Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I read a lot of coming out stories involving conservative religious parents, so I assume Republican then. But how does that make sense? I know people are going to say "not all republicans believe blah blah blah" but it doesn't make sense from a fundamentally conservative right wing level. Heck, they even ignore accepted science, why would a conservative Republican ever accept a transgender son or Daughter? It doesn't make sense at all.

I don't know. I guess it depends on how much they try to understand others. My parents can't seem to do that and we aren't even able to talk to each other at all anymore. If I were to judge other conservative parents by the example my parents set, I would tell everyone to just move to the other side of the planet and avoid them by all possibly means instead. I guess you can't know how they will react until you try though.

I don't think it's about having your parents accept you, unfortunately. In a lot of cases, no matter what wing the parents are leaning towards, trans people just expect the worst possible reaction. Hell, I prepared myself to be kicked out (thankfully, my parents turned out to be incredibly accepting so that was a scenario I didn't have to live out). I think people come out for the closure it brings. In a lot of cases, trans people are already distant with their conservative families and coming out just completely breaks whatever bonds kept them close to toxic people.

My parents are like this, and I don't want to and am not going to come out to them in the foreseeable future. They might think I'm their weird daughter who doesn't want boobs, dresses "butch", and be paranoid that I'm a lesbian for the rest of their life for all I care.
If they weren't the way they are, I would want to tell them just to get everything out in the open and feel that sense of closeness you get when you share something about yourself with someone.
If I didn't care about being around my brother and was prepared to get kicked out, I wouldn't care much if I told them. Considering how they are right now though, if I ever do tell them it would be to disconnect and move on entirely.

Quote from: redhot1 on May 17, 2016, 10:04:35 PM
I read a lot of coming out stories involving conservative religious parents, so I assume Republican then. But how does that make sense? I know people are going to say "not all republicans believe blah blah blah" but it doesn't make sense from a fundamentally conservative right wing level. Heck, they even ignore accepted science, why would a conservative Republican ever accept a transgender son or Daughter? It doesn't make sense at all.

People can change their views/allegiances to political ideas and gods.

By this rationale, it doesn't 'make sense' for them to have kids really because no child is automatically going to share its parents' views. Some parts of the world are moving away from the trad conservative view including America. Yet a lot of people still have kids including conservative Republicans. Does every parent out there assume their kids will always be a carbon copy of themselves? I would hope that love actually overrides the desire to make political/religious clones of oneself. I know it doesn't always but sometimes people can surprise you. In the opposite way that my parents surprised me by being all liberal and socialist and not really accepting me to the extent I would have expected from their rhetoric.

I'm sure on here there are a few stories of traditional parents actually being supportive.

I know this is an old post but it deals and relates directly towards my up bringing and my personal journey. I was raised conservative and by pretty hardcore conservative parents. Both of my parents are still happily married and I honestly was fortune to have a decent and happy upbringing. I knew I was different at an early teen age and struggled with my identity for years. I came out to my family last year and it was not taken well. I have lost touch with 99% of my immediate family and I mean aunts and uncles, both of my parents, my ex wife and so on and so on. I learned over the years to stop relying on blood family and keep my personal friendships with people who have not walked out on me or turned their backs closer than my immediate family. I realized I have stronger bonds with certain people who embrace who I am 110% and have my back. That is what family really is and it makes life and dealing with being transgender all the more easier. I started questioning why I moved back to Kansas City, and I strongly believe I met my best friend Emily for a reason. Everyone is different and deals with lifes challenges different. I have been through more at 32 than most people I know that are twice my age or older. My old roommate keeps begging me to write a book about my life, which I don't think anyone would find interesting. Despite the adversity I've faced over the years I still find a way to be positive in the way that I present myself and how I react with society as a whole. I look out for myself first but not in a selfish or egotistical way. I have brought a lot of joy and happiness to peoples lives and I think I have a gift. No matter what your personal struggles are I want you to realize you are special and you are here for a reason but finding it is up to you!!! I hope this helps in any way and if you need someone to vent to your always welcome to send me a message ok!!!

Jennifer Alexandria!!

Chin up!! And always smile!!

My father hasn't given me any grief, but he did stop talking about meeting me IRL (we haven't seen each other in many years), and he still hasn't told my mother about me. I expect her to pronounce me an abomination, and I think he expects the same. So I guess one out of two ain't bad

It's always heartbreaking to lose family. I recently posted an ad on Craigslist to try and get a Folk/Rock band together and listed I was transgender and I wanted to write music about transgender issues and equal rights and I've received 2 emails from the same guy trying to save my soul from the devil lol!!! I love it! Nothing better than ignorance thrown right in your face. I don't speak to my father that much either. Especially since I'm not voting Trump or Hillary. If you need to talk my doors are always open 🙂

So being a hard core conservative religious Republican I'm suppose to hate myself and other tg's? My son is transgender and a hardcore religious Republican and doesn't hate anyone who is different. As for religious nutcases who might want to hate on me they find it best to leave me alone for I know the Bible better then them and their despot preachers. Don't put all of us religious,hardcore conservatives in one basket for that tends to upset me and I say things that get me into trouble.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on August 05, 2016, 12:15:13 PM
So being a hard core conservative religious Republican I'm suppose to hate myself and other tg's? My son is transgender and a hardcore religious Republican and doesn't hate anyone who is different. As for religious nutcases who might want to hate on me they find it best to leave me alone for I know the Bible better then them and their despot preachers. Don't put all of us religious,hardcore conservatives in one basket for that tends to upset me and I say things that get me into trouble.

You don't have to hate yourself but being Con there is no other choice. Hate yourself, hate your neighbor, hate the Latino down the street. I haven't met a Mormon or Jehovah Witness that I can't po. Evangelical? All I have to do is remind the sheep, while they have to earn a living to turn over their 10% their minister is living in a $10 million dollar manse.

Parental love and attachment should ( the operative term here) over ride politics and even disagreements about things. My mom was a staunch conservative in most respects and struggled with my early feminization, but by the time i was in college she was buying me girl's clothing and supporting me the best she knew how.

Not all parents are like this i know, but our kids are not supposed to be clones of ourselves.

The same goes for interpretation of religion. Parents and kids may not agree or even share the same faith. Often the more parents try to make their kids conform the further they pull away from those ideas.

So yeah i think - maybe even expect that conservative parents should support their transgender children. It is the moral and loving thing to do.

Quote from: DawnOday on August 05, 2016, 12:35:05 PM

You don't have to hate yourself but being Con there is no other choice. Hate yourself, hate your neighbor, hate the Latino down the street. I haven't met a Mormon or Jehovah Witness that I can't po. Evangelical? All I have to do is remind the sheep, while they have to earn a living to turn over their 10% their minister is living in a $10 million dollar manse.

That's weird for it was conservatives who fought for civil rights,up til LBJ the blk community voted Republican,the only reason LBJ signed the civil rights act in exchange for the blk votes went Democratic. I'm a conservative and don't hate anyone,loberals seek to enslave us and I'm against that so I guess that might be possible it as hate,but it's not hate but sorrow that they blindly follow flawed theology.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on August 05, 2016, 02:53:06 PM


That's weird for it was conservatives who fought for civil rights,up til LBJ the blk community voted Republican,the only reason LBJ signed the civil rights act in exchange for the blk votes went Democratic. I'm a conservative and don't hate anyone,loberals seek to enslave us and I'm against that so I guess that might be possible it as hate,but it's not hate but sorrow that they blindly follow flawed theology.

I have to correct this every time it comes up. Democrat and Republican leanings have pretty much switched in the last 60 years. Republicans today are doing what Democrats back then were doing and visa versa. If I lived back then, I would very likely be a proud Republican.

That's not really important to this thread though. What is important is that it is a common enough trend among parents of the religious right to alienate, abuse, and bully their LGBT children mostly because of a culture of ignorance and fear. These questions are asked because we see this happen every day. My parents have done exactly this to me.

Nobody is accusing you of this, because it's just stupid to say that everyone in one demographic is exactly the same. For example, my boyfriend's religious right parents are some of the most accepting people towards me. This is why it's just a trend to watch out for and not a wide-brushed accusation. You can relax now since you aren't the target here.

Why Not??

Not all Republicans are the same, Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen Latin and from Miami has a transgender son and she and her husband, who was a US State Attorney, have been very vocal about their support for their son Rodrigo, she has appeared on interviews in the local news and newspapers supporting their son and his change. and AFAIK although he is living in California working for some sort of trangender organization.   They are close.

I don't think it matters if you are Republican, Democrat, Independent or whatever, if you love your son/daughter after the original shock you may or not agree with them, but you will support and stand behind them.

Emily

Quote from: Eevee on August 05, 2016, 03:11:45 PM
I have to correct this every time it comes up. Democrat and Republican leanings have pretty much switched in the last 60 years. Republicans today are doing what Democrats back then were doing and visa versa. If I lived back then, I would very likely be a proud Republican.

I do appreciate this distinction being repeated and it's an important one to understand if you are going to understand American politics. There was a time when the Republican party was pretty progressive and the Democrats were not, the change over began happening long before 60 yrs ago, but perhaps the most visible part - human rights, started to change about then.

Its somewhat helpful to look at it as liberals vs conservatives, or left vs right, or even progressive vs. regressive. All good things have come from liberal thought and progressives. Woman's suffrage, voting rights, civil rights, non-segregation, social security, unemployment insurance, medicare, marriage equality to name just some of many. Lincoln was quite liberal for his day in supporting abolitionism alone.

And yes....you can't paint one person from one party or even value system as the same as all others.

My mom again was a staunch conservative but also supported a woman's choice and later many items around equal rights.

Equality means equality for all of us including gender expression.

My parents were Republicans because at the time in Georgia,  Democrats were synonymous with small minded bigots.  For that same reason I am a Democrat now.

Heh.... This reminds me of the day my son told me he was gay. I am conservative so is my father. My kid was so scared because he thought i wouldn't accept him. While he was comming out to me sitting in the truck shaking, expecting me to go off on him, I waited till he was finished and followed up with "ok, guess what! I'm transgendered." Then I couldn't stop laughing when his jaw hit the floor. I was scared to tell my dad I was having a child out of wedlock, he ended up being happy about it. I haven't told him I'm trans yet but when the hrt starts showing and I do tell him. I don't think he'll be thrilled but I expect he'll deal with it.

Quote from: redhot1 on May 17, 2016, 10:04:35 PM
I read a lot of coming out stories involving conservative religious parents, so I assume Republican then. But how does that make sense? I know people are going to say "not all republicans believe blah blah blah" but it doesn't make sense from a fundamentally conservative right wing level. Heck, they even ignore accepted science, why would a conservative Republican ever accept a transgender son or Daughter? It doesn't make sense at all.

It's a challenge to be sure but you gotta have faith that love Trumps all else in the end. Sorry, that was a bad joke. But seriously, I came out to my conservative father, and he's been generally cool about it. I hope when he sees the republicans voting against transgender interests he at least takes a moment to consider what he could be doing to me and the community I'm a part of. Hearts and minds don't change over night but family is one way to chip away at the calcified parts to make them pliable again.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on August 05, 2016, 02:53:06 PM


That's weird for it was conservatives who fought for civil rights,up til LBJ the blk community voted Republican,the only reason LBJ signed the civil rights act in exchange for the blk votes went Democratic. I'm a conservative and don't hate anyone,loberals seek to enslave us and I'm against that so I guess that might be possible it as hate,but it's not hate but sorrow that they blindly follow flawed theology.

My best friend who understands me more than my parents ever will, her father has a degree in theology. Him and I do not agree on politics anywhere. It's a two way road for us lol. He is a great guy, vietnam vet, he flew the Hueys into VC territory to drop and pick up wounded. He also was shot down and has a purple heart for it. Great man I love him to death. He also respects my life choices so there is one thing lol!!

Good thing Jenn, A reminder that we can love people and still disagree with them. We can disagree on the interpretation of facts but not the facts themselves.

Heh, just got outted to my dad. He took it alot better then I thought he would. Just kinda said I'm on a powerful drug, and he hopes I know what I'm getting into, and the surgery's are about $200,000. Fyi despite what I was told don't get your prescriptions from a chain pharmacy if your parents are pharmacist's for the same chain...................

A friend of mine grew up in a very conservative Roman Catholic household. His sister came out as trans, and their mother cried for a week. And then she came to the conclusion that what matters most is her love for her daughter, and that God could not possibly want her to reject her child over something as utterly innocuous as being trans. As I recall, the father's story was similar, but I guess less emotive. Both parents ended up joining an organization within the Roman Catholic Church advocating for inclusion and acceptance of LGBT people.

Another friend of mine grew up in a liberal household. He came out as trans to his mother, and faced years of denial and rejection, intentional misgendering and deadnaming, etc., before being able to slowly rebuild that relationship.

Politics tends to fade away in the face of personal relationships, and what ends up mattering is how much parents really honestly and selflessly love their children. Some parents reject their children for choosing the wrong profession. Others will fight on their side no matter what.

Being conservative might increase the chances that being trans is a step too far — conservative people tend to be those who are more concerned about social cohesion and following norms. But regardless of our politics, we all are caught between the demands of social norms and the demands of empathy and love.

Great response Alyssa!!!! I actually think that is probably more normal than most think. I actually have a trans mtf friend in Charleston and her mother is super liberal and rejected my friend and still wont talk to her. Of course my parents don't really talk to me anymore much either. Just not what they expected from me I guess. But I have my friends I keep close, closer than my family ever will be. Just how it is.

Coming out isn't so much a political as emotional thing. My sister is a far cry from neoconservative and since she'd spent so much time bragging about her lesbian friends and being socially lesbian, just not in orientation I figured coming out as trans would be safe.

Turns out she was educated by women who adamantly believed mtf wasn't real and was men trying to invade women's spaces etc. Let's say we haven't spoken since, 16 years now.

My mother is a different matter entirely. I'm still dealing with how to address years of abuse and an ongoing fundamental lack of respect for other's choices (we have one gay cousin who's ok in her book because he made a lot of money).

Ugh, I don't like thinking about this, really really bad memories.

Quote from: redhot1 on May 17, 2016, 10:04:35 PM
I read a lot of coming out stories involving conservative religious parents, so I assume Republican then. But how does that make sense? I know people are going to say "not all republicans believe blah blah blah" but it doesn't make sense from a fundamentally conservative right wing level. Heck, they even ignore accepted science, why would a conservative Republican ever accept a transgender son or Daughter? It doesn't make sense at all.

You make a prejudiced view of Republicans and conservatives.  Some of the most redneck SOB's I know are my biggest supporters and some of the most liberal people I know are the most horrible towards my transition.   Treat ALL people as individuals, not prejudged members of groups.   I've been shocked as I've come out who hates and who doesn't, I quit letting judgement unknown guide me.

SURE if they happen to openly hateful towards trans, you can assume coming out will be difficult, but just ebcause someone is conservative or republican doesn't mean squat.

  Okay! A lot of conservative bashing here! I am from a conservative family as we still vote mostly Republican. My mom was the one that told us kids that Christine Jorgensen was not a 'fruit' as she puts it when she visited my town in the mid-1960's. My other conservative aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings have no problem with me either. My problem is with my liberal acquaintances. They talk highly about LGBT issues, but in reality, not too well with their T acquaintances. I call them "NIMBYcrats."

Joelene

Yeah, what we think might hold true for some ideology often doesn't for folks close to us.

My wife and daughter are what I would normally consider liberals.  I've come out to them, and they 'accept' me.  Of course, there are rules.  I may not dress at home.  All items of my clothing must be hidden at all times. I may not wash or dry the clothing while they are here. (And I have things that need to line-dry on our interior line, or lay flat to dry...)  I must schedule all departures and returns when dressed in advance.  On returning, I must text from the garage, wait for permission to enter, and text when I'm behind closed doors in the master bathroom.

They both feel that they are being supportive.  They refuse to meet with a therapist for a joint session.  They refuse to even look at the APA "Answers to your questions about transgender people" handout. (I left it out on my desk.  They now refuse to enter my office!)

Oddly, I am permitted to be on HRT and have electrolysis.  The low dose HRT is still triggering changes, and I am inclined to tell the endocrinologist to let 'er rip, Transition dosage, engage!

No doubt this will have consequences at home.  And no, I refuse to wear a binder 24/7!  Sheesh.

So yeah, conservative doesn't mean unsupportive, and liberal doesn't mean supportive.