Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Yes, You're 'Trans Enough' to Be Transgender

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mia-violet/yes-youre-trans-enough-to_b_9318754.html?utm_hp_ref=transgender

The Huffington Post/By  Mia Violet   02/29/2016

"It took years to believe I was "trans enough" to call myself transgender. That's not even an unusual story. When it comes to the trans community, I know plenty of people who struggled in the same way.

Today, I feel comfortable and confident saying I am a trans woman, but that wasn't a conclusion I could reach on my own. It's intimidating to walk into a clubhouse unless someone invites you in first."

I LOVE this article. It could have been talking about me. I had so many doubts because there were so many parts of the standard narrative I didn't match. I didn't "always know", I never crossdressed, I never felt like a woman in a man's body, I never hated my body, etc.

Should be required reading for all people exploring their gender.

I'm with Suzi, I agree with this article as well.

Kudos to the author of this article. It's something that quite a few people need to read.

I do wish to touch on something mentioned in the article regarding whether or not it is selfish to transition. While it's something of a new one for me to hear, I must confess that the irony of that statement is as delicious as a medium well Filet Mignon...at least for me. I would find it funny if it weren't for the fact that it's been used to coerce trans people into suppressing who they really are. I'll end it there before I go off into a tirade that makes my blood boil.

That was a good article.  I did like this quote, "Clothes only embody as much meaning as you want them to.  Gender is in your head, not in the fabric you're wearing."

This used to be and maybe still is a problem for me because I don't much care what I wear most of the time.  This has led to a lot of self questioning and doubt.

Just don't make me cut my hair, LOL.


Sapere Aude

This is helpful. I'm having such a hard time accepting the title transman and the use of male pronouns. It's one reason I only told one person so far.
I don't care about pronouns at all never have. I only felt uncomfortable when someone called me male because I didn't want that person to be embarrassed when they found out that I was a girl.
Now, still pre everything, I get called a male a lot more because of my binder, little over half the time, and I don't even care anymore how the other person will feel. This lead me to believe that I wasn't trans because I don't dislike when people call me ma'am nor do I get happy when someone calls me sir it just doesn't phase me much. I also don't really care to start T. Yeah there's a lot of things that appeal to me but I'd rather have top surgery first and see if I even need more. All this made me feel like I wasn't actually trans. So I tried to convince myself that I actually did want to be called only male pronouns, have a male name, start t, and the whole nine because trans is the only thing so far that felt right and I didn't want to lose that feeling. But that only made me miserable and so I figured I wasn't trans and would never know what the heck I was and was destined to be an unknown orientation or forced into something that just didn't fit like lesbian.

So now I'm at a point where when I do get top surgery if anyone feels uncomfortable calling me by my real name or using female pronouns, since I'm assuming I'll look even more male, that they can just call me by male pronouns if it made them feel better and if they ask what I am I'd just have to say who knows bro. I don't care much anymore but I'm still not happy. Happier than forcing myself into the "trans enough" model but not as happy as I originally felt learning about being transgender people. And it's because I feel like I'm making a mockery of the trans community and only picking part of what it means to be trans.

This really helped out a lot. I guess I'm a transman who just doesn't care much about changing a lot. I'll have to keep this on my phone as a reminder

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk

There seems to be a sense among some that we must suffer enough or work through this or look like this or sound like this to be trans enough.  A long, tired and self righteous assessment that suggests they did it right while others are so lacking.   Elitists are found in all kinds of groups where some need to measure themselves against others.

Helping each other feel supported, valued and honored for making their own choices has to be part of being here.

Yes, we are trans enough to make our own call on who we are.

Quote from: Tessa James on March 01, 2016, 03:08:56 AM
There seems to be a sense among some that we must suffer enough ... to be trans enough.

And I, at least, don't need other people to tell me I'm "not really, truly trans."

That little voice in my head keeps saying that to me all the time.  Like, this is what everyone goes through, right?  I mean, I didn't grow up with the conscious conviction that I was "really a girl," so obviously I'm just doing this for the lulz.  I mean, yeah, I did make plans to kill myself practically every day of my childhood (and on and off ever since), but I didn't actually go through with any of them, so obviously I didn't really suffer, I "just want attention."

(Sorry, sometimes these things get me started....)

Quote from: Asche on March 02, 2016, 09:59:24 AM
And I, at least, don't need other people to tell me I'm "not really, truly trans."

That little voice in my head keeps saying that to me all the time.  Like, this is what everyone goes through, right?  I mean, I didn't grow up with the conscious conviction that I was "really a girl," so obviously I'm just doing this for the lulz.  I mean, yeah, I did make plans to kill myself practically every day of my childhood (and on and off ever since), but I didn't actually go through with any of them, so obviously I didn't really suffer, I "just want attention."

(Sorry, sometimes these things get me started....)

Asche, I was just like you, right down to the suicidal thoughts as a child! It does go away eventually. These days I have no doubt at all that I'm a woman and I've even started spontaneously introducing myself as "Dee". I think what finally convinced me was the absolute joy I feel when I tell myself I'm a woman. "I enjoy being a girl" has kinda become my mantra.

I was scared that people here would not think I was really trans just because I never hated my body for being male. This article killed that worry. Thanks so much

Quote from: Janine on March 08, 2016, 12:04:40 AM
I was scared that people here would not think I was really trans just because I never hated my body for being male. This article killed that worry. Thanks so much

Excellent article & I completely agree. I don't hate my male persona & the body that goes with it. I actually could live the rest of my life in this body & still be content. My desire to transition is something I want, nothing more or less.

Nice clear article.

I do get a bit hung up on people who say they need a diagnosis of being trans, there is no such thing, I can't transition without HRT; yes you can.

I frightened; of course you are.

No one will accept me; only one person is important and you are that person.

Yes it helps if you are a transman who looks like a macho man, or a transwoman who epitomises femininity (if that is what you want).

But in my opinion, it is accepting yourself for who you are. The rest is just the story that goes with us.

What a brilliant article.  She hits nails on heads, one-two-three.

Quote from: Cindy on March 08, 2016, 12:50:10 AM


I frightened; of course you are.

No one will accept me; only one person is important and you are that person.

That is the mindset that I dream of having. I admire you for being able to separate your self worth from what other people think of you. You are amazing, Cindy

The article writes -

QuoteIf you want to transition then congratulations, you're trans.

And in other places - it says similar things which are exclusionary to those who don't want to transition.  Unfortunately the politically correct word "transgender" aka "trans" somehow in the minds of many, automatically equals one who transitions when there is a far greater universe of gender variant people that don't fit this stereotype. 

I never liked the vague umbrella of "transgender" but if one must use it - shouldn't it be fully inclusive?   >:-)

Great article!  I'm getting a lot of good feels from it, and this is something me and my therapist talk about often.

A good article. What helped me immensely was that I was exposed to many expressions of gender during my questioning phase. Each person is at a particular point at a particular time in their life. I came out as transgender after realizing that my feeling ran much deeper than clothing. I'm not going to have GRS surgery or take hormones.

Whenever I hear someone say to another trans person that they are "not trans enough" it makes my blood boil. I want to ask that person "what the hell does that mean?" Not everybody wants surgery.  Everybody wants to be comfortable with who they are in whatever way they choose to express themselves.

:)

Thanks for sharing the article!  Really spoke to me and what I'm dealing with right now.  I feel that I'm trans and want to transition with hormones and surgeries, but I feel I don't hit the "criteria" and I feel the need for some medical professional to tell me that I am in fact trans, even though I know that's a ridiculous school of thought.

Quote from: ShotGal on March 21, 2016, 10:14:59 PM
The article writes -

Quote
If you want to transition then congratulations, you're trans.

And in other places - it says similar things which are exclusionary to those who don't want to transition.  Unfortunately the politically correct word "transgender" aka "trans" somehow in the minds of many, automatically equals one who transitions when there is a far greater universe of gender variant people that don't fit this stereotype. 

I never liked the vague umbrella of "transgender" but if one must use it - shouldn't it be fully inclusive?   >:-)

QFT

There are quite a few people who participate in Susans who are not transitioning because the (human) cost is too high.

Then there are non-binary people who are still trying to figure out what they would transition to if they did transition.

And then there are people like how I was up to a year or so ago who are gender-variant (I wore skirts and dresses pretty much anywhere I thought I could get away with it) but haven't (yet?) decided they aren't their birth gender.

One of the reasons I didn't consider myself trans was that I thought you had to feel you were the other gender and wanted to change, and I never felt that how I dressed was an attempt to express "my inner woman."  (Still don't have an "inner woman.")

Quote from: Asche on March 23, 2016, 09:16:11 AM
And in other places - it says similar things which are exclusionary to those who don't want to transition.  Unfortunately the politically correct word "transgender" aka "trans" somehow in the minds of many, automatically equals one who transitions when there is a far greater universe of gender variant people that don't fit this stereotype. 

I never liked the vague umbrella of "transgender" but if one must use it - shouldn't it be fully inclusive?   >:-)

QFT

There are quite a few people who participate in Susans who are not transitioning because the (human) cost is too high.

Then there are non-binary people who are still trying to figure out what they would transition to if they did transition.

And then there are people like how I was up to a year or so ago who are gender-variant (I wore skirts and dresses pretty much anywhere I thought I could get away with it) but haven't (yet?) decided they aren't their birth gender.

One of the reasons I didn't consider myself trans was that I thought you had to feel you were the other gender and wanted to change, and I never felt that how I dressed was an attempt to express "my inner woman."  (Still don't have an "inner woman.")

This is exactly my point.  ANY gender variant or even cross gendered ideation is technically transgender under the umbrella term that was created.  While the idea is simplified for the public and motive is political (mostly) - I personally think it only confuses the people into thinking the entire spectrum are all TS - actually transitioning/transitioned - when many, even most are NOT.  I've known far too many people who don't fit the stereotype and would never want to do anything other than celebrate that facet of themselves - they absolutely should be included as transgender - if they want to. 

There is no test for membership in this cool club ;D

I am a woman with a transgender experience; anyone is free to identify as they wish, and that is perfectly fine, and besides, there is strength in numbers.

Just in case anyone was confused by my last post in this thread, "QFT" is internet-speak for "Quoted for Truth."  I.e., strong agreement.  I was strongly agreeing with ShotGal.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled flamefest. :)  (Or non-flamefest.  wev.)