Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was told today by a friend that I cannot move forward until I learn to love myself.  I am at a loss as to what that means.   How do I love me?  What does it look like?  This seems so contradictory since I must have been overcompensating all of my life to please others since I couldn't live my life as my true me.  How do I do it?  How do I put myself before others so I can learn to love me?

Good timing on this question.  I've been asking myself that same question for a while.  For me it means to accept myself for the woman I'm about to become.  Look to like that person because lord knows I have not been fond of the male-self.  I'm actually starting to love the woman I'm slowing becoming both in mind and body.

how did you start to learn to love yourself?  what does it look and feel like?

Well that's a tough one.  I'm not sure if you get the opportunity to go out as the true you.  I get that opportunity once or twice per week in a social setting.  I'm more relaxed, more comfortable, and interact better with people. Note: This is a non-T group.  They are mostly LGB and I feel very safe. 

The more I present female to this group (They know me as a guy) the more comfortable I become and that leads to liking myself better.  I think the key is to be happy yourself and be around people who like you.  For me I'm learning to love yourself for the first time.  If the people you hang around with don't appreciate you for who you are, find a new group.  (Easier said than done)

Well, for me, therapy has helped a lot, as well as art (drawing, painting, writing, performing, etc.) in discovering who I am and seeing the good in me. I think it takes a while to put on those goggles. Having somebody to help reflect yourself helps out a lot, too (hence the therapy).

It starts with self acceptance. Some people hate themselves and have a constant negative internal dialogue that is constantly criticising everything about themselves from looks to actions to feelings. A good start to loving yourself is to turn that off and replace it with a self positive and self appreciating outlook and dialogue.

We all know people who "love themselves" in a very vain and self important way, and I imagine that is not what your friend is suggesting. Would you talk to a person you love the way you talk to yourself? Would you criticise the way they look, the things they do or say, the way you do to yourself? Accepting yourself the way you do people you love, I believe, is the way towards changing your internal conversation and reevaluating how you feel about yourself.

When you feel positive about yourself, accepting whilst acknowledging your flaws and failings, you can accomplish so much more. People who loathe and hate themselves are trapped in a cage of self abuse that is largely of their own making. Letting yourself free of negative, self critical, self defeating thoughts and building a positive replacement is how to start loving yourself.

I don't think you can learn to love yourself. It's something that just happens naturally, without help or effort. It's a rare thing but I think, possible.

what does it mean?  what does it look like?  how would I know if I did or did not love myself.  or know myself for that matter.  can someone describe this to me, please?

Quote from: teri on February 25, 2016, 01:14:51 PM
I was told today by a friend that I cannot move forward until I learn to love myself.  I am at a loss as to what that means.   How do I love me?  What does it look like?  This seems so contradictory since I must have been overcompensating all of my life to please others since I couldn't live my life as my true me.  How do I do it?  How do I put myself before others so I can learn to love me?

Some things that work for me:
1. Make a list of things you like about yourself. Suppose you met teri. What would draw you to her? What would you admire?
2. Find things that you love to do - things that make you feel true to yourself. For me these are listening to music, reading, walking, writing, and spending time with friends. For you they'll be different. Once you figure out what these are, do them as often as you can.
3. Pray to be able to accept yourself as you are. If, like me, you're not sure about God, pray to your inner spirit. Works just as well.
4. Look for ways to bring joy to others. Surprisingly this can help you feel good about yourself.

I hope these help.