Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: becky.rw on August 25, 2016, 03:50:30 PM Return to Full Version
Title: What T hid in plain sight
Post by: becky.rw on August 25, 2016, 03:50:30 PM
Post by: becky.rw on August 25, 2016, 03:50:30 PM
Therapist said something today that knocked some marbles loose in my head and gave me a headache thinking about it as the bajillion permutations and decision tree branches regrew. Had to take a nap and let it "cook".
Now, I get that not everyone is "domestic" focused in the way I am; but bear with me on this.
As I lived my life with T scorching my brain, I really did manage to create the domestic environment I wanted, the kitchen is mine, the laundry is mine, the pantry is mine, concern for how much flour or sodas, do we have enough water on hand if there's a storm or something. All mine, and only mine. Yet I couldn't appreciate it because I couldn't force, nudge, or beg my partner into a role she was uncomfortable or uninterested in.
With the T gone; that aggressive desire to mold others into some fantasy role is just gone. And today, with the marbles bumped out of the way, I can see.
On this day, I could stand in front of my kitchen sink, washing dishes, thinking soft, happy thoughts, the world truly right and beautiful; the pantry well maintained, the laundry more or less caught up. And nothing vulgar intruded, just me, casually taking care of the needs of my family, quietly, and peacefully. This alone makes anything and everything worth the effort.
Now, I get that not everyone is "domestic" focused in the way I am; but bear with me on this.
As I lived my life with T scorching my brain, I really did manage to create the domestic environment I wanted, the kitchen is mine, the laundry is mine, the pantry is mine, concern for how much flour or sodas, do we have enough water on hand if there's a storm or something. All mine, and only mine. Yet I couldn't appreciate it because I couldn't force, nudge, or beg my partner into a role she was uncomfortable or uninterested in.
With the T gone; that aggressive desire to mold others into some fantasy role is just gone. And today, with the marbles bumped out of the way, I can see.
On this day, I could stand in front of my kitchen sink, washing dishes, thinking soft, happy thoughts, the world truly right and beautiful; the pantry well maintained, the laundry more or less caught up. And nothing vulgar intruded, just me, casually taking care of the needs of my family, quietly, and peacefully. This alone makes anything and everything worth the effort.
Title: Re: What T hid in plain sight
Post by: Michelle_P on August 25, 2016, 05:13:19 PM
Post by: Michelle_P on August 25, 2016, 05:13:19 PM
Sounds VERY familiar. Like you, my partner wasn't interested. I've been taking care of the homemaker tasks for decades. Initially I thought when my first therapist brought this up that he was just being sexist. "Of course either partner should be able to be the homemaker!"
Then I learned about gender identity, gender presentation, and gender roles. It is entirely possible I was diving into a gender role that didn't match my assigned gender, along with secretly cross-dressing and such, because of my suppressed gender identity. I've let it surface, and am at my happiest now when I can get my presentation and role aligned with my gender identity.
Then I learned about gender identity, gender presentation, and gender roles. It is entirely possible I was diving into a gender role that didn't match my assigned gender, along with secretly cross-dressing and such, because of my suppressed gender identity. I've let it surface, and am at my happiest now when I can get my presentation and role aligned with my gender identity.