Susan's Place Transgender Resources

i feel i'm starting to lose my mind....i feel like i'm in a really big movie where i need to act all day and take a personality don't match who i really i'm to keep being safe and then when i back home i need to take off the mask and take the other personality...sometimes at work when i meet people that don't really know me they think i'm a bio male ( i'm not on T but i pass) and they treat me normal as any other guy but once they know they change and start to use the wrong pronouns and then i have again to switch my personality to the fake one to keep them from asking me stupid things ( i'm in a 3rd country) = hell...i take this from a really really long time... from the day  i took my first breath on this earth and lately i feel i'm done i feel it's not like the other times when i encourage my self and back to this horrible game again i feel tired so tired mentaly and physicaly , i tried my best to have a normal life but its impossible i always  knew its impossible...i dont have friends i never had a friend all my life even in facebook when i try to add people i always have ( do you know me or why did you added me?) or they start using the wrong pron or treat me as a lesbian!! i'm tired and i dont even know why i write this here , myb cause this is the only place when i will not be judged.. i'm not alive i'm just breathing waiting death!! and even death it self dont want to take me! (plz don't say and why you dont out from the country cause i heard this a lot) i support a whole family and i cant leave them !
i can't control people and make the calling me with the right pronouns! cause they are free
or my body  i can't start T and my face is getting more fem everyday i stay long hours at gym everyday but it dont help i built big musles but my face its the same!!
i'm tired !

First, have a big *hug*.

No retreat, baby, no surrender ...

like soldiers in a stormy night
with a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender ...

You probably do not know the song...

Do you know the main difference between a rodent and a human ?
If something does not turn out as expected they immediately try something different.
Humans tend to try something that has worked for them once, again, and again...

Not praising rodents just saying. Being persistent and trying out a few things can be of advantage.


on to the subject:
try to calm down.
There is always a way. Just be persistent.
You might begin with dressing as you like in private. This could give you some energy, and you could try a few poses, and practise mannerism and voice.
http://www.nyspeechandvoicelab.net/transgender/voice-masculinization/

Next you might try a change of name ... an androgynous name, or an abbreviation, used both for men and women...
so its easier for you to slip through as the gender you like.
If people ask just say you prefer the name. Many people have nicknames.

Try to get some male clothing ... second hand stores can be a good source. Or buying used on the internet.

You might simply change more and more ... first one piece of clothing, then more and more...

if people ask tell them its your style and you feel better this way.

Don't give too much on pronouns ... try to avoid them.

Don't fret if someone uses the wrong pronouns.

And don't adapt. Transgender people often from a very young age on tried to kind of read unconscious expectations.
Knowing helps. Just try to be yourself.

And you might feel manly inside. It will radiate outwards.
Just try to be yourself, without much announcement. It will show, in mannerism etc.
If people mock just disregard it.

You might just try to be yourself, and people will slowly get used to it.
Don't back down, and don't get upset. Just be persistent yourself.

If you look around by the way you will see a few women who look like men ... especially within the older generation.
So its not uncommon and accepted.


*hugs*

One more thing ...
keep on dreaming and listening to your impulses.
This leads to one thing ... then to the next ... and the next ...

this is how you will find ways to change things...
just keep on...
and if you have a good idea explore it ...


*hugs*

Laura_7 thank you a lot for the reply...
i wasn't talking about the way i dress cause i already dress as any other man from when i was 4 years old ( you can check my pictures i just posted a pic on the do i pass forum)
the thing is i'm that kind of man that is so manly i'm not that guy that is romantic or soft, i don't pretend and i dont have anything about that kind of  man but its just who i'm, i'm a mma player and also i do martial arts and i'm not that kind of guy that will hear someone use the wrong pro or say that my face look fem and say ( i don't care) i feel so angry and i can accept anything in the world but not someone say i look girly or my voice is not deep or anything about my identity or refer me as a gay ( i dont have nothing against gay people) but i'm straight and i love women ,the thing is i tried my best from going to gym and all but my face getting more fem and i get more you look femenine and that really make me want to  hang my self , i'm tired of that and i stay all day home just to not hear this shi**....anyway thank you a lot for your reply and time laura

As supplement you could try some zinc (don't overdo it and ask your doc).
Its considerered raising testo a bit.

Try to avoid estrogen rich food:
-soy products, linseed products
-meat where estrogen is used for raising ... in some countries its chicken and beef.

Look up exactly what to do considering working out.
There are a few exercises for FTM people.
www.ftmguide.rassaku.net/fitness3.htm


As said keep on looking .. you will eventually find a few things that will make you happy  :)

By the way there is also a chat on susans if you want company...

And there are a few helplines that also have a chat...
if you feel really low please reach out...
for example
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us


Have a big *hug*

I'm a little confused, you say your not on hormones , but you expect to be gendered properly. Are you intersex.

Quote from: stephaniec on March 07, 2016, 03:18:19 PM
I'm a little confused, you say your not on hormones , but you expect to be gendered properly. Are you intersex.

He just passes naturally  ;)

*hugs*

Quote from: jossef-ftm on March 07, 2016, 01:44:37 PM

i'm tired of that and i stay all day home just to not hear this shi**....anyway thank you a lot for your reply and time laura

What they say is their decision how you react is your decision ...

you might simply let it drop off like a raindrop...
just disregard it.
Have fun, be yourself.
Some people might come around in time.
I'd say most people will stop to say something if they see there is no reaction on the other side.
If you stubbornly just stay who you are and don't answer they usually eventually stop.
Its just if they see or feel they can push your buttons that they continue.


*hugs*

stephaniec  i'm not trying to be rude but those are the kind of questions i get everyday....before a week a woman at work told me ( you are not a lesbian you are like half man half woman, you are wierd) and i've been called (half man half woman) ( alien) and so many other hurtful things and people think its normal to ask this questions...someone on facebook asked me if i'm a tomboy and i said no then she said so what the hell are you?! and they think its normal and ok to ask that..
anyway about your question i'm not on T but i pass if you meet me and talk to me face to face you will never doubt that i'm a transguy you will think i'm just an other guy...i have a F name and my papers but i believe i'm intersex i know my body well and i believe i'm intersex but i say i'm a tguy cause i still don't know!
the thing is i'm treated as a male from people that don't truly know me cause i pass and thats great but once they know they start to use the wrong pro again and that's upset me and i feel horrible again and again and it keep repeating i hope you understand now what i mean!

I know the feeling, man.

I work at a cigar lounge that is for exclusive members, and have been working there since before T. I pass to a lot of the time to new people. That feels great. It is crushing however, and stressful, when they are around old members who "correct" them into using feminine pronouns. Most people are not trying to be rude and I know it sort of scares you into pretending to be more femme or acting like you are ok with the female pronouns.
It makes you feel invalidated.

How old are you exactly, Jossef? Do you plan on starting hormones? I know I'm fixing my issue by preparing for a change of occupation, and I've started to come out to old members slowly that I am comfortable with. Sometimes you just have to be honest and correct people when they are using the wrong pronouns. or start fresh.

I cannot believe people have the nerve to say those things to you!  Maybe it's cause I live in the American South and however a bigoted area it may be we are painfully polite to each other's faces, but I find it shocking that people say these things to you and think you ought to tell them straight out that they are being very rude.  "I'm male, not that it's any of your business, and how you asked me just then was really rude."  I mean, seriously, I know I don't pass and I can see it in people's eyes at restaurants or stores when they refrain from calling me sit or m'am that they aren't sure what I am (where I live EVERYONE uses sir and m'am with strangers as a form of friendly politeness so if they don't even try then you know they are confused as all hell lol), but not a single person has ever asked me which I am, probably recognizing that 1) the question would be offensive to anyone and 2) it's not really any of their business.  Obviously these folks are making you feel bad about yourself and I think you should let them know.  I realize we live in a different country, but certainly the ideals of politeness still apply and they have to realize they are being rude to the point of cruelty?  (An alien?  Really?) Put the jerk wads in their places--they deserve nothing less for speaking in such a way.  That goes beyond genuine curiosity, which I can understand.  I don't mind talking to the generally curious.  But if someone came up to me and said "what ARE you?  You look half man half woman!" I would look at them in disgust and say "I know what you are--a rude jerk!"