Susan's Place Transgender Resources

There's no way out of my situation. I can't get money to start hrt. I can't move away from my parents who continue to put pressure on me. I've to every low/entry job in my area and nothing and I mean nothing will hire me and I can't do a whole lot since I can't drive and unable to get my license (I'm 24 btw). I'm nothing but a worthless screw up all i've managed to do with my life is get a wothless two year degree that doesn't do anything to help get a job. I'm not even good at anything except for reading maps and able to locate Azerbaijan on a map but other than that there's nothing I'm good at and trust me I've tried many many many many things in the last 6 to 7 years. I'm as unemployable as all get out and unfortunately there's no alternative options except go homeless and die and there's no assitance I qualify for unless I relocate to a state that more expensive to live in and if I do that I'll be homeless. And to make things worse I'll never be able to transition ever I'm doomed to live as a "guy" forever I'm never gonna be a the girl that I always been. It pains me more to see how much more support the younger generations are getting and here I am forced back into the closet after trying to come out. If the timing wasn't so bad right now I think I would comteplate suicide right now I wish I can just die in my sleep and get out of this current misery I'm stuck in.

Depression is a nasty condition and its most nasty effect is robbing you from seeing any hope at all. People who suffer from depression get a distorted view of the world. Their illness shows them a life where everything will always be the same, nothing will ever improve.

Life isn't that way. There are lots of ways to improve our lives, though none of them are quick or simple.

I hope you can look beyond your depression and make some long term plans. It's not easy. It starts with valuing yourself.

You are a beautiful, valuable, important human being. The world benefits mightily from your presence, though it's so hard to see that when you're depressed. You are precious and worthy of love, from yourself first and foremost.

Can you nurture yourself like you would a precious child? Tell yourself you are worthy and special and deserving of all good things that will come your way?

   Azerbaijan? good choice, I like their albums very much too! I know, not really funny but hey, I tried. Ok, people telling you you should do this and that when you feel there's nothing you can do is fkn annoying I know that but I gotta think of myself a bit here too and feel useful if just a bit sooo here I go. Money, move away, unemployable, no license, worthless degree, homeless, die, relocate, etc... Well, seen like that you're right I guess, not much hope here so good luck, can't help you JUST KIDDING! My opinion? too many fights at the same time in your head. How about looking for work away from the pressure providers, in a state where you could get help and live in peace but first work, then move, etc... one at a time but for now did you try crying your sh_t emotions out? works for me. Well, that's it I guess but one more thing, how 'bout a boring and useless quote such as: ''Success is simly trying one more time than you failed.'' ha ha, told you, corny thus much more fun!

                                                Take care sweet and be good to yourself. Love, Rose.

Emily, that's the depression talking, and it lies. You need some support and help with your depression before you start applying for jobs again. There are alternatives to retail, like trade apprenticeship (and some trades pay very well) as well as working for yourself by picking up piece work on Craigslist and job boards. But I doubt you would be successful at that while super depressed, so treat your depression like the emergency it is.

Living with parents stinks ... do you have any friends who would take you in? Anything to get out of your rut. Sometimes a change of scenery IS the change you need. I know people say otherwise, but I found that moving to another city with friends was just the change I needed.

If you were homeless but could get hormones through Medicaid wouldn't your situation actually be better? The dysphoria is helping to keep you depressed. So are your unfeeling parents. They think they can wait your ->-bleeped-<- out. Nonsensical.

You need a plan. First step, call Trans Lifeline and talk to somebody. Call a suicide hotline if you can't get through there. You need to work on this depression because it is telling you demotivating lies every day that sound truthy enough that you believe them.

You ARE the younger gen, there IS support out there. You might want to reach out on tumblr, too. There are a lot of people your age going through the same stuff (yes, there are a lot of people on tumblr who have family support that you don't, but if anything I think the folks who don't get support from their family are spending more quality time on tumblr than those who do).

I have ridden that depression demon many, many times. I know I could not fix anything in my life until I faced the depression head on. Otherwise, it would sabotage anything I tried to accomplish. Depression sucks, really, it sucks you down a sinkhole and you can't see your way out. Fight it! Depression is a liar!

Quote from: Roses and Songs on June 14, 2016, 06:32:27 AM
   Azerbaijan? good choice, I like their albums very much too! I know, not really funny but hey, I tried. Ok, people telling you you should do this and that when you feel there's nothing you can do is fkn annoying I know that but I gotta think of myself a bit here too and feel useful if just a bit sooo here I go. Money, move away, unemployable, no license, worthless degree, homeless, die, relocate, etc... Well, seen like that you're right I guess, not much hope here so good luck, can't help you JUST KIDDING! My opinion? too many fights at the same time in your head. How about looking for work away from the pressure providers, in a state where you could get help and live in peace but first work, then move, etc... one at a time but for now did you try crying your sh_t emotions out? works for me. Well, that's it I guess but one more thing, how 'bout a boring and useless quote such as: ''Success is simly trying one more time than you failed.'' ha ha, told you, corny thus much more fun!

                                                Take care sweet and be good to yourself. Love, Rose.

Actually I like your since of humor I chuckled at that first sentence. Wish it were that easy to get away to another state like Washington or Oregon but those places are just too expensive for someone with little wealth and skills to live I would be indeed be homeless if I relocate and efforts to save up more money to prevent that has been bust.

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on June 14, 2016, 08:09:30 AM
Emily, that's the depression talking, and it lies. You need some support and help with your depression before you start applying for jobs again. There are alternatives to retail, like trade apprenticeship (and some trades pay very well) as well as working for yourself by picking up piece work on Craigslist and job boards. But I doubt you would be successful at that while super depressed, so treat your depression like the emergency it is.

Living with parents stinks ... do you have any friends who would take you in? Anything to get out of your rut. Sometimes a change of scenery IS the change you need. I know people say otherwise, but I found that moving to another city with friends was just the change I needed.

If you were homeless but could get hormones through Medicaid wouldn't your situation actually be better? The dysphoria is helping to keep you depressed. So are your unfeeling parents. They think they can wait your ->-bleeped-<- out. Nonsensical.

You need a plan. First step, call Trans Lifeline and talk to somebody. Call a suicide hotline if you can't get through there. You need to work on this depression because it is telling you demotivating lies every day that sound truthy enough that you believe them.

You ARE the younger gen, there IS support out there. You might want to reach out on tumblr, too. There are a lot of people your age going through the same stuff (yes, there are a lot of people on tumblr who have family support that you don't, but if anything I think the folks who don't get support from their family are spending more quality time on tumblr than those who do).

I have ridden that depression demon many, many times. I know I could not fix anything in my life until I faced the depression head on. Otherwise, it would sabotage anything I tried to accomplish. Depression sucks, really, it sucks you down a sinkhole and you can't see your way out. Fight it! Depression is a liar!

Honestly I could probably handle being homeless if it meant being able to start hrt while being homeless if I were in a stare like Washington I would more than qualify for Medicaid.

As for pursuing a trade I need to finally make an admission I can't handle jobs like that and that's not depression talking either it's my past experiences talking and the fact I'm not physically strong and wear out easily.

Anyhow I doubt I'm ever gonna be able to do hrt and my body is never gonna be feminine like it should be. 

I know depression real well,so well we became best buds and worked out a compromise..I know I always suggest truck driving,the reason I do is you have a place to sleep,make excellent money and the job is easy..You say you can read maps that's a good skill right their,i have the USA atlas memorized,I Was a trucker for 7yrs and came across a few transgender working to make money and the health insurance is great with a few companies. My son is transgender and a trucker for swift makes great money and has blue cross blue shield. I know of he can do it almost anyone can do it.

Why are you unable to get a driver's license?  Is it something medical like a seizure disorder?  Or is learning to drive a car something you tried and there was a problem somewhere along the way -- like passing the written test, or learning the mechanics of operating the vehicle?

You are plenty articulate at the keyboard.  I've never seen any bad grammar or misspellings in your posts.  You are obviously intelligent. 

My wife is an immigrant from the Southern Philippines.  English is not her first language.  She spoke Cebuano at home and English at school.  And she only rode in a car a few times in her life before she came to America and married me.  It took her six tries, but she passed the California DMV written test in English.  So I don't see why the written DMV test would have been a problem for you.  It also took her five tries to pass the road test.  Now, 13 years later, she drives better than I do.  We recently drove L.A. to Seattle and traded off driving all the way up there.

And given that you like video games (evidenced by your avatar), there seems to be no problem with manual dexterity either.   And if you said that was a problem, well -- for 13 years of my life (until he passed on :icon_cry: ), my best friend was a dwarf who had scoliosis, two club feet, and limited use of his hands, and he not only drove a car, he raced it at the drag strip.

The reason I say this is, my wife got turned down for a lot of jobs too after she first arrived here.  Until she got her driver's license.  Then she got hired immediately.

A driver's license could be your ticket to prosperity and transition.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on June 14, 2016, 04:31:07 PM
Why are you unable to get a driver's license?  Is it something medical like a seizure disorder?  Or is learning to drive a car something you tried and there was a problem somewhere along the way -- like passing the written test, or learning the mechanics of operating the vehicle?

I guess it's maybe a problem with learning the mechanics like I have trouble with braking I either hit the brakes too hard or not enough I don't know how to time my stops correctly. There's also issues with steering like keeping the vehicle steady I don't know how people do it. Last I do admit that driving scares me.

I'm sorry that this all I ever post about  :( :'(

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 14, 2016, 12:28:44 PM
As for pursuing a trade I need to finally make an admission I can't handle jobs like that and that's not depression talking either it's my past experiences talking and the fact I'm not physically strong and wear out easily.

Good point, though I wear out easily due to a messed up immune system and I was still able to pursue a driving job. Have you thought about driving rapid transit (rail)? Not physically demanding, but you will have to work 40 hours. You may have more stamina if you address the depression, though. Depression is very physically debilitating. I find I have more physical stamina and sleep less since starting HRT, as well.

Seattle, WA has a few rail jobs and a lot of bus driver jobs. (King County Metro) I don't know if they do lottery or conventional hiring--why not check it out? Winter in Seattle is less harsh than some other places and summer far less brutal and they have a lot of resources for homeless people but why not try for a job knowing the safety net is better than at home.

Home: no HRT

WA or OR: even if you lose your job, you can still get HRT

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 14, 2016, 05:37:23 PM
I guess it's maybe a problem with learning the mechanics like I have trouble with braking I either hit the brakes too hard or not enough I don't know how to time my stops correctly. There's also issues with steering like keeping the vehicle steady I don't know how people do it. Last I do admit that driving scares me.

I can't tell from here but sounds like you could have an anxiety disorder. That's best case scenario because anxiety is very treatable. Have you ever pursued treatment for anxiety? I started off with talk therapy (CBT) and had enormous success. There are chemical therapies as well.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 14, 2016, 05:14:35 AM
Depression is a nasty condition and its most nasty effect is robbing you from seeing any hope at all. People who suffer from depression get a distorted view of the world. Their illness shows them a life where everything will always be the same, nothing will ever improve.

Life isn't that way. There are lots of ways to improve our lives, though none of them are quick or simple.

I hope you can look beyond your depression and make some long term plans. It's not easy. It starts with valuing yourself.

You are a beautiful, valuable, important human being. The world benefits mightily from your presence, though it's so hard to see that when you're depressed. You are precious and worthy of love, from yourself first and foremost.

Can you nurture yourself like you would a precious child? Tell yourself you are worthy and special and deserving of all good things that will come your way?

wow that was so wonderful to read. inspiring, filled with truth and ... just wow. Thank you very much for this

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on June 15, 2016, 07:14:18 AM
I can't tell from here but sounds like you could have an anxiety disorder. That's best case scenario because anxiety is very treatable. Have you ever pursued treatment for anxiety? I started off with talk therapy (CBT) and had enormous success. There are chemical therapies as well.

Sometimes I think I do as well. Problem with pursuing treatment is that my parents and the type don't believe in the type of therapy for treating depression and anxiety they believe just giving pep talk helps though it can help just not long term.   

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 14, 2016, 05:37:23 PM
I guess it's maybe a problem with learning the mechanics like I have trouble with braking I either hit the brakes too hard or not enough I don't know how to time my stops correctly. There's also issues with steering like keeping the vehicle steady I don't know how people do it. Last I do admit that driving scares me.

You definitely have something going on, but whether it is anxiety and depression, or something more serious like high functioning autism and/or dyspraxia, I could not say, and neither could anyone else unless you get diagnosed and treated.

So, two things to say here:  I am sure that your parents want you gainfully employed and self supporting, and maybe if you couch treatment of anxiety or whatever it is in terms of how it will help you get and keep a job, then they may be more supportive of treatment.

Second, how many hours did you spend behind the wheel before either you gave up on driving or the person trying to teach you gave up?  It took a long, long time and a lot of work to teach my wife how to keep a car going in a straight line.  We spent months circling an empty parking lot.  My former stepdaughter was just as bad -- she hit a curb with my car and blew a tire.  And even after she got her license she was hyper nervous behind the wheel for a long time.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on June 15, 2016, 03:49:05 PM
You definitely have something going on, but whether it is anxiety and depression, or something more serious like high functioning autism and/or dyspraxia, I could not say, and neither could anyone else unless you get diagnosed and treated.

So, two things to say here:  I am sure that your parents want you gainfully employed and self supporting, and maybe if you couch treatment of anxiety or whatever it is in terms of how it will help you get and keep a job, then they may be more supportive of treatment.

Second, how many hours did you spend behind the wheel before either you gave up on driving or the person trying to teach you gave up?  It took a long, long time and a lot of work to teach my wife how to keep a car going in a straight line.  We spent months circling an empty parking lot.  My former stepdaughter was just as bad -- she hit a curb with my car and blew a tire.  And even after she got her license she was hyper nervous behind the wheel for a long time.

Before I gave up I would spend at least two days a week for about two to four hours each of those days practicing. I did that from age 16 till I was 21. At that time my dad needed the car I was using to get to work due to getting rid of his truck cause it was having problems. Since that time the car has been damaged due to a deer running into it and my dad decided to get rid of it last month the damage was that bad.

I often wander if I do have some high functioning form of autism but my parents can never be convinced to get me tested that's something I'll have to do when I can finally get on my own. 

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 14, 2016, 02:52:21 AM
There's no way out of my situation. I can't get money to start hrt. I can't move away from my parents who continue to put pressure on me. I've to every low/entry job in my area and nothing and I mean nothing will hire me and I can't do a whole lot since I can't drive and unable to get my license (I'm 24 btw). I'm nothing but a worthless screw up all i've managed to do with my life is get a wothless two year degree that doesn't do anything to help get a job. I'm not even good at anything except for reading maps and able to locate Azerbaijan on a map but other than that there's nothing I'm good at and trust me I've tried many many many many things in the last 6 to 7 years. I'm as unemployable as all get out and unfortunately there's no alternative options except go homeless and die and there's no assitance I qualify for unless I relocate to a state that more expensive to live in and if I do that I'll be homeless. And to make things worse I'll never be able to transition ever I'm doomed to live as a "guy" forever I'm never gonna be a the girl that I always been. It pains me more to see how much more support the younger generations are getting and here I am forced back into the closet after trying to come out. If the timing wasn't so bad right now I think I would comteplate suicide right now I wish I can just die in my sleep and get out of this current misery I'm stuck in.

At 24 you should still be able to get on your parents insurance, or perhaps you already have it. Make a date with your medical plan to schedule a trip to the therapist. It should be only a $10 or $20 copay. Do it first thing tomorrow. More than transitioning, at this point you need a lot of emotional support. Nobody is as bad as you say. Everyone has a talent. Including you. There is nothing wrong with an AA degree. Yes you won't go to work as the CEO but you should be able to parlay your AA into an entry level position. Unless you change your attitude you will turn this cry for help into a self fulfilling prophecy of doom and gloom.  Good Luck.

  Ok, my turn, I have my license but no car, I would like to travel but I have no money, I would like to cry but I have no tears left but worst of all, I would like to have someone to talk to, a shoulder to rest my sorry head on... but I have no one. My father came out as gay in 1977, they divorced and never did any of us imagined not inviting him and his boyfriend at family events. Well, I transitioned 6 1/2 years ago and we never met, he doesn't want to see me at all and I heard that he still calls me by my old name. So, when my sister or my mom or friends of the family make a supper or a party or it's christmas or someone's birthday who is invited and who is not. This is so uncomfortable, it is not socialy proper to feel down and to talk about it and I was always told to shove it up so I'm fighting with myself right now but I have to do this, get some weight off my drawer of untold history. The few friends I had all disappeared too but slowly like they were too tired or they had somethig else to do or maybe some other time, etc so tonight I'm alone and I'm lonely and I would like to talk and I would like to cry but I can't. If I died here tonight, heart attack for example, it is my landlord coming to collect the rent who would find me next month, sad thought don't you think? Ok that's enough, I feel like I'm bothering the whole world so, thanks, bye Rose.


Mod Edit:Language

If it makes a difference, I'm 22 and haven't been able to leave the house for about a year a half due to extreme generalized anxiety, panic attacks, depression and dysphoria (I've been officially diagnosed with the first two). I've had anxiety/panic attacks since forever (genetic). My parents know mental health is a real thing, which does help in that aspect.
I got a part time job after high school graduation, but don't work there anymore (no further education). I still live with my anti-lgbt* parents and can't drive either. I've tried to get my permit, but had panic attacks while there and failed each time. I just gave up on trying until I can get help for my mental conditions.
I'm on my parents insurance, but am currently trying to figure out if I have secondary insurance or not before I schedule an appointment for therapy.
Considering I'm dealing with this crap too, I can just recommend what I'm trying to do. Try to see a therapist/doctor as soon as possible, and express how you feel. Both could help you progress either with medication, someone to talk to, a diagnosis, or even to start a plan to transition. If your parents won't take you, try to say you need to go for another reason (anything to just get in there). Something that helps me is trying to focus on my end goals. Good luck and keep trying.

Quote from: sigsi on June 15, 2016, 08:13:13 PM
If it makes a difference, I'm 22 and haven't been able to leave the house for about a year a half due to extreme generalized anxiety, panic attacks, depression and dysphoria (I've been officially diagnosed with the first two). I've had anxiety/panic attacks since forever (genetic). My parents know mental health is a real thing, which does help in that aspect.
I got a part time job after high school graduation, but don't work there anymore (no further education). I still live with my anti-lgbt* parents and can't drive either. I've tried to get my permit, but had panic attacks while there and failed each time. I just gave up on trying until I can get help for my mental conditions.
I'm on my parents insurance, but am currently trying to figure out if I have secondary insurance or not before I schedule an appointment for therapy.
Considering I'm dealing with this crap too, I can just recommend what I'm trying to do. Try to see a therapist/doctor as soon as possible, and express how you feel. Both could help you progress either with medication, someone to talk to, a diagnosis, or even to start a plan to transition. If your parents won't take you, try to say you need to go for another reason (anything to just get in there). Something that helps me is trying to focus on my end goals. Good luck and keep trying.

   Thank you so much sigsi, all I need is someone to talk to once in a while, I feel like this about 1 day a month, the other 30 I'm the happiest chick in town. I'm 58 now and I have a very cool apartment, no money problems, transitioned 6 1/2 years ago, hrt for the last 4 1/2, after 1 meeting my psy diagnosed that I didn't need therapy and no medication. I probably will never see my divorced parents again so if they ever want me back I will have to tell them: Go <Not Permitted>. So I hope it tells you better where I am now. I had 3 panic attacks in my life, all in the same 2 weeks and they were caused by having been rejected much too often but that was 2 years ago, and that's why I get lonely sometimes, for now I prefer being lonely once in a while rather than being rejected by people I'm trying to make friends with so tonight was one of those days but I'm doing OK, no need to worry but thanks for your kindness, feels like for once, someone cares and yes, you made a difference. I never had it as hard as you but I can understand and I'm with you with all my heart. I'll write you when I feel better. Take care, love Rose.

Mod Edit:Language

I'm wondering if anyone here happens to live in the Nashville area

Just Us | Oasis Center
https://www.oasiscenter.org/just-us.html
OutCentral: Nashville's LGBT Center
www.outcentral.org/

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 15, 2016, 05:11:14 PM
Before I gave up I would spend at least two days a week for about two to four hours each of those days practicing. I did that from age 16 till I was 21. At that time my dad needed the car I was using to get to work due to getting rid of his truck cause it was having problems. Since that time the car has been damaged due to a deer running into it and my dad decided to get rid of it last month the damage was that bad.

I often wander if I do have some high functioning form of autism but my parents can never be convinced to get me tested that's something I'll have to do when I can finally get on my own.

Five years of trying and you still could not learn to effectively control a car?  It sounds like you have something going on.  Bear in mind I am not a shrink and the only thing I know about you is from your posts, so this is just an opinion based on very little information.  I think you have at least some symptoms consistent with autism.  And you have said in other posts that you have a learning disability.

You really need to see a therapist and get diagnosed.

The moment I'm finally away from my parents I plan to providing I can afford to (which is unlikely).

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 16, 2016, 10:53:21 PM
The moment I'm finally away from my parents I plan to providing I can afford to (which is unlikely).

Hello Emily, (or in french Émilie) it's not clear what you mean but I don't care, I'll tell you what I think anyway: I love to see you talk about future projects, as unlikely as they can be, they are possible. Take me for example, I was very unlikely and now I'm totaly impossible... ha ha. I'm taking pictures right now of my favorite dresses, I'll post them tomorrow. See you, Rose.

PS: Did you hear the new album from Ouzbékistan?

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 16, 2016, 10:53:21 PM
The moment I'm finally away from my parents I plan to providing I can afford to (which is unlikely).

Is there any possible way to see a doctor or therapist before you move out? Even if it would just be one visit to talk and see what they have to say. Would a regular doctor check-up be an option?
My mom is very controlling and tries to dictate everything I do, if it wasn't for my dad basically telling her to knock if off and let me grow up I wouldn't have been able to get my hair cut, graduate, or get a job. The only way for me to even get into see a therapist at all is because of my anxiety stuff. If she knew anything about my gender dysphoria she would say "It's not my problem" and I would be stuck here because it's not what she wants.
Even if you aren't ready to come out to your parents yet or don't want to start transitioning until after you move out, there are other stuff that a doctor could help you with.

Quote from: sigsi on June 17, 2016, 12:18:57 AM
Is there any possible way to see a doctor or therapist before you move out? Even if it would just be one visit to talk and see what they have to say. Would a regular doctor check-up be an option?
My mom is very controlling and tries to dictate everything I do, if it wasn't for my dad basically telling her to knock if off and let me grow up I wouldn't have been able to get my hair cut, graduate, or get a job. The only way for me to even get into see a therapist at all is because of my anxiety stuff. If she knew anything about my gender dysphoria she would say "It's not my problem" and I would be stuck here because it's not what she wants.
Even if you aren't ready to come out to your parents yet or don't want to start transitioning until after you move out, there are other stuff that a doctor could help you with.

My parents are the type to ask questions and also since I don't/can't drive that means my mom would have to take me and trust me she ain't just gonna drop me off and asking her not to come with me will just raise suspicions and unnecessary questions. Sadly there's no way around seeing a doctor or therapist without moving out away.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 17, 2016, 12:27:55 AM
My parents are the type to ask questions and also since I don't/can't drive that means my mom would have to take me and trust me she ain't just gonna drop me off and asking her not to come with me will just raise suspicions and unnecessary questions. Sadly there's no way around seeing a doctor or therapist without moving out away.

Last tidbit of thought, then I'll try to chill.
My mom does the whole "Why this" "What are you trying to hide" stuff too. I also can't drive, so she refuses to drive me anywhere without knowing everything. When I was about 17, she insisted upon being able to talk to the therapist about what we talked about, and was very..."witchy" (in nice language) about not being able to come into my doctor appointment check-up a few years ago. I started flat out lying about stuff just to get her to stop nagging or digging for information.
Now this varies per country/state, so I'm not quite sure how it is where you are living. In my state (Pennsylvania, USA), if you were over a certain age (I think 16) you had to sign a paper for a therapist to be able to talk to your parents. The therapist shouldn't ask you this in front of your parents, so a confrontation could maybe be avoided.
And if you were in a doctors office, the doctor asks parents to step out of the room when they discussed sex or drugs with you.
Again, this varies by location so I would advise you look into it more for your area. Another thought if you absolutely have to move out, would you have any other relatives that could help you? And speaking of relatives, they might be able to drive you somewhere as well (just an idea). Keep posting and please stay safe.

Quote from: Roses and Songs on June 15, 2016, 10:12:14 PM
   Thank you so much sigsi, all I need is someone to talk to once in a while...I'll write you when I feel better. Take care, love Rose.

Aw thanks for writing :) Lucky duck, no therapy or meds for you! Congrats on transitioning. I think every once in a while it's good to take a break from people and just sort of "recharge" emotionally. It sucks that people are cruel though. I'm quite terrified of rejection family wise as they have been my emotional support/back-up since I was a kid. Friend wise, I found two accepting friends from high school (both lgbt*). The rest of real life society I don't care to attempt dealing with right now. I definitly agree that the online community is great for talking stuff out. :D
When I was younger, I would search all over the internet for anyone that I could relate to, so I'm glad what I wrote made some a difference. You're sweet. :) Stay safe and take care, write when you feel like it.

Note: Sorry Emily for the slight thread hijack! I'll leave the rest of the thread back to the topic now. :)

I find it hard to believe you are not able to find a job in the Nashville area. Fast food/retail are not the only entry level jobs out there. You do have some skills, even if you don't realize it. You seem to have pretty good English grammar, and are a reasonably good typist. Have you tried registering with every temp agency? Have you applied at all the call centers? Have you applied at all of the sit down restaurants? Have you applied at all the local motels?

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on June 17, 2016, 01:54:28 AM
I find it hard to believe you are not able to find a job in the Nashville area. Fast food/retail are not the only entry level jobs out there. You do have some skills, even if you don't realize it. You seem to have pretty good English grammar, and are a reasonably good typist. Have you tried registering with every temp agency? Have you applied at all the call centers? Have you applied at all of the sit down restaurants? Have you applied at all the local motels?

I actually live in small town about an hour south of Nashville where it seems that most entry level jobs want you to have either some sort of STEM degree or 5+ years experience and I'm talking entry level jobs outside the service/fast food/retail industries. Yes I tried the local temp agency and every time I have to go through like an interview/screening process where they ask if I have such and such experience only for them to tell me each time I don't meet qualifications for any of the jobs they have lined up. There is a call center nearby and tried a few times to get hired on but I always failed their test you have to pass in order to get hired. I finally reached the limit they allow to go through the process of getting hired and now my application is no longer considered. I've applied to just about every restaurant, retail store, hotel, and fast food places including locally owned places that aren't chains. Nothing in my town seems to want to hire me or just aren't hiring at all and I can't just up and relocate either. 

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 17, 2016, 07:28:08 PM
I actually live in small town about an hour south of Nashville where it seems that most entry level jobs want you to have either some sort of STEM degree or 5+ years experience and I'm talking entry level jobs outside the service/fast food/retail industries. Yes I tried the local temp agency and every time I have to go through like an interview/screening process where they ask if I have such and such experience only for them to tell me each time I don't meet qualifications for any of the jobs they have lined up. There is a call center nearby and tried a few times to get hired on but I always failed their test you have to pass in order to get hired. I finally reached the limit they allow to go through the process of getting hired and now my application is no longer considered. I've applied to just about every restaurant, retail store, hotel, and fast food places including locally owned places that aren't chains. Nothing in my town seems to want to hire me or just aren't hiring at all and I can't just up and relocate either.

It took about a year and a bunch of applications before I finally was hired somewhere that didn't have any pre-requisits (it was my first job, a busser/server job position). If you have experience from anything, that could help but it's possible without. A lot of places are cutting back on people too, so the job market isn't the best. My job was cutting back on people when I was still there, it wasn't fun. Checking the local newspaper might help to see if anyone is looking for an immediate fill in a position, but that's just by luck if something is there. I've found in my location, it's best to apply for a job either right before the college kids come back from college or right after they leave for college (early spring or early fall). Good luck.

Quote from: sigsi on June 17, 2016, 09:02:43 PM
It took about a year and a bunch of applications before I finally was hired somewhere that didn't have any pre-requisits (it was my first job, a busser/server job position). If you have experience from anything, that could help but it's possible without. A lot of places are cutting back on people too, so the job market isn't the best. My job was cutting back on people when I was still there, it wasn't fun. Checking the local newspaper might help to see if anyone is looking for an immediate fill in a position, but that's just by luck if something is there. I've found in my location, it's best to apply for a job either right before the college kids come back from college or right after they leave for college (early spring or early fall). Good luck.

Yeah I've already given up sadly. If the amount of employers I've applied to see me as worthless then I must really be.
So since I'm never gonna afford hrt how do I live/cope with being stuck living as a "guy"??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 17, 2016, 09:36:24 PM
Yeah I've already given up sadly. If the amount of employers I've applied to see me as worthless then I must really be.
So since I'm never gonna afford hrt how do I live/cope with being stuck living as a "guy"??

Hey, Emily, listen to me please. I am a lot like you. Ok? I never been hired for any job a day in my life and have filled out innumerous applications. I am only three years older than you. I have no driver's license. I live with my dad. Ok? But you know what? That doesn't make you less important than me or anyone else and you sure as hell ain't worthless. You are a valuable, lovable, sweet, kind, charitable, admirable, cherishing young lady that cares very much about improving her life situation and you are currently in the process of that. I am so happy you choose to do that instead of choosing to let it all really go down the drain and succumb to the distortions of the depression and low self-esteem that is poisoning yours and my mind as well. If you did, you wouldn't be making so many posts about your life situation. These posts are a sign that you want more in life, you aren't giving up, you want a change and you definitely aren't being idle about this. I am so proud of you.

Emily, I am so very sorry for the last post I made on a thread of yours before this one. It couldn't have been helpful at all and I am praying that the mods removed it. I was so disappointed in myself for the language I used especially at a time when you seemed to be in a most sorrowful state. I was also in my most sorrowful state and attempted to overdose on some prescription medication at the time I posted that horrific message. I know a lot of your pain, from what you describe. Emily, if you ever need someone to talk with about this stuff or you just wanna have a little chat about anything. I'm here. Just PM me anytime. If I don't get back to you in a jiffy, trust me it's not because I am ignoring you. I am so tied up with schoolwork and I have to play a bit of catch up cause of being in the psych ward for like a week. Talk with you soon and hang in there, my friend!

P.S. Do you see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist? I only ask because I do and these combinations of professionals really make a difference in my mental state and outlook of myself, my loved ones and the world around me. You know? Like just because your situation is not what you would like for it to be, doesn't mean you have to feel like the lowest scum of the earth. Let me tell ya, that is not biologically normal to feel like this while everyone else seems to feel fine with themselves. When I use the term "normal," keep in mind that I mean in a physiological sense and not some trendy, peer pressuring sense. Really, Emily. No one can really lead a healthy lifestyle when their thoughts are so construed. It would be a pure miracle to be able to function in this toxic kind of mentality. If you aren't seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist, please consider them as options at least. They can make a huge difference in your life, as they do in mine. I used to advocate against anti-depressents and things like that but they can be so helpful if the correct medicine is found and by that I mean the one that appropriately helps you the most with little to no side effects. You see, it's very important that you get an appropriate diagnosis of whatever mental conditions (just like physical conditions) you may be suffering from that even you are unaware of so that you can get the appropriate treatment. I hope you aren't taking this suggestion the wrong way, as I am on medication and let me tell you, I see the world a lot differently than before and I feel myself slowly emerging from my shell of sadness. It will take time to heal my wounds of self-hatred and emotional trauma of my past, but I feel myself getting better and better every day of my life. You are only 24.....so much life to live! Be nice to yourself, Emily. Give yourself a chance! If you do not love yourself, how can you truly expect others to? "It is imperative that you love yourself and let everyone else know," as one rapper, named P.E.P. Love put it in a wonderfully philosophical song called 'US.'

I am sorry if this post was way longer than expected, but I guess I really do empathize with you and want you to know that we, at Susan's do care about you.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 17, 2016, 07:28:08 PM
I actually live in small town about an hour south of Nashville where it seems that most entry level jobs want you to have either some sort of STEM degree or 5+ years experience and I'm talking entry level jobs outside the service/fast food/retail industries. Yes I tried the local temp agency and every time I have to go through like an interview/screening process where they ask if I have such and such experience only for them to tell me each time I don't meet qualifications for any of the jobs they have lined up. There is a call center nearby and tried a few times to get hired on but I always failed their test you have to pass in order to get hired. I finally reached the limit they allow to go through the process of getting hired and now my application is no longer considered. I've applied to just about every restaurant, retail store, hotel, and fast food places including locally owned places that aren't chains. Nothing in my town seems to want to hire me or just aren't hiring at all and I can't just up and relocate either.

Finding a job in a small town is hard. Believe me, I know, I grew up in a small town in NC. You shouldn't feel bad for not finding one, small towns are not where the jobs are. If I were you, I'd expand my search to include the Nashville area. There are lots of jobs there. Maybe one of them will work with you with the transportation issue or helping you relocate there.

Quote from: King Phoenix on June 18, 2016, 01:06:27 AM
Hey, Emily, listen to me please. I am a lot like you. Ok? I never been hired for any job a day in my life and have filled out innumerous applications. I am only three years older than you. I have no driver's license. I live with my dad. Ok? But you know what? That doesn't make you less important than me or anyone else and you sure as hell ain't worthless. You are a valuable, lovable, sweet, kind, charitable, admirable, cherishing young lady that cares very much about improving her life situation and you are currently in the process of that. I am so happy you choose to do that instead of choosing to let it all really go down the drain and succumb to the distortions of the depression and low self-esteem that is poisoning yours and my mind as well. If you did, you wouldn't be making so many posts about your life situation. These posts are a sign that you want more in life, you aren't giving up, you want a change and you definitely aren't being idle about this. I am so proud of you.

Emily, I am so very sorry for the last post I made on a thread of yours before this one. It couldn't have been helpful at all and I am praying that the mods removed it. I was so disappointed in myself for the language I used especially at a time when you seemed to be in a most sorrowful state. I was also in my most sorrowful state and attempted to overdose on some prescription medication at the time I posted that horrific message. I know a lot of your pain, from what you describe. Emily, if you ever need someone to talk with about this stuff or you just wanna have a little chat about anything. I'm here. Just PM me anytime. If I don't get back to you in a jiffy, trust me it's not because I am ignoring you. I am so tied up with schoolwork and I have to play a bit of catch up cause of being in the psych ward for like a week. Talk with you soon and hang in there, my friend!

P.S. Do you see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist? I only ask because I do and these combinations of professionals really make a difference in my mental state and outlook of myself, my loved ones and the world around me. You know? Like just because your situation is not what you would like for it to be, doesn't mean you have to feel like the lowest scum of the earth. Let me tell ya, that is not biologically normal to feel like this while everyone else seems to feel fine with themselves. When I use the term "normal," keep in mind that I mean in a physiological sense and not some trendy, peer pressuring sense. Really, Emily. No one can really lead a healthy lifestyle when their thoughts are so construed. It would be a pure miracle to be able to function in this toxic kind of mentality. If you aren't seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist, please consider them as options at least. They can make a huge difference in your life, as they do in mine. I used to advocate against anti-depressents and things like that but they can be so helpful if the correct medicine is found and by that I mean the one that appropriately helps you the most with little to no side effects. You see, it's very important that you get an appropriate diagnosis of whatever mental conditions (just like physical conditions) you may be suffering from that even you are unaware of so that you can get the appropriate treatment. I hope you aren't taking this suggestion the wrong way, as I am on medication and let me tell you, I see the world a lot differently than before and I feel myself slowly emerging from my shell of sadness. It will take time to heal my wounds of self-hatred and emotional trauma of my past, but I feel myself getting better and better every day of my life. You are only 24.....so much life to live! Be nice to yourself, Emily. Give yourself a chance! If you do not love yourself, how can you truly expect others to? "It is imperative that you love yourself and let everyone else know," as one rapper, named P.E.P. Love put it in a wonderfully philosophical song called 'US.'

I am sorry if this post was way longer than expected, but I guess I really do empathize with you and want you to know that we, at Susan's do care about you.

Hey Phoenix sorry for being late on my reply here

I just wanna thank you for being someone I can talk to and such that means alot.   

Also don't worry about that past post you mentioned you made to be honest I have no clue what post it was and of all the replies you've made in my posts I never found any of them to be offensive. So you're good there :)

Hope things are going better for you and please hang in there and I'll be sure to do the same

Quote from: VeronicaLynn on June 18, 2016, 02:55:23 AM
Finding a job in a small town is hard. Believe me, I know, I grew up in a small town in NC. You shouldn't feel bad for not finding one, small towns are not where the jobs are. If I were you, I'd expand my search to include the Nashville area. There are lots of jobs there. Maybe one of them will work with you with the transportation issue or helping you relocate there.

Nashville and the surrounding area is too expensive for me to relocate to it's so bad now that even older residents that been there for years are being forced out do to ever increasing rent costs. Finding an affordable place to live even with a job is becoming impossible unless you're super wealthy. 

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 18, 2016, 04:39:11 PM
Hey Phoenix sorry for being late on my reply here

I just wanna thank you for being someone I can talk to and such that means alot.   

Also don't worry about that past post you mentioned you made to be honest I have no clue what post it was and of all the replies you've made in my posts I never found any of them to be offensive. So you're good there :)

Hope things are going better for you and please hang in there and I'll be sure to do the same

No worries, Emily. :P Lots of people don't have time to reply to every single post and you should never feel obligated to. It's cool.

Also, glad you never seen that past post of mine. Or maybe you did but you weren't bothered by it. But we, at Susan's, should encourage one another in positive ways and not stimulate negativity, which is what I did in that post. I stayed off of Susan's for a while really thinking about the words I used in the horrible post. I am glad, so glad, I never offended you but that post was basically agreeing with the depressive mind states we were in.

Emily, it's never easy to break any habit, but we gotta train our minds and our self-esteem. If you change your thoughts in to happy ones, your feelings and behaviors will follow too! Please keep going. You're doing very good in life. I admire strong women like you who keep going even after being knocked down. As Chinese philosopher Confucius once said; "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." ;D

I'm happy to hear you say you're gonna go forward. Very good! And I will hang in there too, just like you said. Emily, we are trans and together we stand!! :)

hey Emily, I wasn't sure before if I should specify about autism, but now that others have done so already, I do. I think just like me and many other trans, you're in the autistic spectrum. I did try to tell you before but it's not necessarily something pleasant to hear, it took me more than 6 months to swallow the fact, revisiting all my life with that new filter or rather maybe no more filter. That was like 3 years ago, and that's also when my psychologist told me there is a very much lot of autism cases in the trans community, and vice versa.

With what I read on this new thread of yours, I suspect your parents to know things they hid from you and still try to... try to do as if you were 'normal'. That doesn't help you, nor can it anyone.

There is nothing to do about autism other than try to tame it and work around it.

Getting a diagnostic is pretty much useless, unless it leads you to some sort of financial support, which I doubt. Plus getting a reliable diagnostic for autism (for me anyways) as an adult would cost 1000$, that is 9 one-hour sessions with a specialist.

The best you can do about autism is get to know it, to work around it.

Well maybe I'm wrong, but you won't lose anything seeking in that direction to see if the desciption fits you.

The autism traits can be very diverse. Your great ability to read maps seems like one of the savant skills some autistic have. I have none but my brother has a photographic memory, he knows all encyclopedias by heart, almost no joke. And he lived a very wealthy life starting at age 28 when he finally was able to get his ->-bleeped-<- together and get to an interview that got him a highly paid job as a translator. Before that, he had not done much else than read and grow his hair. Well he's actually a genius. I don't know if he knows he's autistic, probably he does. Anyways... That goes to show you.

Being autistic is being different, and sometimes that means... well yea, better.

Maybe you're just better, you know...

You need to get to a big city, told you before. You need to. Absolutely. I also think you need to get away from overprotecting parents but I'll leave that to your way of putting it.

I don't think you are depressed, I was like you for decades and everyone around said I was depressed, well no, I was autistic.

Autistic people have a very hard time to see ahead. There is nothing ahead, no goal, so it's difficult to be excited or to get organized to get to that somewhere else you need to get to, Emily.

Read on autism, Asperger or high functioning autism, read scientific books, autistig blogs and forums.

The first book I had read on autism was like a guide to how to live in society with autism, and every situation described in that book I already had lived.

So as I said, autistic traits and symptoms are very diverse, but when you get an idea of what's happening in your head, and in other people's head (the neurotypicals), you stand a beter chance to see things coming and work them out.

it' s very difficult for an autistic person to go through what you go through. In a big city, you would find a job. There a lots of weird people in big cities, and most of them work.

I know, you don't have the money...

think about ways you can build on that very special skill you seem to have about maps. Maybe that skill can be extended to more than maps. This is a very special skill you seem to have you it could be what makes you an outstanding person. If you're at the right place with the right people.

I know it's difficult to plan and build a goal, it is for me also, has always been, and I'm never excited about anything, I don't and never really saw a good reason to live, but I did... live. And had fun, pretty much. And hey it's not over, I'm starting again.

Autistic people can reason. I'm certain you can reason this out.

Hang on Emily, I'm having fun living even though I see no reason to go on, I don't see why you can't have fun living too (autisticly have fun, that is inside your head haha),

you're just not at the right place nor with the right people.

hope this helps
:-)
Soli

P.S. adding this, just read some of this and you will see that you are not alone. You just need to find the right place, Emily, and right persons
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=173479

Quote from: Soli on June 19, 2016, 12:11:11 AM
hey Emily, I wasn't sure before if I should specify about autism, but now that others have done so already, I do. I think just like me and many other trans, you're in the autistic spectrum. I did try to tell you before but it's not necessarily something pleasant to hear, it took me more than 6 months to swallow the fact, revisiting all my life with that new filter or rather maybe no more filter. That was like 3 years ago, and that's also when my psychologist told me there is a very much lot of autism cases in the trans community, and vice versa.

With what I read on this new thread of yours, I suspect your parents to know things they hid from you and still try to... try to do as if you were 'normal'. That doesn't help you, nor can it anyone.

There is nothing to do about autism other than try to tame it and work around it.

Getting a diagnostic is pretty much useless, unless it leads you to some sort of financial support, which I doubt. Plus getting a reliable diagnostic for autism (for me anyways) as an adult would cost 1000$, that is 9 one-hour sessions with a specialist.

The best you can do about autism is get to know it, to work around it.

Well maybe I'm wrong, but you won't lose anything seeking in that direction to see if the desciption fits you.

The autism traits can be very diverse. Your great ability to read maps seems like one of the savant skills some autistic have. I have none but my brother has a photographic memory, he knows all encyclopedias by heart, almost no joke. And he lived a very wealthy life starting at age 28 when he finally was able to get his ->-bleeped-<- together and get to an interview that got him a highly paid job as a translator. Before that, he had not done much else than read and grow his hair. Well he's actually a genius. I don't know if he knows he's autistic, probably he does. Anyways... That goes to show you.

Being autistic is being different, and sometimes that means... well yea, better.

Maybe you're just better, you know...

You need to get to a big city, told you before. You need to. Absolutely. I also think you need to get away from overprotecting parents but I'll leave that to your way of putting it.

I don't think you are depressed, I was like you for decades and everyone around said I was depressed, well no, I was autistic.

Autistic people have a very hard time to see ahead. There is nothing ahead, no goal, so it's difficult to be excited or to get organized to get to that somewhere else you need to get to, Emily.

Read on autism, Asperger or high functioning autism, read scientific books, autistig blogs and forums.

The first book I had read on autism was like a guide to how to live in society with autism, and every situation described in that book I already had lived.

So as I said, autistic traits and symptoms are very diverse, but when you get an idea of what's happening in your head, and in other people's head (the neurotypicals), you stand a beter chance to see things coming and work them out.

it' s very difficult for an autistic person to go through what you go through. In a big city, you would find a job. There a lots of weird people in big cities, and most of them work.

I know, you don't have the money...

think about ways you can build on that very special skill you seem to have about maps. Maybe that skill can be extended to more than maps. This is a very special skill you seem to have you it could be what makes you an outstanding person. If you're at the right place with the right people.

I know it's difficult to plan and build a goal, it is for me also, has always been, and I'm never excited about anything, I don't and never really saw a good reason to live, but I did... live. And had fun, pretty much. And hey it's not over, I'm starting again.

Autistic people can reason. I'm certain you can reason this out.

Hang on Emily, I'm having fun living even though I see no reason to go on, I don't see why you can't have fun living too (autisticly have fun, that is inside your head haha),

you're just not at the right place nor with the right people.

hope this helps
:-)
Soli

P.S. adding this, just read some of this and you will see that you are not alone. You just need to find the right place, Emily, and right persons
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=173479

This. I spent a good amount of time wondering if I do have some sort of high functioning autism especially with my struggles I've had in college. In the education classes I took recently, autism was like one the biggest things we talked about and when discussing the signs of autism I felt that was a wake up call to get tested.

Emily, if you get a diagnosis of autism, you could possibly get disability that way. I'm not saying you have it because, well, I don't have a PhD and lack the authority and legality to diagnose you or anyone else. But if you got a diagnosis of some kind of condition that really does exist and is making it difficult for you to function, you absolutely should file for it, imo.

P.S. I can't stand Wrong Planet Forums. I hope you like it though. I found that there were alot of people on there who had uppity attitudes. Couldn't stand it.....Anyways, I think Soli was onto something though about ->-bleeped-<- and autism having a connection. I still think I have Asperger's or High Functioning Autism or something. I don't know. But I don't think all autistic people are geniuses or even skilled at certain things. This just happens to be a general characteristic but not every single autistic person is that way, from what I researched. I agree with Soli, though, about contributing someway to your proficiency in reading maps and stuff.

Yeah I seriously want to get tested and as for disability I've done some reading and it seems getting on disability from being diagnosed with autism as an adult is incredibly difficult. I wouldn't be able to afford an attorney that handles these cases heck I couldn't afford to be tested if it really costs thousands.   

This:  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN (https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN)

Such an excellent list thank you

Searching for why I was weird, all my life, I progressively discovered that the best person to help me was... myself, with my reasoning and intelligence.

Read on autism, then read again, it will serve you much better than getting a diagnostic.

There is no cure to autism, you just have to learn to live with it, try to go around it, and for that, you need to see it, know what it is, how your brain processes things differently.

Quote from: King Phoenix on June 19, 2016, 05:49:37 PM
But I don't think all autistic people are geniuses or even skilled at certain things.

me neither, probably just a minority have that kind of special skill, I don't have one, just I thought that the way Emily talked about her map reading skill, it sounded like that could be one. One thing is certain, for an autistic brain, it's easier to concentrate on One thing while letting the rest of the world wayyy behind, that's just the way autistic brains work... not a general perception but rather many very specific perceptions.

I'm telling you, Emily, you don't need to be tested for that, nor for anything else, there is not one person or program or organization that will help you, you are the one who can help yourself. You're on your own.

Get information about yourself, read, search, but search not for someone to help you, you are that person.

and of course, since you are a very intelligent girl, if you are not in the autistic spectrum, while reading on it, you will see if you are or not in that spectrum, it will either be very obvious or look odd and strange. For me, it was a revelation to read how others in the spectrum felt, the Aspie forums. On the thread I put a link to in my other post, there is someone describing something very similar to what you describe unable to find a job.

anyways, read  :P

Quote from: Soli on June 20, 2016, 09:01:26 AM
Searching for why I was weird, all my life, I progressively discovered that the best person to help me was... myself, with my reasoning and intelligence.

Read on autism, then read again, it will serve you much better than getting a diagnostic.

There is no cure to autism, you just have to learn to live with it, try to go around it, and for that, you need to see it, know what it is, how your brain processes things differently.


me neither, probably just a minority have that kind of special skill, I don't have one, just I thought that the way Emily talked about her map reading skill, it sounded like that could be one. One thing is certain, for an autistic brain, it's easier to concentrate on One thing while letting the rest of the world wayyy behind, that's just the way autistic brains work... not a general perception but rather many very specific perceptions.

I'm telling you, Emily, you don't need to be tested for that, nor for anything else, there is not one person or program or organization that will help you, you are the one who can help yourself. You're on your own.

Get information about yourself, read, search, but search not for someone to help you, you are that person.

and of course, since you are a very intelligent girl, if you are not in the autistic spectrum, while reading on it, you will see if you are or not in that spectrum, it will either be very obvious or look odd and strange. For me, it was a revelation to read how others in the spectrum felt, the Aspie forums. On the thread I put a link to in my other post, there is someone describing something very similar to what you describe unable to find a job.

anyways, read  :P

I did some reading at the site and gotta say I relate to a good number of people on there especially those who struggle to get a job and be good at their job. I might join.

As for the subject of being tested and diagnosed by a professional, I rather go through with it when I can because I think it'll benefit me in the long run like being able to use job help centers that cater to those with autism, I could possibly get on disability if it comes down to that, and if I do eventually land a job having proper documentation might help with keeping the job in some ways. Overall in my case I believe getting tested is necessary.

yes of course, if you can get an ASD diagnostic, do that (i'd like to get one also), as you say it may help you, but what I meant is that it will not be a solution per say, as opposed to getting to know autism possibly (most probably) being a real solution for right now. Really.

If you are in the autistic spectrum disorder (maybe that's not the case), getting to know the disorder will really help you, more than HRT I would say, which can come in time when you are resting on more solid ground, because transitioning is not easy, and could actually lead you into worst times than now if you don't firstly find ways to get on your own (and find a job, yes you can... maybe not in Tennessee), and understanding why you don't get a job or can't perform is a good first step in trying to work around that difficulty.

you don't necessarily need to join Wrong Planet, just read through threads, there are other sites, there are many, many persons like you, Emily. If you want I can try to gather some book titles or websites so that you start to understand... why you have a learning disability... not because you are not intelligent. Not at all. I quit school at 16 before going back to college and University 8 years after and getting a degree.

actually it took me a while to get over the fact that I don't really have a personality, rather a list of autistic traits.

so if you are in that ASD gang like me, you will find that the only way to survive is to get to know what's happening (in your head, in other people's head when they see you) and slalom between the rocks. Well you need to see the rocks.

and I think you write very well and should look for work that involves your writing and thinking abilities... Skills, yes you do have great skills, others on your threads have noted it also. I told you that before, Emily, but you keep focusing on the fact that you had so many defeats... you're giving up? At 24?

Why do you say you cannot go live in a large city? I'm not American but I just can't believe that. You can get a room, afterwards a small apt., a job, for they hire weird people in large cities (just look up ads in large cities' classifieds and you will see what you can get). Why can't you get a job? Well you're possibly ASD, but you live in Tennessee, I think that's why. Period. Sorry to any Tennessean that my words could hurt, but, uhhh... yep, really, a large city. One where there is a decent subway system so you can move around easy and not bother with driving, which is out, at least up here, not trendy to be a car driver anymore.

hang on, life is tough for us too you know. For everyone. For different reasons, but no one has it easy.

Get the information, all the information about the world, about yourself, and then you'll see, your brain will be able to process. You're just lacking information about what's going on. (and I think your parents aren't helping on that side either, getting away from them will make you see the world differently)

and again... no one has a key-in-hand solution for you, only you can find the solution.
;)
Soli

It is indeed a tough life...

What can I say... diagnosed borderline, bipolar, ocd and avoidant personality disorder here. The last few months they made me aware I'm not like other people, and never will be. I have a long road to recovery from all these things, and honestly, I'm not sure that I make it. Even if I make it, years will pass... wanting to die everyday, since I was 12. There have been days when I don't want to die, but they're quickly overshadowed by depression. All this on top of being trans. Each day I wonder what I'm still doing here. There is not much help. They talk with me, but it's all they can do. It is scary to think there is no help, at all.

Mental illness is the worst illness, because everyone thinks you're healthy, while you're not. I have a 10-20% chance of dying from my mental illness. In fact, it is physical illness because the brain doesn't work like it should.

Well... I just move along, hoping for better days.  :)

Quote from: 2cherry on June 21, 2016, 02:02:11 AM
It is indeed a tough life...

Well... I just move along, hoping for better days.  :)

   Hello dear, the times are hard here too but nothing like what you have to fight. I've been totaly alone for a year now and it went well for a while but for a couple of months now loneliness caught up with me and the pain and the tears are constant. Having no one to talk to and no one who cares is not very healthy but it can be changed, I don't know how but eventualy I'll find a way. Anyway, hang in there I hope things get better for you and if you want to talk, I'm here. Peace and best wishes, Rose.

Am afraid I don't live in Nashville. 

Having just read Cindi Jones' autobiography (and recommend it) I would say you need to write out some goals and how to reach them.  Along the way you will need to learn to drive or have reliable transportation.  Without that no one will want you as an employee.  I have to do the same, a plan, a path to get there.  If you need help let me know.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM
If you are in the autistic spectrum disorder (maybe that's not the case), getting to know the disorder will really help you, more than HRT I would say, which can come in time when you are resting on more solid ground, because transitioning is not easy, and could actually lead you into worst times than now if you don't firstly find ways to get on your own (and find a job, yes you can... maybe not in Tennessee), and understanding why you don't get a job or can't perform is a good first step in trying to work around that difficulty.

Being able to be on my own is perhaps my biggest barrier to moving forward with my life I don't know how I'm expected to make ends meet if it's impossible to get a job. Any help of how to survive on my own is appreciated. I've pretty much done just about all I can to help myself at this point I may just have to depend on others for help.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM
If you want I can try to gather some book titles or websites so that you start to understand... why you have a learning disability... not because you are not intelligent.

I'd like that actually it can be real helpful for understanding. Thanks.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM
and I think you write very well and should look for work that involves your writing and thinking abilities... Skills, yes you do have great skills, others on your threads have noted it also. I told you that before, Emily, but you keep focusing on the fact that you had so many defeats... you're giving up? At 24?

Honestly I'm quite surprised ya think my writing is actually good cause I actually have difficulty in the writing department as well I get writer's block a lot even when writing replies on here. It's a wonder I made through not just high school english class but college as well I was terrible with writing essays and summaries lol. But yeah thank you glad ya do like the way I write it does make me feel a little better. I wish I knew a way to figure out how to gain other skills these last four years alone I've been trying to gain other skills outside of reading maps and history but to no avail.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM

Why do you say you cannot go live in a large city? I'm not American but I just can't believe that.

Because large cities are very expensive to live in nowadays. Rent prices in every U.S. major city are going nowhere but up. Right now Nashville is facing a housing affordability crisis so bad that even long time residents that been there for decades are being forced out cause they can no longer afford the skyrocketing rent. Yeah I know I cam simply live in an area outside but even places around Nashville are starting to suffer the same fate. Overall America is facing an affordability crisis. 

 

first, yes, your writing is good, the syntax is always very good, you seem to have a very good grammar and spelling (Engl is not my 1st language but it seems quite perfect). I didn't find the other user who had replied the same to you on another thread but if you have writer's block and had trouble in College or High School, it has nothing to do with your ability to write and think, I would say more about autistic traits or other disorder that does so that you have a hard time with assignments and rules and school in general, plus the social pressure of peers (and parents, whatever), not with the writing per say, as for everything else, actually. You can work like anyone, just not at the same pace.

So your troubles in school don't have much to do with your mental capacities. Nothing, actually. You are obviously very intelligent and express your thoughts clearly with rich and complex sentences that show the thinking behind. The ''learning disability'' you say you have is not a disability to learn at all, just differently, at a different pace, in a different context (alone with a book or a computer for example instead of in a class with peer pressure and social skills you probably lack needed).

So... I had written this earlier on Word, after the little Google searches I did for you and thinking about the fact that it's been a few times now if not more that you claim that research on the subject is closed and its conclusion is that you will never work, and thinking also about what you say about large cities. Here goes, it might not always be gentle, but as an ASD, I claim the right to say things as they are.

Are you sure, Emily, you're not mostly relying on impressions rather than actual facts and researches you did? I mean as for the price of a room in a large US city, as for the fact that you state that don't have any skills, that you will NOT be able to find a job... that would actually sound like (me haha, yes it does, me before I found out I was ASD) autism traits. Yeah, you went to the end of a reasoning and classified the result, this question solved: I ain't gonna be able to find a job. ASDs are like that. They reason. So you reasoned these out somehow, maybe only with false perceptions or info, but still you did reason that, you trust your reason, the conclusion is immuable and solid like a rock. I went through that, the answer is X. Solved.

Haha, no. You need to look again. I mean always... like you have to have doubts about yourself... You need to question all of your assumptions about the world and about yourself since they may be wrong, for if as I think you are ASD, you have a tendancy to lock forever any issue that went trough your mind.

ASDs also have a hard time being themselves for they don't know what is that, myself. It's an ongoing and lifelong question: who am I? How to define myself. Some stick to very rigid models and find comfort in that, models like uhhh, the one your parents are trying to force on you. It could have worked, it works on certain autistic persons who find comfort in the fact that they don't have precisely, to wonder about who they are, they just copy, follow the model. Others don't find comfort at all in that and are usually seen by their peers as weirdos, fitting none of the human categories... artists are often ASD (or other condition).

So that's why I say there is a link between autism and transsexualism... can't define oneself... so that's... like a way to define oneself, copy a model, the female model since cannot fit the male model. Well there is more to it but this is an issue the scientific community has barely searched. All that is clear is that there are many trans who are ASD, much, much more than in general population. It's my theory that autism and transsexualism are linked but the numbers are there.


Anyways, autistic people, Aspies, Asperger, have a tendency like that to lock their opinion on something and by reading on autism you will (again if you are ASD) see yourself described, piece by piece, like your
''Fascination with maps, globes, and routes.'' and your ''tendency to discuss self rather than others'' (not so sure about this one, but you do only post about yourself on here)

I will find more links for you on autism, this is just a few quick searches on Google, but first, another few quick Google searches show me that renting a room in a large US city is a little more expensive than in Montréal where I am, but I'm sure other Canadian cities are similar to what you can find in USA (Montréal is cheapest), that is 450-650$ a month. Well it's not the same dollar but anyways, is this totally unaffordable for you, between 450 and 700$ a month for a room? If you have a job... I dunno the salaries in the US.

You need to get to a large enough city so there is a public transit system that can get you to the job you will find in a service station, as a janitor in hospital or at the parking booth of that hospital, I dunno, heck

You need to. Large city.

Otherwise, how do you move around? Otherwise you will always find the same wall to find a job. In a large city, life is different.

there is no way I could live away from my city, I don't have a drivers's license anymore, I'm trans and... did I tell you I'm unemployed? I spent my whole life struggling to get and keep my jobs, must have had 45 of them... But in large cities, it's more expensive, but there are more opportunities and tolerance, acceptance and comprehension towards trans and other kind of weirdos like me.

All your perceptions about you and about the world might need to be revised, Emily. Since I'm twice your age and also in a situation similar to yours, I can tell you they do. Mine were. Over time, humans learn and change, especially I would say autistic people, since it's very difficult to understand who we are... can't see the models, therefore no goals... everything takes much longer, your comprehension of yourself and the world around takes longer. It's far from being done so you cannot come to a fixed conclusion (can we ever in life? I say no)

anyways, I think it's unacceptable that you state that it's over, that the conclusion is that you will never find a job. Unacceptable, Emily, and I don't think you will find many people on this site or anywhere who can support you in that. No. You're wrong. You have to think again because you will be living this life, and you will be able one day to look back just like I can now on my life and think: oh my, was I ever a freakin idiot to think thaaat, now I know I was wrong. Yeah, that happened to me many times. I had many phases in my life... many times I did a complete change, many times I changed my mind completely on something. Feel I'm stepping up though... learning from every step.

Believe me Emily, you are wrong about yourself. For example, I learned reading your threads that you are into history and geography, that's all that of interest for you. So why the heck aren't you studying in history or geography? Suck at maths? well no need for maths in History. The example is this: the society around you convinced you that you that these are not good studies, leading to a no job situation. But deep inside, you know that's what you like, but you're not allowed to think this. You have to think big degree, big job, that's what the world is telling you (well change your world then)

That's dumb, one should do what they like. If you like what you do/study, you will succeed. It's very simple.

So study History, Emily, in a large city. That's what you should do. Yes why not? Yes you can. As for the job, it's just like for sure that you will find one in a large city, any student can find a part time job at the drugstore or grocery to fill the shelves at night.

Now come on... Work, use Google, search for a job in Seattle, whatever... All your assumptions about the world may be wrong. Do the searches. Do them again, then.

Do the work, do the searches, go to the library. Get excited about getting a degree in History.

Society does need historians. My studies were in literature and history, I loved these studies, and the degree got me jobs. (a degree, whichever, get you jobs)

Just uhhh, don't believe what people tell you about anything, especially about yourself, don't let them define you and fit you in a mold, just check it out for yourself (same goes for what I'm telling you), do the work, do the searches, extensively like you surely know how if you are ASD.

but you also have to learn that you must have the same doubts about your own mind and re-think, put back in question. Always do that in life.

so Emily, there is no one but your parents who will take you by the hand to show you things, you don't want that, I'm sure.

No one else will come with a solution, you are on you own. Take your own in own hands, that's all. Do da wok, type in Google: classifieds (large city name) rooms for rent; then type: autism barrier to employment... autism learning disability...

here's some of what I found on my quick searches


https://www.metroroommates.com/city_rentals/bostonarea_rentals.asp?sortby=mprice_up

http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/roo/5648894693.html

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/roo/5648888281.html

https://www.roomiematch.com/advice-Seattle.html

https://portland.craigslist.org/search/roo





http://aspennj.org/what-is-asperger-syndrome


anticipation
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1005617831035


http://themighty.com/2016/06/what-i-wish-people-would-remember-about-me-as-someone-on-the-spectrum/

Quote from: Soli on June 22, 2016, 09:44:36 PM
first, yes, your writing is good, the syntax is always very good, you seem to have a very good grammar and spelling (Engl is not my 1st language but it seems quite perfect). I didn't find the other user who had replied the same to you on another thread but if you have writer's block and had trouble in College or High School, it has nothing to do with your ability to write and think, I would say more about autistic traits or other disorder that does so that you have a hard time with assignments and rules and school in general, plus the social pressure of peers (and parents, whatever), not with the writing per say, as for everything else, actually. You can work like anyone, just not at the same pace.

So your troubles in school don't have much to do with your mental capacities. Nothing, actually. You are obviously very intelligent and express your thoughts clearly with rich and complex sentences that show the thinking behind. The ''learning disability'' you say you have is not a disability to learn at all, just differently, at a different pace, in a different context (alone with a book or a computer for example instead of in a class with peer pressure and social skills you probably lack needed).

So... I had written this earlier on Word, after the little Google searches I did for you and thinking about the fact that it's been a few times now if not more that you claim that research on the subject is closed and its conclusion is that you will never work, and thinking also about what you say about large cities. Here goes, it might not always be gentle, but as an ASD, I claim the right to say things as they are.

Are you sure, Emily, you're not mostly relying on impressions rather than actual facts and researches you did? I mean as for the price of a room in a large US city, as for the fact that you state that don't have any skills, that you will NOT be able to find a job... that would actually sound like (me haha, yes it does, me before I found out I was ASD) autism traits. Yeah, you went to the end of a reasoning and classified the result, this question solved: I ain't gonna be able to find a job. ASDs are like that. They reason. So you reasoned these out somehow, maybe only with false perceptions or info, but still you did reason that, you trust your reason, the conclusion is immuable and solid like a rock. I went through that, the answer is X. Solved.

Haha, no. You need to look again. I mean always... like you have to have doubts about yourself... You need to question all of your assumptions about the world and about yourself since they may be wrong, for if as I think you are ASD, you have a tendancy to lock forever any issue that went trough your mind.

ASDs also have a hard time being themselves for they don't know what is that, myself. It's an ongoing and lifelong question: who am I? How to define myself. Some stick to very rigid models and find comfort in that, models like uhhh, the one your parents are trying to force on you. It could have worked, it works on certain autistic persons who find comfort in the fact that they don't have precisely, to wonder about who they are, they just copy, follow the model. Others don't find comfort at all in that and are usually seen by their peers as weirdos, fitting none of the human categories... artists are often ASD (or other condition).

So that's why I say there is a link between autism and transsexualism... can't define oneself... so that's... like a way to define oneself, copy a model, the female model since cannot fit the male model. Well there is more to it but this is an issue the scientific community has barely searched. All that is clear is that there are many trans who are ASD, much, much more than in general population. It's my theory that autism and transsexualism are linked but the numbers are there.


Anyways, autistic people, Aspies, Asperger, have a tendency like that to lock their opinion on something and by reading on autism you will (again if you are ASD) see yourself described, piece by piece, like your
''Fascination with maps, globes, and routes.'' and your ''tendency to discuss self rather than others'' (not so sure about this one, but you do only post about yourself on here)

I will find more links for you on autism, this is just a few quick searches on Google, but first, another few quick Google searches show me that renting a room in a large US city is a little more expensive than in Montréal where I am, but I'm sure other Canadian cities are similar to what you can find in USA (Montréal is cheapest), that is 450-650$ a month. Well it's not the same dollar but anyways, is this totally unaffordable for you, between 450 and 700$ a month for a room? If you have a job... I dunno the salaries in the US.

You need to get to a large enough city so there is a public transit system that can get you to the job you will find in a service station, as a janitor in hospital or at the parking booth of that hospital, I dunno, heck

You need to. Large city.

Otherwise, how do you move around? Otherwise you will always find the same wall to find a job. In a large city, life is different.

there is no way I could live away from my city, I don't have a drivers's license anymore, I'm trans and... did I tell you I'm unemployed? I spent my whole life struggling to get and keep my jobs, must have had 45 of them... But in large cities, it's more expensive, but there are more opportunities and tolerance, acceptance and comprehension towards trans and other kind of weirdos like me.

All your perceptions about you and about the world might need to be revised, Emily. Since I'm twice your age and also in a situation similar to yours, I can tell you they do. Mine were. Over time, humans learn and change, especially I would say autistic people, since it's very difficult to understand who we are... can't see the models, therefore no goals... everything takes much longer, your comprehension of yourself and the world around takes longer. It's far from being done so you cannot come to a fixed conclusion (can we ever in life? I say no)

anyways, I think it's unacceptable that you state that it's over, that the conclusion is that you will never find a job. Unacceptable, Emily, and I don't think you will find many people on this site or anywhere who can support you in that. No. You're wrong. You have to think again because you will be living this life, and you will be able one day to look back just like I can now on my life and think: oh my, was I ever a freakin idiot to think thaaat, now I know I was wrong. Yeah, that happened to me many times. I had many phases in my life... many times I did a complete change, many times I changed my mind completely on something. Feel I'm stepping up though... learning from every step.

Believe me Emily, you are wrong about yourself. For example, I learned reading your threads that you are into history and geography, that's all that of interest for you. So why the heck aren't you studying in history or geography? Suck at maths? well no need for maths in History. The example is this: the society around you convinced you that you that these are not good studies, leading to a no job situation. But deep inside, you know that's what you like, but you're not allowed to think this. You have to think big degree, big job, that's what the world is telling you (well change your world then)

That's dumb, one should do what they like. If you like what you do/study, you will succeed. It's very simple.

So study History, Emily, in a large city. That's what you should do. Yes why not? Yes you can. As for the job, it's just like for sure that you will find one in a large city, any student can find a part time job at the drugstore or grocery to fill the shelves at night.

Now come on... Work, use Google, search for a job in Seattle, whatever... All your assumptions about the world may be wrong. Do the searches. Do them again, then.

Do the work, do the searches, go to the library. Get excited about getting a degree in History.

Society does need historians. My studies were in literature and history, I loved these studies, and the degree got me jobs. (a degree, whichever, get you jobs)

Just uhhh, don't believe what people tell you about anything, especially about yourself, don't let them define you and fit you in a mold, just check it out for yourself (same goes for what I'm telling you), do the work, do the searches, extensively like you surely know how if you are ASD.

but you also have to learn that you must have the same doubts about your own mind and re-think, put back in question. Always do that in life.

so Emily, there is no one but your parents who will take you by the hand to show you things, you don't want that, I'm sure.

No one else will come with a solution, you are on you own. Take your own in own hands, that's all. Do da wok, type in Google: classifieds (large city name) rooms for rent; then type: autism barrier to employment... autism learning disability...

here's some of what I found on my quick searches

One my biggest fears if I do ever land another job is yet again being "too slow" or simply considered being too incompetent for the job. How would I keep myself from being fired for a third time?? Unfortunately employers in my case don't seem to consider good work ethic and positive attitude. 

Again the issues of affording to live in a large city everything I mention about high costs are true and fact and Montreal might be cheaper than Nashville. I think American salaries are low compared to Canadian salaries even if ya have a higher cost of living. Truth is and I see evidence of this everyday is the unfortunate fact that having a simple minimum wage job doesn't help cover even the least of living expenses here in the cities heck it wouldn't help pay rent in the cheapest duplex in the small town I live near by. If I were employed and homeless I mean that'll help pay for hrt at least. $600 or $450 a month may seem cheap but if you're not making at least $40,000 a year after taxes good luck affording both rent and food that's the sad reality here in the States.

I don't know, Emily, the picture you paint of your country is so grim, I wonder why bunches of people from all around the world want to emigrate there and try to jump a fence on the southern border.

A quick search on Google tells me the difference is not that big between US and Canadian cities, average low wage in the US seems to be 9$ an hour, and it's 10.75$ here in Québec where I live, 11.25$ in Ontario where cost of living is higher, and our pay checks are always well amputated up here to pay for all our social measures, so in the end it's pretty much the same.

I share a 6 room apt with 4 other guys (well 2 for now) and pay 420$ for a large room. If I had a minimum wage salary, at say 35 hours a week, that's 1630$ a month, from which about 15% at least will be taken, so in the end you get something like 1385, less the room, less the bus/metro pass (82$), that leaves 885$ for 4 weeks of working, living, eating... that's not much.

Well I get less than that, I'm on welfare right now, and without some help, I'd eat only rice.

Not only you is in deep ->-bleeped-<-, Emily, most of us humans are.

It's difficult for everyone, there is no magic solution, all there is to do is roll up your sleeves and jump into life.

You can get a room in Boston, Seattle, Tacoma or Portland for 500$, and if you are studying History, you parents might even help you pay for it.

I say Boston because it's about same size as my city, 3 millions people in the large area, good public transit, many students... If I were to chose a US city, chances are it would be Boston, even if I'd rather the californian sun and freedom.

you talk about the prospect of becoming homeless, that's really a grim future, you deserve to yourself better than that. You shouldn't even consider that. That's not a future. Did you ever sleep on the street? I did when I was 17-20 years old, more by choice as I was hitchiking across the country, but uhhh... it's not something you want, let me tell you, and I can't see myself trying to transition while being homeless and not being able to wash and shave every day. You quickly slip into a downward whirl and might end up in alleys doing whatever to get some money if you see what I mean.

So listen, Emily, stop hoping for a magic solution, roll up your sleeves and jump into life.

Stop saying you have no skills for it's not true

Stop saying you won't get a job, repeating that to yourself and others is really the best way to make it happen (and not get a job)

You need to use positive reinforcement, tell yourself you can do it.

For example, transitioning, do you foresee that it's not going to work, your breasts not growing, no changes on your body, or do you think it would help you, it would work and with time make you pass as a woman?

Probably your answer is B, you think it would work, you believe it will.

Don't you?

Well you have no idea!!!

You have no guarantee it will, some girls here struggle to have HRT working how they'd like to. But you believe it will and seek for it. You are motivated.

Same for the rest, Emily.

It's the same! If you believe in it, get the right information like you did for your future transition...

it gives you a goal

Right now you have no goal except transitionning whereas that cannot be your prime concern right now. To get there, you need to put in efforts, get information, contacts, work your way out of the bush (Tennessee) and get in the clear, believe you can make it...

Motivation follows this belief and motivation brings in actions, and usually positively.

You can make it, I really believe you can. That is if YOU believe in it.

this kind of abstraction (believing) is very difficult for people on the ASD, but not impossible since you do believe in your transition.

just stop being so negative and the world will change

see, motivation, I'm myself starting to want to move to Seattle Tacoma area after doing this search, I see it growing in my head, starting to picture myself there. It's a cool place

http://jobview.monster.com/customer-service-representative-100791-job-puyallup-wa-us-166774626.aspx?mescoid=4300715001001&jobPosition=9

https://tacoma.claz.org/classifieds/housing/for-rent/rooms?q=craigslist

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/fc-client-service-rep-i-teller-part-time-20-hrs-job/bank-of-america/bcgdf7bnfd?cid=jphoeqjqmhlayyhogfnllxoayhmexctf

http://www.snagajob.com/job-seeker/jobs/job-details.aspx?postingid=26271992&oq=part+time&item=5&searchid=cd946da3-7187-b502-ba2a-94f4f0b88111&src=title

http://www.juju.com/job/Front-Desk-Service-Rep-14-Hourly-Seattle-WA-00000000v0e68l?impression_id=ni3r4ewLQpSO0pMkab8LaQ&partnerid=5d6c0e5d8f6e042f0eb42f84320e2aa1&channel=Groovejob&k=Part-time+OR+Hourly&l=Tacoma%2C+WA&c=&cluster_id=223756649&track_from=publisher

http://www.indeed.com/cmp/Noble-House-Hotels-and-Resorts/jobs/Reservation-Sales-Agent-c28098e04aede637?sjdu=QwrRXKrqZ3CNX5W-O9jEvYMLC9H26-1qdSAyouLEd8KllS-_QJLNfniYahGskZyAm3qy-NRm-fzSLMxWqtIwSzeBJwb_dF1_Ym6ZnBbuo2E

http://www.indeed.com/q-College-Student-l-Seattle,-WA-jobs.html

A note about "Autism Speaks":

That organization has a really bad reputation among a lot of autistic people.  The Wikipedia article on Autism Speaks (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_speaks#Controversies) describes some of the issues, although IMHO it underplays just how widespread opposition to them is among autistic people.

The main controversy is that Autism Speaks regards autism as an affliction to be eliminated, whereas a lot of autistic people see their autism as an essential part of who they are and see the "elimination" of it as an attempt to eliminate them.  Rather the way cis society sees transgender people as a problem to be eliminated rather than as unique human beings who society should be prepared to accommodate.

See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_model_of_disability

Thanks Asche for pointing that out, I didn't know them.

I removed a linked I had put to their site.

True there is no possible cure and there are many people pretending to cure, grabbing big money from families by selling them an impossible dream. I don't remember the name of a certain Dr I grabbed the book at the library when researching on autism, he had an italian sounding name and claimed his method cured autism, he has clinics all over the states. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Then they find ways to convince the parents that their child did do progress (when in fact nothing really changed) and asking more money to take the treatment to then end. It's some kind of a fraud. There has been big controversies in France over that type of treatments.

Thanks for the link on social model of disability, that's true, society is problematic, not that much those who stand out from the crowd.

I'm still unsure myself what attitude to take about autism. Is it a brain that failed to develop normally for some reason? Is it just another type of human that has always been there? I feel my brain being defective in that it obviously doesn't function the same way as the brain of the vast majority of people I meet in life, and that I struggled all my life to get and keep jobs, lost friends, got fooled big time... Then I look at my family, and I figure there is a very big chance my ancestor who came from France 350 years ago was the same as me, autistic. My father, my son, my grand-father, my nephew, his son... I can see 5 generations that is in ASD (according to me), so maybe yeah, we're just another type of human, but it sure is a disability since we are a minority and, as you point out, designated as disable, so... If the majority of people say I'm disabled, I am, just like if everyone in the room thinks I'm a woman, therefore I am. haha... Autism makes me wonder and think a lot. Still not sure what to advocate.

Quote from: Soli on June 23, 2016, 02:27:27 PM
I'm still unsure myself what attitude to take about autism. Is it a brain that failed to develop normally for some reason? Is it just another type of human that has always been there? I feel my brain being defective in that it obviously doesn't function the same way as the brain of the vast majority of people I meet in life, and that I struggled all my life to get and keep jobs, lost friends, got fooled big time...

(For what theories are worth ....)

My personal theory is that autism is present and continues to be present in human populations because having some autistic people helps the population at large.  My experience is that neurotypical people are more susceptible to kind of a herd mentality.  That's necessary to keep a culture going, but if everyone is like that, then the group can't adapt to new situations.  But walking a different path from everyone else is hard (it comes with a great social cost), so a tribe/population/etc. needs a few people who just can't think and do and be like everyone else to scout out alternatives and keep an eye out for problems with How We've Always Done It.

That some people end up getting too much and can't fit in at all wouldn't bother evolution.  It's a bit like sickle-cell trait: if you've got just one copy of the gene it protects you from malaria, it's only if you have two that you have sickle-cell anemia.  From evolution's point of view, a reasonable trade-off if malaria is common.

Anyway, this theory makes me feel better about having been weird all my life, and that's all I really ask of it. :)

P.S.:

I'm not diagnosed with an ASD, but one of my sons is, and I know three other people in my family (in my generation and my parents') who are an awful lot like him, and the rest of us aren't all that different once you get to know us (maybe we just hide it better.) So I've been diagnosing myself as having "a touch of autism."

I also say of people in my family: you take us as we are, or don't take  us at all, because we won't and can't change ourselves to suit someone else.

sorry to hijack your post Emily

I totally agree with your theory, Asche, makes sense. May I suggest that these autistic traits came from Neandertal? Or is this pushing too far? Which could explain their sudden fall after Homo Sapiens came into Europe from Africa. They were living there peacefully for 300,000 years, then poof. There was interbreeding, we can see it now in our genes. My theory is that Neandertal was autistic, with limited social interactions, just enough to hunt properly to survive. But then Homo Sapiens comes with his very developed social skills and coordination between members of the clan, and maybe more elaborate language, was able to hunt much more efficiently. Then there was also the wolf, there in Europe. Neandertal had not developed an interaction with the wolf, but Homo Sapiens did, and together with their now dogs, with very coordinate moves between species, they raided the whole territory, with massive meat storage guarded by the dogs, which permitted to Homo Sapiens to thrive, have more babies and so on to today's civilization. Then interbreeding introduced some of what was Neandertal was and we can move on to your theory. Does this make sense?

Quote from: Soli on June 23, 2016, 05:35:36 PM
sorry to hijack your post Emily

It's all good you and anyone else are welcome to do so  :D

Back to your reply from earlier Soli,

You make a lot of great points and they're true. You're absolutely right I do need not to be negative it's that I'm scared of the uncertainty every time I've gotten out of my comfort zone in an effort to better my life it's always gone wrong. I have several fears like for example say I moved to Seattle and got a job and a room and suddenly I get fired and not only unable to pay the rent for the month but find myself got able to get another job as well what would I do then?? That alone scares me to no end.

Another fear I have is my parents I never told you my coming out story have I?? Last year in July I decided to tell my parents that I'm transgender hoping maybe deep down they'll actually support nope not only did that not happen I had no choice but to be in the closet again around them and they don't let me hang out with my friends anymore they think they "influenced me" to be trans. To this day my parents go on like nothing ever happened and that I simply decided not to be trans anymore(which we all know it's not a choice) but they still make sure to keep me from being with my friends though I still communicate in secret luckily I still have my privacy.

Also my parents wouldn't help me with school if I decide to study History it's their way or no way. They expect me to get a teaching degree which has been proven not only by me but  also my advisor (who is also head of the teaching program at my college) that teaching isn't a suitable career for me (also she suggested I get tested for autism as well). I haven't told my parents I no longer want to teach I'm scared to I know how my dad will react just like how he reacted to every other failures of my life with rage and anger it's a wonder he's never kicked me out though there been close calls.

Again I'm sorry for acting negative I'm scared lamb that can't seem to figure out how to overcome her fears.

I totally understand your situation, Emily, that's why I keep replying to your posts

I also fear that your parents will go and get you wherever you may end up going in the US if you finally get a plan up, gather some money and leave. My parents did that to me twice but I was a minor then. I even had to quit a dishwashing job in Québec City with no warning as they came to ''relief'' my sister of my annoying presence in her apt. and bring me back home. I was 16. It was one of the most humiliating moment of my life then, and still is more than 30 years after. I don't think it's usual to have your life controlled like this by your parents at 24. They seem the kind to do that more than to throw you out, and I'm sure you don't want this to happen. If they do throw you out, wouldn't it be some kind of blessing? At least things would be clear. I think you need to cut the cord anyways, maybe make up later on in your life. It's either that or status quo, it seems. For you. That's your life, I'm sorry it's like that for you but these are the facts.

That's why I say you need a plan, and a plan might take a while to put up, and you especially need that plan to be solid to compensate for all your fears, and the probability I just mentioned about your parents. You need contacts, you need some money to last for a little while, you need to get to know the city you plan to go to, you have the Web for that.

You need money, you sound like you have none. So... I guess you need to look again at the possibilities of getting a job in Nashville or somewhere in your area. Aren't there call centers? How about temporary office personnel firms? You need to look at something you can actually succeed in doing. Clerical work would fit you more I think than any physical or clientele oriented job...

oh dog needs food, talk to you later
hang on, Emily
:-)
Soli

I'm glad you do reply in fact I like talking to you :)

Funny thing about my parents is they claim I can tell them anything about how I feel and such but when it's against their wishes or something similar then they get all mad and they wonder why I'm secretive nowadays. But yeah if I could cord this instant I sure as heck would.

As for making a plan to get out the way my living situation is right now I just don't know where to start and not driving makes it more difficult. By the way I actually live in a small rural community and the town I live nearby is like 10-15 minutes away.

I do have money saved up like about $1300 in a savings account and some money I earned working at Walmart last year. I wanna use that to start hrt with I'm hoping Planned Parenthood's sliding scale will work and hoping the minimal I'll have to pay is either $50 or $100.

I did apply to a call center and it was one the few places I applied for that considered my application but there was a problem you had to take a test and pass it with a certain percentage in order to get hired. I failed the test each time and they have a limit before they stop taking in your application and I reached that limit already so they won't hire me now. It's probably a good thing anyway cause I have friends that worked there and it's one of those that push quotas and if you fail to meet those quotas they fire you and the turnover rate is horrendous from what I hear due to that. Not a great place for slow workers. Clerical work?? Is it possible for someone like me to do that kind of work without getting fired for being too slow or for not cut out??

P.s. What kind of dog do you have??


 

After years of wondering what mix of breed she is exactly, I'm now pretty sure Mélyssa is just a black German Shepherd, probably what they call a runt, that is the smallest of the litter, so she weighs about 95 pounds and is the reason I'm out walking the streets and in parcs at least 2 hours a day... or night. She is very protective, children when I walk near schoolyards often say Ohhh did you see the wolf? She's very gentle with kids, was raised with mines.

She turned out to be an alpha female, she's actually such a bitch queen I can't go to dog parcs, she needs to be on top of the social pyramid. She actually fought her way up 3-4 times when she was 2 years old (without my consent), and now she is certain she is DA queen and barks after every dog we meet to challenge it. If it's a male, everything is ok, if it's a female, she better respect her queen status. So forget about a discrete trans trying not to be noticed too much, she makes sure everyone looks at us. Totally the opposite of my attitude in life. Ah well, I guess we do the pair. But now, she is 10.5 years old, and her legs hurt, and she knows she can't run faster than these low life mutts she meets, so she barks louder.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 23, 2016, 09:20:13 PM
Funny thing about my parents is they claim I can tell them anything about how I feel and such but when it's against their wishes or something similar then they get all mad and they wonder why I'm secretive nowadays.

sounds very familiar.

You know, 6 or 7 years ago when I was seeing my therapist for my gender dyshoria, she, and this is also why your situation reminds me of mine, she told me I had too many issues to start any kind of transition right now, that sending me this way would be like throwing someone in the river when you know they don't know how to swim. Then we talked about my mother. Well I... psychologists don't talk very much. Obviously I had unsolved issues with my mother, it came out. So after many sessions on the subject, I came to the conclusion that I should have probably cut ties with my mother a long time ago. And I still didn't. All my life I deeply wanted to please my mother, and very often thought what I was doing would do that, but... no, never. There is no way I can be what she thinks I should be and I should have realized that before and tell her: Don't have any expectations, I will never in no way be what you want me to be. I'm a total rebel and I think the world as it is needs to be changed, not me adapting to it. Well, hey, I'm autistic, that's why I think that. Autistic people need to understand the process and the end of the process: how and why. When you say this to your boss... he replies: Just do what I tell you! Anyways, story of my life, there is not one process I can join or do if it doesn't seem logical or optimum in my head. I analyze everything coldly with not a drop of respect for any hierarchy that I cannot understand and have no value to me. I just can't see the point of this guy telling me to do a stupid action repetitively. The 2 jobs I kept the longest, 3 years and 2 times 2 years at the same place, they really needed my services, not that many qualified persons wanting to go live in that small town. I challenged my bosses every day, telling them I know better, by-passing two of my direct bosses to go see the president in his office... I'm amazed I was able to add up the equivalent of 20 years of full time work.

So parents... I really don't understand why people want their children to be this and that. I have children and have absolutely no plans for them, it's their life. I did my best to give them all the tools they need to make their own decisions... How about asking your child what flavor of life he/she wants?

But most people think they know what is best for their children. They are wrong and most of these children make believe they follow their parents recommendations and actually do not at all. But I'm autistic and I cannot make believe, that's why I always end up with big clashes like quitting my job right on the spot. It comes down to a no-no in my head. I cannot just lower my eyes and say yes sir, I just can't.

And I spent my life explaining myself, and realized only a few years ago that not only nobody ever understood what I was saying, they weren't even listening, as my speech is so full of stuff and somewhat chaotic that I just lose everyone... neurotypicals. I'm ok with other autistics who can generally follow.

All this to say that you are very good if you succeed at make believe, but this is undermining you.

I worked 2 years in a call center, it wasn't commercial, was for the radio and tv ratings, which is in Canada a consortium of all the radio and tv's, so not a private company per say, but they still had quotas to be filled. You can't escape this in this world: you need to be productive. There was one place where it was noticed I was much slower than others, but it was a shop making very expensive custom furniture, and they chose to keep me instead of other dudes who they tried and were fast but not paying enough attention to small details and also I was always very careful not to damage the expensive piece we were working on. They would have rather I was faster but finally chose quality over production.

But even in shops or offices where quality is preferred to production, there is always a limit to the slowness they can tolerate. But at the call center, I have a good voice (too deep now but then it was good haha) and I was able without much effort to meet the goals. They actually had realist objectives, only the real lazy ones couldn't meet the quotas.

Clerical work is probably the most boring but I got to work in many different offices doing replacements. I was employed by a personnel agency and businesses call there to get temporary staffing for office work. I worked at different floors of the National Bank headquarters, some jobs were rigt down boring, cutting piles of reports for days and days, some were very freaky like the the traders floor where I had to deliver faxes to people I don't know, and they are all so very in a hurry to get the fax sent to Tokyo or Francfurt... well back then, before Internet. Banks sell these i don't how to say in English, you buy these for your your retirement and they give you a tax credit. It's a big rush of work and I had for weeks every night after university to add up and balance piles of these papers of customers who bought these things... that kind of work, or I also went to government places where I had strictly nothing to do for 3 weeks, that was kind of hard actally. My only qualifications for the agency was that I could type 40 words a minute, that I knew how to use a calculator to do additions and could write with an ok grammar and spelling. Oh well yes bilingual, I'm bilingual, French is my 1st language. Do you speak Spanish? I saw that a lot in ads for jobs in the US, even in Nashville

But see, large cities offer more opportunities as there are all these offices and headquarters needing part time staff. In a large city, there are many big hospitals, each needing tons of employees with no skills, empty trashes and sweep the floor, in the kitchen, in the laundry dept., at the parking, and many other institutions like that.

Just checked now and Nashville has many health institutions, they surely need staff with little skills but dedicated.

Ok so listen, I talk, I talk, but it's better to get things done.

You need a temporary job in Nashville, can you get there daily? Or a permanent job that you will quit when you have enough money...

cause here is a draft of your plan:
1- get on my own
2- exit Tennessee

so scratch that, number one to do that is money, so you need a job in Tennessee. You need money. You cant leave to Washington State with only 1500$ Well you could, but that leaves you no margin, so you need more. And anyways you wanted to save that for HRT... but in my opinion, HRT will have to wait a while, unless you decide to transition in Tennessee.

So here are links for that. You have no choice but to go through this again unless you remember of a rich and open uncle living out West. No choice, Emily, you need to run into that wall till it breaks.

no exp needed: http://www.indeed.com/cmp/Knowledge-Services/jobs/Data-Entry-Clerk-34b33403f6e6d89d?q=Data+Entry+Clerk

http://www.amtemps.com/apply/index.htm

https://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/nashville-tn/mailroom-assistant/43665424?keywords=General+Office+Clerk&location=Nashville%2C+TN&h1=Search+General+Office+Clerk+Jobs+in+Nashville%2C+TN&breadcrumbs=

https://www.expresspros.com/NNashvilleTN/Job-Seekers/Hiring-Process/Default.aspx#

more tomorrow  8)

Quote from: Soli on June 24, 2016, 12:02:02 AM
So parents... I really don't understand why people want their children to be this and that. I have children and have absolutely no plans for them, it's their life. I did my best to give them all the tools they need to make their own decisions... How about asking your child what flavor of life he/she wants?

Yeah I don't get it either :P

I know I need to not only move out but I actually need to do it before August or they're gonna find out I haven't sign back up for classes I just can't tell them I don't wanna be a teacher (and also not suitable) my dad's reaction sure isn't gonna be good I'm terrified to tell him.

Quote from: Soli on June 24, 2016, 12:02:02 AM
And I spent my life explaining myself, and realized only a few years ago that not only nobody ever understood what I was saying, they weren't even listening, as my speech is so full of stuff and somewhat chaotic that I just lose everyone... neurotypicals. I'm ok with other autistics who can generally follow.

I tend to lose people as well when talking even my parents.

Quote from: Soli on June 24, 2016, 12:02:02 AM
But see, large cities offer more opportunities as there are all these offices and headquarters needing part time staff. In a large city, there are many big hospitals, each needing tons of employees with no skills, empty trashes and sweep the floor, in the kitchen, in the laundry dept., at the parking, and many other institutions like that.

They may have jobs but sadly most of them don't pay enough to help cover living costs even if you're living within your means. People around where I live struggle even to pay $450 month rent and that housing affordability crisis I kepp mentioning it's real and not getting any better. Trust me it's tough paying even under $500 rent when jobs don't pay enough.

Quote from: Soli on June 24, 2016, 12:02:02 AM
Do you speak Spanish? I saw that a lot in ads for jobs in the US, even in Nashville

I do not I could never grasp learning another language no matter how hard I tried.

Quote from: Soli on June 24, 2016, 12:02:02 AM
But even in shops or offices where quality is preferred to production, there is always a limit to the slowness they can tolerate. But at the call center, I have a good voice (too deep now but then it was good haha) and I was able without much effort to meet the goals. They actually had realist objectives, only the real lazy ones couldn't meet the quotas.

Whatever job I manage to land I can only hope they'll overlook my "slowness" and simply see that I'm the type of worker that can get the job done. Yes I'll do whatever I can to overcome being slow but all in the end I just can't help it.

Quote from: Soli on June 24, 2016, 12:02:02 AM
so scratch that, number one to do that is money, so you need a job in Tennessee. You need money. You cant leave to Washington State with only 1500$ Well you could, but that leaves you no margin, so you need more. And anyways you wanted to save that for HRT... but in my opinion, HRT will have to wait a while, unless you decide to transition in Tennessee.

The dysphoria I continue to have waiting any much longer to start hrt feels like a death sentence and plus I like to start while I'm still young so I have a chance to pass. So I'm crazily willing to start hrt even without a job and besides if Planned Parenthood's sliding scale works in my favor I wouldn't have to pay that much anyway (possibly under $100 including blood work).

Well anyhow I look forward to talking more

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 25, 2016, 12:11:44 AM
I know I need to not only move out but I actually need to do it before August

I see. Well that's in 5 weeks. I understand you fear your father's reaction but how bad can that be? Violent? After all, as I understand it, it's not a choice you did, just that you failed the tests, right? How can he be mad after you for that? What can the outcome be you think? He throws you out? Without money? Sometimes we can be wrong about someone's eventual reaction. But if you think it could be violent, better avoid it, but if you are not ready to go, it's not a better situation.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 25, 2016, 12:11:44 AM
The dysphoria I continue to have waiting any much longer to start hrt feels like a death sentence and plus I like to start while I'm still young so I have a chance to pass. So I'm crazily willing to start hrt even without a job

I totally understand that, I started HRT with no means and without knowing where it would lead me (and now I'm starting to look like a girl with a mustache for I cannot afford hair removal), I just had to do it. But, but... we're not the same age and what weighted very much in that decision I took was that the time I have left of relative youth is very short. Still, it had been 7 years I was holding it, well I had doubt about my transsexuality for all my life, but it's only 7 years ago that I really realized. I didn't do it because my son was a teen then and I didn't want him to grow up with a trans dad. Seven years and I was old.

Your decision to transition doesn't have any direct impact on anybody except your parents so you have no reason to wait and I understand, if I was in your place, I'd probably also want to rush it before it's to late to pass, I understand. But what is a few months to learn to swim and succeed in crossing the river as opposed to jumping right now and drawn mid-way?

And if you start HRT and run out of money and have to stop? I couldn't go back, I'd totally freak out. I could have waited longer to start HRT though, I'm sure I could have.

Anyways, I find that your attitude changed in the tone of your posts, you seem more relaxed, that's very good. Anger and despair are not the best friends when taking crucial decisions.

I often freaked out in the past about events, decisions... and now, even when the situation seems desperate, my attitude is to tell myself that I should survive and be OK, and my (crappy) life will go on. It's always what happened in the past in these situations. Rough moment, head down, hang on to a tree... with minimal planning, things should turn out.

So uhhh, you don't want to waste time looking for a job in Tennessee?

Quote from: Soli on June 25, 2016, 01:03:42 AM
I see. Well that's in 5 weeks. I understand you fear your father's reaction but how bad can that be? Violent? After all, as I understand it, it's not a choice you did, just that you failed the tests, right? How can he be mad after you for that? What can the outcome be you think? He throws you out? Without money? Sometimes we can be wrong about someone's eventual reaction. But if you think it could be violent, better avoid it, but if you are not ready to go, it's not a better situation.

He's never been violent thankfully but when he expresses his frustration it's not pretty (lot of curse words and borderline verbal abuse) and since I been attending community college his frustration toward me has been somewhat worse especially the day before my graduation when I told him that it was gonna take an additional two semesters to get into the teaching program he threw such a fit. He still blames me for failing the four year college I attended prior and he still thinks I just didn't try. At this point I don't know how to deal with him the way he gets mad it scares me. Oh and he's been paying my tuition each semester of community college never even asked him to do it either. I love him for everything he's done for me but I wish he learn to calm down for once and listen and not blow up.

So yeah I need to escape within five weeks or I'm sure the worst is to be expected

Quote from: Soli on June 25, 2016, 01:03:42 AM
So uhhh, you don't want to waste time looking for a job in Tennessee?

Well I probably have no choice but to do so it's that the way my living situation is I gotta escape from home first before I can even get a job if I do it now while still living at home no one is gonna drive me all the way to Nashville. To make things worse I really have no one to turn to for when I do get out I have been trying out reach out talking to people in the area but it seems no one else wants to communicate. So does this mean I'm stuck to impeding doom come August??

  Since I've been a member here I am amazed at seeing how many of you have it hard, much harder than I did. The legal and medical procedures are so much less complicated here in Canada and no bathroom debates and no mass killings, etc... Anyway, good luck Emily and everybody, I wish I could help. As for me, the only family problems I have is that I don't have none but I don't care, seems like it's better like that anyway, it's friends I need, new friends. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm drowning in an endless sea of loneliness but I have no one to talk to so no one knows and I'm fed up with that. The video is boring and useless I know, it's only me suffering but if anyone sees it, someone will know. Rose. (I don't like doing this, at all)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUCH8quFKjA

My situation has sorta taken a turn for the worse I seriously need a temporary place to stay asap :(

I hope you're OK. What do you mean for the worst?

Well you wanted to leave, so... looks like this is the time. They're kicking you out?

I thought so but no they're just mt dad getting on my case and making me feel bad cause I so far I spent my summer not having a job and thinks I'm lazy and what not. I wish they would just tell me to leave it would be a lot easier.

Quote from: Soli on June 25, 2016, 01:03:42 AM
I often freaked out in the past about events, decisions... and now, even when the situation seems desperate, my attitude is to tell myself that I should survive and be OK, and my (crappy) life will go on. It's always what happened in the past in these situations. Rough moment, head down, hang on to a tree... with minimal planning, things should turn out.

just a storm, life goes on after a storm. Don't panic, let life be. I will be.

(and yes, somehow you will work... get back to your plan)
:-)

I'm certain your parents want the best for you, they're not going to thrash you

All they seem to do is thrash me about(verbally) I feel like I'm nothing but a punching bag sometimes for them.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 25, 2016, 12:11:44 AM
...may have jobs but sadly most of them don't pay enough to help cover living costs even if you're living within your means. People around where I live struggle even to pay $450 month rent and that housing affordability crisis I kepp mentioning it's real and not getting any better. Trust me it's tough paying even under $500 rent when jobs don't pay enough.

wanna see my budget?

How are you Emily?

Emily you should go finish those 2 semesters and get your teachers degree,you will be amazed how many teachers transitioned on the job.
I'm sorry of I sound harsh but I can't handle pity parties,I have worked alot of jobs I didn't like but I was good at doing those jobs. I've never in my life had time for pity parties for I have a hard time understanding the need for pity parties,you would be amazed many people like you tried truck driving and excelled for all you do is take freight from point A to point B,their are jobs out there but you have to want to work. Like I said I never had problems finding work,because of my reputation jobs usually come looking for me.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on June 27, 2016, 12:27:25 PM
Emily you should go finish those 2 semesters and get your teachers degree,you will be amazed how many teachers transitioned on the job.
I'm sorry of I sound harsh but I can't handle pity parties,I have worked alot of jobs I didn't like but I was good at doing those jobs. I've never in my life had time for pity parties for I have a hard time understanding the need for pity parties,you would be amazed many people like you tried truck driving and excelled for all you do is take freight from point A to point B,their are jobs out there but you have to want to work. Like I said I never had problems finding work,because of my reputation jobs usually come looking for me.

Wish you wouldn't be harsh I already get enough ridicule by my parents and such :(

I've already finished those semesters up with the last one being completed in May and unfortunately I don't have the gpa to get into the teaching problem at MTSU nor into any other teaching programs at other state colleges across Tennessee. I have a 2.2 a 3.0 minimum is required so yeah feel free to ridicule me over that too I guess.

Also not all of us are as lucky to be able to find work and land a job like you

Emily I'm harsh because I been there and have the badge to prove it. I've been diagnoised with ptsd,anti social disorder and depression along with anger issues oh forgot I'm impatient when it comes to getting a job done so most times work alone. When I was trying to get my disability social security made me see a shrink and he freaked on how I function just fine without pills..I was forced by the school for 3yrs to see a psychologist one time she told me they were going to drug me,that backfired on them. The reason why I'm harsh is because I didn't let a disability and psychological problems slow me down from living. If you tried to walk a mile in my moccasins you would get down the driveway and come back and throw them at me and tell me your problems aren't that bad after all..Believe me I could tell you stories that would curl your toenails.

Still no need to be harsh....

Sometimes one needs a kick in the arse,I had mine one night playing chicken with a 18 wheeler on a bicycle while drunk as a skunk. I had a decision to make,picked myself up out of the ditch brushed myself off and started living,got married 6yrs later and going on 28yrs of marriage and a son and daughter I'm proud of. I'm transexual but got used to be a guy and my wife is accepting of me dressing. So sometimes one needs a wake up call.

Do you often pick on people like this??

Everyone suffers in their own way. People handle that stuff differently and at different paces. What might take a week for someone to deal with, can take a month for another person, and still years for many others.

Emily, the only thing I can say is to find something to hold on to and keep trying. I mentioned in my reply a few pages back that something that helps me is trying to focus on my end goals. When I was young, it was reading and drawing. In high school, it was seeing best friend in the hall each morning. After graduation, it was my part-time job. For me, I have to find something to try for in order to keep trying (and hopefully make some progress). I would have stopped trying back in 2007 if it wasn't for the small things that kept me going. It mightn't work for you as everyone is different, it is just a suggestion. Do keep posting though, it's good to get everything out every once in a while and sometimes learn from others advice. Remember that you are progressing just by posting on here.

Edit: On a side note Emily, I like your profile picture. It's one of my favorite Pokémon. :)

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Quote from: cheryl reevesThe reason why I'm harsh is because I didn't let a disability and psychological problems slow me down from living. If you tried to walk a mile in my moccasins you would get down the driveway and come back and throw them at me and tell me your problems aren't that bad after all..Believe me I could tell you stories that would curl your toenails
...
Sometimes one needs a kick in the arse,I had mine one night playing chicken with a 18 wheeler on a bicycle while drunk as a skunk.

cheryl reeves, I understand your perspective. With my sister, I think If I can do it, why can't you? It's hard for me to remember not everyone thinks the way I do. My sister's perspective is the same from her side. These days if we can't sympathize, we don't respond to each other's complaints because it's better than fighting.
It's great that you have reached a point where you dealt with and/or overcame your stuff, but others are still struggling. You said that you reached a point where you were playing chicken with an 18 wheeler. Not everyone has reached their own version of "an 18 wheeler" yet, and if they did they mightn't be ready or able to overcome it at this point in their life.
Patience, understanding and sympathy can go a long way. Yes, sometimes people need a reality check or a push. But in some cases, a "kick in the arse" might be what sends them over the edge as tough love doesn't always work for everyone.

Quote from: sigsi on June 28, 2016, 03:02:43 AM
On a side note Emily, I like your profile picture. It's one of my favorite Pokémon. :)

Thank you Espeon is my favorite Pokemon :)

Got turned down for a telemarketing job due to the fact I was fired from my last job I had I'm pretty sure that's a sign that I'm blacklisted from employment :(

Can I ask do you want to work or looking for social welfare to take care of you. I'm sorry I'm rough but it's because of the yrs in the trenches slugging it out and surviving. When I was 3 my dad made a boy out of me,I endured regular haircuts so severe to make me look like a boy,clothes became jeans and t shirts,never had many male friends,became a bullies nightmare,I figures since I had to be male I would make life rough on male's trying to keep up with this cripple. When I turned 17 and it had been a yr since my dad died I had enough and grew my hair out,last time it was short was the short time I was in the military.  I've never say around trying to get people to pity me because I was a cripple,instead employees hated working for me because I expected them to keep up and never found one who could. I've been fired and rehired from a few jobs,i've quit jobs and got begged to come back. You need to go to counseling and figure what you want out of life and go achieve it. I was told I would never make being a trucker and retired with around 1.5 million miles in 7 yrs with one accident I was told I would be in a wheel chair at 40 I'm still walking at 50.  I know one size doesn't fit all but you need to get out and enjoy life not hide from it.

Um yeah I would like to work otherwise I wouldn't be job searching and filling out applications everyday :P

Thought maybe a pep talk would help; if this doesn't feel free to say get lost ;). As I mentioned before I had very average high school grades; got a job and was fired from it and after a year of looking I found another job (left that due to anxiety and depression). I live in a small suburban town close to a large city; so work is kinda scarce for somebody with no work experience; but as I've proven it's possible.  You just have to keep sending out application after application even though it seems pointless. Maybe try volunteering to padded out your cv.

You could also look into CBT therapy. I've been seeing a therapist for the last month due to my social anxiety and though skeptical at first; it's helped build my confidence and make me look at my anxiety in ways I hadn't before. Just a thought.

Hope at least today is a good day for you :)

cool avatar Emily, better than before. Make the rest like that too.

I don't know how to translate ''lâche pas!''

http://www.learn-english-today.com/idioms/idiom-categories/ambition-determination/ambition-determ3.html

means all that

have a nice day

think the one I prefer is paddle your own canoe

or just... you can do it, yea, you can

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 29, 2016, 12:25:29 AM
Got turned down for a telemarketing job due to the fact I was fired from my last job I had I'm pretty sure that's a sign that I'm blacklisted from employment :(

Hi Emily

I am out of work at the moment too. How did the telemarketing interviewer get to know you had been fired? In this day and age you shouldn't always be honest, don't lie because you will forget what you've said, just expand a little on the reasoning behind leaving your previous employer. I have interviewed lots of people for many jobs over the years and rest assured I didn't waste my time inviting in someone who I knew wouldn't get the job. I've been stitched up recently by a senior director and I was dismissed for no reason at all. Over in the UK an employer can dismiss you easily up to 2 years of employment if they don't like you for any reason. So the reason I am telling potential new employers is that the business has undertaken major restructuring and a number of people have lost their positions across every department. Which is true but its not the reason I got dismissed and up to now this has been working.
Look into your interview and CV techniques and figure out whats not working.
Good luck.

Didn't get a chance for an interview actually. On the application I was filling out it wanted me to state why I left my previous employer and of course I wanted to be honest to avoid the consequences of being found out for not being honest. Then I get an email saying I wasn't qualified because of the fact I got fired from my previous employer. So now as I continue my quest I wonder if this is what's truly keeping me from getting a job especially if I was turned down for a job like a telemarketer.

Never feel like getting a job is hopeless. I'm sure there are people who've been fired from a dozen jobs that are still able to find new employment. There are plenty of people with felonies who are still able to find new employment. As hard as it is you have to be positive when searching for a job.

I know you want to be honest but you also have to look out for yourself. Always spin things in a positive manner. Never mention previous employment problems unless you have to. If you absolutely must acknowledge being fired from a previous job, instead soften it with something like "let go". Or maybe you mutually agreed to part ways. Anything other than fired. Every little thing helps.

I'm thinking about a dog named Lucky. Lucky was a good dog and when I lost him this is the ad I placed. Lost Dog Three legs, one eye, missing right ear, broken tail, recently castrated Answered to the name Lucky.

I hope you see the irony of my story as it is very similar to the one you are telling. I don't believe you are that person. You need to put on your big person pants and stop all this woe is me attitude, At the job site you have about 6 seconds to make a first impression before they find reasons to reject you. Posture, attitude, dress, communication, your AA degree, don't put it down. That's an accomplishment. Ability to assimilate with the work force are all things they are looking for. This shows you are alert, motivated and someone with the enthusiasm to contribute to the profitability of the company. Believe me, it is all about the Benjamins . I can't tell you the number of interviews I did as a Department Manager at a retail store, where the candidate comes in with shorts and a sweatshirt, tattoo's around their neck, a downer attitude. Heck that doesn't even take 6 seconds.

You need to rebuild yourself. Be proud of yourself and what you are able to do. Accentuate the positive, avoid the negative. Be truthful but saying you're seeking a job where I have more opportunity would not be a lie would it? Saying you are willing to take classes,learn new challenges. My nephew flunked 10 driving tests. Guess what job he has now? Truck Driver. Whew. My son is very good with computers and he thought he would like a career in animation and game development. He chose to be a pool and spa installer in fact he worked on the Seahawk coaches pool, which led to his current job as an electrician. Use your computer.  If you can use Google and learn other databases such as Nexis, advertise yourself as a internet researcher working from home. It is doable but you need to put in the hard work before hand.

I'm sorry for being harsh, but I want you to have the opportunity to succeed and the only way I could think of getting across to you that life is hard work, is for you to embrace it by not wanting to be like Lucky. Then worry about your gender problems as people here have told me, self confidence is one of the most important traits you need to "pass". Good luck Em.

Quote from: Semira on June 29, 2016, 02:23:44 PM
I know you want to be honest but you also have to look out for yourself. Always spin things in a positive manner. Never mention previous employment problems unless you have to. If you absolutely must acknowledge being fired from a previous job, instead soften it with something like "let go". Or maybe you mutually agreed to part ways. Anything other than fired. Every little thing helps.

Semira is absolutely right. I always had the same problem of being too honnest, or not enthusiastic enough (it showed I didn't like the job)...
you have to build yourself up, make it up, construct yourself... it's like a show, life is like a show... difficult task for someone on ASD.

I understand everyone wants to help, but I think Emily understood by now she has to remain positive.

maybe time to change...

maybe time to close this thread and move on to something more positive
;) ;)

Quote from: Soli on June 29, 2016, 05:05:45 PM
Semira is absolutely right. I always had the same problem of being too honnest, or not enthusiastic enough (it showed I didn't like the job)...
you have to build yourself up, make it up, construct yourself... it's like a show, life is like a show... difficult task for someone on ASD.

I understand everyone wants to help, but I think Emily understood by now she has to remain positive.

maybe time to change...

maybe time to close this thread and move on to something more positive
;) ;)

I so agree with you. When I'm in doubt and I feel paralized, being told what I should do again again and sometimes agressively is really not what I need, makes me feel worse. I know people are mostly well intended but a kind word, something funny, ''I'm with you'', ''If you need me'', etc would help me much more than any counseling based on your own (long) story, we're all different. Anyway, been wanting to say this for a while, just didn't know how. Bon, on lâche pas la patate là là. Tourlou Soli, Rose.  Take care Emily.

Quote from: Roses and Songs on June 29, 2016, 07:20:23 PM
I so agree with you. When I'm in doubt and I feel paralized, being told what I should do again again and sometimes agressively is really not what I need, makes me feel worse. I know people are mostly well intended but a kind word, something funny, ''I'm with you'', ''If you need me'', etc would help me much more than any counseling based on your own (long) story, we're all different. Anyway, been wanting to say this for a while, just didn't know how. Bon, on lâche pas la patate là là. Tourlou Soli, Rose.  Take care Emily.

Exactement, on lâche pas la patate!

well I'm glad you feel the same, Rose, I wasn't sure either if I should post that, but yeah... transition is also closing some threads. And starting new paths ;)
excuse mon mauvais anglais  :P

Am actually thinking about immigrating to Canada maybe employers there will be more understanding as I'm getting rejection emails almost daily most of them saying I'm too unqualified and the jobs I'm applying for are usually ones that require no experience. Pretty sure I'm blacklisted here in the U.S. no employer, not lowes, home depot, kroger, mcdonalds, burger king, temp agencies, telemarketers/call centers, data entry, and clericals want to hire me.

Keep trying everyone tells me well I am trying and nothing's working I still can't get a job. I need other options what am I actually supposed to do since I can't get a job??

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 01, 2016, 11:00:16 PM
Am actually thinking about immigrating to Canada maybe employers there will be more understanding as I'm getting rejection emails almost daily most of them saying I'm too unqualified and the jobs I'm applying for are usually ones that require no experience. Pretty sure I'm blacklisted here in the U.S. no employer, not lowes, home depot, kroger, mcdonalds, burger king, temp agencies, telemarketers/call centers, data entry, and clericals want to hire me.

Keep trying everyone tells me well I am trying and nothing's working I still can't get a job. I need other options what am I actually supposed to do since I can't get a job??

I really wish I could help, all I can see for right now is to continue trying, who knows, it takes only one willing to try you and your life is back on track. Of course everything is easier here and it could be an interesting project for you but it's something that takes time so... Have you talked to your parents, maybe you should tell them in advance and give them time to calm down before august. Anyway, take care and good luck. Rose.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 01, 2016, 11:00:16 PM
Keep trying everyone tells me well I am trying and nothing's working I still can't get a job. I need other options what am I actually supposed to do since I can't get a job??

Note: I didn't get to read each and every post here yet, so if any of these were already brought up, apologies.

I haven't been able to leave the house for a good while, but these were a few suggestions my dad and grandparents brought up to me when I was looking for a job.
1) A tempt agency. They don't seem to be too horrible if you don't mind being assigned random jobs here and there.
2) If you are creative or handy in any way, and then there are potential online stores with Etsy and Ebay, etc.
3) Small random job/favors here and there. Babysitting or lawn mowing/raking/shoveling (depending on the time of year) for example.
4) If you could manage to get places, volunteer work could help. Sometimes if potential employers see that you are actually doing stuff to help people, it can change their viewpoint of you / make you more appealing to hire.

Again, I haven't done these at this point in my life. This is just what I've gathered from researching and other's advice over the years. Best of luck.

I also have a mild diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. I feel like I'm in the exact same place as Emily here. I don't have any reliable transportation either and I live in a smaller city. I never been hired, but I'm starting to do volunteer work. There is something else going on with me too.

hey I finally found out how to buddy you back  :D

there are no other options, Emily, you can work and you will, just like I did after being in the same situation you are. Maybe not in Tennessee

plz end this negative thread and start in new

your life too

tell your parents you want out of Tennessee and want to handle your life yourself, don't have to tell them about hrt or trans issue, just being yourself, not possible here in Tennessee. Can't drive, need public transportation. City...

Don't ever tell anyone you have been fired. Ever.

yes you have to lie, ASDs can hardly lie but that's how society of humans function. Make believe.

You have to construct yourself, and your defeats and lack of success you must forget and scratch from the list. In your head too. For it keeps you in a negative and destructive mood.

You need to start a new page and believe you can do it, make a list of what you want to and can do (and again, no negative side, yes you can).

plz end this thread  :) the title is depressing and it's too long, too complicated

start in new, make it simple and clear, not complicated, and see life positively: you are young... you will still be in 10 years. That's a lot.

you can't quit now

Lâche pas, t'es capable !

Quote from: sigsi on July 02, 2016, 01:18:08 AM
Note: I didn't get to read each and every post here yet, so if any of these were already brought up, apologies.

I haven't been able to leave the house for a good while, but these were a few suggestions my dad and grandparents brought up to me when I was looking for a job.
1) A tempt agency. They don't seem to be too horrible if you don't mind being assigned random jobs here and there.
2) If you are creative or handy in any way, and then there are potential online stores with Etsy and Ebay, etc.
3) Small random job/favors here and there. Babysitting or lawn mowing/raking/shoveling (depending on the time of year) for example.
4) If you could manage to get places, volunteer work could help. Sometimes if potential employers see that you are actually doing stuff to help people, it can change their viewpoint of you / make you more appealing to hire.

Again, I haven't done these at this point in my life. This is just what I've gathered from researching and other's advice over the years. Best of luck.

Yeah I've tried the temp agency in my town several times they have a screening process you have to go through before they give you a job to do but every time they always tell me I'm not qualified for any of the work they have lined up. I think volunteer work is my best bet just wish the need to have an income wasn't an issue.

Quote from: redhot1 on July 02, 2016, 06:07:07 AM
I also have a mild diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. I feel like I'm in the exact same place as Emily here. I don't have any reliable transportation either and I live in a smaller city. I never been hired, but I'm starting to do volunteer work. There is something else going on with me too.

I really need to get a diagnosis done to see if that's what really wrong with me. I remember seeing a post you made before you and I are a lot alike. Yeah I'm beginning to think volunteer work might be the only suitable thing I'm capable of doing can't be hard to screw up there right??

Quote from: Soli on July 02, 2016, 11:50:43 AM
hey I finally found out how to buddy you back  :D

there are no other options, Emily, you can work and you will, just like I did after being in the same situation you are. Maybe not in Tennessee

plz end this negative thread and start in new

your life too

tell your parents you want out of Tennessee and want to handle your life yourself, don't have to tell them about hrt or trans issue, just being yourself, not possible here in Tennessee. Can't drive, need public transportation. City...

Don't ever tell anyone you have been fired. Ever.

yes you have to lie, ASDs can hardly lie but that's how society of humans function. Make believe.

You have to construct yourself, and your defeats and lack of success you must forget and scratch from the list. In your head too. For it keeps you in a negative and destructive mood.

You need to start a new page and believe you can do it, make a list of what you want to and can do (and again, no negative side, yes you can).

plz end this thread  :) the title is depressing and it's too long, too complicated

start in new, make it simple and clear, not complicated, and see life positively: you are young... you will still be in 10 years. That's a lot.

you can't quit now

Lâche pas, t'es capable !

You're right I'm going to end this thread now

Umm hey Mods could one of ya do me a favor and close this thread for me please. Thanks.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 02, 2016, 01:33:04 PM
Umm hey Mods could one of ya do me a favor and close this thread for me please. Thanks.

Emily, you should be able to close this out yourself because you created it. I think there is a link called "Remove Thread" at the top of this page on your account portal. However, a bit of a warning here; many forum members do frown upon that because they spent time and effort on many responses and then to have it erased would almost seem discourteous to them. So you might discourage people from posting on any of your future threads because they don't want the same thing happening. But anyways, you should be able to delete it yourself. Ok? Good luck!

In that case I'll keep the thread open if others wanna post something