Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Midnightstar on May 05, 2016, 10:45:12 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Triggered by videos of other ftms
Post by: Midnightstar on May 05, 2016, 10:45:12 PM
Post by: Midnightstar on May 05, 2016, 10:45:12 PM
I used to sit at my computer for half the night and watch trans guys on youtube because it made be happy.
I feel like i can't do that anymore, and i was sitting there questioning why i was feeling like it was triggering
and i was confused on why something that made me happy would trigger me.
Then i realized that i was being triggered because they where far along and i wasn't i never really thought i would be the person to see things like that but here i am seeing things like that.
I just felt like talking about it to someone i guess? i don't know, just confused.
nothing seems to be a cure for long anymore.
Another thing that i'm deciding to make into one post because it's easier that way
Basically something completely different is i'm also confused because iv'e been thinking and i have problems seeing
myself as a guy, don't get me wrong i am a guy. But iv'e always been seen by others as a female so my brain still has the image that i look female so i think for quick moments i still do even if my brain says i'm not.
its been really messing with my head lately.
I feel like i can't do that anymore, and i was sitting there questioning why i was feeling like it was triggering
and i was confused on why something that made me happy would trigger me.
Then i realized that i was being triggered because they where far along and i wasn't i never really thought i would be the person to see things like that but here i am seeing things like that.
I just felt like talking about it to someone i guess? i don't know, just confused.
nothing seems to be a cure for long anymore.
Another thing that i'm deciding to make into one post because it's easier that way
Basically something completely different is i'm also confused because iv'e been thinking and i have problems seeing
myself as a guy, don't get me wrong i am a guy. But iv'e always been seen by others as a female so my brain still has the image that i look female so i think for quick moments i still do even if my brain says i'm not.
its been really messing with my head lately.
Title: Re: Triggered by videos of other ftms
Post by: ryokohimura on May 06, 2016, 12:08:37 AM
Post by: ryokohimura on May 06, 2016, 12:08:37 AM
I've "befriended" a few girls online. Several of them are very famous. One is an award-winning entertainer. She even stood up for me when she thought I was bothered by being misgendered. I wasn't but it felt good to feel accepted into the group even if I am only a fan watching from the sides. Several of us had a discussion in chat about the nature of the fan-entertainer relationship. Some of the others were bothered by one of the other's comments that people in the entertainer's position are unattainable and we will never be more than just a face in the crowd to them.
While that point doesn't bother me as much, for me, it's much more similar to you. I'm at three months while they are all at a year+ and present much better than myself. However, my chatmates are in similar positions to myself. One has yet to start her hrt and the other I think is around where I am. I guess what I'm getting at is that, for me, this is where I get to be me. They don't know who I was, though I'm 60% certain one to the streamers is a former client of mine. I'm only three months in and my body hasn't quite caught up to my mind.
While that point doesn't bother me as much, for me, it's much more similar to you. I'm at three months while they are all at a year+ and present much better than myself. However, my chatmates are in similar positions to myself. One has yet to start her hrt and the other I think is around where I am. I guess what I'm getting at is that, for me, this is where I get to be me. They don't know who I was, though I'm 60% certain one to the streamers is a former client of mine. I'm only three months in and my body hasn't quite caught up to my mind.
Title: Re: Triggered by videos of other ftms
Post by: lil_red on May 06, 2016, 06:15:54 AM
Post by: lil_red on May 06, 2016, 06:15:54 AM
In relation to the second half of your post, the YouTuber uppercasechase1 made a video talking about something similar to what you are talking about. He was talking about that even though he 100-percent passes that sometimes he still thinks that people see him as a female even though in reality he knows it's not true. He even talks about sometimes when he looks at himself in the mirror that he still sees his pre-t self. So you are definitely not alone when it comes to this.
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Sent from my SM-S902L using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Triggered by videos of other ftms
Post by: Laura_7 on May 06, 2016, 06:55:40 AM
Post by: Laura_7 on May 06, 2016, 06:55:40 AM
I'd say try to feel inside like a man, and let it shine through.
Just steer an even course, let it shine through and keep on.
It will show to the outside, just be stubborn :)
And you may remember a few things that make you happy ... how you felt in a certain shirt ... etc ...
it can make for moments that can give motivation.
Don't stay up half the night. Try to do a few other things not transition related which you like.
hugs
Just steer an even course, let it shine through and keep on.
It will show to the outside, just be stubborn :)
And you may remember a few things that make you happy ... how you felt in a certain shirt ... etc ...
it can make for moments that can give motivation.
Don't stay up half the night. Try to do a few other things not transition related which you like.
hugs
Title: Re: Triggered by videos of other ftms
Post by: Midnightstar on May 06, 2016, 10:15:49 AM
Post by: Midnightstar on May 06, 2016, 10:15:49 AM
Quote from: Laura_7 on May 06, 2016, 06:55:40 AM
I'd say try to feel inside like a man, and let it shine through.
Just steer an even course, let it shine through and keep on.
It will show to the outside, just be stubborn :)
And you may remember a few things that make you happy ... how you felt in a certain shirt ... etc ...
it can make for moments that can give motivation.
Don't stay up half the night. Try to do a few other things not transition related which you like.
hugs
Me stay up half the night? No never...
Yea, i know i should i'm working on everything been working on some things outside of transgender related things.
Title: Re: Triggered by videos of other ftms
Post by: sparrow on May 06, 2016, 10:35:57 AM
Post by: sparrow on May 06, 2016, 10:35:57 AM
Quote from: Midnightstar on May 05, 2016, 10:45:12 PM
Basically something completely different is i'm also confused because iv'e been thinking and i have problems seeing
myself as a guy, don't get me wrong i am a guy. But i've always been seen by others as a female so my brain still has the image that i look female so i think for quick moments i still do even if my brain says i'm not.
Yeah... I think we all go through some of that. That questioning (that incessant questioning!) left me exhausted of trying to define and justify my gender... and I quit. I'm me. I don't have a name for my gender, and I like it better that way. I'm free from an internal desire to 'pass' as cisgender, and I rather enjoy several aspects of not passing. Sometimes I feel awkward in public and at those moments I could be invisible... but that's pretty rare.