Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: kintsugi on August 17, 2016, 12:18:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: kintsugi on August 17, 2016, 12:18:34 PM
Post by: kintsugi on August 17, 2016, 12:18:34 PM
Hi to all. I am going through a complicated and painful breakup and am hoping for some insight and advice from the community. Given the uncertainty of the situation and that she still publicly identifies as female, I will use feminine pronouns when referring to my ex-partner. I'm a cis female and identify as a lesbian.
The day she broke up with me, she reluctantly confided in me that she was conflicted over her gender identity. I had no idea. She said she was deeply troubled and preoccupied by it. Immediately, instinctively, I told her it didn't matter to me, that I love her unconditionally. I meant it when I said it and with the benefit of time to reflect, I still do. However, she reacted sceptically, bringing up the possibility of top and bottom surgery. I couldn't tell if she was angry or sad or both but she seemed convinced that I could not cope with that eventuality—that, as a lesbian, I couldn't love her if she were physically male. I do not think it even occurred to her otherwise. I was stunned, overwhelmed that she wanted to end things and struggling not to break down in public. The revelation of her gender issues on top of that, in that setting, was more than I could take in. Given the circumstances, I probably couldn't have responded any better but I have replayed that conversation in my head every day, wishing I had found the right words.
My best friend of some ten years is engaged to a wonderful transwoman and I have another close friend who struggles with their gender identity but has decided that transitioning is out of the question. Today, I am (body image issues aside) comfortable as a woman but it wasn't always that way—throughout my childhood, I was a tomboy and adamantly refused to wear girls' clothes. My best friends were all boys. I was studious and science-minded and bullied terribly for it. I felt alienated from the other girls in my class. Until the age of about 17 or 18, I hated my body and desperately wanted to be male. I felt like nature had shortchanged me in the worst way. I don't know what changed in the intervening years—perhaps I simply learnt to accept the cards I had been dealt. Coming to terms with my sexuality, with the fact that I was attracted to women—that I even could be attracted to women—was a painful struggle but, ultimately, brought me a great sense of peace. Whatever the truth of my gender identity, I hope, I feel like I have some modicum of understanding of the struggle faced by the trans community. It kills me that she was/is wrestling with this by herself. I wish she had confided in me sooner though I understand why she didn't. Perhaps there is nothing I could have done differently but my greatest regret is not figuring out how to talk with her, to get her to open up.
On the occasions we have spoken since the breakup, she has reacted badly at the mention of her gender identity. She insists it wasn't a factor in our breakup and that she is very unsure of how she feels or what she wants to do. She has serious and chronic health issues that, I imagine, would complicate any potential transition. She underwent surgery last year relating to her condition and, shortly before the breakup, she got the news that she would need more surgery in the coming months. On top of that, we both struggle with depression, having both suffered through some major traumas in our lives. Additionally, I was diagnosed with anxiety a couple of years ago. I'm pretty sure a psychologist would have a field day with the pair of us.
Despite all that, we were both very much in love. Things just seemed to click into place with us from the start. We're huge gamers and both very invested in our respective fields of study—we could talk for hours, about the deep and the trivial, and I felt like we had so much in common. We got along famously with each other's friends and families. We had difficulties and bad days like any other couple: her condition can be profoundly disabling at times and this depresses her terribly, which naturally affected me. I know my health also affected her. Balancing a relationship with busy working lives and complex family demands is difficult but, to me, was unquestionably worthwhile. When she smiled at me, I knew I was home. She was tender and affectionate, respectful, kind, supportive—and wickedly funny. Things were up and down in the last few weeks before the breakup but I attributed it to her upcoming surgery. I am unable to process how things ended so abruptly or to disentangle our respective health issues, her uncertainty over her gender identity and what may have been undiscussed problems with our relationship. My attempts to reconcile have been rebuffed; she has given me contradictory answers on almost every matter. She has also told me how difficult and painful it was for her to make the decision—I don't understand specifically what she means by this. If it hurts so much, why break things off, if not out of fear of some greater hurt?
I am loath to make her feel interrogated so I have tried to give her space in the meantime, for both our sakes. I am afraid of making things worse, that she has or will come to resent me. It feels like I've spent the last couple of months swimming against currents that are pulling me under. I have never felt more lost or hopeless. It's as if all the colour has been drained from my world. If I were to tell her this, I fear that it would only be construed as manipulative, a guilt trip. Ultimately, her health and happiness is all that has ever mattered to me.
Should I take what she says, that her identity didn't factor into her decision, at face value? How likely is it that she is motivated by fear of my rejecting her if she were to transition? Could it be that she is afraid of letting me take that journey with her, that she feels it would be too much to put me through? Is this just something she needs to be alone to face and figure out? Could being with me just be too much to handle on top of this and her health issues? Whatever she chooses to do, I want to be there to support her if she'll let me. I don't want to lose the truest friend I've ever known. Am I too close, are the feelings too raw for her to allow that, at least right now? What should I do?
I have learned that gender and sexuality are complicated—that much is an understatement—and love is a whole other mystery besides. I realise that, if we were to reconcile and if she were to transition, I would have to reassess my identity, my notions of who I am. While I would be lying if I said that's not a little scary, how do I convince her that's okay by me? That what really scares me is losing the person I love? How do I convince her that I am willing to at least try to take that journey together?
The day she broke up with me, she reluctantly confided in me that she was conflicted over her gender identity. I had no idea. She said she was deeply troubled and preoccupied by it. Immediately, instinctively, I told her it didn't matter to me, that I love her unconditionally. I meant it when I said it and with the benefit of time to reflect, I still do. However, she reacted sceptically, bringing up the possibility of top and bottom surgery. I couldn't tell if she was angry or sad or both but she seemed convinced that I could not cope with that eventuality—that, as a lesbian, I couldn't love her if she were physically male. I do not think it even occurred to her otherwise. I was stunned, overwhelmed that she wanted to end things and struggling not to break down in public. The revelation of her gender issues on top of that, in that setting, was more than I could take in. Given the circumstances, I probably couldn't have responded any better but I have replayed that conversation in my head every day, wishing I had found the right words.
My best friend of some ten years is engaged to a wonderful transwoman and I have another close friend who struggles with their gender identity but has decided that transitioning is out of the question. Today, I am (body image issues aside) comfortable as a woman but it wasn't always that way—throughout my childhood, I was a tomboy and adamantly refused to wear girls' clothes. My best friends were all boys. I was studious and science-minded and bullied terribly for it. I felt alienated from the other girls in my class. Until the age of about 17 or 18, I hated my body and desperately wanted to be male. I felt like nature had shortchanged me in the worst way. I don't know what changed in the intervening years—perhaps I simply learnt to accept the cards I had been dealt. Coming to terms with my sexuality, with the fact that I was attracted to women—that I even could be attracted to women—was a painful struggle but, ultimately, brought me a great sense of peace. Whatever the truth of my gender identity, I hope, I feel like I have some modicum of understanding of the struggle faced by the trans community. It kills me that she was/is wrestling with this by herself. I wish she had confided in me sooner though I understand why she didn't. Perhaps there is nothing I could have done differently but my greatest regret is not figuring out how to talk with her, to get her to open up.
On the occasions we have spoken since the breakup, she has reacted badly at the mention of her gender identity. She insists it wasn't a factor in our breakup and that she is very unsure of how she feels or what she wants to do. She has serious and chronic health issues that, I imagine, would complicate any potential transition. She underwent surgery last year relating to her condition and, shortly before the breakup, she got the news that she would need more surgery in the coming months. On top of that, we both struggle with depression, having both suffered through some major traumas in our lives. Additionally, I was diagnosed with anxiety a couple of years ago. I'm pretty sure a psychologist would have a field day with the pair of us.
Despite all that, we were both very much in love. Things just seemed to click into place with us from the start. We're huge gamers and both very invested in our respective fields of study—we could talk for hours, about the deep and the trivial, and I felt like we had so much in common. We got along famously with each other's friends and families. We had difficulties and bad days like any other couple: her condition can be profoundly disabling at times and this depresses her terribly, which naturally affected me. I know my health also affected her. Balancing a relationship with busy working lives and complex family demands is difficult but, to me, was unquestionably worthwhile. When she smiled at me, I knew I was home. She was tender and affectionate, respectful, kind, supportive—and wickedly funny. Things were up and down in the last few weeks before the breakup but I attributed it to her upcoming surgery. I am unable to process how things ended so abruptly or to disentangle our respective health issues, her uncertainty over her gender identity and what may have been undiscussed problems with our relationship. My attempts to reconcile have been rebuffed; she has given me contradictory answers on almost every matter. She has also told me how difficult and painful it was for her to make the decision—I don't understand specifically what she means by this. If it hurts so much, why break things off, if not out of fear of some greater hurt?
I am loath to make her feel interrogated so I have tried to give her space in the meantime, for both our sakes. I am afraid of making things worse, that she has or will come to resent me. It feels like I've spent the last couple of months swimming against currents that are pulling me under. I have never felt more lost or hopeless. It's as if all the colour has been drained from my world. If I were to tell her this, I fear that it would only be construed as manipulative, a guilt trip. Ultimately, her health and happiness is all that has ever mattered to me.
Should I take what she says, that her identity didn't factor into her decision, at face value? How likely is it that she is motivated by fear of my rejecting her if she were to transition? Could it be that she is afraid of letting me take that journey with her, that she feels it would be too much to put me through? Is this just something she needs to be alone to face and figure out? Could being with me just be too much to handle on top of this and her health issues? Whatever she chooses to do, I want to be there to support her if she'll let me. I don't want to lose the truest friend I've ever known. Am I too close, are the feelings too raw for her to allow that, at least right now? What should I do?
I have learned that gender and sexuality are complicated—that much is an understatement—and love is a whole other mystery besides. I realise that, if we were to reconcile and if she were to transition, I would have to reassess my identity, my notions of who I am. While I would be lying if I said that's not a little scary, how do I convince her that's okay by me? That what really scares me is losing the person I love? How do I convince her that I am willing to at least try to take that journey together?
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: Jacqueline on August 17, 2016, 12:44:45 PM
Post by: Jacqueline on August 17, 2016, 12:44:45 PM
kintsugi,
Welcome to the site.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. I am impressed to see you reach out for help. We do have a pretty good significant others group here that is very supportive of one another. I hope they can help you reach some conclusions.
I can say that you are very right about the complexities of sex and sexual identity. I am going to guess that neither of you are in therapy. That would be my first suggestion for both of you. Transitioning or not, your friend could use an objective person to bounce ideas off and to help guide them. You too could use that just to work through what you are currently feeling. I suppose couples therapy would be out since the break up seems to be past tense.
I know that for me(I was married for 25 years before I came to accept myself as trans) I had to go through much of it alone. My wife was great as long as I was honest. I told her I was not ready to talk to her about why I was visiting my therapist but would fully disclose. Honest communications seems to be the key to a relationship, no matter whether straight, gay or other.
I will bow out at this point. You should feel more than welcome to post questions or contact me directly. I just assume you are more looking for the perspective of the SO.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Once again, welcome to Susan's. I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey.
With warmth,
Joanna
Welcome to the site.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. I am impressed to see you reach out for help. We do have a pretty good significant others group here that is very supportive of one another. I hope they can help you reach some conclusions.
I can say that you are very right about the complexities of sex and sexual identity. I am going to guess that neither of you are in therapy. That would be my first suggestion for both of you. Transitioning or not, your friend could use an objective person to bounce ideas off and to help guide them. You too could use that just to work through what you are currently feeling. I suppose couples therapy would be out since the break up seems to be past tense.
I know that for me(I was married for 25 years before I came to accept myself as trans) I had to go through much of it alone. My wife was great as long as I was honest. I told her I was not ready to talk to her about why I was visiting my therapist but would fully disclose. Honest communications seems to be the key to a relationship, no matter whether straight, gay or other.
I will bow out at this point. You should feel more than welcome to post questions or contact me directly. I just assume you are more looking for the perspective of the SO.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey.
With warmth,
Joanna
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: Tessa James on August 17, 2016, 12:53:50 PM
Post by: Tessa James on August 17, 2016, 12:53:50 PM
Thank you for posting and more for the love and concern you express for your friend. Yes these are huge and complicated steps and you have a learning curve to catch up to where they have been and are going. Most of us would greatly appreciate a person still willing to be supportive during transition and you seem in a particularly good place to help them. Your initial shock and the responses you heard may also reflect some degree of internalized transphobia they may feel? I was once one of those that felt my truth was shameful and that I was basically unlovable and would be run out of town...all proven to be untrue.
I would hope that your stedfast support and willingness to help would, in time, be needed and appreciated. What you stated in your post seems genuine but you are also right in considering that they may need to convince them self of that.
Again thank you for caring and welcome to the Place.
I would hope that your stedfast support and willingness to help would, in time, be needed and appreciated. What you stated in your post seems genuine but you are also right in considering that they may need to convince them self of that.
Again thank you for caring and welcome to the Place.
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: kintsugi on August 17, 2016, 12:59:46 PM
Post by: kintsugi on August 17, 2016, 12:59:46 PM
Thank you for your replies, Joanna and Tessa, and for being so welcoming. Honestly, I appreciate everyone's insight, not just that of other SOs.
I am in the midst of arranging long-term counselling—recent weeks have plunged me into a depressive episode—but waiting lists are long. In the meantime, I feel isolated, trying to figure things out on my own.
I know she has had counselling in the past but, as far as I know, not in relation to her gender identity.
I have come close to suggesting couples counselling but am scared that she'll dismiss it out of hand. Do you think it's worth asking?
She seems determined that her identity is off the table of discussion so I'm not sure where to start. I fear it's a case of waiting and hoping she'll be the one to reach out.
I am in the midst of arranging long-term counselling—recent weeks have plunged me into a depressive episode—but waiting lists are long. In the meantime, I feel isolated, trying to figure things out on my own.
I know she has had counselling in the past but, as far as I know, not in relation to her gender identity.
I have come close to suggesting couples counselling but am scared that she'll dismiss it out of hand. Do you think it's worth asking?
She seems determined that her identity is off the table of discussion so I'm not sure where to start. I fear it's a case of waiting and hoping she'll be the one to reach out.
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: Jacqueline on August 17, 2016, 01:31:04 PM
Post by: Jacqueline on August 17, 2016, 01:31:04 PM
Quote from: kintsugi on August 17, 2016, 12:59:46 PM
Thank you for your replies, Joanna and Tessa, and for being so welcoming. Honestly, I appreciate everyone's insight, not just that of other SOs.
I am in the midst of arranging long-term counselling—recent weeks have plunged me into a depressive episode—but waiting lists are long. In the meantime, I feel isolated, trying to figure things out on my own.
I know she has had counselling in the past but, as far as I know, not in relation to her gender identity.
I have come close to suggesting couples counselling but am scared that she'll dismiss it out of hand. Do you think it's worth asking?
She seems determined that her identity is off the table of discussion so I'm not sure where to start. I fear it's a case of waiting and hoping she'll be the one to reach out.
Would the results of suggesting a couples session be any worse than it is right now? I guess that is what you might have to weigh. I hope they are in therapy for gender issues. It is so helpful for interacting with the world around us.
They might reach out to you but who knows. I know you don't want them to feel you manipulate or that they resent you. However, I do think if you try to wait it out, you may be waiting a long time. I don't know if there is a way for you to let them know how you feel and let them know it is in their court...
Good luck.
With warmth,
Joanna
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: Marienz on August 17, 2016, 05:25:00 PM
Post by: Marienz on August 17, 2016, 05:25:00 PM
Hi,
I wish I could offer you some words of comfort but it's a hard situation you're in. Just know this website is a good place to learn and gain support:)
Marie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I wish I could offer you some words of comfort but it's a hard situation you're in. Just know this website is a good place to learn and gain support:)
Marie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: JoanneB on August 17, 2016, 07:54:24 PM
Post by: JoanneB on August 17, 2016, 07:54:24 PM
Food for thought....
I've seen many times now the trans partner wanting to Cut & Run. Make a clean start on a new life. No baggage from the past that just might dissuade you from doing something you feel you need charge head on with. (Or, if may speculate, interject some 'Reality Therapy'?)
TBH, my life sure would tons simpler if I had. But, I love my wife way too much and twice in my youth I tried cutting and running with her (for far different reasons) yet, she is such an amazing person I could never get her out of my thoughts. After almost 40 years I still the same about her. After I dropped the T-Bomb on her 7 years ago she nearly left, but couldn't for the same reasons. It took a lot of work to heal wounds as I healed myself. Plenty of tears shed by us both. It still is work, perhaps as much as any marriage/partnership is. People have different needs and wants. Some likely shared. But as we get older and grow, hopefully in the same direction, sometimes apart. Both parties need to believe "The Us" is as important then 'The Me'.
Perhaps a session or more with a Couples therapist, perhaps even one with experience with LGBT couples may help? Often having a neutral third party can increase one's confidence to be more brutally honest.
Having once been victim of a sudden, out of the blue, breakup I feel your pain. Mine was made worse with all communication also being ended. The little I had was back channel through mutual friends, all saying the same thing, "She doesn't want to talk to or see you". Some communication is better then none. But, there just may be no reconciliation.
I've seen many times now the trans partner wanting to Cut & Run. Make a clean start on a new life. No baggage from the past that just might dissuade you from doing something you feel you need charge head on with. (Or, if may speculate, interject some 'Reality Therapy'?)
TBH, my life sure would tons simpler if I had. But, I love my wife way too much and twice in my youth I tried cutting and running with her (for far different reasons) yet, she is such an amazing person I could never get her out of my thoughts. After almost 40 years I still the same about her. After I dropped the T-Bomb on her 7 years ago she nearly left, but couldn't for the same reasons. It took a lot of work to heal wounds as I healed myself. Plenty of tears shed by us both. It still is work, perhaps as much as any marriage/partnership is. People have different needs and wants. Some likely shared. But as we get older and grow, hopefully in the same direction, sometimes apart. Both parties need to believe "The Us" is as important then 'The Me'.
Perhaps a session or more with a Couples therapist, perhaps even one with experience with LGBT couples may help? Often having a neutral third party can increase one's confidence to be more brutally honest.
Having once been victim of a sudden, out of the blue, breakup I feel your pain. Mine was made worse with all communication also being ended. The little I had was back channel through mutual friends, all saying the same thing, "She doesn't want to talk to or see you". Some communication is better then none. But, there just may be no reconciliation.
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: Marienz on August 18, 2016, 04:46:48 PM
Post by: Marienz on August 18, 2016, 04:46:48 PM
Quote from: JoanneB on August 17, 2016, 07:54:24 PM
Food for thought....
I've seen many times now the trans partner wanting to Cut & Run. Make a clean start on a new life. No baggage from the past that just might dissuade you from doing something you feel you need charge head on with. (Or, if may speculate, interject some 'Reality Therapy'?)
TBH, my life sure would tons simpler if I had. But, I love my wife way too much and twice in my youth I tried cutting and running with her (for far different reasons) yet, she is such an amazing person I could never get her out of my thoughts. After almost 40 years I still the same about her. After I dropped the T-Bomb on her 7 years ago she nearly left, but couldn't for the same reasons. It took a lot of work to heal wounds as I healed myself. Plenty of tears shed by us both. It still is work, perhaps as much as any marriage/partnership is. People have different needs and wants. Some likely shared. But as we get older and grow, hopefully in the same direction, sometimes apart. Both parties need to believe "The Us" is as important then 'The Me'.
Perhaps a session or more with a Couples therapist, perhaps even one with experience with LGBT couples may help? Often having a neutral third party can increase one's confidence to be more brutally honest.
Having once been victim of a sudden, out of the blue, breakup I feel your pain. Mine was made worse with all communication also being ended. The little I had was back channel through mutual friends, all saying the same thing, "She doesn't want to talk to or see you". Some communication is better then none. But, there just may be no reconciliation.
The food for thought helped me aswell.
I hope your are doing okay kintsugi, thinking of you, I know first hand how hard this is. Hugs Marie
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: kintsugi on August 20, 2016, 04:08:02 AM
Post by: kintsugi on August 20, 2016, 04:08:02 AM
Thanks for your thoughts and input, JoanneB and Marienz.
I'm not sure how to broach the subject of couples counselling. Not knowing the nature or extent of her dysphoria makes things that much harder. She hasn't cut off avenues of communication but I'm paralysed by her seeming reluctance to talk, not least about her gender idenity—indeed, she expressed regret at mentioning it. While I find it hard to believe it wasn't a factor in her decision, she has been adamant that it wasn't. Should I accept that?
While I have done my best to describe the situation, ultimately, it's impossible to convey everything that's pertinent about a life or a relationship. However, I can't give my friends the full picture without betraying her confidence. It's a crushing, lonely feeling and I don't know what to do.
I'm not sure how to broach the subject of couples counselling. Not knowing the nature or extent of her dysphoria makes things that much harder. She hasn't cut off avenues of communication but I'm paralysed by her seeming reluctance to talk, not least about her gender idenity—indeed, she expressed regret at mentioning it. While I find it hard to believe it wasn't a factor in her decision, she has been adamant that it wasn't. Should I accept that?
While I have done my best to describe the situation, ultimately, it's impossible to convey everything that's pertinent about a life or a relationship. However, I can't give my friends the full picture without betraying her confidence. It's a crushing, lonely feeling and I don't know what to do.
Title: Re: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: JoanneB on August 20, 2016, 07:22:10 AM
Post by: JoanneB on August 20, 2016, 07:22:10 AM
Quote from: kintsugi on August 20, 2016, 04:08:02 AM
.... I'm paralysed by her seeming reluctance to talk, not least about her gender idenity—indeed, she expressed regret at mentioning it. While I find it hard to believe it wasn't a factor in her decision, she has been adamant that it wasn't. Should I accept that?
It seems that broaching the subject of couples counseling can be done if you use the root cause why.... You NEED closure. You have a thousand questions, 'What if.....' scenarios, 'How can I... What can I...' deals bubbling in your head making your life miserable. She does not want arguments, deal making, major discussions. She just wanted out for whatever her reasons were. "It's not you, It's me" usually never cuts it unless a sigh of relief came from both parties because neither wanted to be the one to say it's over.
For closure alone is a good reason to go. Even volunteer that you two can draft some simple ground rules like no arguments, no deal making, no mention of the TG factor. Have some names of counselors worked up when you do. Ask around about an LGBT friendly/experience therapist, perhaps even at some county or state wide LGBT organization. Personal referrals are best. There are plenty of gay friendly and knowledgeable ones out there these days. Seems like about every therapist in the Psychology Today 'doc find' says so.
You might want to perhaps also think about how much your love for her has blinded you to some realities? A question I've gotten asked a few times by my therapist about my wife and I.
Title: Trying to put the pieces together
Post by: Marienz on August 21, 2016, 03:25:43 AM
Post by: Marienz on August 21, 2016, 03:25:43 AM
QuoteWhile I have done my best to describe the situation, ultimately, it's impossible to convey everything that's pertinent about a life or a relationship. However, I can't give my friends the full picture without betraying her confidence. It's a crushing, lonely feeling and I don't know what to do.
Hi,
I understand about not wishing to betray her confidence.... But from being in your exact same situation in November and December last year I can 100% advise you that not talking is what lead me to going somewhat insane in my head..and acting out. If I had of been talking to people I may of been calmer in my ex's and my conversations.
You really need to talk to people:) that feeling of loneliness is not fair on you, we all need to talk to people when times are tough. Is there a close friend you can trust to talk to?
I highly encourage it.. For your own sake:)
Hugs Marie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk