Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi, my name's Kieren. I'm an 18 ftm living in New Zealand and I'm in need of some parental advice. I'm starting my medical transition next week, but my parents are being very difficult. I know that since I'm 18 they legally can't stop me, but they are being super transphobic and generally uncooperative whenever trans stuff is mentioned. They call me by my birthname and she/her pronouns despite me constantly correcting them, and my dad has even told me that if i continue this "nonsense" i will no longer be welcome at home. it's really bringing me down to the point where a lot of previously dealt with self esteem & mental health issues are coming into play again, and i'm not really sure what to do about it. is there any way of me getting through to them, or should i give up all together? has anyone else had this problem with their parents? i understand it must be difficult for them to cope with no longer having a "daughter", but surely they would rather have a happy son instead of an unhappy daughter, you know?
thanks  :)

Tena koe.
Nā tō rourou, nā taku rourou ka ora ai te iwi

I will send a PM.

Sno.

Welcome btw to Susan's. It's a great place to be.

Sno.

kieren,

Welcome to the site.

There have been many members here and many trans people who have experienced similar situations to yours. There is a section here called youth talk for mostly under 18s but I think you would find a lot of posts similar. It is common enough that trans folks of all ages with living parents have posted through the site.

There are a lot of ways to deal with this. One of them is to try to help them understand how you experience the world. Seeing from your perspective, sometimes changes other's opinions. If you could convince them to read it, there are is a lot of informational text to help others understand as well as open letters to parents.
There is even a video I saw lately that is about coming out, aimed at the family for terrified trans folk. There is more info than this, but here are some starters.
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transsexualism_-_Information_for_the_family
https://www.susans.org/wiki/An_open_letter_to_parents_of_transsexual_children
https://www.susans.org/wiki/An_open_letter_to_the_parents_of_transsexual_children_No._2


Some people have been able to convince their parents it is not a terrible thing and no one has to be blamed or embarrassed. Others have had to move on, at least for a while. While it is painful I would ask that you not cut them off if this ends up being your course of action. Sometimes, they come around later.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in. I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth path.

With warmth,

Joanna

One thing would be to do if you already have or haven't would be to involve a therapist into this conundrum .