Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I dunno. I just get pissed off coming on here sometimes constantly talking about the same things over and over. I am thinking about having my account deleted. At first I really wanted to meet other trans people but now I don't cause it would be so awkward since I am the only person I know like me. Talking about gender all the time pisses me off. Sorry for this useless rant that probably won't get any replies anyways.


-Phoenix

Never be sorry. It's not a useless rant. I can  totally understand and it is your call. Although I might recommend that you leave the account open in case you decide to come back eventually. Regardless good luck and Hugs
Mariah

King Phoenix, I forgot to mention this, but it is important to note. Each of us is unique and different. None of us are exactly like another. It's those differences and diversity that make this community special. You are more than welcome to always stay. Hugs
Mariah

I got jealousy problems too. I am such a heartless, jealous and wicked human being that I can't stand to see other trans people doing much better than me. I wish I never felt these feelings but I can't help it. I cannot understand why they have friends and lovers even before transitioning and got the nerve to talk about how hard their life is. I ain't got no one but yet I want to stay by myself. Coming here isn't getting me anywhere. I hate myself for this jealousy towards things I do not want yet wish I had. A contradiction.

I despise men, both cis and trans. I never want them laying a finger on me. I can't trust anyone. I'm paranoid all the time. This is no way to live but I never asked to be born anyway.  Coming here was nice while it lasted though. I guess.

Thanks for the support everyone. Not sure I'll ever come back. Probably better that way.

I can't help being jealous too. I don't understand how other trans people manage to have friends and relationships with all the dysphoria they go through. I can't say two words to someone I don't know. I think we're sort of similar. Social anxiety problems and family members who just don't get it. Plus no one at all to talk too. I haven't got anywhere else to go so I may as well stay.

There have been times where I've taken a vacation from Susan's. But at the end of the day, I'm glad for the company, for the resources, and for the incredible amount of experience that our forum members have and are willing to share. Especially while I'm still medically transitioning, the benefit of having all of these folks at my disposal is huge. And of course, I'm also able to offer help and my experience to new folks and other people with questions. For every question I've ever asked, I hope I'm able to answer twice as many.

I think the issue a lot of people have when they think they want to start socializing more with other trans people, is when they realize that being trans is only a small part of who someone is. Just like cis people, trans folks all have different personalities, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. It's nice when things overlap and I meet other transguys who have similar hobbies or live nearby, but it's a rarity. Think of it this way - would you go out of your way to befriend someone just because they were the same ethnicity as you? Probably not. Socializing with anyone is much easier and more meaningful when you have something in common to bond over that you've chosen to enjoy.

Maybe consider commenting in some threads that don't pertain to gender. We do have several hobby boards. You could also just take a break and come back when you need to talk. I wouldn't recommend putting your account up for deletion.

When I first came her King Phoenix I was jealous of others too and sometimes still am.They were on hormones and I wasn't. They had there surgery, I haven't. The list goes on and on. It's perfectly normal to be jealous. Your not the only one. It's a very common regardless of if a person is trans or not. I know your lonely and feel on the outside of things and I hope things change around for you so you have others around you were you live. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: King Phoenix on February 26, 2016, 01:37:26 PM
I got jealousy problems too. I am such a heartless, jealous and wicked human being that I can't stand to see other trans people doing much better than me. I wish I never felt these feelings but I can't help it. I cannot understand why they have friends and lovers even before transitioning and got the nerve to talk about how hard their life is. I ain't got no one but yet I want to stay by myself. Coming here isn't getting me anywhere. I hate myself for this jealousy towards things I do not want yet wish I had. A contradiction.

I despise men, both cis and trans. I never want them laying a finger on me. I can't trust anyone. I'm paranoid all the time. This is no way to live but I never asked to be born anyway.  Coming here was nice while it lasted though. I guess.

Thanks for the support everyone. Not sure I'll ever come back. Probably better that way.

there is also the matter that not everyone tells about all the pain.

King Phoenix:

Living alone is NOT a good decision. I know that for a fact.
Everyone gets frustrated and angry and jealous.
Just be permanent sick like I can't have even  have an orchi because I am on blood thinner because of DVT.
If I have could have one, I have to be on hormones so I don't get a hunched back. Estrogen goes contra against DVT(deep vein Thrombosis) and testosterone would go against having an orchie in the first place.

Please stay here as you can vent out your frustrations and have the wonderful support you get from here.

Please remember everyone is different that's why we have diversity

PS I'm white but my best friends(Women) are Mexican and I don't speak Spanish.

Bye for now,

Janet

Hi Phoenix,


1) When you feel exhausted from writing about gender issues, write about something else or do something else.

2) Could you tell me some of your interests, so in order to not feel as lonely, I could help you find a group.

3) There is nothing wrong with feeling envious, as the way we perceive ourselves is relative to our environment. In order to alleviate your envy, focus on productive action.

4) Have you ever spoken with a mental health expert about bipolar disorder?

Quote from: King Phoenix on February 26, 2016, 01:37:26 PM
I got jealousy problems too. I am such a heartless, jealous and wicked human being that I can't stand to see other trans people doing much better than me. I wish I never felt these feelings but I can't help it. I cannot understand why they have friends and lovers even before transitioning and got the nerve to talk about how hard their life is. I ain't got no one but yet I want to stay by myself. Coming here isn't getting me anywhere. I hate myself for this jealousy towards things I do not want yet wish I had. A contradiction.

I despise men, both cis and trans. I never want them laying a finger on me. I can't trust anyone. I'm paranoid all the time. This is no way to live but I never asked to be born anyway.  Coming here was nice while it lasted though. I guess.

Thanks for the support everyone. Not sure I'll ever come back. Probably better that way.

How do you know they're doing better than you? How do you know they're not smiling in their pictures but crying themselves to sleep at night? It seems like people are doing better than you because I often feel that myself but I also know that's crap. I don't know how many times I've heard friends or family talk about how great everything is for them and then the next thing is they're breaking down over some huge problem or other they'd been dealing with alone and in secret. I thought my best friend was enjoying being an aspiring writer but it turned out he was slowly killing himself with alcoholism because caring for his crazy mother was doing him in. I thought my aunt and uncle has the perfect marriage but it turns out they barely speak to one another. I thought my sister was doing well but turns out she's in massive debt. There's always more to the story than you might at first think - people often put on happy faces!

As for those of us who had lovers and friends before, you think that wasn't difficult? It was hell to try to build a love life whilst also being trans and hell to break someone's heart over it. Have the nerve to talk about hard their life is? If they're trans it probably is hard - I know mine is. People may make it seem easy because it's easy to write a few sentences that pare it all down to something simple that someone will have the patience to read - shouldn't assume so much about people.

If you actually want someone to share your life with you then you need to drop some of the attitude. It's hard to tell what you want if you say you want what other people have but then you don't want anybody, don't trust anybody, and despise people. You want what others seem to have have? Then you have to sort yourself first, man, and play the game. You have to change if you want something, the world isn't going to change for you or hand everything over on a plate.

If you construed what I said in that other thread about never being short of friends or people who were interested as it being "easy" for me, it wasn't. It's because I tried my ass off to be a better person. Despite the distrust, anger, shame and disgust that I feel inside. 100% Every day, try and try again.

*hugs*

Just feel yourself hugged...

well sometimes its necessary to leave the PC and go out and do a few things...

so you might keep an eye on that ... doing something in the world and doing a few things on the PC...

its not necessary to delete or to leave ... just simply trying to solve a few things, not only talking about it...

well next don't beat yourself down...
you have the capacity to be a nice person...

this is also the core of being jealous imo...
you have the capacity to be what you are jealous of ...
so don't be, strive a bit to get there and eventually you will reach it.
There is a moment for everyone, it sometimes takes a bit of time and effort.
But its possible to get there, with tenacity.

If you want to PM you are welcome.

Wish you a nice time in the meantime...

*hugs*

Trans people are people just like people in general. It is a strong bond often, but sometimes jealousy and attacks develop between trans people. When I first was coming out it was mostly online I found other trans people. So I wanted to meet as many trans people in person as possible. When I finally developed the contacts and knowledge to finally meet hundreds of trans girls in person, some have resulted in great friendships that continue to now. Other relationships haven't worked out for various reasons as one would expect when dealing with other human beings, trans or cis. The reasons for this have been varied -- sometimes someone is jealous of me, sometimes they don't like  my manner of female dressing, or claim I don't pass well enough even though I have been a Contestant in a nationwide Pageant, or some other aspect of how I choose to conduct my life. You might be sensing some of this online in this or other groups you might be a member.  I recommend seeking associating with those in the trans world who accept you for who you are. You can certainly compatible people in THIS group, as you can find compatible people in other groups. Depending on which country or region in which you live, it is possible there are trans support groups in person face-to-face you can seek compatible people for YOU.  :)

I was somewhat dismayed and even depressed when my idealized version of meeting other trans girls online and in  person was met sometimes with disappointment when someone verbally attacked me. But true friends will stand by you always. So now I have a more realistic attitude about my interactions with other trans girls both online and in person. Simply disregard those who you don't feel comfortable with or don't treat you with respect. And have as great friends fellow trans ladies who stand by you and respect you even if they don't also agree with every aspect of how you conduct your life. Hope all works out for you. :)

King Phoenix,

I think you can see that people here do care enough about you to respond. No matter what is going on in your life, we are supportive of your decisions. Just remember that if you are having a tough time, please let us know. Okay?

Cindi

Quote from: Elis on February 26, 2016, 01:42:13 PM
I can't help being jealous too. I don't understand how other trans people manage to have friends and relationships with all the dysphoria they go through. I can't say two words to someone I don't know. I think we're sort of similar. Social anxiety problems and family members who just don't get it. Plus no one at all to talk too. I haven't got anywhere else to go so I may as well stay.

Yeah, Elis. I know how ya feel, man. Seem like other trans people can talk, make friends and relationships without so much of a stutter. I feel anxious even just from talking online sometimes. I spend more time talking to myself than anyone else. I might as well be a ghost.

Quote from: King Phoenix on March 04, 2016, 03:12:19 PM
Yeah, Elis. I know how ya feel, man. Seem like other trans people can talk, make friends and relationships without so much of a stutter. I feel anxious even just from talking online sometimes. I spend more time talking to myself than anyone else. I might as well be a ghost.

Hi King Phoenix,
I agree with a lot of the opinions here about staying and you should. If you need a break just don't log on but when you may need all of the varied opinions just hop back in.
I also highly agree with T.K.G.W. From the outside looking in others always seem to be doing better or look better or have more. I try to show a positive side but battle insecurity, low self esteem and massive jealousy. Your posts show a massive awareness of the world and its barriers. It is up to you to tackle these in your own way and as you do, please put your successes in here as there are those that visit but don't have your strength to post or interact.
I envy you with your ability to say it how it is, it's a great honest trait.
Please stick around as you raise some awesome topics that have helped me see a different angle on where we all are.

Hello king Phoenix, I know how hard it can be sometimes. Looking at other people and saying to oneself why can't I have that, do that, life that. And it can eat away at you.. I grew up with loads of friends then when I told them I was transgendered. They ganged up on me and made me suffer... I was sent to hospital... I was isolated for years because I couldn't trust people.. And I even lost my job because of these reasons.... Now 6 years later I do have a partner and now a life.. I had to work so hard emotionally and physically for this.. And now I'm proud of what I have got...

I guess what I'm saying is that life can knock you down. Very badly but if you work hard you too will get what you want.. Take care and I wish you all the best xxx

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk

I think I went off my medications around when I made this post. I had to go in the hospital last weekend. I'm taking something else now and even though I feel stable mentally I do feel physically awful like all the time and I can hardly sleep. Seems like there is a trade off for everything.

But I still feel anxious. I guess that's never going away.

When i first came here i thought the same thing that i spoke about to much over and over
some people got tired of it and others stuck beside me and put up with it. But i think its normal
to doubt, to question to debate yourself for months years as long as it takes you.
I came to learn something about many places many people and many websites you have to be you speak as you and know when you need to take a break sometimes backing away even when you don't want to back away will be something that'll help you clam down. Balance it out someday's speak about it some days don't make sure you vent but also make sure you don't overwhelm and upset yourself.
it's about you remember that, it's your health. Do what you feel is needed i think that is important.
And if in the end you think it isn't working find away around it or find someplace that makes you happier
that's what matters. And i learned that the hard way but iv'e always learned things the hard way..
it gets better.

Hey, I'm sorry things are so rough for you, but I'm glad you're out of the hospital.

While I don't have everything figured out, drugs are something I feel I'm pretty good at. I'm going to offer up some of the lessons I've learned, but if you feel they don't apply to you or you weren't looking for advice on this subject then I'm sorry, just ignore me.

But I'm assuming a psychiatrist is prescribing whatever you're on, and not just a general practitioner? If not, that's where you should be going. GP's are pretty clueless, in my experience. Mine leaves the room to google it every time I ask a question :/

Once you've got a psych, if you don't already, come up with a list of symptoms you're trying to address and ask them to recommend as many different things to help those symptoms as possible. Write down the names of any drugs they recommend. Then go home and look up each of the drugs on wikipedia or wherever else. Consider if you're prone to certain types of side effects, or if you tend to be sensitive to all of them like me, and decide on each drug on a case by case basis.

If the side effects are acceptable, check out how long the drugs have been around. Try to avoid brand new drugs that just hit the market in the last few years if you can, though sometimes you just can't. The longer the drug has been on the market the better. If something has the potential for addiction or interacts with other drugs or alcohol in a dangerous way you should probably stay away from it if you can help it.

If you start something on a trial period, keep an eye on exactly what it's doing to you. You might even consider starting a journal of how you feel, mentally and physically, to more accurately track the changes. If you don't like what it's doing then talk to them about tweaking the dose to minimize side effects or coming off of it and going to the next thing. Always start on a low dose of whatever it is. You can increase it later, with their supervision.

Psychiatrists are legalized drug pushers, nothing more. Don't take something just because they recommend it, try to objectively weigh if it will do any good versus the potential for harm it brings.

Your anxiety can be controlled with medication. And so can your insomnia. I take stuff for both of those things, but it took forever to get those two problems even somewhat under control. I used to just take whatever the psych recommended and then react horribly to it because it wasn't right for me. I stopped taking anything at all for years, and just lived with the symptoms. But these aren't things you have to live with, it just takes using your psych as the tool they are.

Be careful with things to help you sleep though, they tend to be very dangerous. The stuff I take every night so that I can calm down enough to sleep has no potential for addiction and is pretty much impossible to OD on. Try to find things like that if you can. Before I got this prescription I'd be up for 24+ hours a lot and could never keep steady, normal person hours. Now I go to sleep every night no matter how bad my day was or how much I have to worry about. It makes all the difference in the world for my ability to function in the day to day.

Anyway, I hope this advice is somewhat useful, and that I'll continue seeing you around the forums. You have a really interesting perspective on things :)

Be well.

I took a few breaks from here early on too. My reasoning was a little different though. The more time I spent on the forums, the faster I wanted to move and it was too fast for me at the time. There are also a lot of horror stories in these forums that were scaring me. Now that I'm a little further along in the process and know my own story, I come back here maybe 2-3 times a week just to see if I can add any input.

I mean, I like this site alot and everything. I just hate how I get in my moments like this and then flip out somewhere in public almost immediately afterwards. I wish I could be like most people who can mask their troubles with the happy face as if nothing is wrong in their life versus how I am now. The only way for me to have a handle on my emotions is to numb them like a zombie. Its either that or blow up from too much emotion. Just no balance there. I mean, I know I am not the only one with problems but I guess it just seems like it sometimes. I feel like the only person here who has zero friends (except my brother, sort of) and no real social life.

No, you are not the only one with problems but the problems you have are real and they are your problems. Like all problems its a case of figuring out how to deal/cope/work with them if you want your life to improve. It can happen but it takes a lot of determination, it won't happen overnight but it need not take years. There's no single one size fits all remedy either, it's your life so it has to be your solution. Some people will help you, others will claim to be helping but actually do the opposite, others still will just try to tear you down... getting rid of toxic people is often the first best step to taking control of your life and your destiny. And don't kid yourself that everyone else out there has it all worked out, for most if not all them everything in life is a day by day progression...

Just because people don't tell you about their problems during the day doesn't mean they aren't silently suffering at night every bit as much as anybody else is. They just learned to not speak of them to anybody. I cried myself to sleep for 40 years, but appeared emotionless in public. Never told a soul.

Not useless at all.  I'm new to the site and I'm not sure how to use it.  But I know I need it as I'm trans and my son and daughter are both trans too!  Every little bit helps just now.

Sent from my Lenovo TAB 2 A8-50F using Tapatalk

Quote from: Ms Grace on March 05, 2016, 03:38:06 PM
No, you are not the only one with problems but the problems you have are real and they are your problems. Like all problems its a case of figuring out how to deal/cope/work with them if you want your life to improve. It can happen but it takes a lot of determination, it won't happen overnight but it need not take years. There's no single one size fits all remedy either, it's your life so it has to be your solution. Some people will help you, others will claim to be helping but actually do the opposite, others still will just try to tear you down... getting rid of toxic people is often the first best step to taking control of your life and your destiny. And don't kid yourself that everyone else out there has it all worked out, for most if not all them everything in life is a day by day progression...

Not negating your advice here. I totally agree with you and all, but what if you don't have a choice but to be around certain toxic people, like at a job or something, who love to criticize and rip you up emotionally? Or what if you have to live with such a person? Then what? I still agree that ridding such people from our lives would do anyone a heck of alot of justice though. So awesome advice here, Ms. Grace.

Quote from: Emileeeee on March 05, 2016, 03:54:22 PM
Just because people don't tell you about their problems during the day doesn't mean they aren't silently suffering at night every bit as much as anybody else is. They just learned to not speak of them to anybody. I cried myself to sleep for 40 years, but appeared emotionless in public. Never told a soul.

That's true, Emile. But I think its awful that people can't be honest even with their own expression of feelings, including myself. I think its sad that I am getting closer and closer to the point of not telling anyone how I really feel in public, unless it is with my therapist. I just think for now that crying myself to sleep at night alone in my room would be much better than flipping out in front of people in public.

Quote from: susanlogan1203 on March 06, 2016, 12:59:58 AM
Not useless at all.  I'm new to the site and I'm not sure how to use it.  But I know I need it as I'm trans and my son and daughter are both trans too!  Every little bit helps just now.

Sent from my Lenovo TAB 2 A8-50F using Tapatalk

Yeah, I totally agree. This site is definitely not useless. And that's a rare life situation you have there; having trans kids as a parent I think helps to put you all on the same page and that's always an awesome thing. :)

If it really bothers you, just leave. No point staying if you get nothing out of it.

Quote from: schwarzwalderkirschtort on March 06, 2016, 07:22:32 AM
If it really bothers you, just leave. No point staying if you get nothing out of it.

Agree. There comes a point when you have to decide if it is truly what is best for you to stay in that situation. Ultimately you're in charge of your own destiny. You can't wait for someone else to take the reins and make the changes you want to see happen, you have to do it yourself.

Phoenix,

I consider you and everyone here personally as family. We all have been growing in our very own ways, and relaying our own messages of hope, help, despair and everything truly in between. We do have the wonderful off topic subjects in hobbies, gaming, cooking even, etc. So if there is a need for a break from all the overall atmosphere of trans identity and all, there is a wide range of stuff to do here.

I am neither trying to keep you here, nor am I trying to kick you out. In fact I would never instigate anyone leave. I cannot make YOUR decisions for YOU. That is totally how you take control of what would happen for your own sake, your own sanity and justice to your well being.
Though I hope that through everything, in one way shape or form is that I can make an impact, that would help you shape your own destiny, your rightful calling, etc.. I just hope through the troubling and as well as awesome moments in your life, you can be safeguarded from any harm.
I hope that if you do decide to take a short or even a long break, that you would come back to your family here at Susan's.

Again, I cannot control what you decide to do, all I ask for is that you will be as safe as can be on whatever way you choose to take a path towards your greater good.

Kate <3

Man, there has got to be a way to get you out from your pops house.  Have you talked to your social worker about options to get out?  That man is killing you.  Literally.  You need life, you need love, you need a community, you need family... sounds like you're not getting any of that.  You need to ghost that man for a few years, at least.  There's a way out.  I know you can find a way.  If you can't find a way, man... there's a point where living on the street can be easier to deal with than living with him.  Get on a bus, move to a city with a trans community, get in with people and make a life.  I know you need dialysis, but you can get that in any city.

This is terrifying to contemplate... but people do this and make it work:  buy a bus ticket to a big city, and throw yourself on the safety net of that city's social programs.  I won't sugar-coat this.  You might end up in the ER for dialysis.  This might count against you for getting a kidney.  These risks, and others, are severe.  But... you can thrive if you get out.

Thanks for the support you guys. While it's difficult for me to really explain my situation, I do not expect anyone here to understand the full scope of it. Now, with that being said, things are bad but I would rather put up with living with my father while getting myself squared away in school than living on the streets or in a shelter. I am not sure if any of you guys need dialysis treatments but I cannot just walk to whatever clinic I want and say "Hey, give me dialysis." It's not like that at all. Like everything else in life, this is a process in and of itself. The medical director of the facility must accept you and that does not happen overnight. And the ER does not do dialysis.

I would have to be admitted to the hospital and that would be risky because they might want to discharge me because my symptoms may seem non-threatening to them, them being the medical staff. I am trying to just hang in there. I think being at home with my dad is not great but it is much better than being on the streets. Perhaps if I did not have all these health challenges I might have considered it. But now I am going to school and will have to make it work. Education is my only way out now. I tried the military and that didn't work out cause I'm too sick. I tried finding an entry level job but that doesn't work because I have almost zero qualifications from lack of work experience. What other real choices do I have? Education is my last and final hope. I will probably end my existence if it doesn't work out...So, it has to work out.

KP, yes. Education is absolutely your best option. Do whatever you can to go as far as you can go. My education saved me from a life of poverty. I have known too many T's that have failed miserably because they didn't have enough education to lead a successful life. Whether it is in the trades or formal university, please get yourself qualified for a bright future. I can't imagine what it must be to have to get dialysis treatments. But I do have diabetes with complications, so I have a slight insight into what you are going through. Be well, my friend.

Cindi

I always thought that I was the only one like me. Even after going to a local LGBT meeting a few times, it didn't seem like there were any more people who didn't feel right in their gender. However, as it turns out, 3 of my friends turned out to be FTM and i was introduced to another MTF. This place might not be the answer to everything but it helps when there are questions. There might already be people you know who are TG and you don't know it.

I'm friends with several crowds, and it's obvious I wear men's clothing and have a man's haircut and seem like a really butch woman. I wonder how many of my friends that are cis gender will stand by me when I start taking T.

I have a feeling that some of the religious ones who don't believe in diversity as much as I do will talk about repentance and say that my lifestyle is "turning my back on God". I have a personal relationship with God, and know that he created me this way. Humans are inherently sinful but loved unconditionally and forgiven. When I feel more comfortable in the real body I should have had I will have a better quality of life to better live in Christ.

Lots have been here and left. I left for a time and I'm still not very active anymore. I have the same feelings in some ways. I'm kinda sick of talking about gender for the most part and I've moved on.

Quote from: King Phoenix on March 06, 2016, 03:12:23 AM
Not negating your advice here. I totally agree with you and all, but what if you don't have a choice but to be around certain toxic people, like at a job or something, who love to criticize and rip you up emotionally? Or what if you have to live with such a person? Then what? I still agree that ridding such people from our lives would do anyone a heck of alot of justice though. So awesome advice here, Ms. Grace.

That's true, Emile. But I think its awful that people can't be honest even with their own expression of feelings, including myself. I think its sad that I am getting closer and closer to the point of not telling anyone how I really feel in public, unless it is with my therapist. I just think for now that crying myself to sleep at night alone in my room would be much better than flipping out in front of people in public.

Yeah, I totally agree. This site is definitely not useless. And that's a rare life situation you have there; having trans kids as a parent I think helps to put you all on the same page and that's always an awesome thing. :)

That's what this place is for to come and talk about how you feel about being transgender. Your therapist and the internet is probably the only place you should talk about your feelings. It's not appropriate at work. Most people don't tell their feelings in everyday interactions.

As for crying at night- that's considered a healthy and natural emotional outlet if you need it. I don't mean to push anything on you, but I suggest prayer no matter what you believe. You're here for a reason and the world needs sensitive people. We all have feelings, but few of us are sensitive.

Channel all your emotions into work or a hobby. Find other trans people to hang out with. If there's a Unitarian Universalist Church in your city I suggest you go there for support. They are active with LGBT rights and you don't have to be religious at all to be a member.