Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I will never be ready enough and get used to this question...and it just feels like a slap in the face everytime it happens  :(

Yes! It hit me again today and I know this will go on and on in my head  for a couple of days.

The fact that I have to lie everytime I'm being asked this makes me uncomfortable and guilty. How I wish I had the guts...

I don't know how other girls here deal with this...

Yes! It's really nice to blend in...but is this the price to pay for?

Brenda :(

Who wants to know?  This is such an incredibly rude question that, unless it is your doctor asking (and he or she should already know your situation), it is none of anyone's business.

Easy just say menopausal. If you are young there may be sympathy and if mid age a nod in agreement and as far as medical people are concerned it is pretty accurate as far as your physiological state.

This is a question you will get by any intake medical person as so much of what they ask or do depends on whether you could be pregnant.  Any female looking person that could be of child bearing age will be ask; it is part of there training.

It's not rude at all. Most girls I know openily talk about sex, periods, cascading birth fluids and blood 3/4 foot across a room when giving birth and so on.

I cycle my pills to 28 plus 4 days, so I keep track

It's standard medical procedure.  I just say "never."   They usually know what you are getting at, although i had to break it down a few times.

You can also say you're irregular. Before I gave birth to my babies, my cycles were extremely irregular. I remember when I was 18 or 19 I went a full year without getting it.

Is it more common for trans-ladies to not have a period? :-\

I have become quite used to that question. When I tell them I don't have a uterus, they can get down to the subject at hand.

As Atom notes, discussion about periods, child birth and sex are very common among women and girls and being part of those conversations we might expect to have a response, including saying nothing at all.  The latter answer doesn't do much for making better friends and reminds me of how I acted as a trans person in denial for so many years.  I tried to blend in with the guys but didn't feel like one.  When I could have told the truth I said stuff like "gee how about that hot car or those Mets or something I thought was manly or I said nothing at all.  I had fewer friends, partly because I was hiding the truth; I am not one of you guys!

To me this is the crux of going stealth or focusing on passing, or blending in so no one will know our past.  Very personal decisions I respect and sometimes a volatile conversation here.

It is my opinion that unless we have a perfect memory and a flawless presentation we may trip up and reveal our past.  We can avoid those difficult questions, deflecting and distracting as we go.  Another option is to consider being discreet but telling the truth while still sharing only as much as one is comfortable with.

I love being part of the girls club and talking about sex and reproductive health and never again want to hide who I am.  I have found that other women now trust me more and I am not seen as some predatory male.  I want those confidences to continue and believe having something to hide puts that at risk.

I recall being so elated, years ago, that I seemed to be passing and a guy was sort of hitting on me at a dinner.  As we walked to the hotel we started talking about high school traumas and I talked about going to an all boys military high school.  Game over because I told the truth or a lesson I learned about starting with the truth?

We do have and make choices that may even be life altering.  How do we want to live?

I was talking about the common medical questions doctors want to know about their female patients.

My friends and family know my status. By the way, I have never heard any of them discuss periods. They may flaunt their children, but they never discuss periods.

One of my girlfriends from my younger years was rubbish at keeping track of her period - so I made sure I carried a couple of pads around in my bag just in case.

Also doubles up so strangers don't ask questions if they're seen - or if I'm asked for a spare one - presto!

I'm not usually asked this question anymore, my OH once joked that I'm already extremely moody and irritable, so they'd probably see very little difference. Much laughter from our social group but worked a charm.