Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Dysphoria is a term often used, and it seems to cover a lot of different realities.

So :
- What is this feeling of "Dysphoria" for you ? Could you describe it ?
- When does it happen ?
- What alleviates it best ?
- Did it disappear ? After what event ?


Thank you !

OK, since it's been on my mind a lot lately, I'll give it a shot.

Dysphoria to me is being uncomfortable in my own skin.  It's a combination of several things.

First, there's self-loathing.  I hate my male self.  Hate to the point of avoiding mirrors, like some sort of trans-vampire. ;)  Seriously, I don't like seeing my male genetalia to the point that in a bathroom remodel, I unconsciously selected cabinetry and mirror designs and placement such that I couldn't see below the waist when I moved between the dressing area and shower.  I hate having facial hair.  My hands start shaking when I have to bring the razor up to my face, and lean into the mirror to shave.  I love going to electrolysis, where every zap makes me a little happier.  (Oh, Freud would have a grand time with me...)

Second, there's the organic annoyance of having a brain that grew in utero in a high estrogen environment (probably DES, but there are so many ways we get formed) with female structure, trying to run in a high testosterone/low estrogen environment.  There was a constant background irritation that I accomodated to, having known nothing else since age 15 when puberty was induced.  It was perceived as a sense of "wrongness", a sort of background alarm that something wasn't right which was constantly present and eroding my confidence, promoting self-destructive behavior.  Now that I'm on spiro, the inner calm that is so readily apparent when I'm meditating is remarkable.  I've cried for joy at the relief this has brought me.

Third, there's gender identity and presentation.  The cognitive dissonance of trying to be and present as someone other than who I am produces psychological stress.

Dysphoria is a sort of constant background state.  I become more aware of and influenced by it when I encounter some specific reminder.  My 'triggers' include seeing my male self in the mirror, shaving, and even being complemented on my appearance when presenting as male.

For a long time, the only way I had to alleviate the dysphoria was dressing to present as female.  Bringing my gender presentation in line with my identity reduces the stress on me.  The rush of euphoria drowns out much of the sense of "wrongness", and got me a few hours of peace.  Now that I'm starting on HRT, that sense of wrongness is fading.  I still have a strong drive to present as female, in line with my gender identity, just because I hate hiding myself and feel much more comfortable when I'm out.

I really don't know when it will disappear, but it has faded away a good bit.  I suspect I won't be rid of it until after I'm full time and probably not til after gender confirmation surgery (GCS), should I make it that far.

My experience of dysphoria is fairly low-key, low enough that I was able to deny it for many years.  It is taking some 20/20 hindsight to recognize it for what it is/was.

Mostly, it took the form of dissatisfaction at having to present as masculine when I didn't want to be.  This manifested as guilt at not being masculine enough to satisfy others, fear of bullying or teasing, and disappointment at not being a good enough actor to pretend well enough.  Self-loathing is too strong a word, but I wasn't happy about who I was.

I felt an intense desire to feel feminine.  I managed this by cross-dressing for many years, and  it did relieve the dysphoria.  But, since I didn't understand about being transgender, it came with its own load of guilt at what I thought was a "perversion".

Once I came out to myself and acknowledged that I was indeed transgender, the dysphoria went way down, almost to the point where I started to doubt that I was transgender after all.

Now that I am out to my wife and a few friends, it is taking the form of impatience to get the show on the road.  I feel moments of happiness when I realize that I don't have to suppress my feelings any more.

The generalization that making progress towards transition reduces dysphoria and not making progress increases it is true for me.

Dysphoria is the catalyst that causes someone to transition.

I have a very very masculine butch lesbian friend; she has no dysphoria concerning her body.  If she had dysphoria, she would transition in a heartbeat.

I have no idea. Bar the professional labels.


I knew there was something wrong early on. I had quite a few beatings.
Later, I knew or could pay someone for smokes and booze.

My step dad made mistakes, and my mother sent her me and my sister  to therapy to try to work out where her 2nd marriage went wrong.

My shrink did the run of the mill stuff. Noted down what he was paid for. Then asked me what was really up with me.

I didn't know him. He looked like Father Dogual from Father Ted.

He then came out with 'tell me about your gender".

I was 14. He knew. He help things snowball for me so i could do this.

Quote from: Ange on July 08, 2016, 08:56:13 AM
Dysphoria is a term often used, and it seems to cover a lot of different realities.

So :
- What is this feeling of "Dysphoria" for you ? Could you describe it ?
- When does it happen ?
- What alleviates it best ?
- Did it disappear ? After what event ?


Thank you !

A) For Me... Not right. Not being me, Never being me. Playing a part. Part of a HOllywood Facade. A show. Doing "What Was Expected". NEVER being able to take Ownership of the positives in my life. Only the utter disasters since.... I are one

When does it happen?
Let me count the ways... No best not. Other women on the street, Moms with kids experiencing the wonder of the world they are born in to, Cis people NOT having a clue what it's like NOT feeling... "Normal". Hearing the words 'North' and 'Carolina' used in a sentence.

There were countless other triggers in my past. It took and takes a lot of hard work not to allow them to affect my life. Something I am getting better at.

What Alleviates it?
Channeling the REAL me. I'm weak. I am human. I have fears, real and imagined. I concurred many of my "Internalized Transphobia" fears. I REFUSE to give them power over me. They ruled my life, a life of misery. Today.... I have Joy. I cling to that joy. I know deep inside my soul what it is to be out in the real world as the real me, NO ONE can take that away from me, except me. (Another battle)

Does it Disappear?
I suspect Never. I pray it will. So far many of my prayers have been answered

I think for me it was mostly a desire to be female, and to look and dress and act like a female.  I used to buy a lot of female clothes and shoes, but never looked quite right in most of them.  It seemed to get worse over the years and I didn't know what the real cause was, even though that may seem hard to believe.  I would classify my dysphoria as a low grade dysphoria, but it did get worse over time and I discovered that testosterone made it worse.

What really helped eliminate mine was when I admitted to myself that I was probably trans and began HRT.  Now I feel completely normal and can just enjoy being myself whoever I really am.

Its funny when I read this stuff now... because just several months ago not much of it made sense... now its absolutely how it is.

I used to wear eye makeup, shadow, liner and mascara
I used to wear alot of jewelry
I wore dark nail polish
I wore womens jeans and of course undies (the jeans were just too comfy not too)
I did this so I could show some presentation of who I felt I was inside
when at home, I would dress all the time as a woman and just be me...but the mirror was a disaster... only close up and with make up on and usually a bit of mind altering substance, could I see "her"
I just always looked like a man in drag to my eyes

I always loathed myself, made the world a really ->-bleeped-<-ty place

I reluctantly started HRT 4 months ago, with lots of trepidation. I nearly stopped several times but someone very special gave me great advice and I kept at it.
Just 2 weeks ago I doubled my dosage and my god what a difference in my life!

I rarely wear anything, maybe a touch of eyeliner to make my eyes pop... no jewellery, no painted nails... I dont even need to wear womens clothes (love the stretchy jeans tho, they are staying)... I was terrified that if I continued, I would force myself to be something I wasnt ready for. But its not... I love who I am and am comfortable in my own skin for once in my life of 48 years. I really didnt expect it to happen so quickly, but all those horrid feelings of seeing the wrong "me" have nearly faded, that was my dysphoria
I see her nearly every minute of every day and its so awesome

My ideal of it is just having a discomfort in seeing and knowing what my genitalia is when i do not perceive it as what i expect it to be. Just a discomfort like a little itch you can't scratch.

My Dysphoria only kicks in when i am ether completely nude or i think about my body way more than i should.

What alleviates it best is just ignoring my body and not staring at my body. It something if i put it out of mind i will forget about it like a itch if you distract your self you start to not notice it.

Hormones have relive this quite a bit and i don't mind my appearance as much anymore. My voice dosen't even bother me it just what i see between my legs anymore. I wish there was a better way of explaining such a odd perception of a person body form one own mind. But a reasonable and sound ideal feels alien to me and why i am how i was born.

I dont have the penis hate that I keep reading about

I do hate my balls when they are out, usually they hide, pulled up on their own and they are much smaller most of the time since being on hrt. During arousal they pretty much disappear completely. Its funny that usually when I feel my body and face hair having a growth spurt... my balls are big and proud as well :-\

I also dont have a big penis thats a "hangy down thing"  :o I have what looks like a large clit surrounded by puffy wide labia. My body is more female shaped than male for sure... so I love my naked self... it was always the face where I saw the man... today I caught myself in a distant mirror and was a bit surprised by the way my face has changed over the last month

To me, dysphoria is the feeling that alerts me that there is something wrong.  Every time I see women that look the way I feel I should, and rest my hands on myself and instead of feeling breasts or a smooth, long neck, I feel my facial hair growing in.  Every time someone approaches me suddenly and calls me sir, and it takes just a second for my brain to scramble and try to process why they're saying that to me; that's dysphoria.  I really hate dysphoria.

Quote from: Amanda_Combs on July 16, 2016, 08:21:51 PM
To me, dysphoria is the feeling that alerts me that there is something wrong.  Every time I see women that look the way I feel I should, and rest my hands on myself and instead of feeling breasts or a smooth, long neck, I feel my facial hair growing in.  Every time someone approaches me suddenly and calls me sir, and it takes just a second for my brain to scramble and try to process why they're saying that to me; that's dysphoria.  I really hate dysphoria.

Yes, all my life being called "sir" was just a strange feeling

QuoteWhat is this feeling of "Dysphoria" for you ? Could you describe it ?

I'm going to repost something I wrote a while back because I think it best describes my feelings.  While the intensity of it ebbed and flowed, this was pretty much my constant state.

I open my eyes and it's dark.  I'm in a box, dark, cramped, very small.  I feel around with my hands and its sealed.  There are no openings and there is no escape.  It's completely silent and as I begin to beat on the sides of the box the sound is muffled and I realize the box is buried underground and there is no escape.  I scream and nobody can hear, nobody can help.  Deep dark despair embraces me with its icy arms as I realize I  am trapped . . . alone . . . for eternity.

QuoteWhen does it happen ?

Pretty much all the time.  While I could usually will it under control there were so many sights, sounds, and smells that would trigger it that it was always close by.  It was worst in the evening when my mind was not busy elsewhere.

Quote- What alleviates it best ?

The only thing that worked for me was long distance running.  That was every day for one to three hours.  That only worked for a while because it required me to keep myself on the knife edge of exhaustion and injury which eventually developed into chronic exhaustion.  That was real with endocrine disruption, chronic back pain, and chronic tendinitis in my shoulder and ankle.  Along the way I had broken my foot and developed plantar fasciitis.  On a positive note though I did get somewhat fast for my age and placed in my age group in most races.  But it was not sustainable.

Quote- Did it disappear ? After what event ?

It would disappear for a few minutes after sex.  The only thing that has really made it mostly disappear for a long time is HRT.  I had to face it head on.  Trying to hide and avoid it did not work at all.


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