Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: Arch on April 30, 2016, 06:01:45 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: Arch on April 30, 2016, 06:01:45 PM
Post by: Arch on April 30, 2016, 06:01:45 PM
I am a global moderator here and have been since about 2009, the year I started my medical transition. I haven't posted much in the past couple of years, mostly because our previous forum administrator, Nero, died an untimely death in July 2014. Although I never met him in real life or even heard his voice, I loved him very much and had an active PM relationship with him. I took his death very hard.
We had a lot of things in common--mostly hang-ups and fears, I'm sorry to say--but I considered him as a brother. Certainly my own brother has never shown as much concern and tenderness for me since I came out to him. Nero understood--and when he didn't, we talked until he understood. I like to believe that I was a support for him as well, but he went back to using. I find it hard not to feel some responsibility for that. If I'd done just a little bit more, maybe that would have been enough to tip the balance. But I know that I had only limited influence over him. If he'd wanted more support from me, he could have asked. But he seemed to close himself off to me in those last few months, and, to be honest, I had my own demons and had only so much emotional energy to help other people. He was a complex man, with problems and flaws (just as we all have), and he made his own choices.
Now I'm reintegrating myself into the forums, mostly the FTM forums. I'm trying to be more active, trying to help out. I can share twenty years of pre-transition struggle and over seven years of transition process. I am in my fifties now and have some life experience that might benefit people who are considerably younger than I. Helping others helps me as long as I don't overdo.
But the experience of being here more is bittersweet; Nero's presence, his stamp, is still all over this site. He had an occasional lapse but was still an incredibly caring man with a terrific sense of proportion. I believe that he was a great forum administrator, doing a job that I could never do. But as a mod, I want to keep carrying Nero's influence: his compassion, his wisdom, his commitment. With tears in my eyes--a rare event since I started T--I want to renew my own commitment, in memory of Nero.
He is gone, but I am not. Here I am again. Hello, hello, to all of you, old and new.
We had a lot of things in common--mostly hang-ups and fears, I'm sorry to say--but I considered him as a brother. Certainly my own brother has never shown as much concern and tenderness for me since I came out to him. Nero understood--and when he didn't, we talked until he understood. I like to believe that I was a support for him as well, but he went back to using. I find it hard not to feel some responsibility for that. If I'd done just a little bit more, maybe that would have been enough to tip the balance. But I know that I had only limited influence over him. If he'd wanted more support from me, he could have asked. But he seemed to close himself off to me in those last few months, and, to be honest, I had my own demons and had only so much emotional energy to help other people. He was a complex man, with problems and flaws (just as we all have), and he made his own choices.
Now I'm reintegrating myself into the forums, mostly the FTM forums. I'm trying to be more active, trying to help out. I can share twenty years of pre-transition struggle and over seven years of transition process. I am in my fifties now and have some life experience that might benefit people who are considerably younger than I. Helping others helps me as long as I don't overdo.
But the experience of being here more is bittersweet; Nero's presence, his stamp, is still all over this site. He had an occasional lapse but was still an incredibly caring man with a terrific sense of proportion. I believe that he was a great forum administrator, doing a job that I could never do. But as a mod, I want to keep carrying Nero's influence: his compassion, his wisdom, his commitment. With tears in my eyes--a rare event since I started T--I want to renew my own commitment, in memory of Nero.
He is gone, but I am not. Here I am again. Hello, hello, to all of you, old and new.
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: FTMax on April 30, 2016, 06:26:44 PM
Post by: FTMax on April 30, 2016, 06:26:44 PM
A hearty hello to you, friend :) We're lucky to have you.
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: Ms Grace on April 30, 2016, 06:51:50 PM
Post by: Ms Grace on April 30, 2016, 06:51:50 PM
Strong and moving words, Arch. Hugs.
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: V M on April 30, 2016, 09:06:54 PM
Post by: V M on April 30, 2016, 09:06:54 PM
Good to see you Arch
You've always been a pretty Rockin' Bro in my book
I think many of us were rather stunned by Nero's passing
He had quite an impact on everyone's life he touched, I know I think about him quite often
Hugs
You've always been a pretty Rockin' Bro in my book
I think many of us were rather stunned by Nero's passing
He had quite an impact on everyone's life he touched, I know I think about him quite often
Hugs
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: Tysilio on April 30, 2016, 09:47:11 PM
Post by: Tysilio on April 30, 2016, 09:47:11 PM
I'm glad you're back, Arch. I've missed your presence, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: smittydoyle on May 02, 2016, 04:01:57 PM
Post by: smittydoyle on May 02, 2016, 04:01:57 PM
Hey Arch! I'm back on the forums after a break. Looking forward to getting to know ya better. Cheers.
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: AJKIL on May 08, 2016, 12:47:02 PM
Post by: AJKIL on May 08, 2016, 12:47:02 PM
Hey Arch- I remember you from when I joined in 2010. Had to rejoin today under a new name as forgot all my old log ins including email. I've been off for a while just living life - so sad to hear of Nero's passing.
Title: Re: Reintroducing Myself to the FTM Forums
Post by: November Fox on May 08, 2016, 05:08:02 PM
Post by: November Fox on May 08, 2016, 05:08:02 PM
Arch,
I´m not very active, at the moment, but I noticed your earlier posts around the forum.
Good to have you back - I´m sorry about the loss of your friend, a friend to many, as far as I can tell.
I´m currently transitioning - at 28 - so have a little bit of experience with pre-transition struggles, but if you ever want to share a bit of your story I´d be glad to read it - maybe I´ll even learn something.
Looking forward to seeing you around.
Rowan
I´m not very active, at the moment, but I noticed your earlier posts around the forum.
Good to have you back - I´m sorry about the loss of your friend, a friend to many, as far as I can tell.
I´m currently transitioning - at 28 - so have a little bit of experience with pre-transition struggles, but if you ever want to share a bit of your story I´d be glad to read it - maybe I´ll even learn something.
Looking forward to seeing you around.
Rowan