Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, since a few weeks after my 18th birthday, I have determined that since I am free from the crippling influences of my gene donors, I shall go full time. Well, at the homeless shelter and the school, it works pretty well. People generally respect my gender, and I have yet to hear one negative comment from anybody at either place concerning my identity.
However, going out in public is another issue entirely. When I'm out in public, as a rule I'm clean-shaven with foundation to cover the stubble, wearing a skirt (I hate pants), and with breasts (these are entirely fake, but that is concealed by the high-neckline shirts I consistently wear. I've also had much better posture as of late except when carrying heavy loads on my back. However, even with that, people consistently call me "sir". And I know it's not just my voice, because I've been called that even before opening my mouth. What am I doing wrong?

It seems bizarre that people would call you sir if you are wearing a skirt. But if they are behind a counter they may not see, so sometimes in the early stages you might consider trying to add some other feminine traits, be they clothing or makeup or accessories/jewelry. Dunno, just a thought.

SilverWing, I'm reading your haircut as masculine.  Can you get it cut, possibly by a friend at the shelter?

I've considered trying to add more feminine things (for instance, lately I've been wearing a ring that looks rather like my aunt's wedding ring, heh heh), but I'm not really sure where to go from there.

As for the haircut, I'm not really sure what to do with that. I'm trying to grow my hair out, too (I really want to have it go down my back).

https://goo.gl/photos/8Gys5cLdMfjmKfSs7 (https://goo.gl/photos/8Gys5cLdMfjmKfSs7)

That's an album with some pictures of me in it. Perhaps that might help? That's how I usually look in public.

Killing it with that polka-dotted head band!  That sort of accent piece really works.

Getting your hair cut can help it grow out by stopping split ends from propagating.  Bangs are super cute and help obscure the telltale brow... but I understand if you want to grow it all out :)

Hi silverwing, in some of your pics you look like you should pass try adding some rush to your cheeks and wearing a necklace, there are some very good videos on YouTube that can help with doing your makeup. I understand about the hair you're hair is like my hair rat now but I want it to be about a foot or two long you can try beret's like the one I the first picture to give a more feminine look to your self and maybe even different colored glasses could help like a burgundy color I want a pink colored pare you can find discounted colored frames on the net it gust takes some looking around to find.
I hope this helps you out some.

BY FOR NOW

Wow, lovely pics!  You've got such a great sense of style, really smart and femme.  Seems that perhaps people are idiots. 

Hi Silverwing,

That is extremely frustrating, and it's a frustration that I'm sure many people on this site understand.  I've been misgendered even after having top surgery - sometimes, people just see what they want to see.  I know that doesn't help, but at least know that you're not alone, and that sometimes, people just speak without thinking.

Best,
Josh

It depends there are many factors that could be the cause even something as simple as walking posture which differs for women due to social conditioning and pelvic alignment. The face as well is a big clue especially if you have a noticeable Adams apple and masculine jaw and brow.

Also how you portray yourself as well. 1 rule of thumb is don't over dramatize things like gestures of words as that can be an indicator for some people as well.

Hope I could be of any help  :)

If you're comfortable, maybe adding some highlights or another color to your hair would work. Bonus points if it's not a natural color!

But I love, love, love your outfits. I find that an a-line skirt with a petticoat under it might accent your femininity a lot. Just a few thoughts!

I'n my early stages, I had people calling me sir left and right. And it was obvious to them that I was born a guy biologically. It didnt matter what I wore. Later on, people just left off the gender mark if they could. Earlier it was
"Hello sir" but then it was just, "hello". fast track to today, i rarely ever have an issue with it but i do get clocked sometimes. Like two days ago, i was with y best friend, and I was asked if i was her husband... but he also asked if i was Kurdish too.

Getting to the point, some people are ignorant, not understanding, and/or unwilling to accept anything they see as abnormal. I remember the smirks, the comments, the laughs, finger pointing, the misgendering, but in the end, all you can do is go on with your day and keep working at your transition.

I do have to say, that after I did get laser on my face, and i used LESS makeup and foundation, a lot of the "sir" comments stopped. Some of it had to do with a boost of confidence, which can go a loooonnnggggg way.

Your pics seem good, I'd be correcting people and asking whats up. You are wearing a skirt so the only conclusions I can think of is, they are mean people or they assume you want to be called sir.

First off, you don't look like a 'sir' to me.  If anyone is calling you sir, I think that maybe their eyesight is off.

On the other side, don't let idiots bother you too much.  The world is full of inconsiderate buffoons that try to be "funny" and aren't.  If they sir you, just politely misgender them with a smile and all of the politeness you can muster.

Looking at the pictures, I don't see how people see you as a "sir." If I saw you in public, I would have thought you were a pretty lady. I'm honestly not sure how you can make it to where they don't misgender you. To me, you look fabulously femme so I can't fathom how they still think you are a male.

Maybe if someone in public misgenders you, politely tell them, "Um, sorry, but I'm a woman," and likely they will correct themselves.

I LOVE that pic of you in the black dress with sparkly flowers!  :D  So cute!

To be very honest you face have more male than female features to me for example you chin. Of course an FFS could help or the hormones can help also over time. I personally advocate for an FFS if you want a 100% passing and live in peace with your body.

You look much more feminine with a long bangs and long hair. Maybe you could use a wig or get hair extensions. I had hair extensions too and I still have some because my natural hair is not long enough (you see it on my avatar pic).

It is just my opinion and maybe I am wrong. I do not want to offense someone.

You could look up pictures of Isley Reust.
She has her hair cut to exactly cover all of the forehead and brows.
This mimicks what some parts of FFS do.

Glasses with a more rounded style might help a bit.

You might try to relax and feel kind of feminine inside. Not overdone just what is naturally you.
It will show to the outside.


hugs

Try smiling. I notice you're not smiling in any of your pictures and that alone seems to make a big difference in whether I pass myself.

I would get your eyebrows shaped...  I think it would make a huge difference

Some people know that a person is trans and then try to "put them in their place" by deliberately misgendering us.  Just to be mean or because of their whacko relgious-political beliefs.

I am not seeing any jewelry in the photos, and jewelry can make a big difference.  You are only 18, so no one expects you to wear real gold and diamonds. 

I cannot tell if your ears are pierced, but if they are not, try to find a place/way to get them done.

Then try to find some of the kind of inexpensive jewelry that the younger girls wear --- a few bangles or bracelets, a long necklace, and some earrings of some kind, cubic zirconia, cut glass, or some simple hoops.

Quote from: KristinaM on May 09, 2016, 04:43:15 PM
I LOVE that pic of you in the black dress with sparkly flowers!  :D  So cute!

I agree! I saw that and the first thing I thought was, "Wow, that's gorgeous! I wish I could pull off a dress like that!"