Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my mom doesn't feel like I have real feelings about my gender right now, but she also tells me if I became a woman, it will make my life tougher and more miserable than it is already.

What could she possibly be referring to besides the obvious stigmas? She even got me concerned too.

She may be referring to the general oppression of patriarchal society in general or the more specific oppression faced by transgender MtFs.  You likely know her better than anyone here, to assess whether her cautions to you are sincere or not.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and take their words at face value unless I have reason not to.  If you can take that perspective, then try to understand the risks and challenges associated with your particular journey.  There are many stories contained herein, some of the details may resonate with you, others not so much.  Perhaps your perspective on someone else's troubles may give them relief.  This is a place where you may find community and fellowship to help counteract the obstacles you will find. 

L

The obvious would be loss of male privilege. Personally I read this as very much a first world kind of problem. Being a happier less privileged female is clearly for me a better life than being a stressed / unhappy male.

Someone with less support might have a different take and for me the professional risks of transitioning at a time when I was financially strapped by divorce and child support certainly was a factor in not transitioning 15 years ago.

She's right.. and wrong.  For an external observer, the life of a male within Western society that follows the dot-by-dot presumed roles and life patterns will go off generally without more than minimal irritations, start to finish.    But the external observer can't see the internal struggle, self rejection, and depression; at least not till it strikes out and someone dies or is seriously harmed; then its just written off as criminal action or mental illness(suicide).   

It never occurs to the observer that had the MaaB chosen to acknowledge and make some accommodations for their brain's gender, that end desperation or resigned regret till her dying days would never have occurred.

If someone is trans, there is no avoiding the consequence; there is only the right to choose between inevitable consequences.    I'm very happy I chose, even as late as I did, there may be limits to what I can be as a woman, but I can be comfortable in my head, and my body can provide some sense of "being ok, if not perfect."

If I didn't accept the limitations as a person of colour, I damn sure ain't accepting limitations as a transwoman.

For example, I'm a karate brown belt, and while sparring and competitions are usually gender separated,  and people say there's controversy around transwomen in sports. Well there's no controversy with me, I'll fight men no matter where I get to with HRT, regardless of weight. 250 pounds+ doesn't bother me. Bring em on son.

It's easy to become your own worst enemy when it comes to the notions of being oppressed. You find that many of the miseries are self imposed. -Not all of it - but alot of it.

My boss is misogynistic. When I told him 5/15/2013 that I was going on HRT the next day he came to my office. He said I will become emotional and not think like an engineer anymore. He then listed 4 examples of females that are emotional and how it clouds their judgement.

During my evaluation I wore a purple top, had a purple note pad, wore a purple fit bit and have a purple wallet that houses my cell phone. He said I am starting to act like an architect. I looked at him and smiled and said I like purple don't you? He is an Architect :) .

Another Senior director now feels compelled and interrupt and finish my sentences. I let him now when he does it.

I have been subject to mansplaining of things mechanical from someone that does not now me. I am a Mechanical Engineer, P.E. and am responsible for the operation of a 5 million square foot Research and teaching Hospital. They soon learn they have misjudged me. 

Quote from: redhot1 on September 04, 2016, 08:18:48 AM
So my mom doesn't feel like I have real feelings about my gender right now, but she also tells me if I became a woman, it will make my life tougher and more miserable than it is already.

What could she possibly be referring to besides the obvious stigmas? She even got me concerned too.

She may be thinking about the possibility of threats from closed-minded people. She may be thinking about the first few years of transition, in which you may feel as if you as if you are in limbo. She also may be thinking about those that have transitioned, and regretted doing so.

These are factors you should consider. If you feel you can handle those factors, and still be happy with yourself (happier than you are now with you present gender) then perhaps it is time to transition.

I  think it means she's reached the "bargaining" stage of dealing with the issue of you being transgender.

From grief.com:

"The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost.

Hugs, Devlyn