Susan's Place Transgender Resources

lost 50% of your physical strength due to HRT. I deliberately stopped doing hard labor, such as hiking with a 50lb backpack up hills and doing arm weight lifting to lose muscle mass and become frailer looking, but in the process, I feel I lost about 50% of my physical strength and muscle mass. My question, is as it pertains to unarmed personal self-defense...
1. Do you adopt more of a female self-defense regimen, due to loss of strength?
2. What would you suggest from personal experience would be the best approach?

1. I'm personally looking into more women's self-defense courses(dvds and downloads), and exercising my best assets in strength, my legs, in the form of running away from the threat.
2. But as it pertains to a ambush or pummelling, I'm looking into Rory Miller's excellent DVD on The Logic of Violence and his book Conflict Communication (ConComm): A New Paradigm in Conflict Communication(Amazon.com) and the Personal Defense Network (personaldefensenetwork.com) women's unarmed self defense download and the Bulletproof Mind download.

All answers welcome....since we know that us as TG people are a targeted minority for bigots

P.S. The reason I mentioned MTF's, is that we lose much more strength on estrogen/progesterone/spirolactone/srs and convert to the weaker sex in the eyes of many bigots and conversative people as opposed to FTM's. I have a background in physical security as a USMC MP and law enforcement and crime analysis, the reason I bring this topic up. I'm pretty sure, we as a collective we can come up with some great responses, to mitigate violence against our community.

I haven't trained but I am fully ready do use any dirty trick in the book if attacked. Stamp on their foot, gouge their eyes, knee between the legs, break their nose and use anything in my hands like keys as a weapon. Much of it's a matter of having a clear head and taking advantage of any opening that you are offered. I have not had need to use any of this because I avoid risky locations but I am alert and I keep my eyes open for anything that's out of place.

I just carry pepper spray in my purse...

Quote from: EmilyMK03 on July 27, 2016, 11:53:19 PM
I just carry pepper spray in my purse...

That is great but you have to be able to get it and use it when necessary.

I have actually thought about self defense classes, martial arts stuff but had been advised that due to my spinal problems and disability, that it wouldn't be a good idea.
My main strategies are to run away from trouble, and to try to avoid obvious places and times that are more dangerous. I guess like any cis-female does.
I mistakenly thought that I would be able to fight my way out of an attack, scratch, claw, stamp, knee, etc... but in actual fact, just like most cis-females, if you've been on hrt for a long time (and maybe also post-op) you are now much weaker than most guys.
If a big strong guy decides he wants to do things to you, then you very quickly realise that you can't usually overpower them. And they can pin you down and have their way, and you can scream and cry and thrash about but it can be to no avail, as I found out.
So yeah, being trans is tough, but so is being female, as I now know.
What's the solution? Carry rape alarms and tasers and pepper sprays about in your bag all the time?
I just blot it all out and soldier on.

Sorry so dark.

I actually had quite extensive training in much younger days but still was surprised and stabbed on my way walking from my martial arts class over to a friends place

Luckily I was young and strong then and was able to still fend the guy off and make it to my friends place to get help

My friend happened to be a Marine Corps Capt. and another friend who was a Corpsman happened to be there as well

Even though much of that training stays with you, I don't know if I would be so lucky these days, I'm quite a bit older, pretty much alone for the most part, have several injuries and have lost allot of strength

I did manage to defend myself a few times over the years and even just a few years ago but got dinged up pretty good in the process

Just be aware of your surroundings and take evasive action when necessary

I have over 13 years martial arts experience, and I raised this question with myself.   However, while evaluating myself, I also began to realize that while I'm not as strong as I used to be, I began to remember my pressure points, vital organs and I also remember that one of my advanced hand to hand classes, showed us how to use a persons weight and momentum against themselves.  I am a combat veteran and I have always advocated to run if that's an option, however, in a surprise attack, you have a couple of things working for you, one is adrenaline and the other is your basic need for survival. In a situation such as an ambush, your instincts and training will take over.  Martial arts are great, as are other forms of self protection, but in the end, nothing can stop a attacker that has the upper hand.   Personally, I carry multiple weapons, ie, knives and I also open carry.  I was in a situation after I transitioned, where a 6'3 guy got out of his car and began to threaten me because he thought I had my bright lights on.  (My truck has a 3" inch lift)  so my lights we're shining right in his rear window while at a drive thru at McDonalds.  I grabbed my magazine out of my console, walked to the back of my truck, and removed my sidearm and bolstered it, then walked to the front of my truck.  When the would be person saw it, he made the choice to shut up and get back in his car and wait for his food. Law enforcement was called, unbeknownst to me, and arrived after the person left the scene.   I talked to the officer, and he told me that what I did was very smart.  He knew the person due to prior altercations, he was going to go talk to him about the situation.  My point is this, know your surroundings, go out in pairs if possible, and most of all, you can only do what you can do.  When I go out alone I always have my phone in my hand and accessible.  I hope you stay safe, continue your  martial arts training, be smart, and be aware of your surroundings.

I have always relied on my ability to talk my way out of confrontations as well as remaining situationally aware enough to avoid trouble before it starts.  I also have training from the Army on how to disable or kill someone using various weapons or my hands.  However,  I really haven't given it much thought lately.  Maybe I should though because in the past I also relied heavily on presence and body language.

Rule 0) Avoid the confrontation!  I try to stick to safe situations whenever I can.

Rule 1) Situational awareness!  Be aware of who is around you, where you are, and what openings are available to move through.  We (should) do this when driving a vehicle, and walking is no different.

Rule 2) Preparedness!  This is where the training and pepper spray come in handy.  I'm reasonably fit, and still have my ancient military training to fall back on.  "Stomp the instep, knee to the groin..." 

I carry pepper spray.  It's in an open part of the purse, on a lanyard clipped to the front strap (as I carry).  I don't have to pause to fish around for it, just slip my fingers from the strap onto the lanyard, tug, and grip.  The release winds up under my thumb.  Slide right.  Squeeze and sweep across the eyes... 

Late evenings, going from the train to my car, I may have one hand inside the purse already gripping the spray.  I'll be VERY alert to who is around me and how they are moving.

Hi Sanadora,

I've had some experience during my service in the Marine Corps along with Wun Chun and in my early years TKD. and to a far lesser extent regarding"experience" is being the "goon" for my friend's tkd self defense class every now and then.

For self defense I believe what we learn from MCMAP tan belt is more than enough.
I don't see my friend teach that many more escape moves.  It just all comes down to practice.
Knowing the sequence of actions so well that you forget it.. it becomes such like a reaction that it is just 1 movement.
the Practice it on different people so you get use to the adjustments needed against people with different height, girth, stance, strength and center of balance.  Also practice getting that adrenaline rush and how your body feels  during that flight or fight stage.

best as many have said is just taking preventive measure.  and keep  our 2nd general order in mind...keeping always on the alert and observing everything  within sight or hearing.

In the end of it all  it is true that cis-women are on average, weaker than cis-men.  The physiological difference muscle fiber, bone density, bone size, make it so that the average male by nature (or God)  are stronger, The 2 exceptions to this

• women do gain an increase of strength during their monthly time of period. (scientest also recently discovered that during this period they have an weirdly hightened sense to detect snakes.......)
• The female heart is stronger
  

But none of this really has to do with the ability to kick ass.  Wun Chun, the style that Ip Man uses and taught Bruce Lee was developed by a cis girl,  the same goes for White Crane boxing which is the origin of Karate.  oh and that indonesian movie "the raid" yup cis-fem was the og for that as well 

Just prior to HRT, I had joined the Guardian Angels for a plethora of reasons. The most important reason was that   I wanted to add some new self defense skills. I may not be able to throw a man anymore, but I can still put up one helluva fight. Paying attention to the "what not to dos" gave me the knowledge to permanently stop someone as well.

One thing I have always kept in mind, since I was maybe around 19, is that if I have to fight it will be to the death of either me or the other one.  That does two things.  First it gives me a tremendous motivation to avoid those situations to begin with.  And second, it removes the need to do much thinking if the situation ever arises.  Fortunately for me, I have not had to test the second part out ever.

When I am in the open, my head is always on a swivel.  More than one person has actually commented on how I am constantly aware of what's around me.  I have a state Weapons License and I generally have two different type weapons on me most of the time.  Plus I keep an ASP in the car.  However, in an ambush situation,  you're not going to have a chance to use the weapons immediately.  Dena mentioned the eyes and yes, that's a great equalizer if you can.  Not being able to see will end a fight quickly.  Another dirty fighting technique is biting.  I'm not talking about leaving teeth marks on skin, I'm talking about biting as hard as possible and trying to rip out as much skin and muscle as you can.  Yes there's a slim possibility of blood born virus but that's a future threat, not immediate.  Finally, in the case of a sexual assault, stick your finger as far down your throat as you can and throw up on him.  Seriously!  It should give you a moment or two to pick an avenue of escape. Basically remember, a lot of things can be a weapon even a handful of dirt to the eyes. 

There's no such thing as women's self defence. It doesn't exist. There's just self defence. What's effective is effective for men or women. The stuff that men don't use won't suddenly be effective when a woman does it. Dirty tricks are available to your opponent too. 

It's a scam. They'd have you learning nonsense like disarming knives and trapping incoming punches, and have you thinking you can rely on crotch shots and eye gouges.

In terms of unarmed self defence, just the physical side of it, in order of priority:

- Sprinting and cardio training.
- Grappling - Brazillian ju jitsu ideally.
- A proven striking art that uses hard energy: like karate from a good instructor. Not kung fu, wing chun, Taichi, aikido, or any other soft energy art. 

Or an MMA or  Jeet Kune Do class that incorporates these aspects. 

You really gotta go hardcore with your training to be effective I'm afraid. Regardless of gender.

I have always gone after effective pressure points, especially the throat. Normally, when a guy feels fingernails digging in where his carotid arteries are, it's over. In a more standard fight, flip him to the ground, and put a foot against his temple, while you call the authorities.

When you know how to handle yourself, the self confidence will show, and you will be less likely to be attacked. Criminals prefer easy targets that look like easy prey.

You have a foot. They have Nuts. Pretend you're Planters and are harvesting. Got to shake them almonds from the trees. I know this is simplistic but that's me.  ;D

Situational awareness and learn to recognize the body language of someone who is prepping to attack or cause trouble. It is different from that of people who are not.

Use every means at your disposal if you are being seriously attacked. That can include acting to throw someone off guard, to learning pressure points and vulnerable spots.

1) avoid spots of trouble
2) If you can't avoid them, try not to escalate
3) If you can't avoid escalation avoid being hit - avoiding a strike is infinitely preferable to being hit
4) If you can't avoid being hit, know some rudimentary blocking moves; or if someone grabs you around the throat or hands, there are some very simple/effective techniques to break a grip (personally I learned Hun Gar breaks because my dad was trained in it).

Remember that in any situation avoiding violence is better than welcoming it. Not least because if you end up breaking your attacker's neck or something, the laws in your country might not look favorably on the defender. In my country we were only awarded the right to defend our own property from intrusion in the last decade or so.

Personally I carry a kubotan as a keychain and sometimes a knife, so I am never completely "unarmed". A knife is not a 'good' defensive weapon I might add, but it is useful as a tool in situations other than an attacker so I carry one. A kubotan or some other defensive object is more appropriate for everyday situations. Just be aware that some police forces (like the one in my country) consider the kubotan to be a potentially offensive weapon. Keep it out of sight. 

Walking to your car? Place your keys between your knuckles, if assaulted. Go for the eyes,or throat. Use as much power as you can muster. Jab as many times as you can. Don't be afraid to use your keys to unlock his grey matter. You probably are going to get only one shot, make is as painful as possible

I learned knife fighting in a course.  The biggest takeaway from that is if you get in a knife fight then expect to get cut.

Quote from: Deborah on July 28, 2016, 04:28:15 PM
I learned knife fighting in a course.  The biggest takeaway from that is if you get in a knife fight then expect to get cut.

Exactly. In my case I carry one only as a last resort.

Before you read the following, please know that I do not mean to criticise previous comments. I read this thread and want to explain to those who havent been attacked before that its not so easy to just pull out a weapon or doge a knife and be done with it. Life is rarely so forgiving.

Since I live in the UK, having as much as a pocket knife on you is grounds for suspiscion and police search, even arrest. I'm sure this is the case for many other countries too. And unless you walk around with a weapon in your pocket all the time with your hand on it, you're not going to be able to pull it out in time to react to an incident, such as an ambush.

I've been ambushed twice before, once alone and the other with a friend. The one alone resulted in me having my head smashed repeatedly against a column radiator. The one with a friend was on a bike. I was knocked off and held in place by one guy while another beat me black and blue. Neither time did I call out for help, I didn't know what to do. Until you are in that situation you cannot know for sure what you are going to do, what they are going to do, or what the outcome will be.

Even as a male, I am extremely weak (HRT is going to be fun...). I only have my experience as an extremely flexible gymnast and resistance to pressure points to fall back on when up close and personal. I might have basic self defence knowledge but the instant a knife comes out, I'm dead. I can't overpower any men, and few females.

So to add my rules; never travel alone, make as much noise as you can in a predicament (helped me more than once) and know when to listen to your instincts. Fight or flight exists for a reason, don't try and be a hero. I was lucky the last time I tried helping someone out, you might not be.

QuoteYou have a foot. They have Nuts. Pretend you're Planters and are harvesting. Got to shake them almonds from the trees. I know this is simplistic but that's me

Against an unexpecting opponent who's just standing still, sure.

Could you pull that off under pressure? When someones trying to punch you in the head with aggression while adrenaline is flowing through your veins?

Easier said than done, to say the least. If you rely on their nuts, or any other specific target , while they see your entire body as a target, they're going to land alot of punishment before you're able to take aim, line it up and execute the fight ending crotch shot. 

An attacker is often untrained and is used to overpowering their victim. They expect the victim to resist and not fight. They don't expect the victim to fight with the determination to win. While it's best not to end up under attack, if it can't be avoided, you need to play to win. You need to realize you are going to take some damage but you want to make the other guy look worst. I admit I have been trained by my little brother and sister not to fear a fight I can't avoid but there are times when you have no other option.

In my current condition, I use crutches ... the type designed like giant police batons, with cuff pieces. I trained myself to use them as weapons. One is slightly bent from when I hit an assailant in the chest, breaking a couple ribs. That was over 20 years ago, and I still have them. I lost that fight, as it was 6 on 1. Those same assailants never bothered me after that. I was fortunate to escape with bruises, but without my purse.

You can train all you want to fight one or two, but there may always be a fight you can not win. You never know when an assailant may disarm you, and use your own weapon against you. With what I was trained to do, I once defeated a 2nd degree black belt, while sparring ... but I could not beat a 6-pack of thugs.  Even having a gun would have been useless in that fight. They were just too fast.

I have realized from a knife attack I survived, when in my younger years, "speed is your friend, against surprise" and since adrenaline kicks in during a surprise, you have the momentary advantage of speed to run, faster than you normally would. I was able to dodge and run for way a longer time when that attack happened, I was not injured in that incident, but it taught me, that speed saves, surprise kills. I especially see it in the national geographic movies when wolves attack their prey, or cheetahs stalk and hunt down their prey, they use the element of surprise and speed along with violence of action to take down their prey. Now speed does save the prey from time time as the antelope can  dodge and run away at times from the predator, in my case, I was able to dodge and run away, very very fast. I also like to point out that adrenaline can numb you in case of damage done to you, if your cornered, which can work to your advantage as you could then run/move away very fast from the attacker.

I also learned from someone else that:
1. Barriers
2. Time
3. Distance

Are you friends to mitigate violence on you.
Of course, SA or Situational Awareness is your number 1 best friend, above all else, to avoid conflict/violence, as other ladies have mentioned before.

I understand your dilemma.... me my self im just dipping my toes in after my realisation still dazed and confused one of the first things that came to mind ...amongst a thousand others anyway even  having trained in muay thai I realised when I go on hormones I will lose considerable strength ....so krav maga will be what I will learn ...look it up
The other would be aikido where you turn your opponents force against them...but takes a long time to learn
I think krav maga would be viable :)
Look around there are plenty of warrior women out there :)

Quote from: markie on July 29, 2016, 07:30:42 AM
I understand your dilemma.... me my self im just dipping my toes in after my realisation still dazed and confused one of the first things that came to mind ...amongst a thousand others anyway even  having trained in muay thai I realised when I go on hormones I will lose considerable strength ....so krav maga will be what I will learn ...look it up
The other would be aikido where you turn your opponents force against them...but takes a long time to learn
I think krav maga would be viable :)
Look around there are plenty of warrior women out there :)

sorry for interrupting another thread. I need to welcome markie to the site as a newly posting member. Thanks for sharing some of your story and information.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

So many super tough fighting replies. I envy you all I really do. Unfortunately for me, if I cannot run, I just freeze and get paralysed by fear and terror. I just curl up into a ball and wait for things to stop.
Before I actually experienced such situations, I believed I could fight, defend, repel attacks, etc... but the reality for me is that in actual fact I could not.
We're all different at the end of the day.

I'm the type of person a attacker leaves alone for I give offbad vibes telling them they better think seriously before confronting me. I'm trained in the art of street fighting and am pretty good at it,also I'm mean as hell in a fight. I've had instances where showing them an example tends to make them leave you alone. I've always had women's arms and they don't show muscle,I was always looked at as weak til either they messed with me or they seen me pick up something they couldn't lift. The worse thing anyone could do is surprise me for I react like a cat and can go from easy going to mean as hell in nano seconds. I'm a survivor and have been in places most good people don't go into and never had problems been asked by some bad boys if I was afraid and I asked em what was I supposed to  be afraid of and we both left it at that. I don't condone violence and lots of times I use example's to make them think,like one time I had two black guys ask me if I was afraid to be in the part of town I was in,i was at a day labor office and the best jobs went to those who got their first,i pointed toward my car and told them if I could put a Ford 4 cylinder engine in my trunk by myself why should I be afraid,they didn't believe me til I showed em the engine in the trunk and they told me I could go back to napping and they would let no one cut in front or bother me,and they did,felt neat to have 2 muscle bound body guards. See I grew up with a middle sister who was mean as hell and got good at fighting because of her.

Quote from: Flizzy on July 28, 2016, 05:16:08 PM
Since I live in the UK, having as much as a pocket knife on you is grounds for suspiscion and police search, even arrest. I'm sure this is the case for many other countries too. And unless you walk around with a weapon in your pocket all the time with your hand on it, you're not going to be able to pull it out in time to react to an incident, such as an ambush.

I live there too. The fact I had a knife on me stopped a sexual assault going any further. So I think I'll stick with one.

I'm from the UK and I directly asked a police officer at the train station the legality of carrying a knife for self defence. He said as far as he knew it's legal as long as the blade is 3 inches or less. 

A folding blade 3 inches or less is legal to carry.

Certain areas have been designed confiscation and search zones where if you look like a teenager or troublemaker and they find a knife on you the police will confiscate it. Otherwise, you're not likely to be searched for a knife anywhere. If you are searched, they might ask you why you have it, and you need to have a reason other than "to use it on an attacker" ready.

Two of mine are 3.5 inch and 4 inch, obviously I wouldn't carry the 8" hunting knife I have in public unless I was out fishing or something; but it makes no difference out here where I am; lots of farmers with shotguns and axes and chainsaws around.

Knives are virtually useless against an attacker. You will not have time to get it out. Then, you have another problem. You could be charged with "assault with a deadly weapon" if you use it in self defense.

I am trained to disarm the attacker. I do Krav Maga twice a week to be able to defend myself against all attacks. So I usually would disarm the attacker and could defend myself than with the knife or handgun which was directed to me

Luckily I never was attacked. It may have to do with beeing able to defend myself. I am self confident and I have a well trained body. Usually the attacker look for weaker persons in terms of self confidence and muscles.

Quote from: Joanna50 on July 29, 2016, 09:58:16 AM
sorry for interrupting another thread. I need to welcome markie to the site as a newly posting member. Thanks for sharing some of your story and information.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

I am still learning how to navigate here
But thank you Joanna :)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: V on July 29, 2016, 11:40:04 AM
So many super tough fighting replies. I envy you all I really do. Unfortunately for me, if I cannot run, I just freeze and get paralysed by fear and terror. I just curl up into a ball and wait for things to stop.
Before I actually experienced such situations, I believed I could fight, defend, repel attacks, etc... but the reality for me is that in actual fact I could not.
We're all different at the end of the day.

I get this. Prior to HRT I had a really strong defiant streak that would have done the whole "do as much damage to them as possible" sort of thing. But now? There are very few times that I feel like that anymore, and any strength I DO have left after the HRT drains away the second I feel any sort of fear. I did end up in one really shady situation where I thought for sure my number was up, and I did my best to arm myself and had my hand on my mace and keys in my pocket, so as to be ready but not provoke.

In the end nothing went down. And I might have just been paranoid, but one guy had been displaying a dangerous lack of boundaries and there were 3 more positioned in the parking lot in very strategic ways. It still creeps me out, I never want to be in that position again.

But had they attacked? I -might- have managed to spray one in the face and tag him on the temple with a full bottle of Snapple, but it's doubtful there would be any power at all behind the hit, a pretty solid chance I'd only get the face instead of the temple, and mace isn't guaranteed to do anything, especially against a determined attacker. And that's just against a single foe.

I think for me it comes down to relying on others to protect me, or at least have my back, and doing my paranoid best to avoid any situation that would put me at the mercy of a stranger, where I would have to rely on them to not attack me.

This thread is scary. A really good one to have, and something everybody needs to think about and be aware of, but scary.

Edited to add - Certain types of attacks are also likely to occur from people that know you. No idea how you're supposed to avoid that, besides not putting yourself in overly compromising situations with casual acquaintances such as getting drunk, setting your drink down, being overly trusting, possibly some more things? There should be a pamphlet or something.

I like Muay Thai personally. It always stuck with me and I trained for awhile. I'm not afraid of anyone but looking at my sleeves no one really bothers me. Which sucks because I'm a sweetheart to everyone (except ISIS) :) I personally would carry my .45 but it's a large frame and wearing tight clothes or putting in my purse is just too bulky so I keep a knife just in case but only for back up. I also refrain from being intoxicated in areas I don't know all that well, and I keep a tac flashlight too which doesn't feel well on the face. I've read comments from others about not getting to a weapon in time but what I do is keep one hand in my purse gripping my knife and put flashlight on the other. I also always keep the blade pointing up toward my elbow and out so if I have to strike the blade is cutting them not me and the flat end is able to be supported by my forearm. I refuse to be a victim of violence!!! Breaking into my house you have to get past the white wolf Tali and she will go after a stranger instantly, if they get past her they won't be alive long enough to see what the rest of their adventure will be, it's lights out permanently. I live in Missouri in the United States and we have particular laws regarding burglars. I'm not trying to offend anyone and I know guns are a very touchy subject but I'm always going to be pro 2nd Amendment and we are talking about safety, on the bright side of my post Muay Thai is very female friendly and one hell of a cardio workout!!!

Quote from: IdontEven on July 30, 2016, 02:46:30 AM
I get this. Prior to HRT I had a really strong defiant streak that would have done the whole "do as much damage to them as possible" sort of thing. But now? There are very few times that I feel like that anymore, and any strength I DO have left after the HRT drains away the second I feel any sort of fear. I did end up in one really shady situation where I thought for sure my number was up, and I did my best to arm myself and had my hand on my mace and keys in my pocket, so as to be ready but not provoke.

In the end nothing went down. And I might have just been paranoid, but one guy had been displaying a dangerous lack of boundaries and there were 3 more positioned in the parking lot in very strategic ways. It still creeps me out, I never want to be in that position again.

But had they attacked? I -might- have managed to spray one in the face and tag him on the temple with a full bottle of Snapple, but it's doubtful there would be any power at all behind the hit, a pretty solid chance I'd only get the face instead of the temple, and mace isn't guaranteed to do anything, especially against a determined attacker. And that's just against a single foe.

I think for me it comes down to relying on others to protect me, or at least have my back, and doing my paranoid best to avoid any situation that would put me at the mercy of a stranger, where I would have to rely on them to not attack me.

This thread is scary. A really good one to have, and something everybody needs to think about and be aware of, but scary.

Edited to add - Certain types of attacks are also likely to occur from people that know you. No idea how you're supposed to avoid that, besides not putting yourself in overly compromising situations with casual acquaintances such as getting drunk, setting your drink down, being overly trusting, possibly some more things? There should be a pamphlet or something.

Yeah, so many folks packing guns and knives and martial arts.
Not me.
What do I do now? Well as much as possible I go out with my boyfriend, he's built like a gorilla and I feel pretty safe with him.
Thinking about it, if anyone tried to hurt him, I'd probably fly at them, even if I'd most likely get swatted away like a fly  :laugh:
Of course, domestic violence is a completely different matter. I've been subjected to pretty horrible stuff from ex's in the past, and dealing with that is not like facing a stranger on the street. It took me a long time to trust men again, and to relax with my current partner. I am lucky he's just the best guy ever, and has never ever hurt me.
I never touch alcohol or drugs either, I don't want to get into a situation where I am inebriated and get taken advantage of. Gotta look after yourself!

My ex was a pretty well-built guy. Back then, sure I think I had a luxury of someone being around who looked genuinely intimidating. He was a sweet guy, would always watch my back, which is why we're still good friends to this day, but he could cast someone a look that made people just shrink away and his biceps and fists were bloody huge. It really was something I didn't notice so much then that is absent now - that sense of having a bodyguard of sorts who could clearly knock the stuffing out of anyone who might attack me. People were a lot nicer to me when he was around than they are now. I don't think he tried to be particularly intimidating, he just was to people because of his size.

Don't have that luxury any more, in fact out of me and partner, I'm the better-built and stronger one. I feel it's my responsibility to be the "bodyguard" now, if a situation like that arose. But it's difficult when you're a shorter guy. Smaller guys tend to opt for non-confrontation more of the time, which is a decent policy. I'd love to be as big as my ex but I ain't so I gotta rely on whatever else I can out there. By far the best weapon in the arsenal is just bugging out of bad situations as soon as you smell them coming. Failing that, reactions have to be tailored to gender to some degree sometimes. I know there are certain things I could do when I didn't look male that would throw people off, but when I do look more male, people are on the alert for me and they're ready for me, expecting me to do something. Got to take a different approach now.     

The best weapon is the one between your ears. Situational awareness is paramount. I've been fortunate that I really haven't had many confrontational problems in my life and being aware, having the right attitude and being big has helped. If you are unarmed, avoid knife fights, if you have a knife, avoid gun fights and if you have a gun and feel that your life is in jeopardy, punch their ticket. A paraphrased Kilvinski's law. If you can, check out the pink pistols, if you can't, look into krav maga for effectiveness and aikido to know how to fall and get back up, and its good for the head. Most of all, avoid trouble. Its costly even when you're in the right.


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For those that can't run, like V mentioned, its most important to have SA-Situational Awarness, since that will get you out of most jams, avoid jams/troubles. Remember
1. Barriers
2. Time
3. Distance

To avoid most violence of conflicts. Unfortunately for me, I live in the rougher parts of L.A., so I practice the upper three constantly.
1. Barriers Set up high, tough barriers- against some unruly neighbors, I did. A supertough boyfriend like V's works great too.
2. Time-I always vary my times of egress and ingress as much as possible.
3. Distance-I put as much distance as I possibly can between me and them.

And a 4th one, if you can, always have a friend or two to tag along, you'd be surprised what an extra pair of eyes can do, preferably a human, but a canine does work good too. There is strength in numbers, and bad guys and guerilla fighters know that you never fight a group greater than you are head on, but always on their terms, just bad juju if they  do and they can win the Darwin Award(Award of self-extinction).

I always tell my girlfriend, she is my "fire" of my "maneuver" team, meaning she tells me when things get hot, and I will respond/move appropriately, and vice versa, we each protect our 180, or 360 between the two.

I hope this doesn't sound naive, but I believe the mind really is the most powerful self defense weapon we have as long as its cultivated.

Develop awareness until it becomes second nature.  Be realistic about potential dangers and if you start feeling bad vibes then leave the area.  Most of all be confident in your ability to handle yourself and rehearse in your mind what might happen in any situation.  Don't radiate aggressiveness, just confidence.  Even if you are not really feeling it, your mind is powerful and can project that image when you learn to control it.  The mind beams you project will make most situations never develop badly as the bad guys are looking for easy targets whose mind beams project obliviousness and weakness.

Sorry for the mind beams thing, LOL.  But I think it paints the right word picture.

Quote from: Deborah on July 31, 2016, 11:14:06 AM
I hope this doesn't sound naive, but I believe the mind really is the most powerful self defense weapon we have as long as its cultivated.

Develop awareness until it becomes second nature.  Be realistic about potential dangers and if you start feeling bad vibes then leave the area.  Most of all be confident in your ability to handle yourself and rehearse in your mind what might happen in any situation.  Don't radiate aggressiveness, just confidence.  Even if you are not really feeling it, your mind is powerful and can project that image when you learn to control it.  The mind beams you project will make most situations never develop badly as the bad guys are looking for easy targets whose mind beams project obliviousness and weakness.

Sorry for the mind beams thing, LOL.  But I think it paints the right word picture.

Yes the most effective weapon is between the ears. Best defense is no be there.


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Have you looked into pressure point fighting or martial arts/self defence based on this? I obviously don't have any experience of mtf hormones or transition, but as a smaller/less strong person I have found this to be an effective defence system that doesn't rely on physical strength, so it might be something to check out. Hope this helps!

Martial arts often include the study of pressure points among other things, the arts I studied did anyway

OP, my first take is situational  awareness. I can smell violence coming, if there's a fight brewing in a bar I have never failed to see it coming and I just get myself out of harm's way early.

Quote from: JMJW on July 28, 2016, 12:25:45 PM
There's no such thing as women's self defence. It doesn't exist. There's just self defence.
...
- A proven striking art that uses hard energy: like karate from a good instructor. Not kung fu, wing chun, Taichi, aikido, or any other soft energy art. 
...
You really gotta go hardcore with your training to be effective I'm afraid. Regardless of gender.

On the first, no there's nothing specific to gender, there are techniques to minimize your opponent's strength advantage.

On the second, couldn't disagree more. At my Tai Chi school we had two instructors who focused on martial arts. One was 50 (looked 32) and had studied a fairly wide range of techniques, call him R. The more senior was 70 and tiny, not visibly muscular, call him S.

I never doubted for a moment when I worked with S that aside from his amazing ability to drop me to the floor before I knew what was happening that he could snap my sternum anytime he wanted to.

S  had long since stopped training with R because R was somewhat given to getting annoyed that he couldn't ever put S on the floor. One of the happiest days in my life was when I'd begun to hold my own working with R and S told me he was training me to do better against R and just once I was indeed able to drop him.

On 3 'hardcore' wouldn't be the word I'd choose but serious, yes.

Knowing I have been able to hold my own with an experienced instructor gave me great confidence of dealing with real world situations. I've been approached  from behind in rough neighborhoods, feeling them behind me, and able to respond before they got into striking distance is a great equalizer.

Of course I'm 5'11",  not small and at least so far hrt hasn't cut into my strength so I don't look like an easy target.

Not looking like a target is maybe even as important as situational awareness.