Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: lil_red on February 28, 2016, 08:50:44 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Update: came out to my husband
Post by: lil_red on February 28, 2016, 08:50:44 AM
Post by: lil_red on February 28, 2016, 08:50:44 AM
As the title suggest I came out to my husband as being transgender, possibly transexual 2 weeks ago. So far he is processing everything okay. He has been very accepting and understanding. Although we haven't talked much about the possibility of transitioning mostly because I just want to give him time to process things. I have made some changes about the way I dress but it doesn't seem to be a big deal to him since I've been dressing gender neutral up until recently. Basically I'm dressing more on the masculine side which is how I use to dress when we first met. For the most part things are going good.
The thing is when I told him I wanted to see a gender therapist he shot me down. His reasoning being that he thinks that a gender therapist will try to push me to transition to be the next "success case" (his words). Another weird thing is that he seems completely uninterested in researching the topic. I would think that he would want as much information as possible.?.? Also we haven't talked about it in the last week which is okay because I do want to let him process things but I worry that he thinks its a phase and if he just ignores it that it will go away, which is the impression I got from him in the beginning; I could be wrong though.
But anyway like I said for the most part things are good. I just wanted to give an update.
The thing is when I told him I wanted to see a gender therapist he shot me down. His reasoning being that he thinks that a gender therapist will try to push me to transition to be the next "success case" (his words). Another weird thing is that he seems completely uninterested in researching the topic. I would think that he would want as much information as possible.?.? Also we haven't talked about it in the last week which is okay because I do want to let him process things but I worry that he thinks its a phase and if he just ignores it that it will go away, which is the impression I got from him in the beginning; I could be wrong though.
But anyway like I said for the most part things are good. I just wanted to give an update.
Title: Re: Update: came out to my husband
Post by: Dena on February 28, 2016, 08:57:25 AM
Post by: Dena on February 28, 2016, 08:57:25 AM
He is in the first stage of grief - denial. Not wanting to deal with anything or not wanting you to indicates he hopes this is all a bad dream and things will return to normal.
http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
Title: Re: Update: came out to my husband
Post by: Kylo on February 28, 2016, 09:08:03 AM
Post by: Kylo on February 28, 2016, 09:08:03 AM
Yeah, in my situation my S.O. went through stages.
First it was playful curiosity, and I'm sure he thought it was just a vagary of mine for a while and not a serious issue. Then when I didn't drop the subject, he realized it was serious and of course that caused major issue because he's a straight guy. He went through the realization and grief and asked me why I didn't know sooner and all that. Now we're at some stage or other where he's trying his best to help me through it, and vice versa. Far as I know he hasn't done much research on it but what he has asked he's asked me personally rather than going off to look up information by himself. He knows it's a major problem for me but in his own words he himself cannot understand it from his perspective, so he will just do whatever is necessary to help me through transition. He also admitted he has no idea how he will feel further down the line but that he is committed. He doesn't want to know the grisly details of transition and in a way I don't blame him. I don't particularly want to face them, but I will.
I wouldn't say we're typical sort of couple - we've made a sort of pact a long time ago to help each other as if we were family since our own families basically disowned us. There's more commitment there than a regular relationship and even me being trans hasn't managed to wreck it. That said we're not married - if you are I know that's also a major commitment and I hope you can work something out with him.
First it was playful curiosity, and I'm sure he thought it was just a vagary of mine for a while and not a serious issue. Then when I didn't drop the subject, he realized it was serious and of course that caused major issue because he's a straight guy. He went through the realization and grief and asked me why I didn't know sooner and all that. Now we're at some stage or other where he's trying his best to help me through it, and vice versa. Far as I know he hasn't done much research on it but what he has asked he's asked me personally rather than going off to look up information by himself. He knows it's a major problem for me but in his own words he himself cannot understand it from his perspective, so he will just do whatever is necessary to help me through transition. He also admitted he has no idea how he will feel further down the line but that he is committed. He doesn't want to know the grisly details of transition and in a way I don't blame him. I don't particularly want to face them, but I will.
I wouldn't say we're typical sort of couple - we've made a sort of pact a long time ago to help each other as if we were family since our own families basically disowned us. There's more commitment there than a regular relationship and even me being trans hasn't managed to wreck it. That said we're not married - if you are I know that's also a major commitment and I hope you can work something out with him.
Title: Re: Update: came out to my husband
Post by: lil_red on February 28, 2016, 09:59:32 AM
Post by: lil_red on February 28, 2016, 09:59:32 AM
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on February 28, 2016, 09:08:03 AM
Yeah, in my situation my S.O. went through stages.
First it was playful curiosity, and I'm sure he thought it was just a vagary of mine for a while and not a serious issue. Then when I didn't drop the subject, he realized it was serious and of course that caused major issue because he's a straight guy. He went through the realization and grief and asked me why I didn't know sooner and all that. Now we're at some stage or other where he's trying his best to help me through it, and vice versa. Far as I know he hasn't done much research on it but what he has asked he's asked me personally rather than going off to look up information by himself. He knows it's a major problem for me but in his own words he himself cannot understand it from his perspective, so he will just do whatever is necessary to help me through transition. He also admitted he has no idea how he will feel further down the line but that he is committed. He doesn't want to know the grisly details of transition and in a way I don't blame him. I don't particularly want to face them, but I will.
I wouldn't say we're typical sort of couple - we've made a sort of pact a long time ago to help each other as if we were family since our own families basically disowned us. There's more commitment there than a regular relationship and even me being trans hasn't managed to wreck it. That said we're not married - if you are I know that's also a major commitment and I hope you can work something out with him.
Thanks for sharing. My husband and I also have a very strong relationship and I truly believe that long as I don't push to far, to fast he will do his best to support me. I also know that our love may not be enough to keep us together if he's no longer attracted to me.
I wish the best for you and your SO.