Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 05:18:19 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 05:18:19 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 05:18:19 AM
Today felt a bit... peculiar...
As I have mentioned elsewhere, I'm not out as trans at work even though it is a very LGBTIQ friendly workplace and building (numerous other workplaces/offices/organisations in the building). Not just friendly but very inclusive, with LGBTQ (and possibly I) individuals being fairly well represented, especially the LG and probably B quotas. There are certainly a few other trans women who work in the building, not aware of any trans guys. Annnnyway...
At work today we were having an informal staff meeting in the kitchen, and discussion turned to a conference held elsewhere last week about blood borne viruses that a number of staff attended. There was apparently a presentation made about "men who have sex with other men" and how educational material for them almost exclusively excluded trans men from the equation, how they are often invisible in gay relationships. The work discussion turned to how we might collect demographic information to ensure that trans people in general weren't overlooked in data. Like I say, it was informal and no hard decisions were being made here, so I listened but stayed out of the conversation. It was interesting to hear some colleagues articulating points I had considered already around how a trans person might identify with their gender and how they might want to share that on a data collection form, even if there was a "trans" option available. So yes, a curious but interesting discussion which I have the feeling will be raised again soon through more formal channels at some point within the workplace.
About an hour later I was eating lunch in the kitchen when a woman from another office/organisation came in to grab something to eat. I know her in so much as I have seen her around, we always say hi but rarely chat more than a few words - and somehow she knows my name even though I never introduced myself to her so she has an advantage over me since I don't know hers and now feel too stupid to ask. Also... I might have a teensy crush on her. :laugh: She is very attractive. One sentence led to another and before we knew we ended up having quite the chat today! I have to say, I have long suspected she might be trans - she is fairly tall and has a husky but still very feminine voice... but that was all I had to go on and I figured it was her own business. Anyway, it did come out during the chat we had, she pretty much mentioned it as if I already knew. It was a sweet, vulnerable and funny moment. Do I sound like I'm in love?? ;D I didn't tell her about me, but I gather she's worked that out already. If she hadn't mentioned her boyfriend in the conversation I might be trying to figure out a way to go on a date! It was nice to know my transdar hadn't failed me. I don't know how long she has been living as her identified gender or at what age she transitioned but I presume she went young and it has been a lot of years, she is very confident and convincing.
Another hour later, another encounter in the kitchen. It was the place for it today it would seem. One of my colleagues wanted to ask me about the discussion the group had been having earlier. I very much seemed she was trying to get my opinion about the way data on trans people might be collected without actually saying "as a trans person what do you think?"... like she's worked out that I am trans but didn't want to be rude and say it outright. She was saying I feel very uncomfortable about making those kind of decisions without the people in question involved in that decision. Too right, I agreed. Now I really like this colleague, we have a great rapport, but I wasn't in the frame of mind to say "as a trans person I believe..." but I did answer her questions speaking about trans people more generally. I mentioned that many trans people aren't that interested in revealing their status as trans; that collection of gendered information/data probably only has relevance when related to specific health and education purposes; that one shouldn't forget about non binary people; that there was often a difference in self identification between trans people who had transitioned and those who had not, etc, etc. I suggested that rather than just asking "Gender?" and offering "Male/Female/Trans" as options like we currently do in out organisation it would probably be better to just ask "What gender do you currently identify as?" and let them fill in the blank. I should add she mentioned being in a relationship where her partner was trans and transitioned, I presume they were a transguy as she was using male pronouns.
What a building I work in! How did this even happen?? It sure wasn't my conscious intent and yet here I am!
I suspect my stealth jig at work is nearly up! :)
As I have mentioned elsewhere, I'm not out as trans at work even though it is a very LGBTIQ friendly workplace and building (numerous other workplaces/offices/organisations in the building). Not just friendly but very inclusive, with LGBTQ (and possibly I) individuals being fairly well represented, especially the LG and probably B quotas. There are certainly a few other trans women who work in the building, not aware of any trans guys. Annnnyway...
At work today we were having an informal staff meeting in the kitchen, and discussion turned to a conference held elsewhere last week about blood borne viruses that a number of staff attended. There was apparently a presentation made about "men who have sex with other men" and how educational material for them almost exclusively excluded trans men from the equation, how they are often invisible in gay relationships. The work discussion turned to how we might collect demographic information to ensure that trans people in general weren't overlooked in data. Like I say, it was informal and no hard decisions were being made here, so I listened but stayed out of the conversation. It was interesting to hear some colleagues articulating points I had considered already around how a trans person might identify with their gender and how they might want to share that on a data collection form, even if there was a "trans" option available. So yes, a curious but interesting discussion which I have the feeling will be raised again soon through more formal channels at some point within the workplace.
About an hour later I was eating lunch in the kitchen when a woman from another office/organisation came in to grab something to eat. I know her in so much as I have seen her around, we always say hi but rarely chat more than a few words - and somehow she knows my name even though I never introduced myself to her so she has an advantage over me since I don't know hers and now feel too stupid to ask. Also... I might have a teensy crush on her. :laugh: She is very attractive. One sentence led to another and before we knew we ended up having quite the chat today! I have to say, I have long suspected she might be trans - she is fairly tall and has a husky but still very feminine voice... but that was all I had to go on and I figured it was her own business. Anyway, it did come out during the chat we had, she pretty much mentioned it as if I already knew. It was a sweet, vulnerable and funny moment. Do I sound like I'm in love?? ;D I didn't tell her about me, but I gather she's worked that out already. If she hadn't mentioned her boyfriend in the conversation I might be trying to figure out a way to go on a date! It was nice to know my transdar hadn't failed me. I don't know how long she has been living as her identified gender or at what age she transitioned but I presume she went young and it has been a lot of years, she is very confident and convincing.
Another hour later, another encounter in the kitchen. It was the place for it today it would seem. One of my colleagues wanted to ask me about the discussion the group had been having earlier. I very much seemed she was trying to get my opinion about the way data on trans people might be collected without actually saying "as a trans person what do you think?"... like she's worked out that I am trans but didn't want to be rude and say it outright. She was saying I feel very uncomfortable about making those kind of decisions without the people in question involved in that decision. Too right, I agreed. Now I really like this colleague, we have a great rapport, but I wasn't in the frame of mind to say "as a trans person I believe..." but I did answer her questions speaking about trans people more generally. I mentioned that many trans people aren't that interested in revealing their status as trans; that collection of gendered information/data probably only has relevance when related to specific health and education purposes; that one shouldn't forget about non binary people; that there was often a difference in self identification between trans people who had transitioned and those who had not, etc, etc. I suggested that rather than just asking "Gender?" and offering "Male/Female/Trans" as options like we currently do in out organisation it would probably be better to just ask "What gender do you currently identify as?" and let them fill in the blank. I should add she mentioned being in a relationship where her partner was trans and transitioned, I presume they were a transguy as she was using male pronouns.
What a building I work in! How did this even happen?? It sure wasn't my conscious intent and yet here I am!
I suspect my stealth jig at work is nearly up! :)
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Christinetobe on April 07, 2016, 06:18:04 AM
Post by: Christinetobe on April 07, 2016, 06:18:04 AM
Wow you spend a lot of time in the kitchen (just kidding). As someone who works from home i have to say i am jealous about the interaction you have as i get lonely sometimes. I do know that one of the most dysphoric inducing triggers for me is having to identify my gender on forms i dont know what the answer is as most are scanned so a write in answer is problematic. Perhaps a third box just marked as other qould work.
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Cindy on April 07, 2016, 06:54:26 AM
Post by: Cindy on April 07, 2016, 06:54:26 AM
Grace I can see this happening.
You will all be in the kitchen talking and someone will come in and say. Hi everyone I'm a straight cisfemale.
Gasps of astonishment ensue!
You will all be in the kitchen talking and someone will come in and say. Hi everyone I'm a straight cisfemale.
Gasps of astonishment ensue!
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 07:38:58 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 07:38:58 AM
It's interesting you know, now that I know she is trans I actually feel even more attracted to her...whatever her name is!!
Yes, working from home every now and then is a good circuit breaker from office life but I can only imagine that doing it every day can feel very socially isolating. I specifically enjoy work for the opportunity to work with other people.
As for forms, can I ask if you have transitioned? For some reason I only found forms asking for my gender/title to be annoying before I transitioned. Now I don't.
That might very well already happen on some of the other floors!
Quote from: Christinetobe on April 07, 2016, 06:18:04 AM
Wow you spend a lot of time in the kitchen (just kidding). As someone who works from home i have to say i am jealous about the interaction you have as i get lonely sometimes. I do know that one of the most dysphoric inducing triggers for me is having to identify my gender on forms i dont know what the answer is as most are scanned so a write in answer is problematic. Perhaps a third box just marked as other qould work.
Yes, working from home every now and then is a good circuit breaker from office life but I can only imagine that doing it every day can feel very socially isolating. I specifically enjoy work for the opportunity to work with other people.
As for forms, can I ask if you have transitioned? For some reason I only found forms asking for my gender/title to be annoying before I transitioned. Now I don't.
Quote from: Cindy on April 07, 2016, 06:54:26 AM
Grace I can see this happening.
You will all be in the kitchen talking and someone will come in and say. Hi everyone I'm a straight cisfemale.
Gasps of astonishment ensue!
That might very well already happen on some of the other floors!
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: stephaniec on April 07, 2016, 08:09:11 AM
Post by: stephaniec on April 07, 2016, 08:09:11 AM
I think a big multilayer multi flavored cake with HI! did I mention I am trans
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Christinetobe on April 07, 2016, 08:43:05 AM
Post by: Christinetobe on April 07, 2016, 08:43:05 AM
Hi Grace, i am in the very early stages of transitioning so that is where my perspective is comin from.
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Emileeeee on April 07, 2016, 11:35:59 AM
Post by: Emileeeee on April 07, 2016, 11:35:59 AM
Wow that's amazing. I think I would have ended up outing myself that day, like Surprise!
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 06:34:12 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on April 07, 2016, 06:34:12 PM
It's not like I don't know what to say if I were to out myself, it's more a case of whether I want to... all the while knowing it is an inevitability since half of everyone seems to have figured it out already anyway!
Fortunately I'm seeing my counsellor today, so I might discuss it with him.
Fortunately I'm seeing my counsellor today, so I might discuss it with him.
Title: Re: Trans, trans and more trans!
Post by: Rachel on April 07, 2016, 07:29:29 PM
Post by: Rachel on April 07, 2016, 07:29:29 PM
Hi Grace,
That is an interesting dilemma. There would be total acceptance and no worries about employment repercussions. The dilemma is wanting or not to disclose with the thought that others will discuss their suspicions. I would definitely discuss this with a therapist.
That is an interesting dilemma. There would be total acceptance and no worries about employment repercussions. The dilemma is wanting or not to disclose with the thought that others will discuss their suspicions. I would definitely discuss this with a therapist.