Susan's Place Transgender Resources

 Recently, I decided to stop going to a trans group I've been going to for about a year.  When I started going to the group, I was in a manual wheelchair, and the members of the group were seemingly glad to accept me.  Ya see, I had just emerged from a two year+ stay at a hospital for complications from AIDS.  I had developed avascular necrosis.  Anywho, after two surgeries I decided that since I live in San Francisco and am no longer in hospital, I should join a transgender group.  Let me say here, I only began my transition October 21, 2014.  So when I first went to this transgender group, I found I was a newbie in a group where a lot of the women and men had transitioned years ago. I was awestruck.  Coming to San Francisco, California after spending 40 years in Houston, Texas I couldn't believe the freedom I was experiencing-- finally, I felt, I could be myself.  OH how wrong was I.  This group I was so enamored with was really a flock of catty transwomen.  Most of them from San Francisco or Oakland.  I felt like an outcast.  Then recently when I broke my femur, none of them visited me in hospital or wish me better health on facebook.  Then, after I went to the ER twice after my seven day stint to repair my leg in hospital and had posted my problems on fb, no one sent me a get well post.  I had spent months in this group hoping I could relate to anyone there.  No one, it seemed, wanted to have a wheelchair transwoman as a friend.  And this came on the heels of the facilitator of the group wanting the group to be more inclusive.  Oh, well.  I guess I must find more caring friends.  It's just really hard for me to understand why this group of transgender people would discard one of the own simply because she's in a wheelchair.  It hurts.  I had use of my legs for over 40 years.  And I went thru hell to get to where I am now.  Yet I am dreadfully alone. 

I've kinda had a similar experience in the big trans women group in the city. Idk if it was because I hadn't started HRT yet or what, but I wasn't the only one. I ended up finding another group that's a lot smaller and that has worked out pretty well.

Group dynamics are unpredictable and there is some who will want to be as private and separate as possible.  Others can be completely self absorbed and not willing to reach out.  Making friends takes some energy and even the courage to be vulnerable.  It is best when there are two hands reaching out.  Please don't give them more weight or space than they deserve.

I hope the group recognized your contributions and welcomed the diversity you represent.  Inclusivity is the more challenging part of breaking down barriers that keep us apart.  Our local trans support group features opportunities to socialize and have fun so we are a bit more like family.  And then families can let us down too huh?

Ya know, I never thought it would be so difficult being myself.  Especially in a group where it's understood how difficult it is to be oneself.  I just had this pipe dream that once I was honest about myself and opened up then I would be welcomed with open arms.  Talk about naivete.  Thankfully that's but one group here in San Francisco.  And I am sure I will eventually find friends who I will be thankful to have met.  And thank you for your words.  They most decidedly helped.