Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my mother and i have just had another huge fight. And I am extremely angry. I think I am going to come out to her today as she is already angry enough at me for some unknown reason. Is this a good idea?

It is never a good idea to do something like that out of anger.  Aside from any immediate consequences, your mother is likely never to take your transition seriously, since she will always think you are doing it out of anger.

I'm in agreement with Kathy here!... Keep TG issues separate from whatever other issues may be on the plate at the moment.... Throwing another issue into the mix will serve neither of you well... When it comes to transition, family connections and the reactions of our loved ones can carry a lot of weight for many... When things go well with them it can make our already complicated journey... A bit less complicated!

Take Care,

Ashley :)

Instead of coming out verbally just yet, go to the Wiki https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page and look at the letters to parents located there. They will help you explain your desire without loading extra baggage of reacting in anger. Your Mom can be your best ally or your worst enemy depending on how you address it

Depends. I came out to my parents after a childish tantrum on my mother's part because I literally didn't want to speak to her again. I wanted her to know I'd had these problems for decades which she'd been actively waving away as if nothing and I wanted to do it there and then before she decided never to speak to me again. A final word, so to speak, and I was done with her tbh. It didn't get the effect I hoped for, though... she acted as if I was talking nonsense, made no effort to discuss it except over a couple of emails and then barely spoke to me at all for 2 years due to continued pouty stropping about the original disagreement. We live 100s of miles from each other so there's that, but there was no effort after the "revelation" to actually talk to me about it or acknowledge it properly. It was only finally brought up as a serious topic following the coming out of my cousin 2 yrs later, which didn't go well either.

If you're angry enough not to care about your mother's reaction - which might not be good - maybe you've nothing to lose. If you're going to be around her and dealing with her and if you want to foster some positive relationship though, probably best to sort out your issues first or the trans issue may well just be brushed aside or not taken seriously. Even at the best of times it's not taken seriously by some people's parents, I think it's best to be in a serious and neutral state of affairs before discussing it with them.

Thanks everybody. I've decided just not to come home tonight. I'll be staying with a friend.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just an update, I resolved the original dispute and then immediately afterwards came out to her.  I realised that there was never going to be the right time to come out to her.

She isn't taking it well.

I told her that I just wanted her to love me and that she doesn't have to accept me. She said she both loves a d accepts me, but I think it was forced.

We do laugh a couple of times about how I like to go to the extremes and that this is one of the most extreme things I've ever done.

She is going to be grieving over the loss of her son for years to come I think. I knew our relationship was going to change soon anyways even if I wasn't trans. So I'm really not too worried about our relationship changing.

But now, as I type this. I'm having doubts about actually being transgender. Is this normal?

And another thing, I know I've been posting quite a lot lately and I apologise for being annoying. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The doubts are normal.  None of us likes to do something that makes others close to us uncomfortable.  We see that discomfort and want to ease it.  Unfortunately, making others more comfortable with us often seems to require denying ourselves, and that can be our first impulse.  (Heck, it bit me today.)

Take a step back and think it through.  What initially led you to think you were a transgender person?  Have any of those things actually changed?

Doubt is what kept you from coming out this long. For me it was being post surgical that made me 100% sure I had made the right decision. Before that, there was always some doubt.

As for excessive posting, you are an amateur. For the last year and 3 months I have been running and average of 14.5 posts a day. :icon_userfriendly: You on the other hand only have one post a day. That is not excessive.