Susan's Place Transgender Resources

After many years of cross-dressing in private, I decided today was the day for GiGi to make her debut in public!! I have never been so exhilarated before in my life and I wanted to share my story here, as it was only through reading the posts of others on this forum that I was able to pluck up the courage to do what I had been dreaming of doing for so many years.

There was fear, trepidation and a broken zip on a pair of ankle boots, bought specifically for the occasion which almost scuppered the attempt at the eleventh hour. However this sense of fear became overwhelmed by the sense of excitement and achievement, also with the knowledge that others had been there before and gotten through it.

Yes, there is a chance that you will be 'outed' - a woman held the door open for me as I walked out of a shop after her, she looked me straight in the eyes, I knew she picked me.....but she just smiled, turned and walked off to her car. As others have pointed out, most people may be curious for a second or two if they do 'pick' you but will then go about their business and will be extremely unlikely to engage in a confrontation. I was prepared to be 'picked' and had decided to just smile back and ignore them.

However, what I didn't expect was hearing two "ma'am"s and a "sweetie" from girls in department stores and a "ma'am" from a guy selling solar panels. This is when it really hit me: here I was, catching glimpses of myself in the shop windows, walking through a shopping mall in heels, wearing a dress, in make up with breast forms, hip pads while wearing a wig. I was dressed as a girl and being viewed as a girl.....by complete strangers.....in PUBLIC!!!!!!

This excursion while short in duration, has had a huge impact on my psyche....while I know I cannot (and do not want to) pass as a woman 100% of the time, this has shown me with the right planning and preparation, such things can be achieved. 

I am totally comfortable being a male, but love nothing more than wearing women's clothes for the feeling of empowerment and sense of sexual attractiveness that I see in the mirror, which is absent when dressed as a man. Being able to take this into the public domain now means I now longer need to feel my cross-dressing is a dirty little secret, destined to be hidden away: it is something which embodies the real me and now enables me to explore and have fun with. I certainly aim to become more adventurous in my trips out, as well as increasing their frequency.

I hope this post helps anyone else who, like me prior to today, was too terrified to take a step outside their front door......

Love GiGi

My favorite Susan's posts are always the "first time in public" posts. 

It's such a huge step and fundamentally changes the way we think about ourselves in relation to the world at large.  I will never forget my first time, and every one of these posts makes me reflect on how awesome things got was AFTER I went out.

I have to ask: are there other gender-related experiences that one can have that are comparable in terms of impact?

Oh, and GiGi, congrats on crossing this threshold. It's awesome to have one more of us roaming the earth openly. 

Congratulations GiGi!  Wonderful story!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: chris.deee on August 09, 2016, 04:01:09 AM
Oh, and GiGi, congrats on crossing this threshold. It's awesome to have one more of us roaming the earth openly.

Thanks chris.deee, I plan to undertake more trips out now as GiGi....this certainly was a monumental step for me and I'm so looking forward to what the future brings!

Each time I have taken a step towards this goal, such as the first time openly shopping for women's clothing, has been a defining moment. However taking that step and actually going out in public has far exceeded anything before it and I can't envisage any greater impact at the moment.

GiGi

Quote from: Amber42 on August 09, 2016, 06:11:15 AM
Congratulations GiGi!  Wonderful story!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you Amber42, I was just so excited that I needed to tell someone as my family and friends don't yet know my little secret!! 

However I am considering using the exhilaration of today to tell a close female friend about it, although I suspect she may have more than "friend" feelings for me. Given my past experience I would prefer she knew ahead of time but I also don't want to lose her as a friend.....although she would be great for a girl's night out if she accepts me.

Decisions, decisions...

GiGi

Quote from: GiGi LaMore on August 09, 2016, 07:39:48 AM
Thank you Amber42, I was just so excited that I needed to tell someone as my family and friends don't yet know my little secret!! 

However I am considering using the exhilaration of today to tell a close female friend about it, although I suspect she may have more than "friend" feelings for me. Given my past experience I would prefer she knew ahead of time but I also don't want to lose her as a friend.....although she would be great for a girl's night out if she accepts me.

Decisions, decisions...

GiGi

I have learned that we need to be careful what we do when we are at the highs or the lows of our life.  Take some time to think about your next steps and who you tell.  Do it with a level head and you will do the right thing.

But...do enjoy the highs while you are there :-)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

In all the excitement of today I completely forgot to take any selfies while in public.....as if I wasn't already self conscious enough!!!

However, I was thinking clearly enough to take some quick snaps before I got back into male mode, just to make sure I properly documented my first trip outside.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi64.tinypic.com%2F25argc3.jpg&hash=a954fd8dcc3e546e237fdce49800e0b244e873a9)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi64.tinypic.com%2F15wkpqu.jpg&hash=f9405fb39a5d61150e54cf7b7cfb3be70491929a)

I hope you like them....

Love, GiGi

Quote from: Amber42 on August 09, 2016, 08:17:11 AM
I have learned that we need to be careful what we do when we are at the highs or the lows of our life.  Take some time to think about your next steps and who you tell.  Do it with a level head and you will do the right thing.

But...do enjoy the highs while you are there :-)

Good advice Amber42, I will sleep on it before I decide what to do there. I have been wanting to tell her for quite some time now given we have more of a brother/sister relationship. She mentioned my feminine eyebrows the last time we met up and I wanted to use that conversation as a segue into a broader conversation....I really don't want to lose her as a friend and I think we have a strong enough relationship that she will accept my way of life.

I guess if she can't accept it I will need to consider whether our relationship is as strong as I thought it was. I can't go back now after having taken this step and I want to involve her in it, although I guess these thoughts are coming from a purely selfish perspective as I want someone significant to share this with.

I have spent too long hiding this secret and my relationships with ex-wife, previous girlfriends have suffered because of it. The massive change in life I have experienced over the past 12 months with losing my job and getting divorced has made me focus on what is important in my life and what makes me happy..

Quote from: Amber42 on August 09, 2016, 08:17:11 AM
I have learned that we need to be careful what we do when we are at the highs or the lows of our life.  Take some time to think about your next steps and who you tell.  Do it with a level head and you will do the right thing.

I completely agree. You are probably experiencing gender euphoria, which feels awesome (enjoy it) but can definitely cloud one's judgement. 

I'd suggest you wait a day or two before you do anything you can't undo.

Of course, if you just want to hit the mall again to hit the Nordstrom sale, you go girl!

GiGi,

Welcome to the site. I am glad you had such a great experience. I could use some of that bravery on my trips out. I am still pretty trepiditious myself. I hope you find what you are looking for here.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

GiGi

I'm not surprised it went so well for you, you look amazing!

I had my first time out, albeit only wearing female underwear under my guy clothes, at the weekend and the feeling of liberation I got was unbelievable.  It has just spurred me on to do more.

With best wishes,

Amanda x

Quote from: aaajjj55 on August 12, 2016, 02:44:30 AM
GiGi

I'm not surprised it went so well for you, you look amazing!

I had my first time out, albeit only wearing female underwear under my guy clothes, at the weekend and the feeling of liberation I got was unbelievable.  It has just spurred me on to do more.

With best wishes,

Amanda x

Hi Amanda,

Thank you, you are so kind.  :eusa_dance: while it has been a gradual process it has accelerated rapidly in the past 6 months  ;D

Like you, I would revel in the opportunity to wear female underwear under my work clothes...not only did I feel sexy but there was also the chance of getting caught, which made it feel so exciting....and naughty. For many years doing that and wearing my secret stash of underwear, stockings, corsets and high heels around the house when my wife was out, was sufficient to keep my inner girl satisfied.

Then, when some significant changes came about in my life, they caused me to reassess what me actually feeling happy meant....I came to realise that denying my inner girlie self was making me unhappy, so I decided to do something about it.

In today's age with modern technology has meant I haven't felt alone in the process: forums such as Susans, as well as websites such eBay, Amazon and youtube have been invaluable in learning how to deal with my feelings, how to tuck properly, buy breast forms, learn how to make hip pads and apply make up properly.

While all of these resources help enormously we all still have to deal with our own shortcomings, especially when we look at the person staring back at us in the mirror. Today, for example, spurred on by Tuesday's success I decided it was time for GiGi to make another public excursion, just to make sure that I could still do it and not leave it too long, so that I might put the first one down as a one-off and never do it again...

After applying my makeup in record time (I'm still learning) I wasn't happy with what I saw in the mirror but then I think we naturally feel that way because the woman looking back at us is not our ideal woman we picture in our minds.....but she never can be: we are flawed and, by definition, so must she. However, I needed to tell myself that no-one is perfect and women in their mid-40's (my age group) also tend to develop masculine features as they age.

Anyhow, cutting a long story slightly shorter.....GiGi went out again and even got to use her feminine voice at the thrift store, chatting with an older lady and the shop clerk. She even ordered a coffee for herself at a cafe...I am so proud of her at the moment......however, I still have a niggling doubt, am I passing or are people just being nice....and do I really care.....well actually I kind of do care because, for me the whole point of going out in public is to be viewed as a woman rather than a man dressed in womens' clothes.

So, my question is this.....if you saw me in the street, how would you perceive me??

The pictures I posted earlier were ones that showed me in the best light (yes, I am vain as a girl...who would have thought???) these images are more reflective of how I actually look in normal light conditions...constructive criticism welcomed as I would rather hear it from the people in this group first.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FI9gi7zV.jpg&hash=b469ba7b743807d2eaae40c91452dacf63c2c2bf)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FML5LeQw.jpg&hash=bd680dbd07fc1db54e52977b2b5229c5b1bca12c)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FPjODYRB.jpg&hash=a77fb57c4fcba882e155ca8ba570c59a13e86d0a)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Ff5f4nyZ.jpg&hash=57d3944be845f16381261f918d132840743e6332)

Love GiGi xx

You look really gorgeous GiGi. No wonder it went so well for you. I hope you really enjoyed it. I'd love to have your courage.

Ciara.

Hi GiGi,
If I can honestly answer your question.....
When any girl or woman pass by me I never examine her critically to determine if she actually is a woman. I don't question that she is. Now in reality some women are very feminine and attractive, some not so much and others may be a little masculine. Even so, I still do not question that they are women.
Honestly, looking at your photos, if you were alongside me in a queue or sitting opposite me at a table it would not occur to me that you are anything but a woman.
I would love to be able to do what you have done.

Ciara

Hello GiGi's
Nice story thanks to share your story with us
Catherine

GiGi

I think the honest answer to your question as to whether you pass or whether people are just being nice is that it really does not matter.  Yes, we all want to pass, look gorgeous etc. etc. but, at the end of the day, this is the 21st century where people  are more used to this sort of thing.

Overall, your trip out seemed to be a resounding success and that's the important thing.  I'm sure that, if you were able to interview everyone who saw you on that day, the majority would not have noticed anything different about you; some may have done but, even if they did, you gained acceptance, blended in and felt comfortable in your skin.  At the end of the day, that's a far better definition of 'passing' than the very narrow 'does this TG look like a genetic female at all times'.

Thank you again for sharing your experiences,

Amanda

Quote from: aaajjj55 on August 12, 2016, 02:20:59 PM
GiGi

I think the honest answer to your question as to whether you pass or whether people are just being nice is that it really does not matter.  Yes, we all want to pass, look gorgeous etc. etc. but, at the end of the day, this is the 21st century where people  are more used to this sort of thing.

I so agree with this.  I think my "passability" is close to yours, and I am able to live out in the world and am treated as a woman.  No hassles. No stares.

Do some of those people read that I'm trans?  I assume some do, but I'm rarely misgendered (maybe once a year) and only one person has asked me about it. When I ordered my glasses at LensCrafters, my Rx was in my boy name, and I got asked what gender to use. 

I've passed though TSA, rented cars, and checked into many hotel rooms with my guy ID and just act like nothing is odd. Folks follow along in kind.

In short, our tribe is becoming mainstream fast. 

Thank you for all of your lovely comments and feedback.

Upon reflection, I believe my doubts about passing may have be unfounded: I have never felt as comfortable in my own skin as when I am out as GiGi, in fact all I can think about is the next time she goes out.....and while we all want to do is look our glamorous and feminine best while in public, we need to remember that we are doing this for ourselves and the way it makes us feel.

I think you are right Amanda and chris.deee, our way of life is gaining greater acceptance and making it easier for us to go out in public, whether or not we pass as a woman. Blending in is a key part of that and was one of the biggest hurdles I wanted to overcome so as not to draw any unwelcome attention to myself. Apart from the obvious stuff such as the right makeup, wig and clothing, I also focused on the little things like the way a woman walks, holds her handbag and makes small gestures or movements....perfecting these go a long way to successfully blending in and have the added benefit of actually making you feel more feminine.

I hope others can take greater courage from mine and others' experiences to go ahead and take that first step outside.

Love GiGi xx

Hi Gigi,

I think you look all woman in those photos. I think the only thing that could out you is body language and voice and you seem to have covered those in your last post. I think it is great that you have come this far and it is inspiring and encouraging to me.

I've been underdressing for years and wearing women's jeans, shirts and t-shirts for nearly as long. The big hurdle for me is going full femme with a dress or skirt. I don't know why I find the queer look easier than the full femme look. I just can't get out the door in a dress. Probably because my voice is male and I worry about my body language. I feel more authentic with an ambiguous presentation than a female one. Your posts have me thinking about it again though.

Hugs

B

Hi B,

Thank you for your comments and I'm glad that my posts have inspired you into thinking about going full femme again. I think the two things that finally pushed me over the edge were acquiring a set of silicon breast forms and making my own hip pads, as the two really go a long way to creating a feminine figure in a dress.

I picked the D cup size breast forms up quite cheaply on eBay and team them up with a sports bra. I love the shape they give me and the feeling as they move and jiggle when I walk. However, when I wore them under a dress, my lack of hips just didn't look right as I have a 32 inch waist with 34 inch hips, making me look like a man in a dress.

I was lucky enough to find a video on YouTube by a drag queen about how to make hip pads out of 2 inch thick seat cushion foam. I rushed out to my local foam store and picked up two 20 inch by 20 inch pieces of foam for less than $20 which I was then able to form into hip pads relatively easily and quickly.

Worn under three pairs of stockings they now give me 45 inch hips!!!! With my breast forms and hip pads in I now have a 44 inch bust, 32 inch waist and 45 inch hips which gives me that feminine hourglass figure. This means I now properly fill out an Australian/UK size 16 dress (US size 12) which I thinks looks proportionately correct as I am 6ft. 1 in. tall.

I read somewhere about the importance of feminine gestures and I am glad I did as I hadn't really considered it before. Body language is an extremely important component of communication and goes a long way to be successful in blending in. It is amazing how men move differently compared to women, everything from how you hold your hands when you walk, to how you sit down in a chair. I did focus very heavily on these at first however am now finding that they now come quite instinctively when I put on a dress.

As for my voice, that remains my biggest challenge and one that I will need to spend considerable time perfecting. The temptation is to talk higher by talking more softly but I think this can be a dead giveaway. The main areas I am focusing on at the moment are the typical greetings, thank you's, etc as well as things like "Yes, I will take this" and "Can I try this on". For me the hardest part is casual conversation where I am not only trying to think of what to say but also how to say it.

All the best with your journey,

Love GiGi xx

Hi Gigi,

I have been enjoying breast forms for a while now. Dresses look so much better with them. I also have various types of hip pads but as I like mostly fit and flare styles I'm not sure they matter too much. The things that will clock me are my voice and mannersisms.  One of my daughters would be more than happy to accompany me, so I could probably get away without saying anything also I'm only 5'3" though so my height is OK for a girl. There are pleny of them around here taller than me.so I really have no excuse other than my irrational fear. I can go out with blue nail polish, a flowery blouse, spray-on jeggings and trainers covered in roses and don't care. But I have a mental barrier with skirts. I think it is because I fear others will think I'm just playing at it in a fetishistic way. I sit around the house in dresses all the time though, like right now and feel completely comfortable but the thought of anyone outside seeing me like this makes my blood run cold. I'm intending to put some pictures of my various modes in the "you look OK" thread. Maybe that will help.

Thanks again for posting your experience. These are some of my favourite threads and I hope one day soon to be posting my own. My girls and I have some concerts coming up. These would be ideal opportunities if I can work up the courage.

I never thought of making my own hip pads. I'd love a set of curvypads but £200 is a bit steep. I'll look up the youtube videos.

Hugs

B

Quote from: BirlPower on August 14, 2016, 11:49:21 AM
I can go out with blue nail polish, a flowery blouse, spray-on jeggings and trainers covered in roses and don't care. But I have a mental barrier with skirts. I think it is because I fear others will think I'm just playing at it in a fetishistic way. I sit around the house in dresses all the time though, like right now and feel completely comfortable but the thought of anyone outside seeing me like this makes my blood run cold. I'm intending to put some pictures of my various modes in the "you look OK" thread. Maybe that will help.

Hi B,

It sounds like you are very comfortable wearing the clothes out in public that mention, yet have an irrational fear of wearing a skirt out. Have you thought perhaps you might be transposing your view of skirts onto other people, thinking they will take umbrage with you for crossing some imaginary line?

One thing I have learnt from my time going out in a dress and from others in this forum is that, for the most part, people are not that judgemental and while our way of life is not yet considered mainstream, it is far more acceptable in today's society.

Perhaps rather than waiting for the big event of the concerts you intend to go to with your daughters, it may be better to ease yourself into circumstances where you can wear a skirt in public. How about organising some short trips out with your daughter to go get a coffee together, see a movie or head to the supermarket for some groceries could be good opportunities to overcome your fears of wearing a dress in public in a lower stress environment?

Please keep us posted of your progress and I look forward to seeing some pictures of you in your various modes....I'm sure you will look amazing!!!

All the best,

Love, GiGi xx

P.S. Here is the link to the YouTube video on making your own foam hip pads....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-nDUu_GVPQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-nDUu_GVPQ)

Great video, thanks for sharing.

Must get a bit warm in three pairs of opaques though!

Amanda