Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This has been a very trying week for me,  Should I.... Shouldn't I.  It got so bad that I went to my therapist on Tuesday and at 3:00am Wednesday emailed for another appointment for Wednesday.  (She's wonderful, I was sitting in her office at 3:15pm!)

My panic attacks were that I can't live like I have for 50+ years as a guy and there are times when living full-time causes total anxiety and I'm not really sure I want (need?) full time.  So I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably going to live in a bi-gender world until such a day that I can't pass as a guy any more.

So my question is regarding how many people are in each of the camps above.

Thank you for your time and honesty.

I belong to a club (We play a card game called Euchre) that only know me in girl-mode.  I don't try to pass. I don't try to adjust my voice.  I'm just the guy who is just starting transition.

I am full time but defiantly don't pass. I don't pass, adjust my voice, and wear makeup but I dress how I wish. I have been doing this for almost a year intermittently and for six months full time. It has been working out great for me


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I'm also full time. I do adjust my voice a little, but it's far from perfect. I haven't adjusted any bodily movements because not faking it was the whole point of my transition. I'm pretty much in jeans and a t-shirt all the time and rarely wear any makeup other than some mascara. It's just not my style. Most of the time I don't even bother to do my hair. I get weird looks from time to time or somebody will card me for no apparent reason prior to using pronouns, but mostly everybody's been very nice.

Quote from: pj on April 14, 2016, 08:08:34 AM
This has been a very trying week for me,  Should I.... Shouldn't I.  It got so bad that I went to my therapist on Tuesday and at 3:00am Wednesday emailed for another appointment for Wednesday.  (She's wonderful, I was sitting in her office at 3:15pm!)

My panic attacks were that I can't live like I have for 50+ years as a guy and there are times when living full-time causes total anxiety and I'm not really sure I want (need?) full time.  So I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably going to live in a bi-gender world until such a day that I can't pass as a guy any more.

So my question is regarding how many people are in each of the camps above.

Thank you for your time and honesty.

Im open about it to Close friends/family
not including family (three people at the most)
it's not that i can't come out to others about it and present myself as male i'm just living at my house doing nothing so i haven't really needed to yet. but i will be needing to very soon.

I'm in my mid 50's and went full time a few months after starting HRT. I haven't looked back.  Life has been so much better. I blend in pretty good and the people I work with tell me how much better of a person I am. It really depends on your individual circumstances and comfort level. Good luck girl. ❤️❤️

I had a similar discussion like this with my doc.
My response is this, I'm going to be whoever I want to be. I'm not going to change what makes me who I am to accommodate everyone else. I'm going to continue to be me. My only reason to start transition was for myself and nobody else. I'll not let society strip me of my dignity. If I want to wear cargo pants it's because I chose to. If I decide to wear a sundress it's because it makes my butt look extravagant lol. So in that I say I'm full time 100%.
His response was funny though. He said I'm either very wise, or a sociopath Lol.
But agreed that as long as I'm doing what makes me happy it doesn't matter. Either way I'm okay if it makes me a tomboy.

full time , the water is cold at first , but survival is the priority of the day.

I wear women's clothing full time, my voice is male. I know I'm not a man or a woman. I present full time as me. I'm almost universally addressed as female at the beginning of a conversation and sometimes as male male by the end of the conversation.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Tech_Nymph on April 14, 2016, 10:18:05 AM
I had a similar discussion like this with my doc.
My response is this, I'm going to be whoever I want to be. I'm not going to change what makes me who I am to accommodate everyone else. I'm going to continue to be me. My only reason to start transition was for myself and nobody else. I'll not let society strip me of my dignity. If I want to wear cargo pants it's because I chose to. If I decide to wear a sundress it's because it makes my butt look extravagant lol. So in that I say I'm full time 100%.
His response was funny though. He said I'm either very wise, or a sociopath Lol.
But agreed that as long as I'm doing what makes me happy it doesn't matter. Either way I'm okay if it makes me a tomboy.

I had the exact same discussion with my doc. At first I didn't even comprehend the question when she asked "what gender are you presenting as?" I said "what do you mean I'm just being myself there's no presentation?" .. Fast forward a week or two and this question is still gnawing at me and I started to examine some of the things I've done for at least a decade like wearing a little bit of eye makeup and having long blonde hair up in a bun. I feel much better now that I stopped wearing make up but I still wonder if I'm doing that just to "present" more masculine or if it's really me. And I've started kind of cutting my hair myself lol.. Anyway, I think this question is applied differently when it comes to MTF and FTM.

Quote from: Jessie Ann on April 14, 2016, 10:03:21 AM
I'm in my mid 50's and went full time a few months after starting HRT. I haven't looked back.  Life has been so much better. I blend in pretty good and the people I work with tell me how much better of a person I am. It really depends on your individual circumstances and comfort level. Good luck girl. ❤️❤️

  This has been my experience as well, I do not feel that I am presenting anything this is just who I am.

Quote from: freebrady2015 on April 14, 2016, 10:51:37 AM
I had the exact same discussion with my doc. At first I didn't even comprehend the question when she asked "what gender are you presenting as?" I said "what do you mean I'm just being myself there's no presentation?" .. Fast forward a week or two and this question is still gnawing at me and I started to examine some of the things I've done for at least a decade like wearing a little bit of eye makeup and having long blonde hair up in a bun. I feel much better now that I stopped wearing make up but I still wonder if I'm doing that just to "present" more masculine or if it's really me. And I've started kind of cutting my hair myself lol.. Anyway, I think this question is applied differently when it comes to MTF and FTM.

I'm jealous!! I've always wished to be blonde. But it doesn't look normal on me. Golden brown is my color.
I agree the question may be applied in a different context. But it is a similar situation to overcome. Our experiences may be different, but I believe we have the same goal to be happy both emotionally and physically.
So whether it be FtM or MtF we can all relate in our own special ways. :icon_chick:

I "present" as myself everywhere but at work.

"Myself" used to be gender non-conforming, but I've been gradually getting more and more femme over time.  I've only recently started asking people outside of trans groups to call me by a femme name, though, and I'm starting to alter my presentation to try to look like I want to be seen as female.  (Inside, though, I don't have a gender.)

I expect to be living full-time as a woman by the end of the calendar year.

I dress as I please at home. My kids are great and my wife has become more accepting as time goes on. I had to do this to keep sane but coming out to them was really scary. Especially with my wife I felt I was risking everything and there have been rough patches. My kids just shrugged and said "whatever makes you happy dad." I think they actually think it is kind of cool to have a dad who is a bit of an "individual".

With everyone else I know, fear holds me back. The coming out train only offers one way tickets. While I'm sure the few people left who really matter to me but don't know, would probably be quite supportive, I'm worried they would treat me differently. I don't feel different dressed, other than more comfortable in my skin, so I don't want to be treated like a different person. I've been growing my hair for nearly two years now and the pony tail gets more than enough attention as it is. I don't think they are trying to be hurtful but they don't understand why a 50 year old suddenly decides to grow their hair long for the first time in their life. It confuses them. They think it is my mid-life crisis and I'll "grow out of it".

I do IT support for small businesses and individuals. I don't want any of these people, some of whom I've known for years, to treat me differently or stop calling so I'll probably always present male to this group.

Having said that, all my jeans are from the girl section. Most of my shirts are blouses. Most people don't notice any of this, especially guys. Everything buttons up the "wrong" way but most people don't notice and if they have, no one has said anything.

I go out shopping with wife and kids often wearing jeggings or obviously girly trousers(pants to you left-pondians) and an obviously girly t or blouse. I wish I had the courage to wear a skirt sometimes though. I much prefer the look and feel and wear skirts and dresses pretty much exclusively at home.

A few weeks ago my wife was out drinking with friends. Around midnight, she phoned(quite drunk) to say she couldn't get a taxi. I put on one of my lovely female coats over the party frock I was wearing (it was Friday night after all) and drove out to get her in make-up, nails, forms the works. The experience was exhilirating, just the walk to the car and back was such a rush and driving around like that was a wonderful feeling. Wife was cool about it because I'd rescued her and she was tipsy but I keep asking her to come out to a club with me dressed but so far she has flat refused. I think it embarasses her more than anything. There is a whole section of Glasgow city centre full of gay bars and nightclubs where no one would give us a second glance. I don't have the nerve to go on my own and it is pretty sad to go to a pub on your own whether you are trans or not. I'm hopeful that one day she will relent though. We've already come much further than I ever thought we would.

I keep promising myself I'm going to answer the door to our post-girl as me, but so far I've chickened out every time. When I think of showing the real me to others I often feel like a fraud. As a NB I'm not a "real" woman. Don't want to be. I don't know if I could cope with being seen as a guy in a dress on the high street. I really envy all of you who have found the courage to do just that because all my soul searching leads me to believe that that is exactly what I want. Maybe one day. My daughters keep telling me to "live the dream" but I get terrified just thinking about the possible consequenses of doing so. The social conditioning is strong in this one.

I selected "Sometimes". It was going to be "Only at home" but that would be false, as I occasionally go out in girlmode. I expect to increase the time I spend in girlmode as I come out to more people.

Hmm, I've always just presented as myself. There's little difference these days between how I presented in the past, how I dress/act at the moment and how I intend to do in the future.

I do acknowledge the nasty double standard in all societies though that allows those perceived as female much more leeway to present as whatever they want than it does those perceived as male, which allows me to do that at the moment. In future I will be more mindful of how I dress because of that. Although not too mindful. I've always been a bit eccentric and I'm not altering myself for approval.

It would be problematic if I wanted to wear women's clothes, which I don't really. I appreciate the difficulty MTFs experience in this process and how the judgement of society is more heavily leveled at them, and how much that sucks.

After spending decades being what other people wanted me to be I am free. I still need a lot of work to repair T damage but the concept of presenting doesn't sit well with me. Seems like a pretense whereas I'm really just working on being me. So I guess I'm kinda full time me though I do fit several clichés.

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The only real time I do not present as myself is with the military.
The only issue I do have is I cannot grow my hair out due to the obvious military career as well, and well lack of funds for make up, and haven't much tried to use make up.
I get most of my issues at work about my identity at work, especially when I was wearing my button up, even though it was clearly female attire people still regarded... But anywho, I switched over to a blouse, and things generally are a bit easier to have people actually gender me properly.

Kate <3

I present myself, well, as myself 100% of the time, as best as I can. Yet I do not pass 100%, but it doesn't stop me from being who I am. I don't bother to deepen my voice because my full, dead name still reflects femininity and most would not register my preferred pronouns and will ma'am nonsensically to death under any given circumstance.  Ah, well, I'm thankful just to be able to dress how I want to.

No offense, MTFs, but I think in this regard, it's far easier to navigate this world as an FTM because there aren't nearly as many expectations placed on an FTM to dress in their assigned gender as an MTF. In other words, biological women can get away with wearing a fully tailored suit than a biological man could in a big, glittery tutu. I have seen a stupid commercial recently where a man is dressed just like that; in a pink tutu and acting very feminine as if to be a great source of humiliation and humor. I would have laughed back then just to fit in with all the other close-minded folks out there who probably cried their eyes out with laughter at such an insult. So how will the world ever come to accept transgender people when commercials such as this exist to poke fun at us? Especially at MTFs?

-Sparky

Full Time for 371 days and counting. I adjust my voice except when speaking to family on the phone/in private, though I have found that less is more in this area. If I try to pitch up too much, I come off sounding either like a stereotypical gay man or fake. So, I raise my pitch a little and it seems to do the job face to face.

Clothes wise, I donated a bunch of my old jeans a few months back, but I still have the rest of my old clothes in a large contractor bag. I intend to eventually get around to taking them down to Goodwill or giving them to someone. I only wear clothes from the women's section, though some are relatively androgynous like T-Shirts and Jeans.

Part of me wishes I had gone Full Time sooner - ideally 1995 when I first tried to come out. Then again, the world was very different (less accepting) back then.

I'm in the "Sometimes, whenever I can" category. At two different levels

For about all my life I cross-dressed. Minus a period, which arguably was "A Purge". Thanks to life getting in the way of living and the overwhelming desire to be 'Normal' and knowing all too well the affect on my wife..... well my needs come in last

About 7+ years ago the excrement hit the air handler again. My life was at THE ABSOLUTE LOWEST (till tomorrow maybe with my wife's 'we need to talk) point. Everything I defined myself by and as was ripped away from me.

During that time I began my healing process. I began not just CD'ing in the privacy of my home, Joanne once again, actually for the first time ever, ventured out into the daylight reveling in the joy of being out in the real world as the real me.

And so it was for several years. Part time male for work for sure. The rest as female as much as I can. A mini RLE.  Then my/our prayers were answered. Back at an old job. Back living with my old wife. Back to my.... almost all new ways.

Hard to believe that just 7 miles from NYC I fear for my safety vs 350 miles away in rural West Virginia.

Got to love a good irony

What a coincidence that I found this today.

I put most of the time because...well...I'm not sure. I've started wearing women's jeans now that tax season is over and I feel that, even at 3 month, it's fairly obvious that I have breasts. At this point...I don't think I have a choice. Today I got really afraid on the train as I wasn't sure if "The Local Color" was giving me crap or (as was actually the case) messing around with his...whoever she was to him. I got super self conscious and didn't feel better till I got back downtown. Luckily I had a book with me to keep myself occupied.

Quote from: King PhoenixNo offense, MTFs, but I think in this regard, it's far easier to navigate this world as an FTM because there aren't nearly as many expectations placed on an FTM to dress in their assigned gender as an MTF. In other words, biological women can get away with wearing a fully tailored suit than a biological man could in a big, glittery tutu. I have seen a stupid commercial recently where a man is dressed just like that; in a pink tutu and acting very feminine as if to be a great source of humiliation and humor. I would have laughed back then just to fit in with all the other close-minded folks out there who probably cried their eyes out with laughter at such an insult. So how will the world ever come to accept transgender people when commercials such as this exist to poke fun at us? Especially at MTFs?

I totally agree with this. My style is very casual, just jeans and a t-shirt. I still wear men's style t-shirts as my mid-section hasn't caught up to my chest, legs and butt. I really hope that where I live is just that chill that I can still go out while still in the "Uncanny Valley" as I call it. Sorry if that sounds mean. I just fell that I'm being stared at and I'm not giving up my breasts for anyone. I never felt handsome as a guy. I never saw it. For once I feel that I "Can" be pretty, I am cute, I deserve to wear a shirt that say "Bonita" on it.

Agree it sounds a lot easier for clothes in public for FTM but unfortunately that's the way almost everyone is programmed. Double standards abound but even recognising that is a good start even if we can't change it.

For genuine humours sake I say everything is fair game but intent is the most important part to me. For anyone being forced to dress opposite to your true gender is uncomfortable which makes it kinda funny as when we dress as expected by others we feel more ridiculous than the person in the advert. Not seen it though so can't really judge it. I take solace in the thought that any of the other people in the advert could have been trans. For good or for ill many do want to just blend in. For those that wish to stand out however the world is your stage but the crowd is full of critics.

The media can be a real problem though as I have always feared the image of "man in a dress". Just glad now I am me that I can see and remove that old BS from my mind. Can't change others but I am free.

Gratz on 371 days ☺

Voice I am so jealous but love the less is more tip.

Yeah the world has changed a LOT since I was a kid. Used to genuinely fear being locked up forever if the world knew what I was thinking (bloody parents).

None of us can change how our story starts but we can all sure as heck change how it ends.

Whoops missed reading the last 2 posts before posting.

Yeah totally get how we always put ourselves last like we are less than everyone else. It really isn't fair. Neither is the constant quest to be "normal" worst of all many probably succeed on that quest and live someone else's life instead of theirs which truly tragic.

I love the courage of everyone going all out as the image of me in a dress and makeup or swimsuit would terrify me. That's as much from my own fashion side as much as anything else though as I am pretty hung up on looks.

I suppose I'm still trying to be "normal" but as a girl now.

Do love irony but yeah the world is a funny place but also sounds scary. I know I wouldn't go out after dark from fear of both the dark and neds (hooligans/young bad people).

We including me need to stop being so judgemental on looks everyone else can dress as they please to us. We need to let ourselves do the same.

Bonita shirt sounds good.

My colleagues and friends all know who I am, but I wear skirt everyday. My voice does not pass, but what matters? A lot of people watch me in the street, and I enjoy stares only from women (not men).

(https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1454/25984404723_7a82246320_b.jpg)

Yes. I am also over 50.

barbie~~

Very rarely. Yet at this point I am wearing women's clothes all the time. They are just close enough to what I always wore(well a little pushed further) that no one at work or out notices.

Lordy this thread brings back memories!
I was slowly transitioning, my name change came through and I was one day at work FT.

My therapist asked if I was OK and I said almost. 'What's up' "I gave a lecture last week to 300 medical students, I lecture them again on Weds and I'm scared."

'You've changed your name, change it on your slides, wear something professional and go for it'

I did.

Two days FT and wearing a skirt, blouse, high heel boots and as nervous as Hell. 300 students, some being silly (females) and me. Alone.

I got one question at the end of the lecture from a female student.

"I love your boots, where did you get them?"

End of fear.

Right now i'm gathering the supplies to start my transition. I got my wig, now i just need to get some clothes and makeup. I'm going to start slowly easing into passing, first at home, then with friends, then hopefully i would be on HRT and can start physically passing better.

Quote from: Cindy on April 23, 2016, 03:28:28 AM
Lordy this thread brings back memories!
I was slowly transitioning, my name change came through and I was one day at work FT.

My therapist asked if I was OK and I said almost. 'What's up' "I gave a lecture last week to 300 medical students, I lecture them again on Weds and I'm scared."

'You've changed your name, change it on your slides, wear something professional and go for it'

I did.

Two days FT and wearing a skirt, blouse, high heel boots and as nervous as Hell. 300 students, some being silly (females) and me. Alone.

I got one question at the end of the lecture from a female student.

"I love your boots, where did you get them?"

End of fear.

   Lovely story, made me smile. You faced your fears by being yourself and became stronger for doing it.

I bind (as best I can) full-time and dress as a boy. I still keep some girl clothes for personal reasons.

Quote from: Cindy on April 23, 2016, 03:28:28 AM
Lordy this thread brings back memories!
I was slowly transitioning, my name change came through and I was one day at work FT.

My therapist asked if I was OK and I said almost. 'What's up' "I gave a lecture last week to 300 medical students, I lecture them again on Weds and I'm scared."

'You've changed your name, change it on your slides, wear something professional and go for it'

I did.

Two days FT and wearing a skirt, blouse, high heel boots and as nervous as Hell. 300 students, some being silly (females) and me. Alone.

I got one question at the end of the lecture from a female student.

"I love your boots, where did you get them?"

End of fear.

Cindy - Thank you for this story, I hope I can do the same when the time comes.  I, at times, stand up in front of a large group to lecture/talk.  I hope when the time comes that I too can not faint from nerves!

Quote from: Wild-Eyed on April 25, 2016, 04:11:53 PM
I bind (as best I can) full-time and dress as a boy. I still keep some girl clothes for personal reasons.

I do also. But mainly because they are for back up and because I'd like to give them to charity but just haven't had the opportunity. I really hope I do not have to revert back into women's clothing for some dire reason like a funeral or for work. That would just suck for me.

-Sparky

I spend 1-2 days per month as a woman, typically running errands, shopping, or vacationing. I'm lucky that I only get misgendered every few months.

The rest of the time I'm relatively androgynous, but am rarely gendered as a woman.

Given fewer constraints on my time, 1-2 days might grow a bit, but I like having both parts of my life.