Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Not referring to post surgery but you can speak of that as well, how big is your chest size and how does that make you feel?

Ive always felt strange about that since puberty but as I got older and I thought I should be female, having a flat chest made me uncomfortable. Now that Im older and know myself better I know its a huge relief to be nearly flat chested, I dont have to bind at all. I still have some tissue though, which will be a relief to remove as well, but for now Im rather greatful Im at least not overburdened.  I feel bad for guys with huge chests.

Pre-T I was around a 36B on the larger end of the cup size. Small enough to ignore, large enough to get in the way. I remember I started puberty really young at 9 and was the only kid with a chest in elementary school. It was awful and mortifying. After learning what they were, I got my first binder at 17 and lived in it until top surgery.

Now I'm totally flat and my life is great. I have this ridiculous anxiety though about pecs. I absolutely don't want anything that could ever be confused for a boob, and as a result I never work out my chest at all. My fitness-oriented friends all get on me about it because it's apparently bad to just completely exclude a muscle group. I want to be healthy, but aesthetically speaking I don't ever want to not be flat.

I hate my chest (F-G cup depending on my weight). I can't wait for it to be gone. Especially now that I'm on T. I though maybe the dysphoria would ease up a bit, but I've actually become more self conscious about my chest lately. I can at least look at my face in the mirror now, but if I get a glance at what is below ... I think I look like a monster. S'okay. Just have to be patient and do my time on the waiting list.

I'm a 36 D and without my binder I feel completely uncomfortable. I'm pretty chunky too so it makes me feel and look even bigger when I don't have my binder on. It would be great if I didn't need to wear a binder tho

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Quote from: FTMax on September 19, 2016, 03:00:53 PM
Pre-T I was around a 36B on the larger end of the cup size. Small enough to ignore, large enough to get in the way. I remember I started puberty really young at 9 and was the only kid with a chest in elementary school. It was awful and mortifying. After learning what they were, I got my first binder at 17 and lived in it until top surgery.

Now I'm totally flat and my life is great. I have this ridiculous anxiety though about pecs. I absolutely don't want anything that could ever be confused for a boob, and as a result I never work out my chest at all. My fitness-oriented friends all get on me about it because it's apparently bad to just completely exclude a muscle group. I want to be healthy, but aesthetically speaking I don't ever want to not be flat.

I was 7 when mine came in so I know that struggle. I only hung out with boys in my class so they didn't make a huge deal out of it but one guy did because I would take my training bra off once I got to school lol



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Pre-T, I was a 32C. Now, I'd say I'm just barely a B, if not an A. My fat has redistributed enough that my chest has lost a lot of its previous volume it had going on, and more or less looks deflated. I used to want top surgery super badly, but now it's less of a worry on my mind.

The only time my chest really bothers me is when I'm at work, as I work 12-hour shifts in a warehouse that requires a lot of physical labor, and I can't bind that long while doing my job without hurting and getting lightheaded. It makes me a little paranoid around my coworkers, but loose shirts and tight sports bras seem to get the job done well enough that no one seems to notice. I know my dysphoria just makes me hyper aware of it all, so I try not to dwell on it much.

I don't even know how big I was before top surgery, I suppose the surgeon estimated them somewhere in the B range? Small enough to hide with a binder but big enough to ruin my self-confidence. However big/small they were still way too big for me and I wanted to get rid of them. The quality of life got so much better after top surgery and it was one of the best things I've gone through.

I have no idea when they started to grow, I guess I was just that much in denial about it all. I used to go shirtless as a kid because I saw the men in my family do that but once the chesticles came into the picture, that was just impossible.

Being on T didn't do much to the size at least from my perspective but then again there wasn't that much time between starting T and top surgery for me (only eight months or so).

I was a medium B last I checked (about 5 years ago).
Puberty at 8/9. I remember wearing a trainer bra way past what was acceptable, then my mom bought me one of those push up bras for middle school. Dysphoria really didn't hit until I was 12. The worst part of dysphoria in school for me was gym class. :P By high school I went onto wearing sports bras or training bras to get some sort of compression. I would always feel "weird" about standing upright or walking without a slouch, and always wear layers and a hoodie to cope. At 18 I bought a binder, which helped for the most part.
------
Side note, I always thought of them as pointless bags of skin similar to that of a cow. Although I guess a cow's udders do have a purpose, that is what I equated them to ever since I was a kid.

Quote from: FTMax on September 19, 2016, 03:00:53 PM
Now I'm totally flat and my life is great. I have this ridiculous anxiety though about pecs. I absolutely don't want anything that could ever be confused for a boob, and as a result I never work out my chest at all. My fitness-oriented friends all get on me about it because it's apparently bad to just completely exclude a muscle group. I want to be healthy, but aesthetically speaking I don't ever want to not be flat.

Yeah interestingly, I love working my chest and seeing pecs but occasionally, like if there's something across my chest (seat belt, messenger bag...) I'll get freaked out: "OH GOD DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A BOOB?!" haha but then I look around at other people (funny, I can't remember what it felt like to have my own boobs / what they felt or looked like. I guess I blocked them out haha) and realise, oh right ok no, it doesn't look like  I have boobs lol.

I'm 7 and a half years post op and this happens.

Its true that you don't want to neglect a muscle group; maybe do some push ups or light lifting?
Anyway, cheers!

Bigger than was ever comfortable or easy to ignore.

Not precisely sure of the size atm as they've gone larger and smaller over the years with my weight doing the same thing.

I feel that once I am rid of them, I'll taking up running seriously. Despite all the sportswear and stuff to keep them still the idea of running without them might actually really appeal for the first time.

T.K.G.W., running sans boobs is amaaaaaaazing :P

I've only got like a B cup (well that's what I was last time I had a bra when I was like 13 or something.
But still that's still too much they feel huge and I hate them so much. They make me feel physically sick. Also they ruin my silhouette and get in the way of clothes.
Can't wait til top surgery, but that is years and years away (unfortunately because I'm sure I'm gonna do serious damage from binding before then)

That sucks that a lot of people struggle with that :/ Sometimes I wonder if Im one of the few guys who has that "advantage"

Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

I don't know my chest size but i know it's a good enough size to make it noticeable for sure and make me very uncomfortable. I believe i started binding when i was 19 because that's the age i found out that was possible and i was transgender. Ever sense i was younger and started puberty i was overly uncomfortable with my chest i used to speak to my aunt about it i was clearly unhappy i don't remember what i'd say but i'd complain a lot about them developing in a way others around me never complained. It was noticed but my aunt didn't say anything to me she just listened and waited for me to figure myself out she never even suggested if i was trans. Although she new something was up from what she had told me when i was older looking back on past times. The females in my family used to make a lot of jokes and speak about sizes with the kids it was really weird and i remember feeling super unhappy and uncomfortable.
So much that i remember almost crying in front of everyone but i held my tears back i didn't know why i was even in tears, and just ran of with my younger relatives at the time to do something else instead of listen to people my age speak about their development and joke around. It still makes my skin crawl, i can't even stay around that kind of joking now it still shakes me up, i don't like it i never will. Even the words about my chest i dislike hearing. They can trigger me so my chest is a huge trigger always has been actually, looking back it should have been the big sign yelling "Transgender" but nobody asked about it,  nobody cared to find out why i felt like i did they just assumed i would adjust or let me find out and suffer puberty, maybe it was a good or bad thing that they let me find out instead but i'm unsure sometimes i wish my aunt would have told my parents to find me someone to speak with because maybe i would have got help sooner and everything now would be less confusing. But to reply to the question Of course i felt very uncomfortable about the size along with simply having them.

I hate my chest and have since it sprouted when I was 12. I have always felt extremely dysphoric about it and wanted to cut them off. I am a 34H cup and while I think that contributes to my dysphoria about them, I think I would actually feel the same even if they were a more average size. I never wanted to have breasts and since they are the only overt physical sign of the dreaded femaleness, I have always despised them. I feel the same way about them that I feel about being assigned anything stereotypically feminine. I have felt that way since I was a kid and didn't want to get tasked with "girl jobs"...

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Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 20, 2016, 12:05:01 PM
That sucks that a lot of people struggle with that :/ Sometimes I wonder if Im one of the few guys who has that "advantage"

Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

A positive body question :)
Most of my body is fairly masculine. I am much taller than most of the women in my family (5" taller than the next tallest and a full foot taller than the shortest), I have long arms (even mens shirts tend to be too short), long feet (I wear a men's 9-9.5), boyish hands, narrow hips and a fairly linear body except for the giant chest. If I could just cut off the chest, I'd be laughing.

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To address your second question, OP, Yea I had male traits long before medical transition. I knew when I was 4 that I was "supposed to have been born a boy" (I didn't have a word for it as a 4 year old in 1974)... Just as a lil background.

Late elementary school it really started (hmm puberty?)--I was read as androgynous ("are you a boy or a girl?" coming from kids and adults alike) or as male. I was getting screamed at for being in the women's washroom (despite my long blond hair lol; well it was the 70s so dudes / boys with long hair were not a strange thing). I started using the boys / mens because I wasnt' being hassled there. In college I was given a hard time for being on the womens' soccer team. Heh. 

I wasn't hairy pre T but I was always muscular & had no trouble putting on (more) muscle.

I'd always done all the 'boy' things too: dirtbikes (still do), playing drums (still do), hunting (still do) etc LOL. Basically I'm just a taller (and now bearded) version of my wee self haha.

In fact I didn't medically transition (T and surgery) til I was in my late 30s  because it really wasn't necessary; I just needed a liiiiiitle push from androgyny and being called 'sir' 80 % of the time to 100%. So, T. I'd wanted a beard since I was a kid too so that's been nice ;)

Back to the chest issue: despite my boobs being easily concealed, they were a major (the only?) point of dysphoria and had to go. I have always preferred being shirtless too sooooo yeah

Yeah. Facial hair. Lots and lots of facial hair. Which was a definite advantage passing prior to T and my voice drop. But made the chest situation all the more gross to me.

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 20, 2016, 12:05:01 PM

Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

I'm not very hairy at all, but I do have relatively broad shoulders compared to my pelvis, I seem to gain muscle very easily and for some reason I'm 3.5 shoe sizes bigger than the biggest size of any female in the family. I do have a broad voice range and tend to speak in a lower register than any of them too.

I put most of it down to the genetic lottery, though. My mother was a very petite feminine woman, my father was a tall fairly manly-lookin' dude. It's as if in some ways their traits both got nearly equal representation in me, but in different areas. 

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 20, 2016, 12:05:01 PM
Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

Yes. T has basically turned me into a small furry bear, but I was capable of a lot of the body hair growth (and mild facial hair growth) pre-T. Thanks PCOS!

I've also always had really big shoulders. I was a police officer for a few years and when we got fitted for our bulletproof vests, I had to get a custom fitted one because my shoulders were so disproportionately big compared to my height. They had to get me a men's vest to accommodate my shoulders, but they had to shorten the length.

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 20, 2016, 12:05:01 PM
Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

I don't know if I ever had masculine physical traits pre-T. I wasn't too hairy and my bodybuild certainly wasn't masculine. It wasn't feminine either but I've always been on the scrawny side so no muscle or anything. Thanks to T I've been able to gain some weight and I think I look much better now even if I'm totally not the fittest person around. :D
I liked to think I was relatively hairy, though, but I'm pretty sure that was just hopeful thinking. I mean, being blond certainly didn't help at all. But I had never shaved my legs (and I still haven't) so I had pretty nice fuzz going on there. |D

Still, people managed to be confused about my gender quite often, especially in my late teens when I started to dress pretty androgynously and kept my hair short. Didn't even bother that my hair was constantly dyed. Then again, back then we had our own anime/manga/overall Japanese culture craze here so about half of the people my age looked like that lol.

Well... I haven't transitioned yet, so... I'm 17. I think I have like a B size.... Don't know. Always hated it and I've never mesured it at all. xD I've always weared sports bras, small ones, so I guess it is small. For me, it's big. But that's because of dysphoria. I ALWAYS see it when I look at the mirror, and when I'm sitting... God, I'm always pulling down my shirts so they don't bend at the stomach. Being realistic, I guess it doesn't look so much 'cause I've been called a boy even without a binder, like 80% of the times when a meet a stranger.

That is a thing that gets me happy buut so surprised. xD I mean... I don't feel like I have a deep voice or something, I don't use binders, I am PETITE (I don't even get to 5'' tall, have small hands and feet and everything, and, to make it worse, I have hips (one of my big sources of dysphoria, along with the chest, which I hated from the beggining, I also refused to use any kind of bra till I was like 12, when they began to grow at 10)).

Yeah, I usually get called "adorable", but, at least, as a man. xD Good thing I actually don't like women. (? I think the thing that helps me a lot to pass is the way I walk, the way I sit, and so. I've always been called the more "boyish" of my sisters, since I'm the older and have two younger sisters, they have the same age. I, also, use black a lot and the few clothes that I've got to choose are men clothes. One guy at a contest in other city even told me he wanted my jeans. xD

So... Well. It's REALLY difficult to get something that actually fits me from the men's section. I'm so freaking small. Last time, I had to go with the shop's sewer to get ome shirt to fit me, it was the smallest but it still fit me long. Buuut anyway, my mother is pretty short and my biological father (I was born from insemination), which was german, was average tall. I just hope that T helps me out a little with my height. Seriously, I'm one of the smallest students in my whole school, they often ask me if I'm in first grade when I'm in my senior year. xD At least, all of the new students this year saw me as a boy, sad thing I haven't outered to no one so my sisters, that just got into my school, and all the other students that knew me screwed it. (?

Well, anyway. Yeah, my chest gets me so unconfortable although it's small enough to pass without a binder (but with big shirts... Anyway, everything is big on me xD). My body doesn't have any male traits, I think. Maybe my voice is kind of neutral, but I haven't get used to control it so it gets awfully high when I get excited. I'm freaking small and I don't like it at all. The only good thing is that I have hairy legs. (? Not that much but is ok. Sad thing: I don't use to wear shorts because, since nobody knows at all that I'm trans, they always point the fact of the hair in my legs.

Apologize, as always, for my english. Not a native speaker but trying my best, though.

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Quote from: CodexUmbrae on September 26, 2016, 08:43:46 PM

Hey again, man :]

First question, do you mind being a small and petite guy? Ive personally found it relieving to accept being a "femboy" or "twink" of sorts, it doesnt matter if Im feminine, young, or "gay", Im still read as a guy. Even before transition and even seen as female, I was always read as very young or very small so it doesnt matter to me either way, I just found its how I am.

T will help masculinize you even further so you dont have to worry as much about how you dress, speak, act...so if youre anything like me you can continue being effeminate and comfortable in your skin, I never expected to masculinize to the point of beards, muscle, and male buffness and thats fine by me. You can definitely become a bigger, stronger guy if you want but if you dont I would suggest you learn to embrace your body type because no matter what youre still a guy

I think I'm a 32c/34b and it just sucks having anything there. I'm grateful they're not any bigger - the average cup size for women in my family is an F *-* so I definitely lucked out.

Chest size aside, the women in my family are actually pretty masculine. Broad shoulders, big feet and hands, 5'7" plus. My mum gets misgendered a lot. Though they do have wide hips. I managed to take after one of my grandmas so I missed out on the height (am 5'2"), broad shoulders, big feet and hands, but I ended up with narrow hips (well, narrower than my shoulders). So I kind of win :P and as I don't have a great relationship with a few people in my family, it's a relief not to look like them.

My body shape is boyish, but not masculine. Apart from the chipmunk cheeks my face is pretty androgynous. I basically look like a 13 year old boy, which is always a little awkward when you're 20. Went to see a horror movie with my friend the other day, it was a 15 and I very nearly didn't get in >~< (I don't carry any iD, because the only time people ask to see it is when I'm passing, and I don't want to spoil the magic)

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 20, 2016, 12:05:01 PM
That sucks that a lot of people struggle with that :/ Sometimes I wonder if Im one of the few guys who has that "advantage"

Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

I'm not on t but get called sir a lot. My voice is kinda deep for a cis girl and can get pretty raspy after a night of drinking or partying or just if lupus wants to be weird.
All the women on my moms side have broad shoulders and the binder flattens me out enough I guess

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Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 27, 2016, 11:26:04 AM
Hey again, man :]

First question, do you mind being a small and petite guy? Ive personally found it relieving to accept being a "femboy" or "twink" of sorts, it doesnt matter if Im feminine, young, or "gay", Im still read as a guy. Even before transition and even seen as female, I was always read as very young or very small so it doesnt matter to me either way, I just found its how I am.

T will help masculinize you even further so you dont have to worry as much about how you dress, speak, act...so if youre anything like me you can continue being effeminate and comfortable in your skin, I never expected to masculinize to the point of beards, muscle, and male buffness and thats fine by me. You can definitely become a bigger, stronger guy if you want but if you dont I would suggest you learn to embrace your body type because no matter what youre still a guy

Hii. xD

I actually kind of like it, just... I'm reaaaaally small, my two little sisters are taller than me, and I would like to be a little, just a little, bit taller. xD

Like you, I don't wanna become a bigger and stronger guy, I like being small (just I'd be happier to be a little bit taller xD I think it would help me to pass, but maybe with T and all I won't be feeling this way about my height then). Like you, I was always read as very young, a joke that I get many times is that if I get my driving permit the cops would be stoping me all the way because they'd think I'm younger and I shouldn't be driving. xD But, by the other hand, is kind of nice when people call me "adorable". They like to grab my cheeks. xD But it's ok for me.

So yeah, you're right. With time I'll will get used to my body and learn to love it the way it is. When my hips and chest are gone I'll be happy. xD

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I always used to be a small 34B. I kinda filled out the cup, but too big for a 34A. Then, I decided, instead of transitioning, I'd go the complete opposite and try a bunch of natural hormones to feminize. I went up to a 32DD (the shape of my boobs made it look a LOT smaller than it sounds--people still thought I was a B or C cup). After stopping the hormones, they went down to a 34C, and then I stopped wearing the bra. I'm guessing I was about a full 34B when I had top surgery.

I've always hated my boobs, they've never belonged on me (plus, my areolas were puffy, and that made me the most self-conscious, especially when I couldn't always hide them with a bra (scoliosis). I couldn't bind (only did it a few times, the back pain for me was unreal, plus, asthma). So in order to transition, I needed top surgery. I've never felt so at peace with myself since. It took a while for my areola edges to flatten out after surgery, so I was still stuck with puffy areolas that I couldn't hide under anything for a few months, and that continued my self-conscious-ness. But they've finally flattened, and while my chest still isn't completely settled and natural yet, it's so close, I don't even have a problem with it really.

I guess given all the conditions, I'm lucky I wasn't born big-chested, but it's a shame that I couldn't have been much smaller. If I was a small A, I wouldn't have had to worry so much about immediate top surgery. I wouldn't let most people call me my male name until after surgery. If binding were an option for me, I might not have felt so horrible in public.

I'm genderqueer but lean more masculine and sometimes I wonder whether I'm actually FTM.

I have GIGANTIC boobs (over a G cup), and want them off. Not just reduced, but OFF. I'm looking to being put on the list for a reduction soon so that's partway towards it, but the boobs would still be quite big and I've heard it's quite dangerous to bind with big boobs.

So yeah, not pleased with my boobies at all :(

I absolutely hated my chest before top surgery. I was 'gifted' (urgh) with very, very perky C's and a small stomach that made it pretty much impossible to bind effectively. If I somehow managed to get to a place that was semi-sufficient, I'd be extremely uncomfortable from the pressure of the binder or a hard pulling sensation on my skin. I ended up having to settle for them simply being tied down enough not to move at all. This took away some of the mental discomfort of the awareness of their presence but did nothing to aid in passing as I still clearly had breasts. My chest was what did me in 9/10 when I was being gendered female. I could see people make eye contact and say "Hello sir, how ar--" before glancing at my chest and voraciously apologizing/recanting. It was awful.

Before my top surgery, I asked my surgeon to let me know how much they weighed. I was convinced she was going to be shaving a good 5-6lbs off (they felt massive to me) but I guess their collective weight was a mere three pounds.
That three pounds definitely caused an awful lot of misery.

Edit: I should also add that binder shopping was a complete nightmare. I did (what I thought was) a lot of research on larger chested guys and what brands they used. There were a few guys that got amazing results despite having 'perky' upper halves. After a lot of looking, I settled on a type/style/brand and waited anxiously for it to arrive.
When it showed up at the door, I ripped it open and ran upstairs to try it on.
I can honestly say it was one of the most dysphoria-inducing moments of my life. It looked like I was wearing a black corset. It deeply cinched in my waist and accentuated the sweater calves to a disgusting degree. I tried moving them to the side, rolling the binder, etc. to no avail. It was such a defeating moment and I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling.

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on September 20, 2016, 12:05:01 PM
That sucks that a lot of people struggle with that :/ Sometimes I wonder if Im one of the few guys who has that "advantage"

Kind of makes me want to ask a new questuon, did anyone have masculine traits and/or lack feminine traits pre transition?

Does being so dominate and aggressive you end up being a hardcore femdom in the BDSM community count as a masculine trait prior to coming out?  Seriously, I looked feminine but had a tendency to reeeeeally turn a certain kind of person off with how "mannish" I acted in my personality.  Of course, it also really turned on another kind of person, LOL.  I had no problems with physical masculine traits prior to transition, but I've had the personality ones that left people referring to me as a tomboy or lesbian or just "guyish" my whole life.  I wish my bone structure was a little less delicate, I will sat that--even for a female I have a tiny bone structure.  And even though my chest is fairly flat (large B cup), I have a dip in my chest structure that makes is look like I have a lot of cleavage.  UGH.

Quote from: FtMitch on October 12, 2016, 11:04:33 PM
Does being so dominate and aggressive you end up being a hardcore femdom in the BDSM community count as a masculine trait prior to coming out?  Seriously, I looked feminine but had a tendency to reeeeeally turn a certain kind of person off with how "mannish" I acted in my personality.  Of course, it also really turned on another kind of person, LOL.  I had no problems with physical masculine traits prior to transition, but I've had the personality ones that left people referring to me as a tomboy or lesbian or just "guyish" my whole life.  I wish my bone structure was a little less delicate, I will sat that--even for a female I have a tiny bone structure.  And even though my chest is fairly flat (large B cup), I have a dip in my chest structure that makes is look like I have a lot of cleavage.  UGH.

Haha! Well personality certainly counts for some stuff.

Oddly enough I do have the small divet in my chest as well, I think its called pectus excavatum and is fairly normal despite a minor nuisamce