Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I really just need some advice on the upcoming big events in my life, I know I know, I shouldn't be coming to the internet about this but I have no one else to ask. I am 18, ftm, just coming out of high school. I am in a very confusing situation.

I really really want to start transitioning, I am ready. Then again, my parents are wanting me to go to a community college near home right now so I would have to wait another 2 years to begin my life. That is the last thing I want to do, and I'm sure even after those 2 years, they would want me to transfer to a university and do 4 MORE years.

I am my own person, I know it is totally my choice what I do. But if I think about it, is it really my choice? I don't have money myself (they made me quit my job), so I am living off of them. I have no idea what to do.

I am just asking what would be the best thing for me? I want to start being myself and get on T, get top surgery, but I can't living at home with them, they don't approve. But I am not sure if I can wait another 2+ years to start being happy. So if I decide to wait a year or so before going to college (they would flip), I don't really have any money other than what they've saved up for me. I am just in a really tricky place. Any advice is appreciated

Often if you are careful in your course selection, Community College credits can be transferred to a University but you need to find out what the University will accept in advance. Something to consider is a good education will bring more money in the future. You may need it for medical expenses or just to live the life you want after you transition. My education brought me far more money than I would have had without an education. Select a degree you enjoy and one that is in demand and work hard for 4 years and you will be set for life. If you don't, money may be an issue the remainder of your life.

I'd say put your education first - but then, I will admit that as a teacher, I'm probably biased. However, Dena is right. Getting a degree is good insurance for your future.

At the same time, you may not have to wait two years to start your transition. Your parents may want you to live at home, but you may want to consider getting a part time job and finding a roommate while you follow classes. That will give you independence, some cash, and some space to start transitioning. It won't be easy, but it is doable. And at the same time, you won't have to give up on your education.

That your parents would force you to give up your job and are trying to keep you dependent on them while they control your life is not a good situation, in my opinion. You need to get out on your own.

If you want bad/good advice and dont want to wait to be yourself, I suggest at least taking a year break from college to work, then once youre there work part time while still going to college, in that way you have both.

But I mean...that's only if it's doable. But that's an option if you want to transition early and right away. At least getting started.


I dont want to give you the advice to quit school or anything...but I did two years of college, ended up leaving because of a combination of stresses (my gender being one of them, and my lack of ability to express it). Seriously, so I've been off for a year and moved out with a friend, trying to repave my life. By the end of this year Im having to decide what's next, going back to school is the best option, and I can likely still do both.

Personally I took a gap year before my degree to work, to save money because I got the feeling once I left for uni I would never be able to stay at home again (and I was right). If they don't approve this could be a wise step to getting yourself more secure for when you move out.

I'd ask yourself if you really want to do the college course as well. These days unless you're going into a highly skilled and specialist subject degrees aren't worth as much a they used to be & long tenure can be worth just as much in some trades. Depends what you want to do with your life, but a word of advice, if you are going to college because they want it and you don't really want to, it can end up being a waste of time and money.

I'm 31. I chose college first. I didn't have the money for the degree, but I got loans and grants and scholarships. I worked my ass off and I got a degree that got me a high paying job. I got myself out of debt, and started saving money like crazy. I got independent, I got a comfortable nest egg, and I saved enough to pay for all of transition in one go. It was a damn hard bunch of years. But now that I'm here, with all of my documents changed, on T, and headed for surgery in two weeks? It was worth every minute. I am now able to do everything I wanted to do, and do it safely. I will not deny that the wait was hard, but I believe it was absolutely the right decision for me. I know that I would not have been happy being male, but without my education, career and stable independence. Minimum wage or part time jobs are barely enough to pay for basic necessities, and there is not much if any left over to save the thousands necessary for transition.

For some quick math: I'm at about $11,000 for document changes, legal fees, T, and top surgery. If you save $100 a month, it'll take more than 9 years to get that. If you have a high paying job and save $500 a month it will be less than 2 years. Even if you add in four years of college and don't save anything during that time, your transition could be done at least three years faster, and that's assuming that you were even able to save $100 a month on your minimum wage job which would be very difficult. And then when you're done, you still have an education and a high paying career to start living your new life with.

After highschool I took time off. Worked at walmart for a year while saving every penny. That was enough money for top surgery. After top surgery I started school and it made school a whole lot easier. Some schools have health insurance that might cover surgery and hormones so you should find that out. Might not need to save that much and could do both.

I am going to go college at some point, I feel it's necessary and I actually want to go. But I don't want to go as Lindsey, a female. Then again I really can't transition during college, not where I am from. I'm honestly stuck

Have you considered trade school at all? Learning a trade is in general much faster and less expensive than going to college, and your income starting out is fairly similar to what someone with a liberal arts degree could expect in most cases. You can always go to college and get a degree later on.

My thought process on this is that the shorter schooling period and faster track to a job may help you become independent more quickly. You'd be able to save money, potentially move away from your family, and start transitioning.

Like Alex mentioned though, some colleges offer health insurance that will cover transition. If you would rather do college sooner than later, looking into health insurance and maybe out of state schools would be what I would do in your case. You'd get away from your family, get an education, and could start transitioning.

Quote from: Wesley Cole on June 28, 2016, 02:04:14 PM
I am going to go college at some point, I feel it's necessary and I actually want to go. But I don't want to go as Lindsey, a female. Then again I really can't transition during college, not where I am from. I'm honestly stuck

If you're going to a fairly accepting college, there's no reason you cant go as Wesley. You can always email or letter the teachers before hand. A respectful note saying something roughly like "Dear Professor X, My legal name is X but I highly prefer going by Y, and I go by he/him pronouns. Please keep that in mind proceeding the year. I hope to have a good year, sincerely X". Most teachers tend to update the roll with nicknames (or in this case, names) rather than legal ones since a lot of students routinely go by names besides their legal ones. Student body may be easier, so long as you introduce yourself properly to any new peers you make. And all along the way you can be presenting yourself as male.

Meanwhile, if you can make room for a part time job (Im sure college expenses will be payable somehow). You have entire or almost entire paychecks to put away for transition funds.