Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have a friend who is biologically female, identifies as gender queer, prefers he/they pronouns, and wears a binder. I identify as a lesbian, but I'm super attracted to him, and I think he has some sort of feelings for me.

If we started a relationship, and it got intimate I would naturally be attracted to his breasts. How do the FtMs here feel about their partners touching and stimulating their breasts? Are there any limits to what you allow your partner to do? Does your partner's gender affect what and how much you allow them to do?

Pre-op, I did not have sex without a binder on and did not want to be touched there. It would not matter to me who you were, it was an absolute hard limit. I think it is a conversation you would have to have with your partner, because everyone is different.

It doesn't  bothered me but I don't get aroused by it either. It differs for everyone.  I agree with Max. The only way to know is to ask him

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You will have to talk to him. My breasts are large and not very sensitive to touch. Combine this with my severe chest dysphoria and the end result is that touching them during sex is an instant turn off. A single touch isn't a deal breaker but focusing on them is.

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yes, definitely talk about it before hand, for one touch could be a deal breaker for me, I can get dsyphoria easily with some touches and that could end everything for that day and maybe for a couple of days.

You'll have to ask him. I'm kinda weird, I guess, about mine. I don't mind my nipples being touched, but anywhere else and we're done. And it doesn't do a lot for me to be honest. Playing with my packer though, that will set me off.

Heres the deal, for me personally I do not like my breasts, I do not like to be groped, its not a feature of myself I like. I do like nipple play, however, thats gender neutral.

Keep in mind your partner IS a man, not a woman with masculine characteristics. Theyre going to get rid of their breasts someday, they may even pass as a man someday, will you still like them the same then? Or are you limited to their body type?

On my end Ive had similar questions Ive asked myself, Ive always been attracted to males, feminine males even. One day my partner decided she was trans. Was this going to be a turn off? I had to fight with myself...'well, as long as she kept her penis' 'well...as long as she had small breasts'. No, no, no. In the end, if you cant love them for who they are, not who you want them to be, its not a real relationship. I decided in the end that I did not love them for their penis, but for them, and supported them in their transition. They were a woman to me and not a man.


Always remember, your friend is a man. Ask them what bithers their dysphoria. Groping of breasts could be one, even having a vagina may be weird. Do not love this person for something they are not.

Odds are though they might let you have full on intercourse regardless of dysphoria. As much as I dislike the lower area I use it quite often, simply because its all I have and it gives me pleasure, I cannot do without it in sexual encounters, my quirk is I hate getting looked at in lighted areas, its uncomfortable.

No touching til the lumps are gone, in my case.

Only way to know is to have a serious discussion about it, and be ready to hear that it's a no go. Also, I would point out that they may or may not appreciate you zoning in on their chest if they have dysphoria about it.

My nipples were sensitive and I would tolerate being touched sometimes, but only because I had been in the same relationship for almost 9 years. If it had been anyone else I never would have allowed it. Even then it was *sometimes*, which usually meant I had had a few drinks and was more focused on enjoying being intimate that worrying about my body. It never did much for me though. 

Now, two years after top surgery, even though the physical sensations are less, I enjoy being touched as much as my partner wants to touch. It feels intimate and real now. I add this because I've heard the argument that someone only wants to touch the breasts to give pleasure, and to point out that it might not work that way. You won't know until you two have a serious conversation.

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Everyone is different, but me, I like breasts. I don't care who is wearing them. And I really like ANYONE to touch mine!

I've been with my partner for five years, and I didn't mind too much at first - they're not sensitive at all so I was more neutral on the situation, with a leaning towards 'I'll let you do it because i know you like it', but I also have a habit of hiding them or holding them still if i'm not binding, so i guess I gave off the idea that i didn't want them seen or touched without actually saying it lol

also once i started talking about my dysphoria, my partner doesn't seem as interested in my chest, because seeing it only reminds him that i'm distressed by it, which i guess isn't a sexy feeling

so overall even if i'm not binding we both pretend that they're not there

I wouldn't make assumptions one way or the other, and talk to your partner as you start forming an intimate relationship. I liked some areas of my chest touched pre-op, others not so much. I wouldn't assume without talking though that they don't want to be touched there though, because it may unintentionally come off as you seeing their body as unattractive(?) My boyfriend and I discussed chest intimacy when we began getting intimate after a couple months of dating and as long as communication is open that should be okay. Also, maybe avoid the term breast unless your partner uses it to describe the area themselves, where like me and many others just say "chest"

If it were me I would leave my binder on the whole time and tell them to ignore that area. Ask your partner his exact preferences.