wrong thing, something just babbling on and on. Some parts of ones own true personality we may not like so much. I've put my foot in this chatty mouth so much, I closed off from the world. Afraid of what might spill out.

Anybody familiar with the TV show 'Becker', his assistant 'Lynda', yeah, one of those girls. ::)  That's me.  :-\

I don't know why I say I'm scared, but I know that I never had these feelings when I was young, at least not in a certain way some people have described. I don't believe that I'm *not* trans. Sorry if I sound contradictory, but even though I don't feel it as strongly as some may, I sometimes do think about how awesome being a lovely woman must be.

I've noticed looking around the forums here that there a whole lot of different paths that people have when exploring their gender, deciding who and what they are. I would imagine everyone's story changes over time to some extent. I don't hear people saying that these feelings just disappear though. For me, it just got stronger with age. You may have a complicating factor if you do have Asperger's syndrome. Hopefully, you can find someone to talk to to help you find answers. Someone who has knowledge of gender issues.
Moni

I was in the same boat as you about two months ago. I kept feeling like it was maybe a phase but as time goes by while you keep searching for yourself, you begin to accept yourself more and more. I think you should just give it time and maybe do some little more research? It takes a while to settle in, ya know. It's a huge change but in the end, it's about how you feel spiritually and mentally (and physically) and what you end up discovering